Parents - what's your "small stuff?"

[TaraPA]

You know - "don't sweat the small stuff."

A few weeks ago my mom was taking my sons (9 & 12) to the bus & they didn't wear their coats. I told her that the battle to have them wear a coat is long over - they are big enough to know if they want to wear a coat, and if they freeze, then they have to deal with it. It was going to be 70 that day, but was still in the high 40's in the morning, & my mom was appalled that I didn't force them to put the jackets on. I told her I pick my battles & to me that was one of my "small stuff" issues. She has brought it up to me several times since then, she just can't believe I don't make them wear jackets.

So last night I dropped something off with one of my BFF's who hadn't seen my older son in awhile. DS12 has a mohawk haircut - shaved on the sides & a strip in the middle. Hair is another one of my "small stuff" issues. To me it's hair, it will grow, or can be cut. My rule is that as long as it's clean & they take care of it every day, and I get to trim it when I feel the need to trim it, they can wear it how they want. My friend emailed me last night that she couldn't believe I let him wear a mohawk, that's a sign of joining a gang, and she would never ever let her kids wear their hair like that. Um, he's 12, and we don't have gang activity (or much crime at all for that matter) in our rural area, and I was sort of offended that she said that to me. Is a mohawk really a indicator of being a gang member???

So anyway, it got me thinking - what does everyone else consider "small stuff" that others don't understand?

 

[momto3plus1angel]

I agree with both of yours, but hair has to stay a natural color.

My kids are also know to curse when something happens, stub theire toy, drop the jug of milk etc. It's about the only time they use bad words and to me they are using them in the right context so I just let it go. Now if they were to use it as an excuse to go on and on I'd stop it but a quick shi! when they drop a full milk jug on the floor when we are allready late is pretty much what I'd do too.

 

[turkeymama]

At this hour, I can only think of one thing that qualifies as my small stuff, although I can promise you I have more.

DS just turned 6 and is mildly autistic. As such, he has some sensory issues and he can't stand wearing underwear. I make him wear them to school because...well because. Outside of that, not so much. He knows where they are and if he doesn't want to wear them, I don't make him. It drives my husband nuts but he has learned to let this one go.

Also, I don't sweat the messes they make in the car. It just isn't worth the battles to have clean windows and no toys in the backseat. Also drives DH nuts so they don't like riding in his car.

 

[okeydokey]

I wish my daughter would put a little more thought into what she wears sometimes (not matching, etc) but she's always clean and decent so I don't comment.

I'm also pretty lax with diets on vacation. You want ice cream in the afternoon and a desert at dinner? Sure go ahead, it's vacation. We don't travel that often or eat out much other than traveling so we enjoy when we do.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I agree on jackets/warm clothing (unless it is truly cold enough out to be a health hazard--but they always wear them then, DD just runs warmer than the rest of us and always has) and hair.

Along with hair, I pretty much stay out of their fashion choices in general (unless they want my opinion)--so clothes, nail polish (DS wears it more than DD does), etc.. I buy most of their clothes and will just plain not spend the money if I think something is wildly overpriced, or I hate it--but if they earned their own money or got it as a gift I would have no issue.

I don't care if their rooms are messy unless we have overnight guests coming. It is their room and they have to live in it. But, it cannot be "dirty" (meaning no food crumbs, spills, etc). I have one neat freak and one who lives for messes.

 

[mom2travel]

Also, I don't sweat the messes they make in the car. It just isn't worth the battles to have clean windows and no toys in the backseat. Also drives DH nuts so they don't like riding in his car.

I wish my daughter would put a little more thought into what she wears sometimes (not matching, etc) but she's always clean and decent so I don't comment.

I'm also pretty lax with diets on vacation. You want ice cream in the afternoon and a desert at dinner? Sure go ahead, it's vacation. We don't travel that often or eat out much other than traveling so we enjoy when we do.

These are on my list too. DD and her friends eat in the car after gymnastics practice and the crumbs drive DH and DS crazy, but the girls are starving after 3-4 hour practices, and we have this thing called a vacuum...

The kids can wear whatever the want, as long as appropriate for the venue (e.g., church-appropriate attire)

We've always relaxed the food rules on vacation too, and bedtimes

I also really don't care whether they make their beds. To me it is a silly fight - most days no one is in their rooms other than immediate family (they do make their beds when friends are coming over, or generally on weekends when that is more likely).

 

[minniebeth]

Having a ball cap on in the house (not at the dinner table).
Falling asleep with the tv on (only one of my kids has a tv in their room because it doubles as a guest room).
Texting on the phone while family is together (again, not at meals).
Wearing anything but dress pants/shirt/tie to church.

These things drive my family silly, no big deal to us, bigger things to battle with in life.

 

[dawson5]

hair & jackets. I've learned like OP said, hair grows and if they get cold, they'll put a jacket on. Quite honestly, an earring wouldn't bother me either (don't tell them that, they haven't brought up that yet--thankfully).

