Picture taking of the decesed at the funeral home, is this rude or OK?

[goodtype]

At the recent funeral of my sister, many of the relatives and friends brought their camera and snapped pictures. This was at the funeral home during the visitation (viewing) period. No one asked my parents if it was OK. A number of people snapped quite a few pictures of the deceased going right up to the casket. One relative took almost ten pictures.

Is taking pictures of the deceased at a funeral home to be expected- or incredibly rude and weird? (after I saw the relatives and friends take pictures I broke out my camera to and took five shots but I would have never thought to take pictures if others would have not blazed the trail).

Also, quite a few people wrote notes to my sister and asked them to be enclosed with the casket. One note was five pages long and involved numerous revisions before the relative was satisfied. Is this common or part of the funeral process today?

 

[Chuck S]

Personally, I have no objection to it, though I haven't snapped any casket photos. I think it should depend upon the wishes of the closest relatives. I did take some photos for out of town relatives when the person was cremated, with the urn and flowers...but of course, then there was no "actual body" in the photo.

On a side note, I have seen an acknowledgment card for flowers that included a slide/cell built into the card of the flower arrangement that we sent. I though that was very nice, especially for out of town relatives unable to attend the funeral...that way they know that 1)that the flowers got there and 2)what the arrangement looked like.

I don't understand your last sentence...are they saying they wanted the photos of the deceased in the casket from the viewing put in the casket? If so, I don't understand the purpose. If they are saying they wanted to include a photo of themsaleves with the deceased while they were alive, that could be done discretely...but again, only if the closest surviving family agrees. It is not uncommon to see cigars, booze, playing card, and other items associated with the deceased put in the casket for their final journey.

 

[MzDiz]

I think whatever helps people in their grief is ok as long as it's not offending fellow mourners. Everyone needs to say goodbye in their own way.
My condolences on the loss of your sister.

 

[Sparx]

I think its kindof weird, but I understand it. it wouldn't bother me if someone did it at a funeral.

 

[paigevz]

Strange, but only rude if the immediate family wasn't asked.

 

[MareQ]

Guess I'm in the minority here - I think it's a bit morbid and would consider it to be rude if the immediate family wasn't asked/consulted.

As for notes - my siblings and I wrote notes to our mother and placed them in her casket along with picture sof our children at the time. We were QUITE taken aback when a friend of our mom's placed a note and a deck of cards in there with her without asking us if this was ok. They had been casual friends for awhile - although not very close - and had lost touch of each other through the years so it's not like the were the BEST of friends. When she came for the viewing it was the first time in 10 years we had ever seen her... We deliberately chose the outfit my mom was buried in, specifically chose a piece of jewelry that we wanted he to be buried in, we chose with much care the items placed in her casket, asked our grandparents and our aunts if they wanted to add anything - we just felt it was so out of place for somebody that wasn't close to our mom to just place something in there because it made HER feel better?!?!

 

[cteddiesgirl]

Ugh! Personally, I think these people must be morbid. I would never even think to take a camera to a funeral.

When my mom passed away, there were a couple people that started taking pictures. It upset me and my dad to no end. Especially since my mom hated having her picture taken while she was alive. Why in the H would she want her picture taken while she was dead?
She hated people staring at her and had even at one point told us to not have a funeral so people wouldn't be looking at her (she later changed her mind).

I think it's extremely rude to take pictures at a funeral unless you have the express permission of the immediate family.

 

[Micca]

Weird to me.

 

[CEDmom]

I don't know if it's rude or not but it definitely is freakish. Who wants a picture of a dead person .

 

[DisMN]

This used to be a common practice at funerals/memorial services but I didn't think people ever did it anymore.
I think it's not only morbid but it's along the same lines as leaving those goofy memorials along the highway right where the person died.

p.s. I can see use for the occasional funeral picture if it's used to send along to someone who couldn't make it to the service but otherwise it just seems weird to me.
p.p.s. I think you're just but figured I'd give you my opinion anyway.

 

[WDWFAN9]

I think picture taking of the deceased without the permission of the immediate family is incredibly rude.

