'Playground Mafia'

[Cyrano]

I'm probably Don Corleone (I can't spell) at my kids school as I'm the Parents' Council chairperson!

Snap

 

[GlendaONeill]

Snap

We're your Irish school mafia cousins Reid!

 

[shellbell]

DD's school certainly have the Mafia Mums and i have been on the receiving end of them, When Lucy first started school everyone was very nice to each other but by the end of year 1 they had certainly established themselves! They say hello when it suits, they even stand in a circle with their backs to everyone. Funny though, if you see them on their own there very nice to you lol! They can be very petty and hurtful at times but i now just let them get on with it and try to be the bigger person. There are aslo some very nice mums in the playground too

 

[katiec]

I guess I must be really lucky... I was always a working mum so never had time to get involved in any of the "mafia" stuff and the mothers that i did know where always wonderful.. to my face anyway! I did the drop off in the morning and the childminder collected at the end of the day.

Now "my wee darling" is 20 and at uni.. and even thought I say it myself I can now consider myself a "yummy mummy" at 41!!!!

 

[PoppyAnna]

The playground mafia certainly exists in DD's school. It's a new small school (it only has up to year 5 at the mo so will be full after this sept intake) with only one class per year. The years five mums think they run the school, and I also find that mums with a couple of children in various years are loyal to the oldest childs class. I was organising a social event and one Mum actually said to me when she declined my offer that she was established with her year three mums and wouldn't be attending year one social events! TBH I just let them all get on with it and I'm happy talking to a number of Mums within and outside my year group. I did a year on the PTA and was totally shocked how locked down it was, although supposedly keen to invite new members, the existing committee was so set in their ways and controlling I decided to step down after a year and find other ways to help the school.

 

[joolz1910]

I think the mummy mafia tends to consist of the mums with too much time on their hands. The ones at my daughters' school clearly believe that they could do a better job than the Head. They like to look down their noses at people and are sooooo patronising. Don Corleone gave me some advice on bringing up daughters once, despite the fact that I have 3 girls!

 

[madmumof2]

Oh yes, there is definitely a mafia at my son's school! I'm a young mum (I had my son when I was 18) so they all make it perfectly clear they think I have no idea what I'm doing, despite the fact I've racked up more years parenting than most of them, so am actually more experienced than they are, and could give them a few pointers! lol

Every day, someone will be condescending or patronising. If their child does something wrong, it's the teachers fault. If mine does something wrong, I get 'Aww, well you're trying your best love'. Grrr! I've had lies and rumours spread about me and all sorts.

I don't care, the ones who had the balls to come and speak to me and ask me if those things were true are now my friends. Those who chose to believe jibberish aren't worth bothering with.

I suppose I'm in a clique there, but my little group are the nice ones who will say hello to anyone. I'd rather be in my little group than the *****y one.

 

[Cyrano]

We're your Irish school mafia cousins Reid!

Cosa Nostra my friend

 

[higgy66]

There is definitely some cliques at my DDs school.

A few of us Mum's who knew each other from Playgroup stood together when all our kids started together. I also knew lots of Mum's from nursery so said hello to them which the "others" didn't like - especially as one Mum is really beautiful and always dresses nicely so she was the "devil"

From that we moved onto having night's out and all went well for a while. Well you can imagine a group of women - after a while - just can't help themselves and the back biting started.

I refused to get involved so took a step back and politely declined the nights out - not a good move!

Unfortunately when all the kids moved from reception to Year 1 - 5 children were picked to go into year 2 and my DD was one of them - oh and the glamerous Mum who I continue to get on really well with - so it is safe to say this was the nail in the coffin as the other Mum's now think I'm "up myself"

Luckily I'm very thick skinned and don't "need" to be in a clique as I will talk to anybody stood next to me which is another reason I wasn't popular.

The only problem is my close friend is also in "that group" and although she says she doesn't actually like them she admits she is too afraid to step back. This does annoy me a little as I feel she has no back bone but I can understand in a way as they all have 2nd children who will be in the same year when they start school so she feels tied to them. My DDs are closer in age so I have them both at school already.

When I was asked recently by one of the Mums why I no longer went on their nights out - knowing full well I'm actually no longer invited - I told her that I did all the childish back biting when I was a teenager at school and didn't need to go back to it all. Her face was a picture.

