Planning a trip with the grandparents - LONG - probable rant - comment if you like

[zulaya]

Let me set the stage for you...Me, DH, DD6 and DS7. We all love WDW. DVC owners.

DH's parents - into WDW, but not every year. Went for the first time Dec 2002 and are set to come back with us Dec 2004.

My parents - my dad is ready to go back. has been since my kids were old enough to walk. My mom...well she's one of those people who thinks that once you have done Disney once you don't need to do it again. She never likes to go anywhere twice. She's on a mission to hit every state inthe union before she dies.

The scenario: DH's parents are ready to go, willing to stay with us at BCV. Pretty much are into the whole grandparent thing. Not terribly willing to venture out by themselves yet.

My parents are now tentatively coming for 4 of the 8 days we are going. With our group, we have enough for the Magical Gatherings events and I hope to do 2 of them, but that may be pushing it.

I am experienced enough to know that we aren't all going to do everything together and I don't expect it. I figure one thing a day tops is what will happen. Any more will be gravy.

So, my mom is finally thinking about this and has been talking with my sister about doing Arabian Nights and King Henry's (dinner shows in Orlando - off property). Now, I know they have their own little thing going, but dammit, I really wanted to have a few family events all together and she's already seeming to earmark 2 nights for dinner shows off property.

I have offered to get a 2 BR villa for my parents and sibs so we can all stay in proximity to each other. Now I am wondering why am I bothering if they don't even want to spend half their evenings on property.

Am I expecting alittle too much here? I guess I thought since my mom wasn't too keen to begin with on going to WDW that she'd be AT LEAST open to some suggestions for all of us to do together. Now that she wants to do these 2 dinner shows, I just wonder if we won't even see them at all the whole time we're there and if my hopes are completely in vain.

 

[swilphil]

Ask your mom and sister point blank where they want to stay and if they want you to make arrangements. I would say let your mom make her own arrangements if she's into a lot of off site stuff. Maybe your sister and any other siblings will be more amiable to your kind offer. I sure would be!

Don't let others bring you down. It sounds like you have a great trip planned. Enjoy!

 

[Alice28]

I would go ahead and plan your trip based on what you & your inlaws would like to do. Tell your mom, "Hey, these are the meals I have planned that I would like to make a PS for- do you want to be included in these meals?" Be point blank, but without starting a big argument- don't make this trip all about expectations- with a group that size you are going to be forced to go with the flow often. We did a vacation like this earlier this year- me and my DH, our 2 little boys, my parents and my MIL. My mother in law only once wanted to do something separate from us- she got a massage off property and visited with some family friends and it was actually a nice break for everyone. She is also one of those types who isn't really into Disney and would rather go somewhere different and new. I think she has been to every state in the union, plus Mexico, Canada, Europe several times over. She just doesn't really "Get" my obsession with Disney, but she still had a good time nonetheless, seeing her grandsons having fun.

 

[colleen costello]

We travel with my parents and it's hard enough agreeing on what to do ON property! I think the above advice was good -- plan for you and the in-laws and offer to include your family members IF they choose. I personally would NEVER waste Mickey-time on cheesy dinner shows elsewhere -- that's just me. I only leave Disney property to get groceries!

Families are hard to coordinate. My Mom is reluctant to separate from the grandkids, then she whines about missing the more "adult" things, like the World Showcase. My Dad will pretty much do anything, bless his heart. It's hard coordinating everyone's "wishes." One good piece of advice I read here once was to make sure each person names their "top priority" thing and then make sure to plan so they get to do it. After everyone has seen their favorite, you can coast!

Hope it works out.

 

[goofy4tink]

I sure do feel your pain here!! I wouldn't try to please everyone. Been there, done that and it wasn't a good thing. I would suggest that you have a heart to heart with those in question...find out what they are interested in doing with the rest of you. You may have to 'settle' for just several whole group things during your stay. I would be happy with that since a person doing something they really don't want to be doing, is not a happy camper to have around!! Go, enjoy the people around you. You are 'making memories' here. You're in WDW, the happiest place on earth. Let the pieces fall where-ever they will. Make you plans, have folks tell you what they wish to be included in, then make any ps's for those who expressed an interest. When those 'wet-blankets' hear how much fun you all had, they'll ask to be included at the next one!!
Have a ball planning. WE're looking forward to a Dec.'04 visit too. Don't let them get you down. This is supposed to be fun!!

