Please help am I really a horrible parent

[ebtbmom]

DS is so furious at me @ DH. He habitually forgets homework and texts at school. He has 4 exams on Mon &Tues and we reminded him 20 times last night to bring home all of his make up work and study materiel. I set him reminder alarms at 1000 & 1200 and called him at 1200 ( early release) to make sure he had everything. We told him last night that he would be grounded from TV and video games if he did not bring everything home.

Well he gets off the bus today and we are so happy that heI made a great grade in science and that he said he remembered all of his stuff- oh, except for my computer apps book because I think I have a study guide at home. Well I had put the study guide in his book, so he didn't have and he should have brought the book home anyway. Now he's grounded and really acting out angrily about it. We have to do something though he forgets work all the time and his grades suffer for it..

 

[handinpocket]

He thought the study guide was at home and YOU put it in his book.

No. I don't think he should be punished, it was your fault.

 

[101DalmFan]

Can't he go back to the school and get it? I would think there will be access into the school for at least a few hours more?

(And, NO, you're not a horrible parent!)

 

[Coconut36]

Sounds like an innocent mistake to me if YOU moved the study guide and he was not aware of it. How was he to know the item he needed (study guide) was no longer where he left it?

Is the early release pre holiday break or is it for staff development? If it is for staff development they are going to be on campus until the end of the school day and you could call and ask if he can come pick up the book at the end of the day (I would call either way to be honest as it is entirely possible there are some people still around).

 

[worm761]

He thought the study guide was at home and YOU put it in his book.

No. I don't think he should be punished, it was your fault.

I agree with this. He doesn't have what he needs as a direct result of something you did, not him. Not his fault and he shouldn't be punished for it.

 

[mickeyboat]

I this case I probably would not have grounded him, and I would probably try to get him back to the school to get what he needs.

 

[metalis4ever]

DS is so furious at me @ DH. He habitually forgets homework and texts at school. He has 4 exams on Mon &Tues and we reminded him 20 times last night to bring home all of his make up work and study materiel. I set him reminder alarms at 1000 & 1200 and called him at 1200 ( early release) to make sure he had everything. We told him last night that he would be grounded from TV and video games if he did not bring everything home.

Well he gets off the bus today and we are so happy that heI made a great grade in science and that he said he remembered all of his stuff- oh, except for my computer apps book because I think I have a study guide at home. Well I had put the study guide in his book, so he didn't have and he should have brought the book home anyway. Now he's grounded and really acting out angrily about it. We have to do something though he forgets work all the time and his grades suffer for it..

Why don't you just have him ask a friend/classmate to borrow theirs for an hour or 2 over the weekend? I was like that when I was younger (forgetful), I eventually grew out of it once I got to College, your DS will too.

 

[MrsDuck]

Sounds like an innocent mistake to me if YOU moved the study guide and he was not aware of it. How was he to know the item he needed (study guide) was no longer where he left it?

Agreed.

I'd see if you can go pick it up.

 

[cluvsdisney]

No, you are not a horrible parent. You were clear about the consequenses and you reminded him plenty of times. He was supposed to bring home the book with the study guide in it and didn't. Hopefully the computer exam is on Tuesday so he'll have a chance to study Monday night.

 

[NotUrsula]

If forgetting things at school is a recurring problem, ask the school to let him have a second set of books to keep at home. We did that and the problem has been totally eliminated. No more excuses not to do the homework because he doesn't have the materials.

 

["Got Disney"]

Welcome to my world.....my son is a Senior and has bad senioritis...he is a AP and Honors student...won the Merit academic award for California and takes all AP and Honors classes.....this year I am fighting with him to stay above a C in his classes...he is soooooooo done with HS......

I am texting back and forth with him to be sure he hands in missing papers in his AP Econ class so he can have a B...a B will make it so he gets college credit,not just HS credit....finals today and yesterday and today is last day for all missing work...he could care less...UGH!

