Paying for extended family on a WDW trip

[elaine amj]

I'd like to get some perspectives as I plan for an extended family trip to WDW. We have gone many times and next August, we have invited my brother, my SIL, and my DN who will be 3.5 to go to WDW with us. My kids (my DD will be 16 and my DS will be 14) are thrilled!). They live in the UK and I have only seen them 2x since my niece was born. We all get along very well and I absolutely adore my niece. In return, my SIL puts a lot of effort into sending us photos, videos, and updates. I have been plotting to take my niece to WDW since I learned they were pregnant LOL! My brother doesn't have the budget for a trip like this since they have other priorities (little kids are $$!) so I knew we would have to cover a big chunk of the cost to make it manageable.

I did a bunch of number crunching in advance and tried to be very up front when I made the offer. I offered:

1. enough airmiles for a roundtrip between London (where they live) and Orlando.
2. to pay for their DD's ticket. (I asked them to cover their own tickets and food, and gave them a £1000 estimate - based on exchange rate at that time. The pound has dropped dramatically since *sigh*)
3. to pay for accommodations for all of us

They were excited and were very appreciative of the offer and said yes. So, the crazy planning has started.

I ended up choosing to book a free dining offer and stay onsite. Flight taxes for the award miles turned out to be complicated and varied in price. So I asked my brother if he was ok paying for flight taxes (about $500 for the 3 of them) since I needed to pay extra for the room in order to get free dining. Plus he can choose his flights based on his budget, not mine. He agreed - and I have worked hard to find him as inexpensive options as possible.

I am trying to figure out how to handle meals. We will make our decisions, but would like some perspective on how you would handle it. We live on a very tight budget (i.e. this will be more than we spend on an entire year's worth of vacations!) and I have already explained to my brother that we will be tightening our belts considerably to make this trip happen.

1. Do I pay all the tips? I chose to go with dining plan to make it as streamlined as possible. We are looking at $500 in tips for all 7 of us (14 nights of dining - OUCH!). I do think we should pay this.

2. Planning meals. I have to admit - since I am paying for a lot of the trip, I have certain ideals in my mind (I do want to be fair though - that's why I am asking for perspectives). I plan to ask for their input on all meals and it is important to me that most of our TS meals are together. They will have at least 1 TS dinner apart from us (we will look after my niece so they can have an adult night). I will also be asking for a one-on-one meal just for my niece and I. We will also be planning about half (or more) of our mornings apart and they can go wherever they wish.

3. Will it be fair if I give them their share of the QS & snack credits (worth $840) to divvy up and use as they wish but I control the TS credits? Which means my DH and I will have an extra signature meal or two? To be honest, we paid $2k extra to upgrade from a QSDP dining plan primarily for my DH to have more dining options (celebration as we just learned he is cancer-free!). As a side benefit, we are staying in a spacious 2 bedroom villa instead of 2 Value rooms (I was worried about their comfort since they will be spending more time at the resort with the little one). I am definitely planning on their having 2 TS credits to go have a date night wherever they wish while we care for our niece. If they share credits at other planned meals (which we plan to do), they can easily save enough to have a signature meal instead.

I'm not sure what other issues may come up, so do feel free to share! A lot of my focus will be on giving my niece a magical time and I really am longing to be a part of most of her experiences. I do want to make sure they have some alone time as a family too though. Since they are not morning people, I am thinking it will be best for them meet us in the parks around 12-2pm most days. I also know they will be more than happy for us to take her places without them (they are SO good about sharing her, plus they LOVE the break - so win win!). When my niece was 1.5, I spent a month with my SIL and took over primary care of my niece for about 50+% of the time (she slept with me, etc).

If you made it through this novel - thanks! I want to be fair to them - its their vacation too. That said, we are spending a LOT of money for this and honestly, I also have certain wants (ack - money DOES change things!).

 

[J'aime Paris]

A gift should not have strings attached or conditions. Yours seems to have both.

Plus your brother is going to be adding a substantial amount of money to this "offer". Park tickets, food, and airfare taxes. And you seem to want most of the decision making power.

Then you want to grab some of the TS credits so you and your DH can have more signature meals?? Not cool.

It's coming across as "since I'm paying for it" and "I have certain wants".....you're really not giving much consideration to them at all. You've gone many times you stated.

