Picture taking of the decesed at the funeral home, is this rude or OK?

[Mishetta]

I have not read all the posts but when my dear Mother passed away, I took photo's myself during the private family hour. My Mom's family is all in France & none of them came for the funeral (they're all elderly & sickly) so I took photo's for them. My Mother looked so beautiful & peaceful that I shared the photo's with my children before mailing them to Europe. My little guys had seen their Grandma (Meme) suffer over the last year of her life (from cancer) so it was a peaceful & positive event seeing my Mom look so beautiful & just like she was sleeping in the casket. My children were at the funeral home & also the cemetery btw ~ that's probably another 'issue' on this board.

I have to say though, if someone wanted to take photo's at my Mom's funeral, I would have been horribly offended if they hadn't asked me first. The part about leaving notes & that, well, that's a personal thing too. I agree that permission should have been asked but I find no harm in it.

I'm sorry for the passing of your sister.

 

[m&m's mom]

I took pictures of my Grandmother at her funeral. I told my Mom and her siblings before hand and all were fine with it- although I don't think it had ever been done before in our family.
I took them for a couple of reaosns.
First, my Grandmother looked more like I remember her than in recent years. Swelling gone, dressed up, etc. She had either had stroke induced dementia or Alzheimers for several years and it had taken a toll on her physically.
Second it was such a pretty setting. The flowers and plants were beautiful, the casket very nice and I took pictures of my DD's and other young cousins running around at the viewing having a great time with my Grandmothers casket in the background. My Uncle came up to me when I was trying to keep the kids contained and told me to stop- that his Mother would have loved nothing more than her family having fun together, and he was right.

Right before the actual funeral started I see my 6 YO DD fursiously writing something. I asked her what it was and she would not tell me. I said "Is it for Great Grandma?" and she nodded. I quickly gave it to my Mom and she slipped it into my Grandmothers hand right before they lowered the casket. To this day she won't tell me what she wrote but I know she was very close to me Grandmother and whatever it was - I am sure my Grandmother loved it.

 

[Jeanny]

I've never heard of anyone taking pictures at a funeral or a wake (at least not up here).

I did however, put my dad's baseball hat next to him in the casket. He always wore that hat. The funeral director saw me holding it when I came into the room and asked me if I wanted him to put it in the casket. I also put his sunglasses/ case in his jacket pocket. No I didn't put the sunglasses on him!! Just in his pocket ~ I know what some of you are thinking! LOL

 

[mantysk8coach]

Life is too short to worry about pool-hopping and whether or not someone else may be re-using a mug. Love your family and make great memories.

Very well said! There need to be more people with that outlook on life!

 

[DVC Sadie]

Well I would have been outraged if ANYONE tried to take a picture of our son who was only 22 years old when he died several years ago. I would have equally been outraged at my brothers and my parents funerals if anyone would have tried to take their pictures, although they had been cremated.

 

[Becky2005]

I guess because my mother always takes pictures of the deceased in the casket (at least at close relative ones -- I don't think she would do it at non-relative ones or distant relatives), it wouldn't phase me.

I really don't know *why* she does it, she just does.

Her dad died before she was ever married/before I was born. I know the only color picture I have ever seen of him was him in the casket.

I never thought of it as odd/rude.

 

[BeckWhy]

OK. Now this is a subject I have thought about. I wish that at my sister's funeral I had went and took pictures of all the flowers that people would have sent; sort of a reminder when we went through the books and all that, we could put gift with a name. I personally wouldn't want other people coming in and taking pictures of anything, only my family. But I can say this, one of my good friends was killed in a drunk driving accident, and a group of friends and I saved up a lot of money and got a beautiful big flower arrangement with a car as the centerpiece (he was into the whole tuner car thing). It was a georgeous arrangement and I wish I would have taken a picture of it (but now that I think about it, I wonder if the flourist who did it took a picture because it was so different).

All-in-all if it was a family member taking pictures of the gifts people sent, that's ok with me, but if its anyone else, no it's not ok.

 

[MoniqueU]

My mom did this of my son that was in an open casket that past on. I was so out of it at the time I didnt realize she had. I later found the pictures when moving her and it took me years to get over it again. I think it is one of the most disgusting horrid things out there especially to do to the parent of a child that has passed on without asking. Words can't describe the pain. It was like losing him all over again. Part of me will never forgive her for that.

 

[Shugardrawers]

I don't find the picture thing weird or morbid but it certainly should only be with the permission of the family.

We buried Grandma with a can of coke, a straw and a kleenex. Three items she was never without.

Mom will be cremated but before she is we'll put a cigarette in her mouth and a cup of coffee and a cookbook in her hands. That's just her.

Dh will be sent off with a computer mouse in his hand.

Send me off with a good book, a picture of Petey and a diet pepsi. And in my flannel jammies with the sock monkeys.

 

[Snoozan]

Wow-I can't believe people do take pictures at a wake. I've never seen or heard of it until now. I, unfortunately, just attended the wake for my DH's best friend from high school on Friday so this is quite fresh in my mind. After this wake, I have started telling my family members I DO NOT want an open casket as I want people to remember as I was when I was alive and happy. I said to put a nice picture of me on top of the casket - if there even is one as I plan on being cremated.

 

[inaminute]

IMHO I think it's horribly morbid to take pictures of the dead--with the exception of parents who had a child that never left the hospital. In that case, I think photos are a wonderful idea.