 

[ncbyrne]

I totally understand how you feel! I've been in your situation on BOTH sides! I love WDW. I love to plan our vacations. I am a grandma. I've been to WDW with my kids and grandkids. I've been on trips with just DH and myself and even once with my in-laws. (DH and I had the worst argument of our entire marriage on that trip!) Sometimes traveling with others worked extremely well, sometimes not. The key is not to over-compromise. If people are only doing something because someone else wants them too, it just doesn't work. There is no way you can satisfy everyone, and really, there's no need to try. Both your parents and your in-laws, as well as you siblings, will have different ideas on what's fun. For my own experience - I love WDW, but my favorite park is Epcot. My DDs and the kids love MK and MGM the best. On the first trip with them, I thought I HAD to be with, so spent hours, secretly wishing I was in Ecpot. And when we were all in Epcot...they kept asking "how much longer till we can take the monorail to MK". What was the point? Togetherness? Why?
DH and I also like doing things offsite too. Instead of trying to plan a total family trip, you might consider planning just one thing together a day....maybe a meal together. It doesn't have to always be dinner, it could be a special breakfast somewhere.
And maybe an evening out with auntie and grandma to Arabian Nights or King Henry's wouldn't be so bad. We all loved Medieval Times.
You have more than a year to plan. First come up with an itinerary that you think will work for you. Give a copy to your in-laws, your parents, and each of your siblings. Let them individually make all the changes that would make it a magical vacation for them. Then just fit the pieces together.

 

[eleanor]

I think that I have a flaw in my character because I dont like going to WDW with anyone who isnt a real fan. It is just to oexpensive to spend any time listening to someone whine about wanting to be somewhere else. I dont mean the kids , just adults.

 

[BethC1952]

I'm in the middle of planning a "multi-relative" trip myself. It will be DH and me, my son, his wife and my 3 1/2 year old granddaughter, and DH's sister, her husband, their 13 year old son and 8 year old daughter. Here's what we've done:

I had everyone choose one "we will all do this together" activity, and made everyone promise not to grumble when it was time for someone else's activity. OK, that worked a little better than I thought...everyone chose the same thing! So, we're all taking an Illuminations Cruise together. For parts of the trip, DH and I and my son's family are sharing a room, after the sister-in-law's gang leaves. We're planning our "alone time" during those days. They'll take DGD to a park, and we'll go to another one, and meet up later. This way, they can share her delight in her first trip to the Magic Kingdom while DH and I stroll peacefully through Epcot's World Showcase. Dinner will probably, but not necessarily be a family event. Other than that, we'll plan each day as it happens. I think that, with no pressure to do stuff together, we'll end up doing a lot more together than we would if we scheduled everything, and we'll all still be speaking to each other when we go home
!

Beth

 

[webmomom]

Been there and done that. I have tried doing this twice. Came home stressed out. Now what I do, if someone wants to go with us I try to take into consideration what the person or people like. If it is just adults or with kids and then basically I plan and if they don't want to do what I have planned they can do what they want. I know this sounds mean and nasty and I don't do it be this way to be mean or nasty, but it is my vacation and they are joning us and I will not let anyone spoil my time at Disney anymore.

Actually one time my DD and Sil with grandkids were coming and I told them we were going to the AK, even though I knew they did not like it. So we all went. they are the race around the park type of people and my DH and myself are stop and smell the roses type. So they had to slow down. Well anyway, we were there about an hour and half, when they told me they had seen more in that time period than they had before and now the AK is one of their favortie park.

Go and have fun and enjoy.

 

[Lora]

We just had our 3rd great trip with them. They are so easy to please. They just go where we go and do what we do. I plan ahead by asking everyone what attractions are "not to be missed" and which ones they'd rather skip, etc. I planned out the first couple days loosely and then asked them where they wanted to go after that. They were a pleasure to vacation with. I only wish it could be that wonderful for everyone.

Don't stress about it. Make a plan for your family while finding out what everyone else's requests are. If it works out for you to be together, great. This is just my opinion, but I wouldn't be spending my points so that someone could tour Orlando. (We're also DVC members and share a 2BR when my parents come. They usually buy groceries or watch the kids one night in exchange.)

 

[TammyC]

Maybe you could all have a special character breakfast together on the nights they want to go elsewhere. I don't vacation all that often, and when I do, I want to do what I want, so sometimes that means having the group split up.