If this is unaffordable, and much tightening of the belt is happening, maybe you should consider saving for a few more years. Then you could give the trip as a true gift.

 

[elaine amj]

Thanks for your perspective - it really does help me think things through. I think it does make it more challenging that rather than just booking the rooms (or an offsite house) separately, I certainly made it more challenging for myself. Originally the plan was to pay for 2 Value rooms (or cheap offsite villa) and our niece's tickets as well as provide them the airmiles for the airfare. Food and their tickets were on them.

Then I got the free quick service dining deal and it would be so much cheaper overall for us so I got super excited. That would save all of us costs on food (although cost me a wee bit more in accommodations). And then, I had planned on inviting them to several meals of my choice and it would be their choice whether to accept or not.

After that, my DH got the news of him being cancer free and wanted to celebrate. When I found a super deal to upgrade to a 2 bedroom villa with DDP for everyone for just $2k more, he asked me to upgrade (dining is a big part of the whole Disney experience for him and he much prefers TS meals).

So yes, I have actually been thinking of the whole DDP upgrade as "ours", not theirs. But I do freely admit that sometimes I have a weird way of thinking (that's why I am asking for perspectives) and I certainly want to make this a comfortable (and harmonious) trip for my brother. My family has all agreed that we will adjust a lot of our touring plans to revolve around my brother, SIL, and niece (I did promise each of them some one-on-one time focused on what each of them want to do).

So would you recommend that we split up all credits per person per family? All our credits will be pooled so we would have to each record the credits used carefully.

Ugh - I always like to make things clear when I make an offer so that the other person can decide whether they want to accept or not. I kind of regret the upgrade now. I just made things so much more complicated

 

[J'aime Paris]

First of all, congrats on your DH being cancer free! That's huge news and a big relief for sure!!

And it's clear you adore your niece. Guide the trip planning based on her needs and the fact that your brother and SIL are willing to come so far for this.

If it were me, I'd do a separate trip. Just you and DH. Get the deluxe dining plan, linger over meals, chat, and really celebrate!
TS experiences with a 3.5 year old can be anywhere from perfect to a "full on meltdown" if they are over tired/hungry. This may not be relaxing for your DH.

2 value rooms could be perfect! The whimsy of these resorts is normally a big hit with toddlers. Having separate rooms may be good for each family as well. Your niece may have difficulty sleeping with such a change of schedule, location, food, and the pure excitement of Disney.
And the saved 2K could go toward the trip for you and DH!

 

[Tigerlulu]

Just want to chime in a little, as someone who went with family who were paying for the house and tickets. It was a frustrating trip to feel obligated to do whatever they wanted us to do. We were not equals on that trip and felt like we were at their mercy. We will not do another trip staying together with family.

I know you've paid more, was your idea, etc. But "allowing" them to spent some mornings together, etc is going to make them feel at your mercy. No matter who paid what, they are adults and should be treated equally. If they don't want to dine with you, it should be fine that they don't. Obviously you are staying together as a group, so planning should be done as equals, together.

 

[loves to dive]

First of all, congrats on your DH being cancer free! That's huge news and a big relief for sure!!

And it's clear you adore your niece. Guide the trip planning based on her needs and the fact that your brother and SIL are willing to come so far for this.

If it were me, I'd do a separate trip. Just you and DH. Get the deluxe dining plan, linger over meals, chat, and really celebrate!
TS experiences with a 3.5 year old can be anywhere from perfect to a "full on meltdown" if they are over tired/hungry. This may not be relaxing for your DH.

2 value rooms could be perfect! The whimsy of these resorts is normally a big hit with toddlers. Having separate rooms may be good for each family as well. Your niece may have difficulty sleeping with such a change of schedule, location, food, and the pure excitement of Disney.
And the saved 2K could go toward the trip for you and DH!

I agree with this solution.

 

[Tigerlulu]

And congrats to your hubs! That's awesome news!

 

[elaine amj]

Just want to chime in a little, as someone who went with family who were paying for the house and tickets. It was a frustrating trip to feel obligated to do whatever they wanted us to do. We were not equals on that trip and felt like we were at their mercy. We will not do another trip staying together with family.