My mother and her siblings took photos of my grandfather in his casket. I hated the photo taking. It was a very disrespectful display, and one reason I'm planning a very private funeral for myself.

When my sister lost her baby to SIDS at six weeks old, she chose to have a regular funeral. One of her "friends" brought a camera in order to take pictures of Tyler so my sister would have something to remember the day. It was the most thoughtless thing I'd ever heard of. My poor sister was trying hard to be strong. She took me aside and asked me whether she should let her take the photos. I told her that it depended on how she wanted to remember Tyler. She asked me to tell her friend not to take the photos, which I very happily did--and I managed to be tactful about it.

I see nothing wrong with putting things in the casket, though. Especially if it's something that would be meaningful to the person who passed.

 

[goofygirl]

I do think its strange. I don't really "get" wanting a picture of a dead person. There's even websites where you can post a photo of your dead child/baby on the net. I think that's beyond tacky. Very macabre. Something like that should be private and not displayed to the world.

There's a lot of things about death I don't "get"- like leaving a pile of flowers, stuffed animals, balloons, etc either where a person has died, or at their grave. What good does it do a dead person? The pile is just going to sit there and get ruined. These piles sometimes get posted on the net as well- which is also tacky to me.

A bit about photos and dead people which is interesting: it was a wide practice to take photos of the dead in Victorian times when photography was still new and all the rage. Infant/toddler deaths were common and people would photograph the corpse. These turn of the century "death photos" still exist, you could probably find them on ebay in the antique photos section. I have seen a few at antiques shows and found them really creepy!

 

[slo]

My Dad is the only person I know that has ever done this, and he did it when his parents passed away.

When it comes to putting things in the casket, I feel it should be done only if the family allows it. My DD put a picture of her and her sister in my Grandmas casket, and she also put a little angel statue that she painted my Grandma while she was still alive. It was a very emotional moment when she did this.

If it's right or wrong for other to do, I don't know I guess it just depends on the family, and what they are comfortable with.

 

[Race the Reaper]

It's pretty common within my family. Single pics, pics with all the siblings, pics with the gkids, etc.
Posting them on the web.......eh....not very appropiate, I think.

 

[Pooh Girl 71]

I used to think it was morbid and weird to take pictures of dead people.

Then my grandpa died. He had battled black lung for years and the year before his death, he looked awful. He looked incredibly healthy in the casket. I asked my grandma if it was ok and she said yes. I also took pictures of all the flowers. I took the pictures during the private viewing time. I made a memory book. I don't look at it often but it's been a good source of comfort for me.

I think it's rude to just start taking pictures without asking the next of kin.

 

[Jcricket Fan]

I believe that if the loved ones / immediate family do not have a problem with photos being taken why should anyone else have a say that matters?

If the loved ones do not want photos or anything else they don't approve of done everyone else coming to the visitation/wake should respect that and abide their wishes.

For some it is a morbid thing for others it could be a comforting thing to do.

My gram took pictures of her son (my uncle) who was 26 when he died. It was something she did before the viewing was opened to the public. Gram never showed anyone else the photos they were just for her he was the youngest of the family. I had never been to a wake before this so I didn't think much of it. I have never been to a wake since where I saw anyone taking photos during a public viewing.

I must say gram did cause a stir when during the public viewing she went back up to the casket pulled a comb from her purse and started to fix my uncles hair

I thought the funeral director was going to break his leg trying to get to the casket to stop gram. He was very good with her though and asked everyone to please step to another room and when everyone was out he let gram fix my uncles hair the way she wanted it to be. I was very impressed with the director and the caring he showed gram.

So, I don't have problem if people want photos of the dead or the flowers if the family has no problem with it. If it brings comfort do what you need to do.

I have pictures of my beloved cat Billy when he died. I held him in his blanket and it looks like he is sleeping. The photos are for just my DH & I we find them very comforting.

Peace,
Colleen

 

[Mary Anne]

I have only seen it once, my cousin's daughter took a picture of her grandmother. She however is from the Phillipines and said it was very common there. It gave her great comfort and no one was upset with it.

Those of you who have lost a loved one or a child, I am so very sorry.

To the poster who said

Dh will be sent off with a computer mouse in his hand.

I'm sorry, I laughed out loud. I could so see my DH doing that to me. He of 'cause will be sent to the great beyond with the romote control.

 

[Mimi Q]

I took pictures of my grandparents, but I went to the funeral home very early in the morning when no one else was around. I just wanted a last picture of them. I didn't know anyone would consider it weird.

 

[MidgeD79]

I have buried 3 children. Rebekah never left the hospital and i have 2 pictures of her after she died. Michael was 18. My dad took a few pictures of him about 10-15 ft away from the casket to email to familt who couldn't be there. My parents didn't ask permission just told me what was happening and why. Didn't faze me in the least, i could have cared less. That being said I don't ever want to see those pictures... EVER!!! Jessica was 26 when she died this past April. I am not aware of anyone taking pictures. At Michael and Jessicas funerals a number of people put in notes, pictures, cd's etc in the casket. Most asked for permission, some did not. I don't ever want to bury another child ( I have 3 more) and have to concern myself about these things.

 

[Mary Anne]

Midge, I am so sorry. I cann't begin to even imagine what you have gone through.