Paying for the person behind you in a drive-thru

[spiders]

Except that they don't. Paying for someone who can already afford the food anyway (they wouldn't be in the line if they couldn't afford that $5 coffee) isn't contributing anything meaningful. If 100 people do that, it still isn't meaningful or helpful. It actually reduces the amount of money spent on genuinely needed charity, if people feel they are already doing their part by occasionally picking up the coffee tab of fellow members of the middle class, instead of donating money to worthy organizations that help those who are really in need.

You can donate your money to whoever you feel is most deserving. You are presenting a false choice. It’s not pay for the other person or give to XYZ charity - it could just be they are going to pay for the other person or they’re going to keep it in their pocket. Just because you don’t find something meaningful doesn’t mean the other person isn’t. If you want to donate your money to the homeless then go right ahead — you can donate 100% of your wealth if you so desire.

 

[Skywalker]

I would have felt a bit uncomfortable about a stranger paying for me, and I would not have paid for someone else's regardless of the cost. I really don't get this fad as a supposed act of kindness. Anyone in the Starbucks line is there because they can afford to pay. If you want to really pay it forward, donate money to a food bank, so your gift will get to someone who actually needs it.

Not sure what this has to do with food banks and affordability and who "needs" anything. I mean, do you only hold the door open for people who have no arms? If they can open the door for themselves then what's the point of being nice?
Even people that can "afford" Starbucks deserve their days to be brightened every once in a while.
I have had been in this situation 3 times, once I am pretty sure someone paid for me because I let him turn in front of me to get into the drive thru (they were making a left turn in, and no one would let them in front), another time I seemed to be caught in a random pay in forward line and I participated in that, another time I was caught in a pay it forward line and didn't continue it. No high horse needed either way.

 

[disykat]

Absolutely you get to decide if and how you give away money.

In general, my guess is that those who would skip giving a charitable donation because they've paid for coffee in a chain probably aren't giving charitable donations regularly anyway. (I know someone will probably not read this carefully and think I said people who participate in chains don't give to charity, so if that's you please re-read what I wrote!)

While I still think the "pay it forward chains" are ridiculous, I guess I'd like to hope that maybe some people will be introduced to the notion that giving is possible and feels good and maybe do more of it?

 

[TLSnell1981]

Except that they don't. Paying for someone who can already afford the food anyway (they wouldn't be in the line if they couldn't afford that $5 coffee) isn't contributing anything meaningful. If 100 people do that, it still isn't meaningful or helpful. It actually reduces the amount of money spent on genuinely needed charity, if people feel they are already doing their part by occasionally picking up the coffee tab of fellow members of the middle class, instead of donating money to worthy organizations that help those who are really in need.

So some miss the point entirely. I don’t consider paying it forward a donation but maybe it’s just me. It’s not about $$$. Sometimes a random act of kindness, generosity, whatever…can turn a bad day around and put a smile on your face. Our fellowman can certainly surprise us at times…good or bad.

 

[mommasita]

All those who say the people behind you don't need you to pay for their meal...

Do you only give gifts to people who NEED the gift? You never give a gift just to make someone else happy? Are you the ones who always give socks and underwear to the kids at their birthday/holiday?

I know I've paid for the people behind me, can't remember if anyone has paid for me. It has nothing to do with whether they need it or not. It has nothing to do with making/continuing a chain. I'll never know if the person behind me "broke" it, or if it goes on for the next 200 cars. I don't really care. I do it to hopefully make someone's day just a little better. Maybe they just got some bad news (doesn't have to be money related). Maybe they got some good news. I don't care. All of the angst because someone does something nice is a shame.

I love this post, I think it’s so perfectly written.

I just wanted to Share my perspective, you can agree, disagree, it’s up to you. The first year that I lost my daughter, on what would have been her 19th Birthday, I posted on my Fb and her wall. Again on the date we lost her. Her friends, my family, my friends, I don’t know WHO started the ball rolling, but they each said they would do 19 acts of kindness that day in her honour. As small as opening doors, maybe buying someone’s coffee, etc. This was done (as mentioned) later, on the day we lost her, and has become a yearly ritual. Some, or most of these days, thinking of these random acts of kindness is all that gets be through them. This year was 22, nobody writes what they have done, it’s not a contest, they just tell me they did 22 acts of kindness, and I smile and cry and thank them, and well..

Often acts of kindness are on boards and forums of people who have lost ones, especially children, and this is a big thing.

 

[Cheburashka]

So some miss the point entirely. I don’t consider paying it forward a donation but maybe it’s just me. It’s not about $$$. Sometimes a random act of kindness, generosity, whatever…can turn a bad day around and put a smile on your face. Our fellowman can certainly surprise us at times…good or bad.