I know you've paid more, was your idea, etc. But "allowing" them to spent some mornings together, etc is going to make them feel at your mercy. No matter who paid what, they are adults and should be treated equally. If they don't want to dine with you, it should be fine that they don't. Obviously you are staying together as a group, so planning should be done as equals, together.

I really really appreciate this. Especially from someone who experienced the other side. You're right. That is NOT the trip I want for them!

I am very, very glad I posted here.

We made a non-refundable deposit today. So the trip is set and the money is already earmarked for this. Done is done.

We will share all the credits and I will cover all the tips. I'm going to just let all that darned number crunching go (I am one who works off super detailed budgets and plan for every penny) and just let it go and have an amazing time with family.

I'm also glad I brought it up here before I discussed it with my DH. This way he won't even have thought of it this way and we'll both just be happy to watch our niece have an amazing time. And spend two solid weeks with my brother and SIL - I love them both and see them so very rarely (maybe half a dozen times in the past 20 years) and it will be such a joy to be together!

 

[Tigerlulu]

I really really appreciate this. Especially from someone who experienced the other side. You're right. That is NOT the trip I want for them!

I am very, very glad I posted here.

We made a non-refundable deposit today. So the trip is set and the money is already earmarked for this. Done is done.

We will share all the credits and I will cover all the tips. I'm going to just let all that darned number crunching go (I am one who works off super detailed budgets and plan for every penny) and just let it go and have an amazing time with family.

I'm also glad I brought it up here before I discussed it with my DH. This way he won't even have thought of it this way and we'll both just be happy to watch our niece have an amazing time. And spend two solid weeks with my brother and SIL - I love them both and see them so very rarely (maybe half a dozen times in the past 20 years) and it will be such a joy to be together!

You are an awesome sister for doing this for your brother and family!

 

[elaine amj]

I'll be honest - much as I love my brother and SIL, I'm doing it for my niece haha!

We are not rich and live very carefully but when we can manage it, we like to do stuff for the people we love. We churn credit cards and I spend a lot of time deal hunting and number crunching so we can travel a LOT. It feels right to share some part of that for the people we love (what's the point of having an airmiles-crazy, dealhunting sister if you can't have some perks, right?). Last time we saw them, I got them a suite in a fancy hotel with my points and sent them off for an overnight while I took care of my niece. I love being able to do stuff like that.

On a selfish note, I waited to take my kids until they were 8 and 9 for their once-in-a-lifetime trip. They had passed that magical stage. So now I get a do-over with a niece I adore!!! I know my DS13 will dote on his little cousin. But my DD will be 16 and she will totally relish being able to spend time with her. She's been asking when we are going to get to see her for over a year now.

I'm going to keep this in mind. As much as I am giving them, the true gift is their giving me their time and sharing my niece with me. I'm the winner in this one

 

[bbak30]

What a wonderful thing to do for your family! Family trips are hard and I know what you mean! I planned a trip for 11 last year and they left all of the planning to me. Everyone paid their own way, but it was a lot of pressure.
Sounds like the others have offered some good solutions. I hope you have a wonderful time and congrats on a cancer free DH!

 

[elaine amj]

My DH is so sweet!! . We have a planning-focused group chat with my brother and SIL. After I spent the afternoon squealing about how we are BOOKED, my DH (a man of few words who rarely comments on our discussions) said "Yeah! Looking forward to seeing all of you!"

This one's a keeper!

 

[elaine amj]

What a wonderful thing to do for your family! Family trips are hard and I know what you mean! I planned a trip for 11 last year and they left all of the planning to me. Everyone paid their own way, but it was a lot of pressure.
Sounds like the others have offered some good solutions. I hope you have a wonderful time and congrats on a cancer free DH!

A trip for 11 is a LOT of pressure!! This past year I have planned trips for 3 rounds of newbies. The first 2 went off super smoothly and they LOVED everything I planned for them and their trips went incredibly well. Then last month, I went on a short weekend trip with a childhood girlfriend. We hadn't traveled together since we were kids and I felt SO much pressure to make the trip perfect. She's a wing-it person and I am not. It took me about a day and a half to let it go and not to stress when things didn't go perfectly. Finally, I was able to say - do u want to sleep in? I am going to do Frozen RD because I wasn't able to get FPs. If u want to join me, u are welcome. If not, enjoy your morning. Later, after I rave about it, she asks to do it. Instead of spending an hour hitting refresh (which I did the day before), I shrug and say sure - its a 90 min line now. She then asks to go and see and again I shrug and say sure. We amble over and get in line. She looks at the people, thinks about it for a couple of mins, takes a picture, and asks to leave the line (which I knew was going to happen). It was SUCH a relief for me (and for her) once I let it all go.

