Please, don't say anything before you say things like that. Blech- vent inside.

[mtblujeans]

Actually, I don't think I am feeling comfortable with this thread/topic any more as I don't want to be perceived as mean in my statements or questions. Bye

 

[Aidensmom]

Wow.

I can understand the frustration of the OP with having to hear the same comments over again, but geez, don't we ALL hear some kind of comments like that at some point? I know I have heard them about being short, about being thin, about being blonde, about being Polish.....but I really don't get offended by them. I just kind of roll my eyes in my mind and think "and that is the 1000th time I have heard that." But I would never say it out loud, and I would never judge a person for saying so. Not that I think the OP is doing that, but some responses on this thread make me think others might be.

Really, we are ALL different from each other, I think sometimes we all expect people to know exactly what we are thinking, but because they are different from us, they are not able to do that. I mean something like "confined to a wheelchair." How the heck is the average person going to know that offends someone?

 

[BillSears]

As a paraplegic I tend to say that I "use a wheelchair to get around". I'm not confined to a wheelchair. I sleep in a bed, when I go the the movies I transfer to a normal movie seat, I sit on my couch occasionally, I drive my car in the normal seat just like everyone else, I swim in the pool without my wheelchair, I ride most rides at WDW sitting in the normal ride seat, etc... Basically I just use my wheelchair to get around, I'm not confined to it.

Concerning the various comments people make. I don't think you should be making jokes at any ones expense. I don't comment to tall people about how the weather is up there. I don't tell fat people that they're lucky on cold days because of the insulation. I don't comment to a childless couple about how they're lucky to not have children because they don't have to worry about children when they plan travel. Basically there are some subjects you just shouldn't joke about and I think my wheelchair is one of them.

Yes I use a wheelchair, yes it's reasonable conversation to ask questions about it. But please keep the idiotic comments to yourself(yourself just applies to those who make idiot comments).

 

[poohandwendy]

Concerning the various comments people make. I don't think you should be making jokes at any ones expense. I don't comment to tall people about how the weather is up there. I don't tell fat people that they're lucky on cold days because of the insulation. I don't comment to a childless couple about how they're lucky to not have children because they don't have to worry about children when they plan travel. Basically there are some subjects you just shouldn't joke about and I think my wheelchair is one of them.

The thing is, we live in a world where everyone has a different view of what is and is not appropriate (idiotic). You do what you feel is appropriate, others do what THEY feel is appropriate. People cannot possibly know what you are sensitive about.

It's one thing if someone is trying to be a jerk. But IMHO, if you KNOW...if it is obvious... that the person talking is not trying to be offensive and just trying to have friendly conversation, you should let it roll off your back. JMHO

 

[SueM in MN]

Wow.

I can understand the frustration of the OP with having to hear the same comments over again, but geez, don't we ALL hear some kind of comments like that at some point? I know I have heard them about being short, about being thin, about being blonde, about being Polish.....but I really don't get offended by them. I just kind of roll my eyes in my mind and think "and that is the 1000th time I have heard that." But I would never say it out loud, and I would never judge a person for saying so.

I agree that ever human probably has something they have heard over and over (and are tired of hearing). I got comments growing up about wearing glasses, being tall, being thin......
My youngest DD uses a wheelchair and whatever I hear, the only things that bother me are when I have heard occasional comments that the person seeing us doesn't think DD "needs" the wheelchair (even though she can't walk or even stand). We hear other comments (like the phrase "confined to a wheelchair" or "no racing" or the wheelchair lift on the Jungle Cruise is "like 3 rides in one - The Teacups when it turns, the TOT when it goes up and (I forgot the third thing)". Anyway, I figure those comments are coming from someone who wants to say something friendly. In the case of the Jungle Cruise, they are a joke that's kind of consistent with the other jokes on the attraction - sort of lame, but still an attempt at levity.
I would not be mad to hear someone say my DD is "confined to a wheelchair" - I would just figure they don't understand that to her being out of the wheelchair is what is confining and maybe, if they seemed receptive, I would try to explain that to them.
Maybe I have a different perspective because DD went right from a stroller and crawling to a wheelchair at 30 months old. We didn't have any sudden accident or illness that took us from having a child without a disability to having a child with one. So, we never the experience of her being able to get around without a wheelchair and getting one was an exciting milestone for us/her.
Around the time she got her first wheelchair, my mom was living in Mexico and told me about a family who was excited because their DD (who was about 8 or so) had gotten her first "wheelchair" and could finally get around. Her "wheelchair" was a lawn chair attached to a wagon, so in her case, a real wheelchair was a luxury that the family could not even imagine. I guess, a few comments, I can live with. At least we have the things we need for my DD to be able to get around.

