Please, don't say anything before you say things like that. Blech- vent inside.

[kathyk2]

If you aren't sure whether someone with a disability needs help just ask them. Please do not pet service animals while they are in harness because they are working. I have friends who use guide dogs and people have gotten upset when they are not allowed to pet them.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Please do not pet service animals while they are in harness because they are working. I have friends who use guide dogs and people have gotten upset when they are not allowed to pet them.

And don't let your dog run up to a service dog. It's distracting to the dog--it's not supposed to play with your dog, but there's no need to make it any harder for that dog to do its job.

 

[Stacey2grls]

Some people are just so insensitive. A wheelchair is not a game, but a mode of transportation, so why make a silly comment? The "poping a wheelie" comment is the only thing I wouldn't find annoying either. It sounds like you are a very dignified individual that does not deserve such rudeness.

 

[mtblujeans]

Maybe a little empathy training is in order in the vocational rehab business...

The attitudes of some towards those with disabilities is truly disgusting. The OP was expressing her feelings and shouldn't be chastised or belittled for doing so, as you did.

I don't get what you are saying here.....since you don't know me, you aren't really qualified to tell me about empathy training. If I have been misunderstood, perhaps it is because I am a straight forward speaking person. Perhaps it is people like you whom the OP is referring to....people who make judgements without the appropriate information to do so!!

I know that people with disabilities have bad days albeit from pain or frustration or otherwise. For the OP to come to the DISboards and express as she has to people who have not done anything to her appears to be a "bad day action". Then, people begin to ask her questions about how they should treat all people confined to wheelchairs, such as helping them retrieve something off of grocery store shelves....each person is different. Some may want help, some may not! I don't think the OP is qualified to answer for everyone in a wheelchair or snap at people who give a differing opinion on her thread. And, notice, I never once raised my voice in answering your posts!

 

[poohandwendy]

I understand your frustration, but just to play devils advocate...your OP is sort of confusing. You say 'please watch what you say'...but then you say, 'please do not walk on eggshells when you talk to me'. Maybe this is just a situation where people want to be friendly but since they are not in your situation they do not realize what would and would not be offensive to you?

I mean, you admit that you really do not believe that people mean any harm by their comments, so maybe you could consider that and chalk it up as their having lack of personal experience?

I guess what I am saying is that no one knows what you have heard a hundred thousand times. So, maybe they are engaing you in conversation (in a lame way) because they want to be friendly?

I dunno. I understand venting, but your post leaves me with the impression that I should just ignore people in wheelchairs, or at least referring to their wheelchair at all, because I might say something that offends them in some way.

 

[mtblujeans]

I understand your frustration, but just to play devils advocate...your OP is sort of confusing. You say 'please watch what you say'...but then you say, 'please do not walk on eggshells when you talk to me'. Maybe this is just a situation where people want to be friendly but since they are not in your situation they do not realize what would and would not be offensive to you?

I mean, you admit that you really do not believe that people mean any harm by their comments, so maybe you could consider that and chalk it up as their having lack of personal experience?

I guess what I am saying is that no one knows what you have heard a hundred thousand times. So, maybe they are engaing you in conversation (in a lame way) because they want to be friendly?

I dunno. I understand venting, but your post leaves me with the impression that I should just ignore people in wheelchairs, or at least referring to their wheelchair at all, because I might say something that offends them in some way.

An interesting and new perspective to the thread.....

 

[TCPluto]

Yikes! You are pretty angry.....I wonder if people are sorry they approach you at all!

But, your attitude can have alot to do with your "surviving" ignorant interactions, IMHO.

This statement by you is nothing if not mean spirited, and belittling.

Your intent was very clear to me, and didn't require you to raise your voice for me to receive the message.

And I don't recall yelling about anything myself.

 

[Forevryoung]

I have given this some thought and I think everyone who reads this thread should contact their local high school(s) and ask that they integrate "sensitivity training" into their health curriculum so that the general population becomes more in-tune with a certain section of society.

Yay someone else recognizes this need! I am creating a plan to go to high schools to give a talk similar to this on mental illness. I figure that is the only way to change stigma.

Then, people begin to ask her questions about how they should treat all people confined to wheelchairs, such as helping them retrieve something off of grocery store shelves....each person is different.

Ummm I dont think anyone likes the term "people confined to wheelchairs". Might want to change the way you refer to people who use wheelchairs. Language is one way to change stigma

 

[mtblujeans]

This statement by you is nothing if not mean spirited, and belittling.

Your intent was very clear to me, and didn't require you to raise your voice for me to receive the message.

And I don't recall yelling about anything myself.

Interesting that you read that into it. It actually was not either of those things.

I don't see much point explaining the meaning of my statements to you.....but I can certainly try!

