Party etiquette, how would you reply?

[AndreaDM]

My daughter is graduating tomorrow and we are having a smallish grad party in June, invited a total of 40 people, expect maybe 30 to come. Yesterday I get a text from a relative of my SO who we did invite, however in the text she asked if she could bring her son (age 20, still lives at home) and her daughter & sil (they are 25ish and don’t live with her). The son who lives at home, sure, whatever even though DD hardly knows him, but the daughter & sil who I’ve only met a handful of time, what the heck? The party is at a country club where we are paying per person, but even If we were doing a backyard bbq, I think it’s still rude to invite your adult children along to something that YOU were invited to. To top it off, NONE of those relatives came to my SO’s son’s grad party, so he’s annoyed for multiple reasons. All that to say, how would you respond to a text like that?

 

[Darcy03231]

"I'm sorry, we're unable to accommodate any additional guests."

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

My daughter is graduating tomorrow and we are having a smallish grad party in June, invited a total of 40 people, expect maybe 30 to come. Yesterday I get a text from a relative of my SO who we did invite, however in the text she asked if she could bring her son (age 20, still lives at home) and her daughter & sil (they are 25ish and don’t live with her). The son who lives at home, sure, whatever even though DD hardly knows him, but the daughter & sil who I’ve only met a handful of time, what the heck? The party is at a country club where we are paying per person, but even If we were doing a backyard bbq, I think it’s still rude to invite your adult children along to something that YOU were invited to. To top it off, NONE of those relatives came to my SO’s son’s grad party, so he’s annoyed for multiple reasons. All that to say, how would you respond to a text like that?

Personally, I wouldn't text reply, I would call her.
I don't have any suggestions, sorry. You could tell her your daughter made the guest list as its HER PARTY!
And figure out why the daughter +1 want to attend. These are relatives of your SO? Do you know them well, do you get along?

 

[HeatherC]

Rude? Yes. But if you can afford it, I would just take the high road and say yes. Not worth causing drama over what should be a happy occasion. I truly believe in the long run it will come back to you tenfold.

If you can’t afford it, I would just simply explain that you already had to pay for X number of people ahead of time and aren’t allowed to add people at this point in time.

Congratulations to your daughter!

 

[BadPinkTink]

"I'm sorry, we're unable to accommodate any additional guests."

exactly this, but I would be less polite. They texted you, so I would text back. Text is their chosen method of commincation with you, so use that method.

Basically a oh heck no from me. You invited who you invited, end of. And you are paying per person, so no, no plus ones, plus twos.

People need to get over this oh what will they think of me if I don't allow their plus one. Get a backbone and just don't be a doormat. Your party, you are paying, your rules, end of. Big deal if they get a hump.

 

[AndreaDM]

Personally, I wouldn't text reply, I would call her.
I don't have any suggestions, sorry. You could tell her your daughter made the guest list as its HER PARTY!
And figure out why the daughter +1 want to attend. These are relatives of your SO? Do you know them well, do you get along?

I know them, but see them MAYBE once a year, I don't know them well enough to say that I get along with them, I am pleasant to them, but have had very few exchanges.

Rude? Yes. But if you can afford it, I would just take the high road and say yes. Not worth causing drama over what should be a happy occasion. I truly believe in the long run it will come back to you tenfold.

If you can’t afford it, I would just simply explain that you already had to pay for X number of people ahead of time and aren’t allowed to add people at this point in time.

Congratulations to your daughter!

We can afford it, but my other fear is that they'll say they're coming, not show up and we still have to pay. One of my biggest pet peeves!

 

[AndreaDM]

exactly this, but I would be less polite. They texted you, so I would text back. Text is their chosen method of commincation with you, so use that method.

Basically a oh heck no from me. You invited who you invited, end of. And you are paying per person, so no, no plus ones, plus twos.

People need to get over this oh what will they think of me if I don't allow their plus one. Get a backbone and just don't be a doormat. Your party, you are paying, your rules, end of. Big deal if they get a hump.

The person who was invited, her husband is also invited but I'm assuming he's working since she didn't mention that he was coming.

 

[BadPinkTink]

The person who was invited, her husband is also invited but I'm assuming he's working since she didn't mention that he was coming.

ah ok, but again, your party , your rules, you invited the wife and the husband. It is not up to invitees to add extra people, that THEY want at a party. I'm sure you had party planning discussions and made up a guest list and invited people for a specific reason. Therefore again, just say no. This woman gets NO say in who goes to a party she is invited to, especially if the host is paying per person. So what if she gets the hump because her children are not invited. They were not invited in the first place, so why does she think she can just bully you into letting them go to the party now. Lets just call it for what it is, passive aggressive bulling and manipulation.

 

[lorimay]

Why do people put party givers on the spot like this???
Its annoying and rude.

 

[mjkacmom]

The person who was invited, her husband is also invited but I'm assuming he's working since she didn't mention that he was coming.