Anyway, any tips or lessons learned from managing your group of 11? I am rather nervous.

How did u find out their likes and dislikes? How did u figure out your plans together? How did u manage ADRs etc?

My SIL says she is a planner. I don't think she likes having plans changed on her though (from what I recall during the wackiness and drama of wedding planning). Whereas I have about 50 different options for everything all researched to death and swirling in my head. Ack - I am enough to drive anyone crazy.

I have already told them to go ahead and tune me out when I get hyper and go into overplanning mode. My own family have no interest and just like me to tell them where to go next. As long as they enjoy their meals and do all the rides they like, they are happy (and we all know how much planning that takes!!).

I think I am going to have to be super careful not to be an annoying Disney know-it-all.

But seriously, I am DYING to discuss dining (I know - it is TEN months out!!). How do I bring this up? What would be the best way to discuss this (Especially with only text/phone)? Like everyone recommended, I want us to make the plans together.

Do I say - we have 14 credits each. Lets look over the options and agree on which ones to go to - a few credits can be set aside to do separately if we want to go to different restaurant. And each couple will have a date night at a signature (LC is a must for my DH).

 

[TwoMisfits]

A trip for 11 is a LOT of pressure!! This past year I have planned trips for 3 rounds of newbies. The first 2 went off super smoothly and they LOVED everything I planned for them and their trips went incredibly well. Then last month, I went on a short weekend trip with a childhood girlfriend. We hadn't traveled together since we were kids and I felt SO much pressure to make the trip perfect. She's a wing-it person and I am not. It took me about a day and a half to let it go and not to stress when things didn't go perfectly. Finally, I was able to say - do u want to sleep in? I am going to do Frozen RD because I wasn't able to get FPs. If u want to join me, u are welcome. If not, enjoy your morning. Later, after I rave about it, she asks to do it. Instead of spending an hour hitting refresh (which I did the day before), I shrug and say sure - its a 90 min line now. She then asks to go and see and again I shrug and say sure. We amble over and get in line. She looks at the people, thinks about it for a couple of mins, takes a picture, and asks to leave the line (which I knew was going to happen). It was SUCH a relief for me (and for her) once I let it all go.

Anyway, any tips or lessons learned from managing your group of 11? I am rather nervous.

How did u find out their likes and dislikes? How did u figure out your plans together? How did u manage ADRs etc?

My SIL says she is a planner. I don't think she likes having plans changed on her though (from what I recall during the wackiness and drama of wedding planning). Whereas I have about 50 different options for everything all researched to death and swirling in my head. Ack - I am enough to drive anyone crazy.

I have already told them to go ahead and tune me out when I get hyper and go into overplanning mode. My own family have no interest and just like me to tell them where to go next. As long as they enjoy their meals and do all the rides they like, they are happy (and we all know how much planning that takes!!).

I think I am going to have to be super careful not to be an annoying Disney know-it-all.

But seriously, I am DYING to discuss dining (I know - it is TEN months out!!). How do I bring this up? What would be the best way to discuss this (Especially with only text/phone)? Like everyone recommended, I want us to make the plans together.

Do I say - we have 14 credits each. Lets look over the options and agree on which ones to go to - a few credits can be set aside to do separately if we want to go to different restaurant. And each couple will have a date night at a signature (LC is a must for my DH).

I'd go about discussing dining a totally different way. I'd ask if they had anywhere they wanted to eat, any cuisine they had to try, and anything they absolutely hate - be it buffets, late dinners, early breakfasts, Indian food, loud restaurants, etc. If they are Disney knowledgeable, I'd ask if they had a top 3 for things they want to do (eat in a castle, eat with the characters, eat where you can see animals, etc). Then you could offer your top 3 desires. You could also ask what they think of each of you having your own date nights - if they would love that idea or not. I'd actually leave a few later vacation dining decisions completely open (or ready to cancel - these should not be your top 3 desired spots). They may get to Disney and decide there are things they hate that they didn't know they hated (eating heavy meals in the heat, having spicy foods in the heat, etc)...and nothing worse than feeling like your "locked in" to something you hate...

