Paying for the person behind you in a drive-thru

[CdnCarrie]

I barely understand why it would make someone uncomfortable, but anxious? I totally don't get. If someone gives you a gift, does that make you feel anxious? Look at this as just that... a gift. There's no obligation to return (or extend) the "chain". Who cares if it's a chain? As said earlier, you'll never know if a chain was broken on the car before you, the car after you, or 100 cars after you.

You obviously didn’t watch Big Bang Theory lol!

some people have anxiety. They do not need to rationalize them to you,
You seem really hung up on buying people their coffees!

 

[Heather07438]

We are a Coast Guard Community, and often the person in front of a Coastie will pay for their order, at the Wawa for instance.

The restaurant I used to work constantly had people anonymously picking up soldiers' checks. I remember one time in particular the 2 soldiers graciously accepted then anonymously picked up a 4 top of 70-80yo seniors.

 

[Figment of Speech]

Once when I was at a counter-service restaurant, placing a $50 order for the family, the guy behind us said, "I just won $10,000 on a lottery ticket. I want to pay for your order." We thanked him profusely, chatted amiably while we all waited for our food, and then never saw him again. It wouldn't have occurred to us to pay this particular act forward, because it came from someone who was in a unique position to provide it.

So a few thoughts based on this anecdote and the thread up to this point:
(1) My family is charitable, and we donate when we can. It's never occurred to me to tabulate in the "I got something, now let me do something for someone else" sense. The times I've done something nice for other people in the past had nothing to do with getting a $50 bill covered by a random stranger, and the time I got a $50 bill covered by a random stranger will have nothing to do with the next time I do it again.

(2) If you're ever in a giving chain like the kind that was discussed at the beginning of this thread, don't forget... maybe the person who started it had just won $10,000 on a lottery ticket. There's no reason anyone would expect you to follow suit. Unless, perhaps, you just won $10,000 on a lottery ticket, too.

(3) I LOVE the idea of ending the chain by tipping the employee. Gonna steal that if that ever happens to me.

 

[iheartglaciers]

I think the pay it forward thing is supposed to be a random act of kindness that inspires you to do something to make someone else smile.

It doesn’t mean you have to immediately pay for the next person’s drink. Maybe you do something nice for someone later that day. Maybe it doesn’t even cost you anything.

 

[prairie_girl]

Being polite and courteous - holding a door, letting someone in traffic - are normal things everyone should be doing. Someone anonymously paying for my coffee would NOT brighten my day, it would make me anxious and uncomfortable. There is a difference between these things.

how does it make you anxious?

I barely understand why it would make someone uncomfortable, but anxious? I totally don't get. If someone gives you a gift, does that make you feel anxious? Look at this as just that... a gift. There's no obligation to return (or extend) the "chain". Who cares if it's a chain? As said earlier, you'll never know if a chain was broken on the car before you, the car after you, or 100 cars after you.

This whole thread is like bizarro world. If we ever are in the same drive thru line I will pay for yours snd you can pay for mine lol

 

[sam_gordon]

You obviously didn’t watch Big Bang Theory lol!

some people have anxiety. They do not need to rationalize them to you,
You seem really hung up on buying people their coffees!

Why do people think others expect certain actions from them? Someone pays for your meal, they don't EXPECT you to pay for the next person. Asking someone a question on a message board doesn't mean you EXPECT an answer. Don't want to answer, don't.

And yes, some people have anxiety. DD is one of them. If PP wants to say "I don't know why, it just does." that's fine. If they want to say "I feel pressured to buy for the next person" that's fine too. I'm simply asking what about it makes them anxious.

As far as being "hung up", I'm not sure where you get that idea. I just think it's a shame that when someone tries to do something nice (and that's all it is), they're told they shouldn't do it, it's selfish, this "act of kindness" isn't as good as other "acts of kindness", there's better ways to use your money, etc.

I find it interesting that everyone (pretty sure, haven't gone back to look) who has paid for someone else's meal (or had their's paid for) has said "you don't need to feel obligated to pay for someone else", but those who are against it are trying to get the others to stop.

 

[slo]

It finally happened to me today...the car in front of me at Starbucks paid for my drink. When the barista told me, I was pleasantly surprised and offered to pay for the car behind me. He hesitated then said that it was a lot and was in the range of $14. I ended up not paying for the car behind me since I had planned on paying for my drink which would've cost me a little more than $5. I did feel bad that I didn't pay it forward but didn't feel comfortable almost tripling the amount I had anticipated paying. What would you have done?

I would not have paid for the $14 order
We run on a tight budget, which is why I wouldn’t do it.

 

[RedAngie]

We are a Coast Guard Community, and often the person in front of a Coastie will pay for their order, at the Wawa for instance.

Texas Avenue in Cape May?

 

[Imzadi]

For those bashing people buying others a coffee at Starbucks, it probably got adopted over here, as it is a custom in Naples, Italy to buy a coffee and at the same time buy an extra one, called a caffè sospeso, Italian for "suspended coffee." Paying it forward for a person who can't afford a coffee. A poor person inquiring later whether there was a sospeso available would then be served a coffee for free. Or, it is up to the barista to pick out a person and offer them the free coffee.

"It's an elegant way to show generosity: an act of charity in which donors and recipients never meet each other, the donor doesn't show off and the recipient doesn't have to show gratitude."

https://www.npr.org/sections/thesal...ended-coffee-pay-it-forward-with-a-cup-of-joe


Leave it to the DIS to make the sharing and giving of a free coffee into a nasty thing.