Tammy

 

[susie2]

hi, sorry have no advice to offer but just to tell you that king henrys feast is no longer there it closed a year or so ago and there is a restaurant there now, susie

 

[karebear1]

It sounds to me like your mom IS getting into the trip- and is looking forward to it. You are a DVC member-right? You can go down many times to come and do EXACTLY as you would like, This is a special opportunity for your whole family to go down and enjoy your times together. You may not have many more chances to do this again. I think you should include your whole family in planning. Let each pick what to do one evening, or morning- whether it's Disney related or not. I really don't see any harm in going somewhere for dinner that your mom and sister would like to go. The point is to enjoy each others company- no matter what you're doing. Don't you think your fam will have just as much fun at Arabian nights as they would anywhere else? (OK- I can't believe I just said that! )

Well- now that I've said that, I should tell you that I FEEL YOUR PAIN! This is what I tell myself every time I plan a trip with someone outside my family! I know how hard it is to actually do this, but, in the long run, if we can it is something of great value. You will be able to look back on this trip with great, fond memories of it. And so will your kids. Isn't that what it's all about?
Don't sweat the samll stuff! You'll ahve a great time- no matter what you are doing!

 

[Otimon]

Avoid the stress on yourself and let the chips fall where they may. Everyone at least will be down here and remember that nothing is written in stone. Mom may change her mind. Even if she doesn't, she'll be doing what makes her happy and Mom is worth it! Concentrate on yourself, your husband and kids.

Enjoy yourselves and have a wonderful time.

 

[SB in KY]

We have done the extended family thing (in all combinations of my family, his family etc.) for the last 10 years...I spent the first 5 years knocking myself out planning and accomodating with varying degrees of success (face it every family has someone that isn't easy/impossible to please)...finally my DH (ever the peacemaker) came up with a great plan....
If you are old enough to make a mortgage payment then you are not required to do anything on vacation you don't want to do and if you are not old enough then you only have to do what your parents tell you to. I still circulate a list of activities/meals that seem to be favorites and each can sign up for them in advance, then I make PS etc. If you don't get the list back to me on time then you are on your own to make your own arrangements.
It has been a huge help to us... no one feels obligated to do what they don't want to do because it is "planned" and the time we do spend together is delightful because everyone wants to be there. I don't get my feelings hurt because people aren't happy about what I have planned...if they don't like something they can't blame anyone but themselves for going.
3 or 4 events that everyone loves in a week are much better for us than 16 hours/day of forced companionship!!!

 

[zulaya]

I appreciate everyone's suggestions/comments. I don't plan to "plan" everything. I know with this large a group, it's going to be mostly a case of go with the flow. My in-laws will be pleased as punch to just go with us because that is what they want to do. I only have one big event that I want to do and I guess I felt that my Mom was already planning her vacation without us. And given that she's only going to take 4 days instead of a week, I felt the beginnings of a failure growing.

Thanks again for all the comments. I really do appreciate it.

 

[sters]

Good luck with your planning and enjoy your trip. My husband and I have been married for 14 years and for 14 years we have tried to get the extended family together for a WDW trip. We run the gamut from hardcore Disney fans to those who can barely tolerate the place (perish the thought!). We can't agree on when or where to stay, much less the agenda! Needless to say, this trip has never happened and probably never will. Consider yourself lucky that your family has signed on to be at the same place at the same time and take it from there!

 

[MinnieGi]

We have your exact scenerio occuring at the end of October! My in-laws will be doing whatever we are doing and my parents have their own spreadsheet agenda of activities - I'm not kidding its on a spreadsheet. But I don't view this as a damper on the vacation. I think its great they have sites they want to see. They are seeing Cirque for the first time and may do Discovery Cove again which my dad loved last time they went down. We do have one activity planned together - HDDR!!! That should be a blast! We also hope to hang out at the Boardwalk together as we are staying at BWV. My mom has one afternoon marked for a surrey bike ride that I hope we can all do together. She has our plans for parks which days and hopefully we will meet up with them then also. But they also know that we only do the parks till early afternoon whereas she and my dad like to do activities all day long. I'm actually hoping my in-laws decide to explore some on their own when we are napping with DD.

I think that's great your mom has picked some new things to do. You say she doesn't like to do things twice so she is seeking out new activities, that's great. But you'll still get to see her and your dad plus your in-laws, how nice.

We've gone at the same time as my parents before and its just neat to see them even for just a little bit and do a day at the parks or a dinner together, but then still do their and our own thing.

Good luck and have fun and don't stress!!