coolshannie, she's your mother and she worries. I have a worry wart mother. I am almost 48 years old and if I call her on the phone, she asks me if my doors are locked. I make a joke of it and say "No, Mom, the doors are wide open and I put up a neon sign that says
'I'm alone, I'm naked and the doors are unlocked' so the rapists will know which house to come to". If it's the middle of July and 80 degrees with 90% humidity she will ask me why I don't have a little jacket with me in case it gets chilly. It's her personality...she has always been the anxious, over-thinking sort, and I am not going to change her now.
When I was your age and living home, I did exactly what a PP suggested...when there was going to be a late night, I slept at a friend's house whose mother was less of a worrier. Then my mother had no idea what time we were going out, staying out until or anything else. Would I have liked to have had a "girlfriend" relationship with my mother? Well, maybe...but my mother wasn't built that way...still isn't. There's a lot that goes on now that I don't tell my mother, just because she is such a worrier. Sometimes she gets mad if she finds out some other way and says "Why didn't you tell me?" and I respond honestly "Because you worry too much and it drives me insane". Last year I had a TIA (mini-stroke). I did a whole neurological and cardiac work-up & didn't tell my mother until I thought I might need to have cardiac surgery...at that point I figured I had to tell her because she'd notice if I went missing for a week or so while having the surgery!
As it turned out, I didn't need surgery but the 2 weeks between when I told her and when it was determined that I didn't need surgery were hellish...every day it was "How do you feel? Do you think you should go to work? Shouldn't you just rest at home? I'll come clean your house so you don't have to" (didn't take her up on that, stupid me!
) and so forth. When it snows she worries about me driving and thinks I should call out to work... I don't like to lie to her, so I tell myself that not telling someone something is not lieing...if she directly asks me something I will answer her truthfully. But I pay for it in the aggravation of then constantly having to reassure her.
The unfortunate part is that your mother doesn't realize that by being how she is, she is actually going to push you away a bit, there will be parts of you and your life that she just won't know about.
You're are right, this really isn't that big of a deal, I do understand where my mom is coming from, it is just that sometimes It's hard to hear when I really want to do something. As far as moving out, I think that would be blowing this way out of proportion. I don't hate living here; I just disagree with what my parents say sometimes, don't we all do this? I was just curious if other parents did the same thing with giving their children a choice, but if they followed through with the choice, their parent(s) would not be very happy with them for a while. I understand I live under their roof and it is their rules; I'm not going to move out just because I disagree here and there. I don't feel as though I need to prove I am an adult to anyone. I think It's a responsible decision right now to be living at home and saving my money so I don't have years and years of student loans to pay in the future. I found the posts about being a people-pleaser and shifting the guilt to be the most helpful, as I think I am a people pleaser and when my mom is extremely worried about me doing something she does shift the guilt. Thanks again for all of the replies!