 

[bcla]

For those bashing people buying others a coffee at Starbucks, it probably got adopted over here, as it is a custom in Naples, Italy to buy a coffee and at the same time buy an extra one, called a caffè sospeso, Italian for "suspended coffee." Paying it forward for a person who can't afford a coffee. A poor person inquiring later whether there was a sospeso available would then be served a coffee for free. Or, it is up to the barista to pick out a person and offer them the free coffee.

"It's an elegant way to show generosity: an act of charity in which donors and recipients never meet each other, the donor doesn't show off and the recipient doesn't have to show gratitude."

https://www.npr.org/sections/thesal...ended-coffee-pay-it-forward-with-a-cup-of-joe


Leave it to the DIS to make the sharing and giving of a free coffee into a nasty thing.

I know someone who obsesses over this sort of thing. If she or her family gets something in an act of kindness or generosity, she'll often twist into knots thinking that her family has to pay it back somehow or else they'll be judged by others as ungrateful or unworthy. I think the term is "transactional".

 

[ronandannette]

For those bashing people buying others a coffee at Starbucks, it probably got adopted over here, as it is a custom in Naples, Italy to buy a coffee and at the same time buy an extra one, called a caffè sospeso, Italian for "suspended coffee." Paying it forward for a person who can't afford a coffee. A poor person inquiring later whether there was a sospeso available would then be served a coffee for free. Or, it is up to the barista to pick out a person and offer them the free coffee.

"It's an elegant way to show generosity: an act of charity in which donors and recipients never meet each other, the donor doesn't show off and the recipient doesn't have to show gratitude."

https://www.npr.org/sections/thesal...ended-coffee-pay-it-forward-with-a-cup-of-joe


Leave it to the DIS to make the sharing and giving of a free coffee into a nasty thing.

This is just lovely but doing it would take an understanding between all parties and it would need to be something that was commonly done. I doubt there are too many people in need here going into Tim Hortons and asking if anyone has paid-forward a coffee they could have. It would be very nice though. I think I have read of individual restaurants in some cities, located in areas with high homeless populations, where people can sponsor future meals for others.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Leave it to the DIS to make the sharing and giving of a free coffee into a nasty thing.

Not one person said that it was a nasty thing.
A few of us said that we choose to give in other ways.

 

[sam_gordon]

Not one person said that it was a nasty thing.
A few of us said that we choose to give in other ways.

Maybe not "nasty" but there are some who at least imply that this shouldn't be done. Not that you won't do it, but that others shouldn't either.

I don't like it. You can't help but feel compelled to continue the trend - that's not really doing anything "nice". It's akin to the old "forward this to 5 friends" e-mails. Please don't "pay it forward" at the drive thru. If you want to be charitable there are far better ways.

But it is also a presumptuous act on the part of the original payor to place a sense of obligation (or not)on the folks behind him/her.

I get the sentiment but sometimes it can be a bit insulting.

I would have felt a bit uncomfortable about a stranger paying for me, and I would not have paid for someone else's regardless of the cost. I really don't get this fad as a supposed act of kindness. Anyone in the Starbucks line is there because they can afford to pay. If you want to really pay it forward, donate money to a food bank, so your gift will get to someone who actually needs it.

Many people on here have described feeling annoyed, confused, or uncomfortably obligated when this happens to them.

Spend your money however you want. Has anyone said you should be expected to "continue the chain"?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I would not have paid for the $14 order
We run on a tight budget, which is why I wouldn’t do it.

I'm assuming though if you run a tight budget you wouldn't even think to pay for someone else's order in the first place so the amount of the order is really inconsequential, you simply don't have enough allowance in your budget for other monetary things.

 

[Mysterian]

Ah the second thread about "breaking the chain". What about paying backwards?

A woman in front of me was loading her items on the conveyor and staring at me.
She said, "Forgive me, it's just that you look just like my son," and she pulled out a photo. I looked nothing like him.

"He and I no longer speak to each other, and I really miss him. Could you do me a favor? It would really please me if I called you 'son', and you called me 'mom'", I shrugged and agreed.
As she walked away with her groceries she shouted, "Goodbye, son!", and I said "Goodbye, mom!"

Then my amount came out to be MUCH more than I expected. The cashier said, "Oh, your mom said you would pay for her groceries."
So I ran out to the parking lot just as she was quickly getting into her vehicle, and I reach out to grab her leg- just as I'm pulling your leg now.

None of this was real, but it was a funny story I heard from Tom Waits and I couldn't resist. Hee!

 

[slo]

I'm assuming though if you run a tight budget you wouldn't even think to pay for someone else's order in the first place so the amount of the order is really inconsequential, you simply don't have enough allowance in your budget for other monetary things.

To be completely honest - I would never be in the Starbucks drive thru because we’re on a tight budget

 

[CdnCarrie]

Maybe not "nasty" but there are some who at least imply that this shouldn't be done. Not that you won't do it, but that others shouldn't either.





Spend your money however you want. Has anyone said you should be expected to "continue the chain"?

Some people are uncomfortable taking money from others.

 

[Imzadi]

Bagel company customers paying it forward.

Click on the link to watch the video at the top:

https://abc7ny.com/ny-bagel-company-islandia-long-island-pay-it-forward/11090684/

 

[georgina]

how does it make you anxious?

Random unknown person buying something for me? STALKER.

 

[Kellykins1218]

Nope, it stops with me. I honk and wave to say thank you if I see their car again but I don't pay for the people behind me. This idea that you should feel guilty and pay for someone else is so weird to me. Just because someone did something nice for you doesn't mean you should have to immediately do the exact same thing for someone else.