Does this person know the other attendees well? Maybe she asked her son to go in her husband’s place so she didn’t have to come alone, and he said only if his sibling can come because he doesn’t want to hang out with just mom for hours. She’s probably not aware of the paying per person, since so many graduation parties are more like open houses since there are so many of them.

 

[shh]

it always amazes me that people even WANT to go to parties where they have little if no connection to the actual person the celebration is held for. I can think of so many other ways I'd rather spend the day or evening than tagging along to someone's event where I barely even know the person. Heck...I sometimes wish I can gracefully get out of attending events for people I DO know. lol

 

[HopperFan]

I know them, but see them MAYBE once a year, I don't know them well enough to say that I get along with them, I am pleasant to them, but have had very few exchanges.




We can afford it, but my other fear is that they'll say they're coming, not show up and we still have to pay. One of my biggest pet peeves!

Or she didn't say anything because she assumes that you know he's coming. The woman was rude more than doubling her invited party, especially in this time where we are trying to limit our group sizes.

I would text back clearly ... "No, we can not add any guests to our party. We hope you and "Mr" can still make it, but we understand if you can not."

And in my book that person has now been removed from all further invites.

it always amazes me that people even WANT to go to parties where they have little if no connection to the actual person the celebration is held for. I can think of so many other ways I'd rather spend the day or evening than tagging along to someone's event where I barely even know the person. Heck...I sometimes wish I can gracefully get out of attending events for people I DO know. lol

So much this!!! Last thing I want to do is attend if I'm not close to the person being celebrated. I don't even enjoy these events when I know the person.

 

[shh]

Does this person know the other attendees well? Maybe she asked her son to go in her husband’s place so she didn’t have to come alone, and he said only if his sibling can come because he doesn’t want to hang out with just mom for hours. She’s probably not aware of the paying per person, since so many graduation parties are more like open houses since there are so many of them.

really good points. I'm sure she didn't want to go alone and probably figured that since the invite was for 2 to begin with, she could "sub" someone else as the +1. Then the son mucked it up by wanting someone else to tag along.

 

[AndreaDM]

Does this person know the other attendees well? Maybe she asked her son to go in her husband’s place so she didn’t have to come alone, and he said only if his sibling can come because he doesn’t want to hang out with just mom for hours. She’s probably not aware of the paying per person, since so many graduation parties are more like open houses since there are so many of them.

The original invitee's mother will be at the party, they get along well so she can't use the excuse she has no one she knows to sit with, etc.

it always amazes me that people even WANT to go to parties where they have little if no connection to the actual person the celebration is held for. I can think of so many other ways I'd rather spend the day or evening than tagging along to someone's event where I barely even know the person. Heck...I sometimes wish I can gracefully get out of attending events for people I DO know. lol

Right?? LOL, unless it's someone very close to me, I'm not wasting a perfectly good Sunday afternoon going to a grad party, even for a free meal!

 

[Karin1984]

I don't think it's a rude request. She asks something, you can say no.
Is there anything in her request that makes it a demand?

 

[AndreaDM]

really good points. I'm sure she didn't want to go alone and probably figured that since the invite was for 2 to begin with, she could "sub" someone else as the +1. Then the son mucked it up by wanting someone else to tag along.

Nah, I doubt the son even knows about it at this point, I'm guessing he wouldn't even want to go, that's why I think they'll no show.

 

[wenrob]

"I'm sorry, we're unable to accommodate any additional guests."

This. No other explanation needed.

Don’t overthink it and don’t worry about “what ifs.”

My younger brother had a ridiculous habit of wanting to invite HIS in-laws to MY get togethers. I just consistently said ‘no’ and eventually he got the message. You don’t need to agree to keep the peace or whatever. It’s rude as hell to want to invite other people to something you’re not hosting. If you allow this be prepared for them to invite themselves to everything.

 

[wenrob]

I don't think it's a rude request. She asks something, you can say no.
Is there anything in her request that makes it a demand?

Wanting to invite three other people to someone’s paid event? It’s extremely rude.

 

[Starport Seven-Five]

"I'm sorry, we're unable to accommodate any additional guests."

This. You can ad lib something about space constraints or something to soften the blow. Covid has made a convenient excuse.

For a backyard barbecue, I wouldn't care but a per plate event is different. You get your +1 and that is it.

 

[aggiedog]

We used to live in San Diego, and were visiting and staying with friends (my BFF and her dh.) Dh has two good golfing buddies there, but who didn't know our hosts at all. BFF graciously let us have a dinner party for Dh's two friends and spouses. Imagine my surprise when one couple showed up with their adult son, wife, and 2 grand kids. WTH? "Oh, we heard you had a pool here and thought the kids would like it." The wife and DIL then spent much of the afternoon snooping thru drawers and cabinets. Never mind the fact that I then had to spontaneously make dinner for twice as many people.

What people find acceptable behavior is sometimes incomprehensible.

"We can not accommodate any more guests" is perfectly acceptable. At least she asked ahead of time!