Like I said in a prior post, it doesn't put a smile on my face, and multiple other posters have stated the same. Many people on here have described feeling annoyed, confused, or uncomfortably obligated when this happens to them.

This gesture's primary function seems to be to provide a positive feeling to the person who is making the gesture, making themselves feel beneficent for doing so, whether the stranger likes it or not.

 

[ronandannette]

I love this post, I think it’s so perfectly written.

I just wanted to Share my perspective, you can agree, disagree, it’s up to you. The first year that I lost my daughter, on what would have been her 19th Birthday, I posted on my Fb and her wall. Again on the date we lost her. Her friends, my family, my friends, I don’t know WHO started the ball rolling, but they each said they would do 19 acts of kindness that day in her honour. As small as opening doors, maybe buying someone’s coffee, etc. This was done (as mentioned) later, on the day we lost her, and has become a yearly ritual. Some, or most of these days, thinking of these random acts of kindness is all that gets be through them. This year was 22, nobody writes what they have done, it’s not a contest, they just tell me they did 22 acts of kindness, and I smile and cry and thank them, and well..

Often acts of kindness are on boards and forums of people who have lost ones, especially children, and this is a big thing.

That's lovely - thanks for sharing.

 

[TwoMisfits]

I think it's a great thing to do...

I don't tend to ever get Starbucks, where this is trendy...but I have participated in the "Aldi's give a cart" trend when it happens - when someone doesn't want their quarter back, so they give their cart to someone coming in. Sometimes, I can't b/c no one's coming in or I forget, but I do try to pay it forward when it happens...it's nice to not struggle to find a dang quarter...

PS - And the best pay it forward was when my spouse got back from an 11th month deployment on my daughter's 2nd birthday in December. My daughter and I were the only family there (b/c we weren't near family - this is when we were in Ohio - and it was close, but not close enough to the holidays) so we low key celebrated her birthday and his arrival at a family restaurant on the way home...and someone graciously picked up our tab without even telling us who they were. It turned a good day into a great day, especially since my spouse had made less while deployed (than he did in his civilian life), so every little bit counted that Christmas...

 

[SarahM1987]

I personally think it's a nice gesture and a warm act of kindness. Whether the person behind you continues to pay it forward or not, doesn't matter. I believe that it might actually cheer some people up that were having a bad day. I've been caught in two pay it forward chains in drive thru's and I kept them going. For me it's just a fun act of kindness to be a part of, but I totally respect how everyone feels about them. I also have a habit of paying for any friends, neighbors, and law enforcement that gets behind me in line. It's just my fun way of saying hello to the people I know, and to say thanks for serving our community.

 

[bcla]

I think there's a legitimate question as to whether or not one should take a random act of generosity and then feel an obligation.

For instance, once I helped someone put on a spare tire. His was an older car and apparently the jack in the trunk was long gone, so I just pulled out mine. He offered to buy me dinner at a deli nearby but I declined.

 

[Julie's Haircut]

I've changed my mind about having no reason to break an hours long chain other than I enjoy being a "bad person." (My post was deleted.)

I DO have a motive. There's the remote possibility that I could get my 15 seconds and going viral by breaking the chain 3 customers before a record is set. Everyone would be angry, someone would no doubt record me and post it, I'd get thousands of nasty comments, and I could give a double Jersey one-finger salute in response. Good times!!!

I can dream, anyway.

 

[ronandannette]

I've changed my mind about having no reason to break an hours long chain other than I enjoy being a "bad person." (My post was deleted.)

I DO have a motive. There's the remote possibility that I could get my 15 seconds and going viral by breaking the chain 3 customers before a record is set. Everyone would be angry, someone would no doubt record me and post it, I'd get thousands of nasty comments, and I could give a double Jersey one-finger salute in response. Good times!!!

I can dream, anyway.

#lifegoals. We’re all rootin’ for ya.

 

[georgina]

Not sure what this has to do with food banks and affordability and who "needs" anything. I mean, do you only hold the door open for people who have no arms? If they can open the door for themselves then what's the point of being nice?
Even people that can "afford" Starbucks deserve their days to be brightened every once in a while.
I have had been in this situation 3 times, once I am pretty sure someone paid for me because I let him turn in front of me to get into the drive thru (they were making a left turn in, and no one would let them in front), another time I seemed to be caught in a random pay in forward line and I participated in that, another time I was caught in a pay it forward line and didn't continue it. No high horse needed either way.

Being polite and courteous - holding a door, letting someone in traffic - are normal things everyone should be doing. Someone anonymously paying for my coffee would NOT brighten my day, it would make me anxious and uncomfortable. There is a difference between these things.

