Aw man.
I am so sorry you are struggling.
I won't requote Jeremiah 29:11 - but I think it totally applies here.
This is random and a total hijack. But years ago I was offered a youth ministry position. It seemed like a perfect fit. But I was driving down the road and really praying that God would tell me what HE wanted me to do...because although it sounded like the right thing to do...it didn't "feel" right. I begged God to tell me exactly what I should do.
He did. He told me NOT to take that job. I was not sure at the time what He wanted me to do instead - but I knew - deep inside - that I should not take that opportunity.
That decision was a trajectory change for me. If I had taken the job, my life would have gone in a different direction. Where it would have taken me...I have no idea. (I do know God would have used my decision for good at some point - that I am sure of.) But I would probably not be writing on the DIS right now. Because I would not be at my current church. And I would not know Lauren. And I would not have participated in her Make a Wish trip (which brought me here.)
It is possible that God is telling you to take the job - and that would be a trajectory change for you - but the bottom line...I guess...is to go with what you know He is telling you to do. Beg Him to close doors to help you decide. He will. He wants us to follow Him. He tries to make it easy - even though it seems so hard to us at the time. I wish He would just write it down!

It took me years to learn how to hear His voice. To know that "feeling" is real. It took many bad decisions to know - opps, I sensed His voice but didn't listen and several good decisions to know that I had sensed His voice and now look what cool thing happened.
Anyway...hijack over!
Hang in there!