paternity tests question

[bubbleprincessmom]

Without going into alot of detail, I have a question for my fellow DISers who seem to know (or know someone who knows) just about everything under the sun. So here goes
Can a guy who isn't listed on the birth certificate hire a lawyer and force a paternity test on a baby? Against the mothers wishes?
The baby already has a "Daddy" in every sense of the word but now this "two week" stand has found the baby's mom again and is saying he is going to hire a lawyer. My son is livid (and scared he could lose his baby son) Any advice?

 

[poohandwendy]

If he is being sued for child support, and suspects he is not the father, he can (if he can convince a judge that there is reasonable evidence to suggest he may not be the father). I am assuming she was unmarried at the time.

I guess I am confused by your post. I am going to guess what you mean:

Woman and man have a fling approximately around the time she becomes pregnant, woman has a baby, the fling thinks it is his child, she is not allowing him any contact and he feels slighted? She has not held him financially responsible for the child in any way? He is just trying to cause problems or something?

Under those circumstances, the only way I think a man could do that is if he is fighting for visitation/custody of the child and she is denying him. (even then, he would have to come up with solid reasons to convince a judge) I think the name on the birth certificate would be irrelevant because the mother does not have to reveal the father (and she can certainly lie) when filing the BC.

It's a risk for the fling though, because if it is proven that he is the father he could end up having to pay child support (including back support, from the birth) and could STILL be denied access to the child, depending on the circumstances.

Weird circumstances though, because I don't know of any man who has tried to take on a child that the mother has not claimed to be his.

I guess I would need more information to understand exactly what is going on...is the fling the natural father of the baby?

Either way, it is unlikely a judge is going to remove the child from the family life he/she knows unless the child was living in an abusive situation. Worst case scenario would probably be that the fling wins visitation or partial custody (if it ends up that he is the father).

 

[campingcorgi]

Fraid so. It happened to a friend of mine. Her daughter got pregnant and the 'father' only wanted her to have an abortion. She had a baby instead--with no support or contact from him--and did not put his name on the birth certificate. After a few months his family was putting pressure on him about the baby so he sued for rights. He was granted every other weekend, two weeks at Christmas, two weeks in the summer, alternating holidays, etc., just like a divorced parent. And the back child support--he was given 6 years to make that up!

At age 5 months this baby was required by the court to be taken from her mom screaming to go with a complete stranger overnight. This child still hates to go to the father's house--will hide in the house when he comes (5 years later!).

Get a good lawyer and fight.

 

[bubbleprincessmom]

Your right it was a two week "fling" when the real couple were separated, she got back together with (yes my son) and now they have this wonderful baby that while he is hurt by her actions of the past it is his baby in every way shape and form...to see him at the hospital as he was being born and now in the two weeks as he sleeps with him on his chest at night. The "fling" is NOT listed on the BC (no one is) but is now text messaging that he is getting a lawyer. She is changing her phone number today but they are afraid he will fight for visitation, of course that than means he has to pay child support. They just don't want this person around, she didn't even know him....when your young you make some life long potentially bad choices, but you move on, sometimes they follow you though would be the lesson in this. so can the guy who "thinks" he's the dad force the test or force visitation?

 

[jel0511]

so can the guy who "thinks" he's the dad force the test or force visitation?

Yes he can, and if he is the dad, and if he wants, he will receive visitation. If he is the baby's dad, he has every right to be with his child, regardless of your son's feelings. They can't deny the "fling" a relationship with his child, regardless of how the baby was concieved, or that the baby has another father waiting. I'd hire a lawyer to protect the mother's interests, but unless this "fling" wants to give up his parental rights, your son has none and really isn't involved legally in any custody proceedings, other than being supportative to the mother.

 

[floridafam]

If the fling is the Dad then he will most likely be in a very good position to ask for visitation, etc.

Changing her phone number will probably only make the situation worse. She's only postponing what is probably going to happen anyway.

Unfortunately, the bond that's been created between the baby and your son isn't going to mean much in court.

Find a good lawyer and work through the process. Find out what the father's intentions really are.

Tell your son and his girlfriend to remain calm and level headed. I don't belive she has to allow the father visitation until it is proven he is, indeed, the father. If she can create any typ of cordial relationship between the two it will benefit everyone in the long run.

 

[Keli]

Originally posted by floridafam
Changing her phone number will probably only make the situation worse. She's only postponing what is probably going to happen anyway.

It really depends on the 'fling's' motivation whether this is true or not. If he is indeed really wanting to form a relationship with the baby and be a true father then you are right, he will overcome the difficulty of a changed phone number quickly and keep going with his plans. But if he is actually trying to get a relationship with the mom again or just wanting to cause her trouble then putting up as many roadblocks as they can might discourage him enough to get him to back off. I would try to decide what his motivations were and then chose which tactic to take.

 

[Serena]

I agree with what everyone is saying.

but I want to add something. Your son loves that child. That baby will know that, and will know that for the rest of it's life. Nothing can change that, not a judge or a biological father.

Your son's family may have to learn to live with the concequences of the actions taken back them, but how they deal with them now and in the future is most important.

 

[phillybeth]

Originally posted by bubbleprincessmom
Without going into alot of detail, I have a question for my fellow DISers who seem to know (or know someone who knows) just about everything under the sun. So here goes
Can a guy who isn't listed on the birth certificate hire a lawyer and force a paternity test on a baby? Against the mothers wishes?
The baby already has a "Daddy" in every sense of the word but now this "two week" stand has found the baby's mom again and is saying he is going to hire a lawyer. My son is livid (and scared he could lose his baby son) Any advice?

It depends on the state. Many states are changing their laws regarding paternity with the advent of DNA technology. The law used to be if a couple was married for the nine months proceeding the birth, the legal husband was the father regardless of actual DNA paternity.
You need to find an attorney is your area that is an expert on paternity issues. Although since the baby is a minor the DNA cannot be 'forced' without the mother's permission or court order.