 

[joolz1910]

There is definitely some cliques at my DDs school.

A few of us Mum's who knew each other from Playgroup stood together when all our kids started together. I also knew lots of Mum's from nursery so said hello to them which the "others" didn't like - especially as one Mum is really beautiful and always dresses nicely so she was the "devil"

From that we moved onto having night's out and all went well for a while. Well you can imagine a group of women - after a while - just can't help themselves and the back biting started.

I refused to get involved so took a step back and politely declined the nights out - not a good move!

Unfortunately when all the kids moved from reception to Year 1 - 5 children were picked to go into year 2 and my DD was one of them - oh and the glamerous Mum who I continue to get on really well with - so it is safe to say this was the nail in the coffin as the other Mum's now think I'm "up myself"

Luckily I'm very thick skinned and don't "need" to be in a clique as I will talk to anybody stood next to me which is another reason I wasn't popular.

The only problem is my close friend is also in "that group" and although she says she doesn't actually like them she admits she is too afraid to step back. This does annoy me a little as I feel she has no back bone but I can understand in a way as they all have 2nd children who will be in the same year when they start school so she feels tied to them. My DDs are closer in age so I have them both at school already.

When I was asked recently by one of the Mums why I no longer went on their nights out - knowing full well I'm actually no longer invited - I told her that I did all the childish back biting when I was a teenager at school and didn't need to go back to it all. Her face was a picture.

Good for you! That's how I feel too. I'm way too old for that sort of behaviour. That's the weird thing about cliques - they act like they are close but in reality they all hate each other. Life is too short to be bothered with people who are that shallow.

 

[natalielongstaff]

When I was asked recently by one of the Mums why I no longer went on their nights out - knowing full well I'm actually no longer invited - I told her that I did all the childish back biting when I was a teenager at school and didn't need to go back to it all. Her face was a picture.

good for you, i would love to have seen her face.

 

[CustardTart]

...I'm a young mum (I had my son when I was 18) so they all make it perfectly clear they think I have no idea what I'm doing, despite the fact I've racked up more years parenting than most of them, so am actually more experienced than they are, and could give them a few pointers!

I remember that sort of attitude - I had my DD at 19 so was wholeheartedly ignored for many years by the Playground Mafia of all the different schools my eldest two children went to. I was told on more than one occasion that the other mothers thought I was an au pair - as tho' that makes such behaviour acceptable!!! I recall one woman telling me, as I was collecting DD one afternoon, that I hadn't got my DS strapped in his buggy correctly! She talked loudly and slowly at me, like I couldn't understand but I couldn't get a word in and felt really intimidated... Fortunately I started work shortly after and had a wonderful and forceful childminder who put them all in their place!!!

The worst place was a little country school that my eldest two attended for a year - OMG the clique was horrendous and run by the two more affluent mums in the village with all the other lesser mortals dancing to attendance. Honestly, it was embarrassing!!! I did one very short stint on the PTA and couldn't deal with it so was very happy to resign as we moved back to London mid-year... And I never got involved with school stuff again - it's really not my bag...

That's the weird thing about cliques - they act like they are close but in reality they all hate each other. Life is too short to be bothered with people who are that shallow.

Absolutely! What's that phrase about keeping your friends close and your enemies closer still...

 

[joolz1910]

Absolutely! What's that phrase about keeping your friends close and your enemies closer still... [/QUOTE]


They are all rivals, pretending to be buddies.

When they cast the school Christmas play, my daughter (9) commented that one little girl always got the parts she auditioned for because of who her mum was (Don Corleone). I was shocked because my DD said it so matter-of-factly, as if that was just the way of the world.

I'm afraid it's the middle class mums who are the worst though. I have never seen such blatant social climbing at my DDs' school!

 

[natalielongstaff]

I Fortunately I started work shortly after and had a wonderful and forceful childminder who put them all in their place!!!

 

[PoppyAnna]

The worst place was a little country school that my eldest two attended for a year - OMG the clique was horrendous and run by the two more affluent mums in the village with all the other lesser mortals dancing to attendance. Honestly, it was embarrassing!!! I did one very short stint on the PTA and couldn't deal with it so was very happy to resign as we moved back to London mid-year... And I never got involved with school stuff again - it's really not my bag...