I have warned him the same thing...come home telling me that you have not turned in missing work or stayed after school to do it in that class and you don't have any computer privileges....and he has a 3 week break before the 3rd quarter starts...

He has sent all his college apps in and I tell him that if he does not show great grades at the end of the year than the colleges that accept him will pull him out and put someone else in that is on the waitlist....

He looks at me like I have 5 heads when I talk with him about all this....

my other son has great grades but he is not a Senior....he is a Sophomore....and his grades really mean a lot to him.

My son wants to go to College to get a degree in software engineering, than into computer programming than into game design and than wants to be a producer in the gaming industry....the only class he got an A+ in is his Computer gaming/programming class....but thats because that is what he wants to do...not what he has to do...

So you are not in this boat alone..... And you are right to put those boundaries on him.....they have jello for brains and they don't get what the consequences in his future will be...sure they know about it because we pound it into their little heads....but they don't get the just of it...not till they get older and it hits them in the face sating....man I wish I didn't do that.....

So until than its up to us to do it......keep them on track so they can look back and say thanks for staying on me.....and if they don't all we can do is say that we gave it our best shot where some parents don't even pay attention to what is going on with their kids education.....Kudos for you for being involved and a parent!

By the way how old is your son?

 

[ccgirl]

If forgetting things at school is a recurring problem, ask the school to let him have a second set of books to keep at home. We did that and the problem has been totally eliminated. No more excuses not to do the homework because he doesn't have the materials.

Are there really schools that have enough books to let students keep extra at home? All I hear around here are students sharing books because there aren't enough to go around, never mind extras.

OP - if it was only the subject that he thought the study guide was at home for, I would not have grounded him. I would have apologized to him and let him know I thought I was helping. I would then try to help him find a way to either get the book/study guide from school or borrow a friends. Sounds like he didn't need the actual book, only the study guide which he DID leave at home and you put in his book.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

DS is so furious at me @ DH. He habitually forgets homework and texts at school. He has 4 exams on Mon &Tues and we reminded him 20 times last night to bring home all of his make up work and study materiel. I set him reminder alarms at 1000 & 1200 and called him at 1200 ( early release) to make sure he had everything. We told him last night that he would be grounded from TV and video games if he did not bring everything home.

Well he gets off the bus today and we are so happy that heI made a great grade in science and that he said he remembered all of his stuff- oh, except for my computer apps book because I think I have a study guide at home. Well I had put the study guide in his book, so he didn't have and he should have brought the book home anyway. Now he's grounded and really acting out angrily about it. We have to do something though he forgets work all the time and his grades suffer for it..

Not sure if this is a serious thread or not....

If it is.....perhaps if you start letting your son be responsible for his own behavior and grades and quit coddling him with 20 reminders, along with texts and a call, he would do what needs to be done. Co-dependent behavior is not the answer. Since he's used to you constantly reminding him, he hasn't had to think for himself.

As far as the study guide, if you're the one that moved it, running him back to school to pick it up would be in order.

 

["Got Disney"]

I disagree...it was his responsibility to make sure he had what he needed.....not her....he could have texted her asking where it was....she also reminded him a lot and he should have not just "Thought" it was in his book...he should have looked and if not get one.....

I have reminded my boys over and over...if ya cant find it ask the teacher for another one...and don't wait till the last 5 minutes that it is do to check.....

yup jello for brains....I would say her fault if she did not remind him so many times and he looked but could not get another or he could not contact her to ask.....he just assumed and didn't check.

It also depends on how old he is.....and we dont have that info yet

 

[roxysmum123]

[QUOTE="Got Disney";43481929]

It also depends on how old he is.....and we dont have that info yet[/QUOTE]

According to her sig. he's 13.

