Picture taking of the decesed at the funeral home, is this rude or OK?

[Disney Doll]

I don't have a problem with either of these things as long as they are done with the permission of the next of kin.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

At the recent funeral of my sister, many of the relatives and friends brought their camera and snapped pictures. This was at the funeral home during the visitation (viewing) period. No one asked my parents if it was OK. A number of people snapped quite a few pictures of the deceased going right up to the casket. One relative took almost ten pictures.

OK, I have read most of your posts, and just sat back and enjoyed the show. This time, I have to speak up. I think you are full of kucka here. I have a VERY hard time believing ONE person taking pictures of a dead person in a casket, but MANY PEOPLE??? A NUMBER OF PEOPLE?

GIVE ME A BREAK. Sorry, but it ain't flying with me.

 

[*Fantasia*]

While in the hospital, they asked me if I wanted to see my husband, I immediately said "No!" I didn't want to remember him lying there dead. It was hard for me to see him lying there during the viewing and at the funeral. No one in my family nor his family took any picture, with the exception when he is being put down in the ground. I'm glad that no one took any picture with the casket open. I don't know anyone would want to remember him like that lying in the coffin.

I just cherish the picutres that I have while he was alive. I just wish I had more pictures of him with the children. I took his wedding band off and kept it.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

While in the hospital, they asked me if I wanted to see my husband, I immediately said "No!" I didn't want to remember him lying there dead. It was hard for me to see him lying there during the viewing and at the funeral. No one in my family nor his family took any picture, with the exception when he is being put down in the ground. I'm glad that no one took any picture with the casket open. I don't know anyone would want to remember him like that lying in the coffin.

I just cherish the picutres that I have while he was alive. I just wish I had more pictures of him with the children. I took his wedding band off and kept it.

When my brother was dying, he looked awful. He was bloated from all the meds, and his face was all creased and lined because of the constant headaches. He did not look like my brother. When we saw him in the casket, it was amazing. It is weird to say, but he looked HEALTHY. He was dead, but he did not have that creased look if pain on his face. the bloating was gone. It looked like he was sleeping in his healthier days. Wouldn't it have been nice to capture his face? A face that showed no more pain. Too bad not one person thought to take his picture.

I hoep I don't get flamed for saying this, but I think this post, and a lot of the OP's posts are made up. He(she) wants to stir up a debate.

 

[robinb]

I'm sorry for your loss {{hugs}}.

I find the practice of taking pictures of the deceased about as disturbing as the whole open casket viewing thing. There is really no difference, IMO.

 

[Dznypal]

since his cousin was a partier they had a white limo decorated with all things like Mardi gras

the purple and green masks, beads, cards set up like winning poker hand
it was rather strange

when we pulled in the lot and saw the limo we thought we were in the wrong place...

this was his cousins wish though

 

[ElizaB39]

OK, I have read most of your posts, and just sat back and enjoyed the show. This time, I have to speak up. I think you are full of kucka here. I have a VERY hard time believing ONE person taking pictures of a dead person in a casket, but MANY PEOPLE??? A NUMBER OF PEOPLE?

GIVE ME A BREAK. Sorry, but it ain't flying with me.

Right there with ya!

 

[Pin Wizard]

I couldn't believe it when my f-i-l took pictures of m-i-l at her funeral. I had never come across that before. Then when my husband died and his dad was there, all I could think was...he better not pull a camera out! Thank goodness he didn't.

 

[Mimi Q]

I have a VERY hard time believing ONE person taking pictures of a dead person in a casket, but MANY PEOPLE???

Actually, it is not an uncommon practice in this area. The funeral home here used to provide an album with pictures of the deceased and the flowers to the family. I don't know if they still do that or not. I don't know about the OP, but I can assure you I have no reason to lie about this subject.

 

[mommy*RN]

When my mom died the last thing I would have wanted was a pic of her in a casket! Who wants to see their loved one in a casket? It was hard enough being in the room with her body for me! I had never heard of taking pics of the deceased before at that time! Since then I've seen it done. My FIL took pics of his mother (DH's grandma) to show DH since we couldn't be at the funeral.

I guess - different strokes for different folks...but don't worry that I'll be showing up at anyone's funeral with a camera!

 

[momrek06]

I am 52yo and I have been to many wakes. I have to say I have never ever seen anyone bring a camera, let alone pull one out and take pictures. I am actually glad I saw this Thread and read all the Posts because maybe in the future, down the road, if I ever attend a wake and see someone with a camera, snapping pictures, I will understand A BIT!

Now to the OP: a relative or friend going up and down the casket taking in access of TEN pictures I would think rather ODD behavior.