 

[mtblujeans]

I do apologize for my incorrect terminology regarding wheelchair use. I feel certain that most of you will forgive me.

 

[TCPluto]

So no, no pissing match... (this time, I'm most certainly able to and given the right mood I could have this time )

I really have no idea what this is supposed to mean. But please, I really don't want an explanation.

I think it's safe to say that you and I differ in the insensitive way that blue jeans responded to the OP. I think it was uncalled for and uttered (ok, written) with the intent to belittle.

Let's just agree to disagree and not threaten to evacuate our bladders....

 

[poohandwendy]

and not threaten to evacuate our bladders....
__________________

LOL, as someone who is dealing with bladder issues right now , I am totally offended...'evacuate' tends to imply a situation that can be controlled.

(I am just joking, just being lighthearted, well, except for the fact that I am really struggling with chronic UTIs)

 

[debm]

I've only read the first couple pages of this thread but something came to mind immediately that happened to me the other day. The following is just to add a bit of humor to the thread. My DD7 and I were at our local arena watching the National Ice Skating Championships. Of course all she was concerned with was what she was going to eat next.....So during the intermission we went out to get some food. She has the shoes with the wheels on the heel (Healies) and was gliding along beside me. If you have ever seen someone with them you will realize that you can't go fast, there is no picking up speed like someone on roller skates. You just walk along, and then you can glide. Well, she was carrying her food and drink and I had mine, and she was just a bit behind me as we were hurrying back to our seat. All of a sudden I look up and there is a young man in a wheel chair coming towards us VERY quickly. He was an employee of the arena. He was going very fast but as he came by he says, "honey, do me a favor, take off your wheels and stop rolling!" I really thought he was joking considering how fast he was coming at us. She was going along no faster than my walk and was actually grabbing for my shirt so I would pull her along. Anyhow, the whole scene must have looked/sounded pretty funny.

But back to the topic---I hope the OP at least feels a bit better by posting her concerns. I have a son with Down syndrome so our life is a bit different than the "norm" (if there is such a thing) and there are some days I just get very frustrated. Most of the time though it is very easy to just ignore the onlookers. He definitely attracts attention. Today he decided to run around Arby's in his stocking feet saying, "Na Na--Na Na" sticking his tongue out and laughing. Of course I can't catch him. The beautiful young couple with no children are looking at me like I'm nuts. I just smiled at them and apologized for him standing behind them giggling at me. Life is always interesting!!

 

[Forevryoung]

I mean something like "confined to a wheelchair." How the heck is the average person going to know that offends someone?

Yep, the average person doesn't know because they have never thought about it. If you stop and think about it for a few minutes (and think before you speak) it is pretty easy to realize that "confined" is a negative term used to describe something that is relatively neutral. People shouldn't be defined by their disabilities. Saying "a child with a disability" is different than saying "a handicapped child".

If you want to read more: http://www.disabilityisnatural.com/peoplefirstlanguage.htm

 

[TCPluto]

Yep, the average person doesn't know because they have never thought about it. If you stop and think about it for a few minutes (and think before you speak) it is pretty easy to realize that "confined" is a negative term used to describe something that is relatively neutral. People shouldn't be defined by their disabilities. Saying "a child with a disability" is different than saying "a handicapped child".

If you want to read more: http://www.disabilityisnatural.com/peoplefirstlanguage.htm

Outstanding link! Thanks for the contribution.