 

[sam_gordon]

Being polite and courteous - holding a door, letting someone in traffic - are normal things everyone should be doing. Someone anonymously paying for my coffee would NOT brighten my day, it would make me anxious and uncomfortable. There is a difference between these things.

I barely understand why it would make someone uncomfortable, but anxious? I totally don't get. If someone gives you a gift, does that make you feel anxious? Look at this as just that... a gift. There's no obligation to return (or extend) the "chain". Who cares if it's a chain? As said earlier, you'll never know if a chain was broken on the car before you, the car after you, or 100 cars after you.

 

[bobbiwoz]

We are a Coast Guard Community, and often the person in front of a Coastie will pay for their order, at the Wawa for instance.

 

[Kitty 34]

I paid it forward a couple of years ago. I was at McDonald's and an elderly lady let me go before her which was kind of her. (It was one of those double drive thrus)

I picked up my little cheeseburger and small fries and when paying I told the guy I wanted to pay for the lady behind me. I kind of assumed she was just getting lunch for herself probably. Well........26 some dollars later I guess she was either really really hungry or was buying for some grandkids possibly, I tell the story in jest but glad I did it.


She did wave to me, bless her heart.

 

[spiders]

Like I said in a prior post, it doesn't put a smile on my face, and multiple other posters have stated the same. Many people on here have described feeling annoyed, confused, or uncomfortably obligated when this happens to them.

This gesture's primary function seems to be to provide a positive feeling to the person who is making the gesture, making themselves feel beneficent for doing so, whether the stranger likes it or not.

You can always insist you be charged anyway. One time I paid for the lunch of a cop. I didn’t ask him. I just did it and left. Was he happy? That was the goal but if he wasn’t then oh well. I didn’t stick around to find out. The goal also wasn’t to make him feel obligated to pay it forward - the goal was to give him a free lunch - not because he couldn’t afford it.

Donating money to bums on the street doesn’t put a smile on my face or give me any joy whatsoever. That’s the beauty of my money vs. your money.

 

[DisLiss]

I would have felt happy that someone decided to be especially nice today and that I was lucky enough to benefit from that, and I would most likely remember this event again with a smile sometime in the future when I did something especially nice for someone else.

RAKs are meant to A.) be Random, and B.) be simply a nice gesture, with no obligation of equal & immediate kindness to someone else. For some, such a thing might not even be possible; and I'm absolutely sure that a person extending a kindness towards someone else would never intend to put them in an awkward situation, make them feel guilty, or cause a problem.

Paying a RAK forward can mean any kindness, any time, to any person. While that can certainly mean right there, doing the same thing, there's no reason to limit ourselves to just that, anyway. We are full of talents, strengths, and unique paths through life that lend us all to our own variety of kind gestures. Feel free to embrace that and show kindness in your own ways in life---whenever the spirit moves you or the situation feels right for you to do so.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I don't do Starbucks--well, I did, once, because my DD works there and she was training on the drive-thru. But, I'm not a coffee drinker. I've heard of the chains, and I think it's kind of stupid, but if it makes people happy, why not? Accept your free drink, smile, and move on. Give your saved $5 to charity or not, whatever.

I don't see why it should make anyone anxious or uncomfortable, but there may be more going on there--I have a couple kids with anxiety who might over-think such an action.

One day, I was taking a couple foster kittens to a "spay-only" vet. When I was picking them up, there was a woman who couldn't pay her bill--something about an automatic insurance payment. She was clearly distraught, as they wouldn't release her cat. I went up to her and asked how much she was short--$32. I gave her $40, thinking that, if things were that tight, she might need bread or milk or something in the few days until her next paycheck. She cried and thanked me and hugged me. I just said, "When you're in the position to, pay it forward." I actually did it more for her cat. My point is, anyone can have the need for a RAK. A free cup of coffee might make someone's day. Why not just be kind? OTOH, if it's not your thing--say thank you and go on with your life. No big deal, either way.

 

[CdnCarrie]

You can always insist you be charged anyway. One time I paid for the lunch of a cop. I didn’t ask him. I just did it and left. Was he happy? That was the goal but if he wasn’t then oh well. I didn’t stick around to find out. The goal also wasn’t to make him feel obligated to pay it forward - the goal was to give him a free lunch - not because he couldn’t afford it.

Donating money to bums on the street doesn’t put a smile on my face or give me any joy whatsoever. That’s the beauty of my money vs. your money.

Once before Christmas I was walking to my car after work. It was a snowy cold evening.
At the street corner a lady asked me for cash. I had $10 on me and gave that to her.
She was so happy she hugged me.
Once I crossed the street and got in my car I saw her in the Subway ordering food.

so yes giving money to this “bum” brought a smile to my face and gave me Christmas cheer.

you do you and I do me. There is no right or wrong - just treat people with kindness - like not calling people bums for example.