That said, when my Mom died my Dad was of course incredibly heartbroken. He did not want a lot of family pictures displayed in the viewing area, the obit was pretty cut and dried, and we definitely did not take pictures of the casket. However when he died 9 months later, my sister and I wanted pictures displayed - they were comforting to us. We personalized the obit with lots of details - they were comforting to us. We took pictures of the displays we made, of the flower arrangements, and the casket - they were comforting to us. Each family copes with their grief differently, and for anyone outside the immediate family to presume anything is amazingly rude and insensitive.

 

[mommytotwo]

Until I met my husband, I have never heard of people taking pictures at funerals. But according to their tradition, people do this which shocked me. I was going through a photo album of his best friend's parents and had seen a picture of the deceased along with their family members.

I personally would not want someone to take a picture at my funeral or at the funeral of a loved one.

 

[bettyann29]

I just couldnt imagine why they would want a picture of a deceased person... it just kinds creeps me out..

 

[SwedishMeatball]

I wouldn't be comfortable with others taking pictures of my deceased loved one. I wouldn't want to take them. I would not want a moment like that captured on film, but that is just me. Placing notes and items in the casket by close family members is something that I am fine with.

 

[lorli]

Speaking as a parent who has lost a child, 3 years ago at 4 months old, I can say it is very healing to take the pictures and have them. When we were in the hospital with our dd the nurse take pictures of the parents holding the child, bathing, dressing. I'm not sure if the reason is because she was premie and these are things normal parents get to do and we were unable so they were helping us with memories, but this is the practice. I find it very harsh to judge others as weird or freakish to deal with grief in any way that helps them. However, if others wanted to take pictures at the funeral home I would have been offended if we were not consulted first.

 

[SetzKitten]

Another reason why I'm going to be cremated.

 

[DisMN]

Another reason why I'm going to be cremated.

Me too, ME TOO!!

 

[CEDmom]

Speaking as a parent who has lost a child, 3 years ago at 4 months old, I can say it is very healing to take the pictures and have them. When we were in the hospital with our dd the nurse take pictures of the parents holding the child, bathing, dressing. I'm not sure if the reason is because she was premie and these are things normal parents get to do and we were unable so they were helping us with memories, but this is the practice. I find it very harsh to judge others as weird or freakish to deal with grief in any way that helps them. However, if others wanted to take pictures at the funeral home I would have been offended if we were not consulted first.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I have also lost a baby and we have pictures of her taken at the hospital along with some other momentos.

You're correct that it is comforting to look at these things from time to time. Sadly, the big difference here is that our babies either didn't survive childbirth or died soon after so these are the only pictures we have of them.

In the OP's situation this was a grownup's funeral so there would be many pictures of her alive and presumably full of life that friends and family could look at to deal with their loss.

Given a choice why would you want a picture of someone after they've died .

 

[DisMN]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I have also lost a baby and we have pictures of her taken at the hospital along with some other momentos.

You're correct that it is comforting to look at these things from time to time. Sadly, the big difference here is that our babies either didn't survive childbirth or died soon after so these are the only pictures we have of them.

In the OP's situation this was a grownup's funeral so there would be many pictures of her alive and presumably full of life that friends and family could look at to deal with their loss.

Given a choice why would you want a picture of someone after they've died .

I agree. I think it's two very different things to take a picture of your children/babies than it is to drag a camera to the funeral home to take pics of the dearly departed.

I'm sorry for both yours and the OP's losses. I can't imagine.

 

[ExPirateShopGirl]

I took a picture (3 actually) of my brother in his casket just before the funeral began. I spent days before the funeral going through pictures of his lifetime and making a collage for people to view at the service. I even had several blown up from his days of running track in high school. He was cremated a day or two later.

I don't look at those pictures very often, but they are a part of my family's life. They tell a story. You never know when a picture will become more important to you over time. Ironically, the picture I took with my camera just before those casket pictures, was a picture of my parents together at a restaurant looking so happy. The next day my brother died. You never know... every moment is important.

Next spring we're planning a big family trip to Maui to celebrate my parents' 50th wedding anniversay, and to spread my brother's ashes as per his last wishes. I know he's getting tired of hanging out in my linen closet and I'd like the space back to stack washcloths...

Life is too short to worry about pool-hopping and whether or not someone else may be re-using a mug. Love your family and make great memories.