 

[Lachesis00]

I am going to have to read this more...

http://www.disabilityisnatural.com/peoplefirstlanguage.htm

I always considered myself disabled (severely in several different physical forms) I am not sure I like this definition. I'd rather be called disabled over handicapped any day.
Now I am going to have to read this and figure out what to call myself .

"Disabled" is also not appropriate. Traffic reporters frequently say, "disabled vehicle." They once said, "stalled car." Sports reporters say, "the disabled list." They once said, "injured reserve." Other uses of this word today mean "broken/non-functioning." People with disabilities are not broken!

My son calls me handicapable LOL.

I do use a chair (my husband or son have to push me b/c I have no radius bones and shortened ulna bones in my arms) and I felt the OP was mighty... I am not even sure how to describe it. Hostile maybe?
Makes me not want to make friends with other chair users (or people who are considered different) b/c I obviously feel different about someone approaching or making comments. I would be scared of offending someone because even tho I use a chair, I can see myself being one of those asking a stupid question. I tend to speak before I think. Never would be my intention to offend the person.

If you do not know anyone in the situation, you may not know how to act or react around them. Even tho I am disabled, this holds true to even myself. I often find myself lost for words or in a wondering state. I do not want to offend someone but I will admit I might be curious.
I know people state at me, I am the first to admit I am odd looking. I know people stare and make comments. I would rather you ask me questions then wonder.

And b/c my arms are short, I can't reach stuff higher then say my head (I am just shy of 5') and b/c of my arthrtic knees and hips if I am walking I often can not bend. I always appreciate someone helping me.


I will be curious to read more. Maybe I am the odd man out on how I feel.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Lindsay,
Now you've got me thinking.
Is it OK with you if someone offers to grab something for you that's high up on the shelf in the grocery store? If that's the case I've got to knock that off. I do that for older folks too. ooops

As far as the door, sure go ahead! Just don't rip it out of my hands while I'm already getting it open

Sure, grab something for me I can reach. Won't bother me A simple, "Need a hand?" will be appreciated anytime

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Sorry people have to act that way and make you feel bad.



Are you ever tempted to do those things? I'm not trying to be rude by asking that but I know I sure would be tempted, especially if they were very nasty to me.

Tee hee, yes it is tempting sometimes. But I am adult and need to act like one

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Whoo boy. This thread has taken a quite a turn.

When someone says those stupid things to me, I don't tell them to go to hell. I just mentally roll my eyes and move on. Folks, I'm not attacking these people when they say things like this to me. Please don't get the wrong idea.

Confusion on what "I want to hear?" Come on now. I'm talking a regular conversation with me. "So tell me about your Disney trip. Blah blah blah. Was your hotel nice? Blah blah blah. You went for 8 days? Guess you did a lot of walking. *GASP* Oh, um, oh gosh. I'm so sorry. Um, uh, I'm so embarassed. etc." That's what I'm talking about walking on eggshells around me. If I'm at the mall minding my own business and I pass a total stranger and they yell, "Woo slow down speedy!!!!" is totally different.

Mtbluejeans, I sincerely hope your vocational rehab is better than ours. When an independent paraplegic with a BA in psychology comes to you for help finding a job, please don't let your number one suggestion be a tour guide at Ruby Falls.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

My son calls me handicapable LOL.

Glad you like it. To me it's just as bad as "special needs." But to each his own

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Oh and you guys, no, I don't speak for everyone who is disabled. I speak only for myself and was venting. Sorry I offended so many.

 

[Sparx]

you know. I just noticed you live in Tennessee. Do you think that that has anything to do with the stupid comments?
(I live here too. and sometimes people aren't the brightest bulbs. not all people, but some. )

 

[LindsayDunn228]

No Sparx. Sadly stupidity is not regional

Also, you are in Knoxville right? I'm about 1.5 hours south of you

 

[Sparx]

no. I'm in McMinnville. Nursery Capital Of The World. I'm a few hours from Knoxville. About two hours south east of Nashville.