I understand your frustration, and when I was his age I was THAT kid that drove my parents nuts never being prepared and leaving books at school or losing them on the journey and my marks did suffer for it yes. My parent's didn't "punish" me per-say, but I did lose privileges such as tv time (which during exam time I had no access to anyways as time was to be spent studying). I can tell you though, with me, a few close calls with possibly failing and having to retake a course or two and I pulled up my bootstraps pretty darn quick. Sometimes kids have to fall flat on their face to learn anything. Not saying that's the best approach with your DS, it's just what snapped me out of it.

 

[NotUrsula]

Are there really schools that have enough books to let students keep extra at home? All I hear around here are students sharing books because there aren't enough to go around, never mind extras.

Not for everyone, no, but most solvent schools will have enough extras available to give them out on the recommendation of a counselor. DS has diagnosed issues with what is known as "executive functioning" (organization, scheduling, things like that: he needs reminder signage just to brush his teeth every morning.) We get the extra books for no charge for that reason (private school), but most of the time you can buy a used set if all else fails.

Kids who have executive function issues often tend to get depressed and school-averse because they start to feel like they can't get a handle on the simplest things, so why bother even trying? Something like an extra set of books can make a huge difference in their attitude and ability to do well. Even if you have to buy them (used) yourself, I think it's worth it.

DS also scans all of his homework as soon as he completes it, and stores it on Google Docs and on a thumb drive that is kept on his key chain, in case he loses the hardcopy somewhere along the way. That way if he can't find the hardcopy he can hand over the thumb drive and let the teacher download the electronic version. He also has been known to email things to the teacher the night before it is due, if he's feeling really frazzled.

 

[furb & dez]

He habitually forgets homework and texts at school. He has 4 exams on Mon &Tues and we reminded him 20 times last night to bring home all of his make up work and study materiel. I set him reminder alarms at 1000 & 1200 and called him at 1200 ( early release) to make sure he had everything.

We have to do something though he forgets work all the time and his grades suffer for it..

The only part of this that sticks out for me is: why are YOU doing all this reminding? You are only enabling his lack of planning/organizational skills.

How will he survive college if mommy and daddy have to remind him to do his homework?

 

[Coconut36]

[QUOTE="Got Disney";43481929]I disagree...it was his responsibility to make sure he had what he needed.....not her....he could have texted her asking where it was....she also reminded him a lot and he should have not just "Thought" it was in his book...he should have looked and if not get one.....

I have reminded my boys over and over...if ya cant find it ask the teacher for another one...and don't wait till the last 5 minutes that it is do to check.....

yup jello for brains....I would say her fault if she did not remind him so many times and he looked but could not get another or he could not contact her to ask.....he just assumed and didn't check.

It also depends on how old he is.....and we dont have that info yet[/QUOTE]

She told him to get what he needed..he knew he needed the study guide that he left at home, not knowing she moved it. How exactly is he supposed to know she put it in his book? She didn't say "make sure I didn't move anything you need, check all your books in case I stuck something in it and I might have removed items you left at home and needed" did she? Of course not so how does he know.

I do have to say OP you are enabling his behavior tremendously..no child that age who does not have a developmental/learning disability should need 20 reminders nor should he need Mommy setting alarms for him or calling him to remind him of things.

I understand you want him to do well but he isn't going to if you do it all for him is he now? He is old enough he needs to start taking those actions himself..if HE set alarms I could see it..not you doing it for him, kwim? Why would he bother to be accountable and responsible when he knows Mommy will do it all for him?

In this instance it sounds like an innocent mistake on his part since materials were removed from home by YOU and he had no way of knowing that.

 

[mindyd]

Sorry but he should not be grounded you moved it he thought it was at home so I would take him to the school to get it because you moved it without telling him.

 

[goofyintoronto]

I agree with this. He doesn't have what he needs as a direct result of something you did, not him. Not his fault and he shouldn't be punished for it.

Sounds like an innocent mistake to me if YOU moved the study guide and he was not aware of it. How was he to know the item he needed (study guide) was no longer where he left it?

I agree, it was your fault, not his. And you punished him for that? LMAO! WOW!