I first made the statement that I wonder if she expresses her frustration to people when they make comments to her that she finds offensive.

The second comment was meant to say the obvious - if she ignores people who make comments that upset her, she has a better chance of getting thru the day without frustration.

 

[poohandwendy]

Ummm I dont think anyone likes the term "people confined to wheelchairs". Might want to change the way you refer to people who use wheelchairs.

Huh? Exactly what is offensive about that? For goodness sakes, how on earth are people supposed to know what language is appropriate?

 

[TCPluto]

For blue jean,

If you can't see how insensitive and mean spirited your statements are, after many pointed it out to you, I can't help you.

You might want to rethink it though...

 

[mtblujeans]

Yay someone else recognizes this need! I am creating a plan to go to high schools to give a talk similar to this on mental illness. I figure that is the only way to change stigma.

Ummm I dont think anyone likes the term "people confined to wheelchairs". Might want to change the way you refer to people who use wheelchairs. Language is one way to change stigma

Perhaps my experience is different than alot of people.....my job involves people in the early stages of dealing with a car accident or an accident from a work environment. If they have an injury or surgery that has changed their life in such a way that they no longer can do ADL or can no longer go back to the work or lifestyle they had been doing before, they are usually angry and feel grief. Perhaps my language reflects that population I work with in the early stages of dealing with the changes they are experiencing. "Confinement" is what they are feeling and they understand that terminology. You are right, tho', I could change my terminology so as not to offend.....

 

[Tigger&Belle]

For blue jean,

If you can't see how insensitive and mean spirited your statements are, after many pointed it out to you, I can't help you.

You might want to rethink it though...

I'm not going to get into a pissing match about exactly what was said, but I do want to say that in my dealings with mtblujeans in other threads she seems anything but insensitive and mean spirited. I think that what she said was misinterpreted.

And I agree with poohandwendy that sometimes people might say a lame comment because they want to say something and dont know quite what to say. I'm sure it must get very annoying for someone when they've heard the same thing again and again and it's good to have dialog in a forum like this to help enlighten people. I do think that most people do not mean any harm by their comments, as the OP agrees with.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

Ummm I dont think anyone likes the term "people confined to wheelchairs". Might want to change the way you refer to people who use wheelchairs.

Huh? Exactly what is offensive about that? For goodness sakes, how on earth are people supposed to know what language is appropriate?

"Confined" is so negative. It sounds like being imprisoned against one's will. I usually say "use a wheelchair", but if there is another term that people who use wheelchairs prefer, I'd love to hear what it is.

 

[TCPluto]

I'm not going to get into a pissing match about exactly what was said, but...

But you're going to, right?

I agree with much of what the rest of your post pointed out. But we do disagree on blu jeans statement to the OP.

If I told you that I could see why people didn't like you, I think you should be offended. If I told you that you bring it all on your self, I think that's mean spirited.

Just my opinion.

 

[poohandwendy]

"Confined" is so negative. It sounds like being imprisoned against one's will. I usually say "use a wheelchair", but if there is another term that people who use wheelchairs prefer, I'd love to hear what it is.

Are there people in wheelchairs who are there because they want to be?

I think that sort of splitting hairs puts a wall up between people, to be honest. It reenforces the idea that people in wheelchairs are different than others. It says "walk on eggshells because I am different". Honestly, that is the way I see it.

 

[kathyk2]

It is wrong to use confined to a wheelchair because for many disabled people a wheelchair provides them with mobility. There may be people who use a wheelchair on occasion. I use crutches in public but a manual wheelchair makes it much easier for me to do certain household tasks.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

But you're going to, right?

No, I didn't get into exactly what was said by and about mtblujeans on this thread and I did simply explain the contact I've had with her on other threads. So no, no pissing match... (this time, I'm most certainly able to and given the right mood I could have this time )

 

[mtblujeans]

No, I didn't get into exactly what was said by and about mtblujeans on this thread and I did simply explain the contact I've had with her on other threads. So no, no pissing match... (this time, I'm most certainly able to and given the right mood I could have this time )

Yep, I think I was headed down the same road there for about 3 minutes....!

 

[poohandwendy]

It is wrong to use confined to a wheelchair because for many disabled people a wheelchair provides them with mobility. There may be people who use a wheelchair on occasion. I use crutches in public but a manual wheelchair makes it much easier for me to do certain household tasks.

I guess this just goes back to the confusion I was mentioning earlier...how on earth are people supposed to knw what people want to hear? Do you (generic you, not anyone here) want to be treated differently or not?

One thing that comes with being treated like just anyone else is that there will be things that you do not like hearing, there will be people who do not have your personal experiences...there will be comments you get tired of hearing.