 

[elaine amj]

I'd go about discussing dining a totally different way. I'd ask if they had anywhere they wanted to eat, any cuisine they had to try, and anything they absolutely hate - be it buffets, late dinners, early breakfasts, Indian food, loud restaurants, etc. If they are Disney knowledgeable, I'd ask if they had a top 3 for things they want to do (eat in a castle, eat with the characters, eat where you can see animals, etc). Then you could offer your top 3 desires. You could also ask what they think of each of you having your own date nights - if they would love that idea or not. I'd actually leave a few later vacation dining decisions completely open (or ready to cancel - these should not be your top 3 desired spots). They may get to Disney and decide there are things they hate that they didn't know they hated (eating heavy meals in the heat, having spicy foods in the heat, etc)...and nothing worse than feeling like your "locked in" to something you hate...

Oh I REALLY like this!! Thank you so much!!! Would it be a good idea to send them to the Disney website or something to look through dining options to prepare before our discussion? Or is that just way too overwhelming?

We have 14 nights - so a LOT of meals to plan for.

I know they are excited about the date night idea. They don't have family where they live and rarely get to go out without the baby. And when we talked about staying onsite, they liked the idea that everyone could come and go as they pleased. I brought up that I know a vacation with a 3.5 yr old would be different and we would go at her pace. I will take my teens out in the morning/night to do what they want. I also mentioned we could take turns staying with my niece at night. My son will actually LIKE the early nights - he's usually done by 10/11 at Disney and would prefer more time to chill in the room.

Before I upgraded from QSDP, I did ask them if their DD would like so many TS meals. They said she was a typical toddler who sometimes got impatient. I gave them the option either way stressing that they knew her best and to let me know if they would like it or if it would be too much hassle. They liked the idea of a daily TS.

I'm now second-guessing myself if I should even talk about dining yet. Our 180 will be mid-February (which I have mentioned maybe once or thrice lol). Maybe I should just use the Dis as an outlet and satisfy myself with endless research and not even ask them until January. Maybe a pre-trippie will help me vent lol!

 

[kollerbear]

@elaine amj Your enthusiasm makes me happy and I'd love following a pre trip report of yours! I'm glad you decided as you did about the credits-- I see how it happened but certainly think this will be the least confusing and most gracious way to go about it. I'm sure it'll be a success. I'm like you-- I always have a bunch of options swimming in my head at Disney. Since SIL is a planner I'd give her the opportunity to be involved at the key points (180 and 60 for FP). I'd open the discussion generally (i.e. to likes and dislikes and wishes) and if they seem interested in details then suggest they check out the website at their leisure. And maybe try to keep things flexible in your heart and mind up until maybe 187 days to give lots of time for SIL to get involved without mucking up any secret hopes that may have taken root. Since they're new to Disney, I'd give them space to explore the website and menus if they wish and maybe even send them a book as a present so they can peruse and learn at their leisure. Then check back in January (if they haven't brought it up) to see what they're thinking. Their daughter has a lot of growing to do between now and then, too, so this could give them time to see how it goes. I'd also consider paying OOP for a cheap TS meal (or app with a shared entree) so you guys can do more of what you want to do-- I'm sure they'll need plenty of time to recharge together and you'll enjoy the signatures with DH. PLEASE start a pre trip!

 

[linzjane88]

We've done a few trips the past few years where I was the primary planner, and paying for accommodations as well in some cases. What I learned after the first trip was to make sure everyone knew we could make changes to the itinerary if needed.
I spent months and months trying to plan EVERY. LAST. DETAIL. to make our once in a lifetime trip with some extended family perfect. Since they had never been the planning fell on me (oh darn, right?). Unfortunately I think I stressed them out with my ADRs, Fast passes, and everything else we had scheduled. It got to where I was the tour guide in charge of our daily itinerary while everyone else (DH included!) just wanted a break and to go with the flow. In hindsight it would have been better to start the trip saying 'I have reservations at X on these days but if we need a break we can cancel the day before'. It seems like common sense but if one party is footing the bill the other can fall into a spot where they don't want to tell you they are exhausted and just want to spend tomorrow sleeping in and hitting the pool.