 

[arminnie]

These things can get really ugly. I know of two instances where a married woman was having an affair with a married man and got pregnant. In each case the woman's husband thought he was the biological father (and was of course on the birth certificate).

Fast forward a few years (5 in one case) and the married biological father gets a divorce, the mother leaves the husband to go marry the biological father, and the ex-husband and his family lose all contact etc with the child.

It was devastating for the ex-husband and his family to lose a child that they had loved from birth. I think anyone who has adopted knows that blood relationships have nothing to do with that being "your child". You would like to think that this couldn't happen, but like I said I've seen it twice.

In some states being on the birth certificate would carry more weight but unfortunately it often ends up being resolved by who has the most money for legal fees.

 

[poohandwendy]

They just don't want this person around, she didn't even know him....when your young you make some life long potentially bad choices, but you move on, sometimes they follow you though would be the lesson in this. so can the guy who "thinks" he's the dad force the test or force visitation?

It's a shame they don't want this person around, but if he is the baby's father he does have the right to see his child and be involved in his life. You cannot just 'move on' unscathed from some situations no matter how young, immature and bad your choices were, that is just the brutal truth. You said it allwhen you said 'life long'...this is life long and if the fling is the father, she made that choice for herself, the child, the fling and your son (if he chooses to remain in the picture). The fling has the right to pursue this and he will if he is serious about it. And it sounds pretty likely he is the father if he is the only person she was intimate with during that time.

I don't understand why she or your son feel so strongly (livid) that this fling should have no rights to the child if she has been avoiding him and less than honest with him? Would you feel that was fair if your son was the fling? I would be concerned that my son was involved with a woman who has such issues with honesty and facing problems head-on. JMHO.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Originally posted by poohandwendy
It's a shame they don't want this person around, but if he is the baby's father he does have the right to see his child and be involved in his life. You cannot just 'move on' unscathed from some situations no matter how young, immature and bad your choices were, that is just the brutal truth. You said it allwhen you said 'life long'...this is life long and if the fling is the father, she made that choice for herself, the child, the fling and your son (if he chooses to remain in the picture). The fling has the right to pursue this and he will if he is serious about it. And it sounds pretty likely he is the father if he is the only person she was intimate with during that time.

I don't understand why she or your son feel so strongly that this fling should have no rights to the child if she has been avoiding him and less than honest with him? Would you feel that was fair if your son was the fling?

ITA

What happens when the child grows up and learns that his real father wanted to be involved but his mother and your son refused?

What about the other grandparents? How is this fair to them?

 

[Shugardrawers]

Haven't had a chance to read through all the replies so if this has been suggested forgive me. Here's what I would do in the mothers shoes. I'd have my current boyfriend (your son) take a paternity test if there's any chance that he really is the father of this child. Head the other guy off at the pass so to speak. Sounds like he already knows he may not be the bio father so there shouldn't be any suprises there and it doesn't sound like it would change his feelings about the baby if he's not. Biology doesn't make you a father (I speak from personal experience here). If tests determine he's not the father and the only other possibility is the fling I hate to say it but he does have some rights. What kind and how many would be up to a court depending on his suitability as a parent. It kind of sounds like the mother is pretty sure your son isn't the father or she would have listed him on the birth certificate. If they are ready and committed enough to one another I'd also suggest they consider getting married asap to give the child a more stable home and to present a more united front to the courts. Unfortunately, no matter how much she wants to bury the past here, unless he's an unfit parent she can run but she can't hide.

 

[KathyTX]

What a potentially heartbreaking situation...

Is it pretty certain that the "fling" is the father? If so, as others have pointed out, he truly does have the right to establish a relationship with the child.

(Try to imagine if your son were the "fling" in this situation- knowing that he had a child that the mother was trying to keep him from knowing and having access to. It would be only natural for him to want to fight for his right to share in the life of his child.)

I hope that all can come to a cooperative agreement of some sort, and build a loving extended family for this baby.

 

[swanmom]

Shugardrawers response seems very well thought-out. If your son alreadys knows about this 'interlude' and is willing to be tested first, he may get good news and avoid any possibility that this guy could persue this any further. If it's bad news, then he and your DIL can begin the tough but necessary legal preparations to protect their and the baby's interest.

 

[Maleficent13]

Just wanted to throw in a view from the "fling" side. My best friend was very briefly involved with a woman about two years ago. They dated about a month and slept together. Nine months later, he got an email from this woman's sister (who had gotten into his fling's email addy book) with a newborn pic and the words "Gee, guess who had a baby?"

He, naturally, freaked out and contacted the mother. She insisted that it wasn't his baby and he had no obligation to her. But if you count the days, it was almost 40 weeks to the day that she gave birth, and according to her she wasn't seeing anyone else at the time. He also requested a copy of the birth certificate and there was no father listed on it.

My friend was torn over what to do; if it was his baby, he wanted to do what was right by it. But he wasn't sure what that was...would it be better to go along with the mom's wishes to not see the child, or force the issue? This is something he has struggled with for almost a year now, and although he decided to do what the mother wanted, I know he worries about it on a regular basis.

Not everyone just wants to make trouble; some people really do want to do what's right. Not saying this is what happened here, but it's a possibility.

 

[DisneyDmbNut]

Is your son listed on the birth certificate??? If so, I know in Florida that means that you have accepted full paternal responsibility and the fling would have a tough row to hoe!

In anycase....you need to consult a lawyer with paternity speciality ASAP!

 

[Mary Ellen]

You also need to think of the baby in the future.

A friend of mine's sister just found out her true paternity - and she's in her 40s. She is devastated and very angry about the lies.