Basically, as we have all come to realize some STATES have different traditions than other states. I live in MA and have been to wakes throughout New England and lately, yup lately they have been CLOSED caskets anyway!

 

[robinb]

OK, I have read most of your posts, and just sat back and enjoyed the show. This time, I have to speak up. I think you are full of kucka here. I have a VERY hard time believing ONE person taking pictures of a dead person in a casket, but MANY PEOPLE??? A NUMBER OF PEOPLE?

GIVE ME A BREAK. Sorry, but it ain't flying with me.

I also have to speak up about you speaking up. Maybe your BS meter went off. Many times mine goes off and I am usually correct. But what if you're wrong here? What if her sister really did die? What if she is telling the truth? In that case your calling her out is unbelievably cruel. At best you appear petty yelling "Liar! Liar! Pants of fire!" and at worst you appear to be kicking someone when they are down.

Sometimes it is best just to GIVE THE OP A BREAK even when your BS meter goes off.

 

[Kendra17]

Speaking as a parent who has lost a child, 3 years ago at 4 months old, I can say it is very healing to take the pictures and have them. When we were in the hospital with our dd the nurse take pictures of the parents holding the child, bathing, dressing. I'm not sure if the reason is because she was premie and these are things normal parents get to do and we were unable so they were helping us with memories, but this is the practice. I find it very harsh to judge others as weird or freakish to deal with grief in any way that helps them. However, if others wanted to take pictures at the funeral home I would have been offended if we were not consulted first.

I lost a newborn baby. And, the hospital took pictures, as well-- which was very hard for me. But, I'm glad I had/have them. I remember I showed a couple of people the photos and their responses were entirely unexpected to me. I guess they thought they were a bit macabre, even though (truly), he looked healthy, just sleepy, in the photos.

I think I would be quite surprised if people took photos at the funeral home. My sister died 10 years ago and her casket was open. Had anyone gone up to it and taken photos, I think my entire family would have been appalled. I understand each person deals with grief their own way, but there is something quite intrusive about taking pictures at a funeral home where the deceased is not a member of the picture-taker's immediate family. I can't see why they'd want one. Let them ask you (in a couple of weeks or so) for a recent photo of the person still alive, but I don't think people want to be remembered for how they looked in the casket, you know? They want to be remembered for what they were/brought during life.

I have NOT read all the posts, so it was probably mentioned here, but taking "Death Photos" were quite popular in the 1800s. So, it wasn't always considered so strange. Still, the deceased family would have made the arrangements for those photos.

 

[mickeyfan2]

In the old days this was very common. The photos in the casket were sent back to the old country so that relatives there would know about the death and "get to be part of the funeral service". I have never taken a photo and doubt I ever will.

 

[Charade]

I don't know if it's rude or not but it definitely is freakish. Who wants a picture of a dead person .

MTE! I want to remember them as they were when they were alive, not dead.

Could you imagine that on your fireplace mantel? An urn I can see, but not a photo of someone in a casket.

 

[Nancyg56]

Until I met my husband, I have never heard of people taking pictures at funerals. But according to their tradition, people do this which shocked me. I was going through a photo album of his best friend's parents and had seen a picture of the deceased along with their family members.

I personally would not want someone to take a picture at my funeral or at the funeral of a loved one.

I had never been exposed to this practice either until I ment my DH. His family had done this, and it seemed odd to me. It was common to the "older" genration of the family. he last time they did this was when two family members passed at the same time, and were in different parts of the country. Pictures were taken for those who were not able to attend the services.

 

[wvjules]

When my dad died in 1993, the funeral was videoed. I didn't even notice a camera at the time but after the funeral I was given a copy of the tape. Keep in mind that this was a very unusual funeral. (My dad was in a motorcycle club/gang and the "minister" was also in full leather/biker attire.) I don't know how I would have felt if I'd known at the time but now I'm glad I have it. (I hadn't seen him many years prior to his death.)

 

[CarolA]

This is why my instructions are CASKET CLOSED AT ALL TIMES!

(I don't want my friends and families looking at dead photos YUCK!)

 

[pebbles]

Hi there, I work in a funeral home and different people deal with their grief in different ways. Yes, some family's do request a picture by us, but this is done before anyone gets here. I have never seen anyone bring in a personal camera though. One thing that I have learned working here is not to judge how others deal with their loss, but to be supportive and empathetic.

 

[3princesses+aprince]

I know everyone deals with grief in their own way but if that was my relative I don't think I would want someone taking pictures. If they really wanted a pic for whatever reason, they probably should have done it before or after the wake when no one else was there, and of course with permission of the immediate family. I feel I would not want that picture of my immediate relative to even be out there though.
As for the notes i've seen that before and have even written one myself, I felt like it actually gave me the chance to say my last words. It made me feel alot better.