Picture taking of the decesed at the funeral home, is this rude or OK?

[Southern4sure]

I have not read the entire thread but I wanted to give my personal experience. Normally we do not take pictures at funerals of family members and I rarely see this done with friends funerals.

Recently when Dh lost his grandmother, even though it was expected it devastated the family. Granny was 86 yrs old and a beautiful person inside and out. At the viewing, we were all astounded how Granny looked 20 yrs younger and looked even more beautiful even in death. My MIL asked me if I would go purchase a disposable camera which shocked me. So I did and she took a few pictures of her mother. A year later she is thankful she did and occasionally shows the pictures to older relatives who could not make it to the funeral.

Taking the pictures is not the last and only memory we have of Granny, it only emphasizes what a truly beautiful lady she was and how God blessed her even in death.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

We have a photograph of my Great Grandfather's funeral. His wife and children are standing behind the casket. It is an incredible photograph. Without this, I would have never have known what my great grandparents looked like. I truly treasure that photograph.

My family takes a lot of pictures. ALOT!!!! I have over 70 photoalbums myself. For me, taking pictures at a funeral is part of life. As another poster above stated, it is part of the life story. It doesn't bother me if people take pictures.

 

[4cruisin]

Is taking pictures of the deceased at a funeral home to be expected- or incredibly rude and weird? (after I saw the relatives and friends take pictures I broke out my camera to and took five shots but I would have never thought to take pictures if others would have not blazed the trail).

Ahh, do you always carry your camera to a viewing just in case someone else starts to take pictures?

I have a hard time believing this.

 

[Jynohn]

I personally would not want a photograph of a person in their casket, but then again, I don't like the idea of open caskets to begin with. When my grandmother passed away unexpectedly, I could not stand the thought of seeing her lying in a casket. I tried to avoid it at all costs, but the way the funeral home was set up, there was no way I could avoid seeing her. I would much rather have had my own memories of her healthy and alive, rather than the image of her lying dead in a casket.

That said, I know that everyone has their own way of grieving, and for some they need to actually see the body in order to process that their loved one has passed on. I don't judge anyway for the way they respond to grief, although I do think it is incredibly insensitive to take photographs without the family's permission.

Some of you have mentioned that it was common practice in earlier times, and I have actually seen an entire book of Victorian death photos. Most of them were not even of the person in a casket, they were actually sitting up, posed with the rest of the family I guess in those days photography was not common, so it may have been their only chance to have a picture with that person. I guess in that case, I might actually want a photo, but the way the people were propped up on a chair and posed like nothing was wrong was a little creepy!

 

[Towncrier]

You bring up an interesting question. There have been times at family funerals where I have wanted to take photos of all of the flower arrangements. I try to take the photos when very few people are there and I always make sure that my relatives know that I am taking pictures of ONLY the flowers. I don't want anyone to think that I am taking pictures of the deceased. It is my own personal preference to not take those photos.

 

[Trish Bessette]

Not only have I never taken a photo at a funeral, I've never seen one being taken, nor even had the thought cross my mind to do so.

I feel it is very disrespectful. Unless the person who passed said it was ok to do so before they died.

 

[wendy46001]

Taking pictures is a very old world thing...I've actually never been to a funeral were someone didn’t take a picture (family is from eastern Europe)...like the above poster said they are normally shown to family members who could not attend.
While i don’t see it being offensive, i can see it being viewed as a very odd practice and would imagine if you just started snapping away as a non family member it would be a touchy subject...permission should always be asked/given

 

[mytwotinks]

I do think its strange. I don't really "get" wanting a picture of a dead person. There's even websites where you can post a photo of your dead child/baby on the net. I think that's beyond tacky. Very macabre. Something like that should be private and not displayed to the world.

There's a lot of things about death I don't "get"- like leaving a pile of flowers, stuffed animals, balloons, etc either where a person has died, or at their grave. What good does it do a dead person? The pile is just going to sit there and get ruined. These piles sometimes get posted on the net as well- which is also tacky to me.

A bit about photos and dead people which is interesting: it was a wide practice to take photos of the dead in Victorian times when photography was still new and all the rage. Infant/toddler deaths were common and people would photograph the corpse. These turn of the century "death photos" still exist, you could probably find them on ebay in the antique photos section. I have seen a few at antiques shows and found them really creepy!

I think the reason for the victorian era death photos was that people didn't have snapshots of their loved ones. If you had a 3 yo child pass away, you probably would not have even had a photo taken yet. The death photo would be the only one you would ever have. That makes sense. I don't know why anyone would want a pic. of someone in a casket if they had pictures of that person alive.