It sounds like you are already ahead of the game being so open to ideas and getting input from the other members of your group. Enjoy your planning!

 

[Nancyg56]

I am so glad you changed your mindset about the trip. At first it was your trip and yuour DB and family were begrudgingly added. Now it sounds liek a family vacation.

I have planned and paid for an extended family vacation, and yes...it requires a lot pf saving to manage.

I woudldo as others have suggested, ask what three top things they want to do, find out what characters are the little one's favorite, and if there is anything they want to do just as their little family.

Plan your TS meals and no holding back credits. Plan to pay the gratuity. TEll them how may snack and CS credits are earmarked for them. And then have fun!

 

[Figmentmommy]

Oh I REALLY like this!! Thank you so much!!! Would it be a good idea to send them to the Disney website or something to look through dining options to prepare before our discussion? Or is that just way too overwhelming?

We have 14 nights - so a LOT of meals to plan for.

I know they are excited about the date night idea. They don't have family where they live and rarely get to go out without the baby. And when we talked about staying onsite, they liked the idea that everyone could come and go as they pleased. I brought up that I know a vacation with a 3.5 yr old would be different and we would go at her pace. I will take my teens out in the morning/night to do what they want. I also mentioned we could take turns staying with my niece at night. My son will actually LIKE the early nights - he's usually done by 10/11 at Disney and would prefer more time to chill in the room.

Before I upgraded from QSDP, I did ask them if their DD would like so many TS meals. They said she was a typical toddler who sometimes got impatient. I gave them the option either way stressing that they knew her best and to let me know if they would like it or if it would be too much hassle. They liked the idea of a daily TS.

I'm now second-guessing myself if I should even talk about dining yet. Our 180 will be mid-February (which I have mentioned maybe once or thrice lol). Maybe I should just use the Dis as an outlet and satisfy myself with endless research and not even ask them until January. Maybe a pre-trippie will help me vent lol!

I wouldn't not talk about dining - but maybe keep it low key until early next year. Perhaps you could point your brother and sister-in-law to the All Ears menus for Disney dining and suggest they spend some time checking out the different choices available. This way when it gets closer to your 180 mark you will all have a better idea of your dining priorities - especially any must-dos! Sounds like your going to have a great trip. Enjoy!

 

[elaine amj]

I started my first pre-trippie!! http://www.disboards.com/threads/a-...d-planner-vs-newbies-an-aug-2017-ptr.3555970/

What a fabulous suggestion - I absolutely need somewhere to contain all my wacky planning. I have barely said much to my family and they are already sick of me.

Anyway, I wrote a long message to my brother and SIL just now. DB responded shortly afterwards with some heart smilies (man of few words!):

As we plan this trip together, I just want to say this again - I want ALL of us to have fun and make sure that everyone gets to enjoy the trip. And when there are differences in wants (some want to do something someone else doesn't want to do or whatever), we can easily split up and join together later. Let's give ourselves the freedom of not doing every attraction/meal together.

Plus, if I start going into hyper-planning mode - please please tell me to take a chill pill and/or tune me out. That's how DH and the kids survive LOL! e.g. SIL: I am so glad you tuned DB and I out over the airmiles discussion. And while I love planning things to the last detail. if DN wants to re-ride something 20x or if we are hot/tired, we can easily skip/change plans. Same with restaurant reservations. I know I keep talking about booking everything 6 months out. Just remember, anything can be cancelled up to 24 hours out.

And don't feel like you have to do whatever just because I want to do it. Let me know how you want to approach planning. How much logistical chatter do you want? (DH prefers me to keep it to myself and just go over the highlights). We can also wait and discuss restaurants in January and rides in May if you prefer.

I will ask if you guys can do some research though - like look over the attractions, watch the planning video, and look over the restaurant possibilities so you have an idea what you like/don't like.

MOST important - when I become a Disney know-it-all, give me a kick! This trip is for all of us - and nothing will make me happier than everyone having a happy trip. Love u all!!

Thank you ALL for talking me out of my original plans!! I would not have liked the outcome at all.