Sounds awful, and very familiar As you know the location of my DD's school Karen, I'm sure you can imagine the social divide that the physical divide of South Eden Park road causes.
My DD's school is in the middle of two fairly recently built gated developments where the house prices are twice the price of those on my side of the road. Most of the stay at home mums from the estates spend their days shopping, in the local Spa and in the bars, and quite frankly are quite often two sheets to the wind most afternoons when they pick up their kids (late).
Although still a fairly well off area many mums on my side of the tracks have to work, you can just imagine how much the "wag" mums as I call them, look down on the others. It's awful and I admit I'm not looking forward to my DD's class maturing as there are 20 girls and 6 boys in her class and already the girls that are trouble in her class that hang together are the daughters of the mums that stick together too. It's a nightmare waiting to happen, I'm just glad my Anna is a good judge of character she already stays away from them - her best friend is still the boy she went to nursery with

 

[joolz1910]

I sort of straddle both sides of the divide. I'm working class by background but considered middle class by virtue of my job. I have seen both sides - the m/c mums shuddering at the w/c mums, and the w/c mums referring to the 'posh mums'. It is the more affluent that run the playground though!

 

[CustardTart]

They are all rivals, pretending to be buddies.

I really just do not know how they can be bothered to expend so much energy on such a pointless exercise!!! I would have been mortified if my social standing at the school gate defined who I was ...

Oh yeah!!! That lady was and remains an absolute legend in our house!!! She went above and beyond the call of childminder duty...

Sounds awful, and very familiar As you know the location of my DD's school Karen, I'm sure you can imagine the social divide that the physical divide of South Eden Park road causes.
My DD's school is in the middle of two fairly recently built gated developments where the house prices are twice the price of those on my side of the road. Most of the stay at home mums from the estates spend their days shopping, in the local Spa and in the bars, and quite frankly are quite often two sheets to the wind most afternoons when they pick up their kids (late)

Blimey!!! That's not good... I used to know a couple of the women from the gated estate thingy (a dodgy concept in itself IMO) as we went to the same Amida gym class. One was an undistinguished footballer's wife as I recall and they were both big on fake breasts and fake tan tide marks - you may know 'em... No really, they were classy ladies - er...has anyone seen Snog, Marry, Avoid..?

 

[Queenie]

Oh I am so looking forward to this part, NOT!!!

No experience from the parent side of things as yet but I remember the mummy mafia being a force to be reckoned with at my high school. I went to a fee paying grammar school in Cheshire (can you see the trouble brewing just from that description?) It was absolutely full of upper-middle class parents pushing their kids to be top of everything. Some kids were in about 3 orchestras, 2 choirs, 3 sports teams and god knows what else as they felt they had to outdo every child in the school because that's what mummy told them.

I was part of the social outcasts who could only afford to be there on bursary payments, which was odd as I'd come from a primary that was at least half pretty rough council estate in its catchment so I'd previously been one of the "rich middle class kids"! Most of the parents (and offspring) at the high school made it quite clear we weren't good enough to associate with, luckily this was like water off a duck's back to mum. She thought it hilarious on parents evening to stand back and watch about 600 parents jostle and fight to be able to have a conversation with the headmaster!!! They were always horrified that he'd come over and make an effort to say hello to my mum as she consistently never bugged him!

 

[PoppyAnna]

I really just do not know how they can be bothered to expend so much energy on such a pointless exercise!!! I would have been mortified if my social standing at the school gate defined who I was ...

I totally agree, when I think of the time wasted in their lives with all the spiteful back stabbing it makes me wonder about how happy they are with other aspects of their lives.

Blimey!!! That's not good... I used to know a couple of the women from the gated estate thingy (a dodgy concept in itself IMO) as we went to the same Amida gym class. One was an undistinguished footballer's wife as I recall and they were both big on fake breasts and fake tan tide marks - you may know 'em... No really, they were classy ladies - er...has anyone seen Snog, Marry, Avoid..?

Indeed. I find those ladies pretty indistinguishable, same houses, cars, clothes, hair, make-up and personalities etc etc. like you say, even breasts!
It's so sad how so many Mums aspire to be like them

 

[joolz1910]

I find it difficult enough to find time to spend time with people I really like - I wouldn't waste time on people I didn't like. Like I said, women with too much time on their hands...