 

[goofygirl]

I think the reason for the victorian era death photos was that people didn't have snapshots of their loved ones. If you had a 3 yo child pass away, you probably would not have even had a photo taken yet. The death photo would be the only one you would ever have. That makes sense. I don't know why anyone would want a pic. of someone in a casket if they had pictures of that person alive.

Yeah, that's a good point.

 

[GoofieRuthie]

My mom took a picture of my father in his casket. (she was alone with him and noone saw her take the picture) She said at the time she had no idea why she did it. She just felt the need to do it. She found out 2 weeks after burying him that she was pregnant with me. I cherish that picture to this day. As a young girl part of me would fantasize that my "real" dad was out there and I would be united with him someday. Then I would go get my picture and realize that I would some day meet him, just not here.

So, I can understand why someone would take a picture of a loved one in their casket. I don't think I would be comfortable with just anyone snapping pictures left and right like it's a magazine shoot though.

 

[goofygirl]

For those with a morbid curiousity, here's a site with 19th century post mortem photos-


http://users.telenet.be/thomasweynants/post-mortem.html

 

[2bemarried]

Our family has pictures of deceased relatives. As a kid was kinda of cool for me to see what my great-great grandparents looked like. I know my dad took pictures of my great-grandfather and my grandfather when they passed away.
When my grandfather died I put a little stuffed bunny in his casket with him. We both loved watching the bunnies in his yard and giving the bunny helped me cope with the loss.
Every family is different.

 

[jipsy]

Taking pictures of the deceased only offends the living, not the dead. The person who is having their picture made has no idea, nor do they care. While you may not necessarily agree with it, I don't think that it is rude. People deal with grief in many different ways.

This used to be a tradition; my grandmother and other relatives had many pictures of deceased relatives funerals, funeral flowers and the deceased themselves. As someone else said, it helped me as a child to see what my great aunts, great uncles and great grandparents looked like. When I asked my grandmother why they did this, she said that it helped her to remember people after they had been buried and to mourn them. Without a picture, she only had her memory of what they looked like; with a picture it was fact. Many of these deceased she didn't have any other pictures of to look at.

 

[PaulaSue]

I hope it is not rude.

I took picture of my Grandmother's funeral (for my album only) in '04 for my girls to have some memory. I wish I did at my other granfather's in '00. I don't know why I did but I am glad I did.

 

[bevtoy]

OK. Now this is a subject I have thought about. I wish that at my sister's funeral I had went and took pictures of all the flowers that people would have sent; sort of a reminder when we went through the books and all that, we could put gift with a name. I personally wouldn't want other people coming in and taking pictures of anything, only my family. But I can say this, one of my good friends was killed in a drunk driving accident, and a group of friends and I saved up a lot of money and got a beautiful big flower arrangement with a car as the centerpiece (he was into the whole tuner car thing). It was a georgeous arrangement and I wish I would have taken a picture of it (but now that I think about it, I wonder if the flourist who did it took a picture because it was so different).

All-in-all if it was a family member taking pictures of the gifts people sent, that's ok with me, but if its anyone else, no it's not ok.

We took pictures of my late mother and all the flowers that were sent and captured the gift tags aas well. It was very helpful as the tags have been misplaced and I was able to enlarge the photos to send than-you notes!
Mom was very ill and looked better than she has fopr months. Many people were unable to travle to the funeral and they wanted very mich to see her pictures. I used to consider [picture taking at a funeral as morbid, I don't now. I also have a picture of mu deceased first born child, its the only picture I have of her and I treasure it.

 

[I Love Pluto]

Totally morbid!

 

[safetymom]

I think you need to ask the family if it is ok. When my husband died brother in law came up to the casket and started taking pictures. It really upset my kids.
Why would you need a picture of him now that he is dead? The time for picture taking was while he was alive! My kids still talk about that. I don't think he should have done it in front of us. He could have waited until we left if he needed pictures.

 

[belle&beast]

In my family it is very common to take a picture of the deceased in the casket. My Great Grandfather had a family Bible and all of the Holy cards and death photos are in the Bible. They are not out for everyone to see, but they can be found if someone wanted to see them. This goes back for many many years and I believe there are late 1800's and early 1900 photos. Of course everyone from that generation is gone and when my grandmother died, my mom took her picture to place in the Bible. It is not morbid to me, but would be really sad to find unexpectedly. I do think the family should give consent before any photos are taken.