People who totally monopolize conversations...

[lindakmonty]

Oh I know how you feel. I had my heart broken last weekend and am reeling from that and what does my self-absorbed friend says "At least you have a good job. Me? I have nothing blah blah blah... etc etc" I've been cutting him out for a while and I realized after this past week, who my real friends are and who aren't.

I think that if you don't say anything one day you're just going to burst and probably yell or say something that you don't mean. It happens if you bottle things inside...you just blow up one day! As hard as it is perhaps next time it happens, say 'listen..I know you are going through alot and I am always there for you..but right now I need you." It might send her back a bit but if she's a real friend she will realize that you are the one in need and she should put her concerns for herself on the back burner for a bit..like i'm sure you do for her.

My sister is like that... an hour or an hour and 1/2 about her her her. we'll hang up and my dh will ask me, what did she have to brag about today? did she ask about you, your ds? NOPE of coarse not, just her and her 3 kids..and her....and her some more... lol. It gets so old.


Tim sorry you got your heart broken last weekend!!

 

[Simba's Mom]

Wow, I didn't know so many people know my mother! Honestly, although it's no fun to deal with, it is somewhat comforting to know that I'm not the only one with that problem. It's kind of sad that as a result, since she lives so far away and never asks anything, just always talks, she knows nothing about my life-even whether or not I have a job. She's so busy talking, she never asks questions, just keeps telling me about her life. I've finally accepted it, but it's not fun to have such a relationship.

 

[NewJersey]

My sister is like that... an hour or an hour and 1/2 about her her her. we'll hang up and my dh will ask me, what did she have to brag about today? did she ask about you, your ds? NOPE of coarse not, just her and her 3 kids..and her....and her some more... lol. It gets so old.


Tim sorry you got your heart broken last weekend!!

Thanks. Does your sister send you pictures of her children constantly? That's a favorite of self absorbed people! They'll skip the pictures of other kids..but gloat about their own!

 

[NewJersey]

This is very true! I know I will not continue to be quiet about this behavior. I also know that hints (changing the subject, etc.) will not work, as past experience with compulsive talkers has taught me this.

I actually think nothing will work, ALSO based on past experiences with compulsive talkers. Geesh, I came right out and told my brother (admittedly after years of listening to him blather ) and it didn't do any good.

I have another (former) friend who I spoke with about this a few times and he would say, "Well, let me know if it happens again!" and it happened 100% OF THE TIME. I finally stopped speaking to him after I tried to talk to him when my dad had been diagnosed with Alzheimers and he cut me off and talked for 4 hours (FOUR HOURS!) straight.

I am thinking that nothing works (ya'll are confiming this for me ) and that I just need to distance myself.

Hints do not work! They just blow by it because they're too concerned with themselves.

 

[Kycha]

I have a co-worker like this. When I am conversing with him, God forbid I pause to breath because he will completely hijack the conversation and it takes me forever to get the conversation back to what I was talking about.

But, I make a point of going back to my original conversation. It may take ten minutes of him blathering on. I usually say "So, as I was saying before, blah blah blah..."

I know he doesn't realize he is doing it. And he is such a dear friend that I won't say anything to him. It is just not worth it.

 

[kristen821]

If this isn't something your friend normally does, I would see if it continues before doing anything about it. Maybe she is going through a really hard time right now and needs a good friend to listen.

 

[my4kids]

Hello, my name is my4kids, and I'm a compulsive talker.

The difference is , I'm aware of it, and I do get the hints (people going dead quiet waiting for me to stop, people nicely saying they need to go, etc) and I really don't think my compulsive talking is the type that is going on about myself, although I do have a habit of when someone says something about themself, thinking I am showing them I understand how they feel or that I can relate, I say "I know how that is,I once...." or " I know how you feel, my son did the same thing at that age" and I'm sure people see that as me turning the conversation to myself, which I really don't mean to do. I need to start just start listening and not turning it to a similar experience of mine.

In defense of compulsive talkers I need to say that it is not that I want to go one and on about myself, but more that I get nervous when there is a lag in conversation. I feel like I need to "fill the space" or it is uncomfortable ad awkward for me. I also feel like I think faster than I can talk and I have to talk fast to say everything I was thinking before I forget it. Some of it may be mild OCD as well (which I definately am). It is a VERY uncomfortable thing for me to not finish a thought, or get cut off while I'm talking. It feels unfinished or something. Like an itch I need to scratch.

Some of this may come from being one of the younger ones in a LARGE family. I sat completely quiet for years listening to the older ones, and no one wanted to hear from the "baby" Now I get to talk - and I like it.

I am also alone alot during the day and get lonely, when I do have someone to talk to , I guess I am just making up for it.

And part of it is free therapy i guess. I am the type that needs to unload everything to feel better. I try to just make my husband the recipient of this, but sometimes you just need to talk to your girl friends.

I do know the type of people that everyone is talking about that only talk about their own selves...I'm not like that, but I do tend to talk talk talk.

anyway, as I was reading the thread, I thought "Gee, this is what people are saying about me" and I thought I might give a little insight to some of the people you are talking about .

 

[PrincessKitty1]

If this isn't something your friend normally does, I would see if it continues before doing anything about it. Maybe she is going through a really hard time right now and needs a good friend to listen.

She's always like this, she was just the worse I've seen her on our day trip. Seriously, she talked for 8 hours straight and NEVER gave me time to talk, even when I repeatedly introduced topics of coversation.

She IS going through a hard time, but she's always going through a hard time--besides the fact that she's a caregiver for her dad (which would be enough to stress anybody to the max), she is one of those people who stresses about everything. Whatever is going on with her is always more important than what's going on with you. Plus, like all the compulsive talkers I've known, she's an expert on everything.

We used to work together and the other ladies in the office avoided her due to her me, me, me-ness all the time. Like I said, I think she has a good heart, but I am questioning whether I want to bother with someone who is so perpetually self-centered. My experience with relatives and previous friends is that complusive talkers don't ever change their ways and are basically not particularly interested in other people, except in getting their own needs met.