I won't stand for pants that show their rears--holes or droop.

I have a friend whose mom said she would rather she had a tattoo than pierce her ear (high up, not the lobe). I always thought that was odd. I guess that was her "battle."

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Being dressed in the "current fashion mode."

That's pure small stuff and totally unimportant to me.

I wear basic, predictable clothing. It's clean, pressed and easy to travel with.

I find it totally ridiculous to walk into a room of so called "professional women" and have them all looking at you for the clothes you are wearing and then dismissing you.

Happened just yesterday. All the girly girls were coming into a public meeting in their silly spiked heels, tight skirts, tortured hair and painted faces and doing the kiss the air thing... (I mean, seriously- is this still high school or WHAT?) and sporting their designer whatevers.

I'm there in my pleated front trousers, pressed oxford and blazer (and of course, flats... LOL). I'd received the once over from the majority of them and was summarily dismissed... clearly!

Without going into huge detail, at the close of the meeting the majority of those women were lined up to speak with me... Uh huh. Guess my lack of current style doesn't matter so much now, does it?

So for me, that's the small stuff. All those stupid trappings of current style, current design, what's in... whocares????

I'll stick with my predictable, razor sharp creased and very wearable trousers, starched oxford, and blazer thanks.

Matters more to me what I can do for my profession than what I'm wearing.

So I would hope that some parents "small stuff "would include teaching their children how unimportant labels are... (regardless of whether fashion, product or person, eh)?

 

[XYSRUS]

Most of everyday life is "the small stuff" in my book. But, I don't tolerate lying, deception, saying cruel things about others(no matter how justified!) and not trying your hardest, those are my biggies.

 

[Acklander]

Pretty much everything is small stuff. I figure kids are who they are, and they're welcome to explore who they want to be. So stuff like clothes, haircuts are a personal choice.
It only becomes big stuff if
1) it concerns safety (and the kids know that when I say "no, it's a safety issue" that it's the end of discussion on the matter)
2) being mean - I've taught them from day one that you can be honest without being mean, and you can be who you are without being mean. Being mean to others is never tolerated and never acceptable.
3) Manners: I don't make a big deal out of it, but I don't let it go either. It will ALWAYS be pointed out.
4) Whining: No whining allowed, cause it hurts my ears.

 

[TEENEE]

Hair is the first thing that comes to mind for me. I won't allow odd colors during the school year but if they want to have blue hair in the summer I say go for it. My only thing with clothes is that I don't want to see body parts exposed that are not appropriate. Fortunately my dd is modest so her butt hanging out has never been a problem. I do ask that she dresses decent for church. If she wants to look like a slob on the weekend that fine with me. Sometimes I wonder about the things she wears to school but that's just mom taste vs teenage taste.

 

[SC Minnie]

I biggest 'small stuff' in our house is DD's room. I really don't care too much how messy it gets unless we have having people over. I do want is straightened up on the weekend. It drives DH crazy to see a messy unorganized room.

 

[daughtersrus]

My children are older now but I agree with a lot of what others have said. Clothing, hair, makeup, messy rooms... are all small stuff to me.

I have put my foot down with DD(20) about a tattoo. I know that she's old enough to get one but it's one of those "if you live in my house" rules. She wants one on her wrist that says something in Greek. (a word like hope or peace but I can't remember which one). DD is a SpEd major in college right now. I'm just afraid that if she gets this, since it won't be easy to hide it could negatively impact her ability to get a teaching job when she graduates. Some people may think that it has something to do with a gang.

 

[Arielle22]

DD16 has blue streaks in the front of her hair. They used to be purple. I have no problem with the changed colors but we have had talks that people may judge her differently due to that.

DD14 has always liked to dress colorfully and non-matching. Now that she is in high school she asks my opinions because she says I will tell her the truth. I tell her one article of unusual clothing makes her stand out but more than that makes her look like a clown.

As they get older my rules are no tatoos that you can't hide, no tramp stamps and don't complain when you choose something outside the mainstream and get odd looks.

My final rules are get a college degree and no having children until you are married and are stable/can afford them.

 

[mrsv98]

I agree with clothes. DD is almost 10 and I let her wear what she likes as long as it is appropriate for the venue. She went to school in a rather interesting combination the other day and while I secretly raised my eyebrows, I didn't say anything. If it doesn't bother her, it shouldn't bother me. The other thing is socks, she hasn't worn matching socks since kindergarten! She has become something of a legend at school and now her friends even buy her crazy socks for presents!

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

Hair is a non issue for me. The 2 little boys have mohawks, love the look teachers give me. LOL

Making their beds is also a non issue. If they sleep in wads, then so be it.

 

[SC Minnie]

The other thing is socks, she hasn't worn matching socks since kindergarten! She has become something of a legend at school and now her friends even buy her crazy socks for presents!

What is it with girls and the mismatching socks?!?!? DD refuses to wear socks that match. I don't get it. And these can be knee high striped sock with an ankle sock.

 

[iwrbnd]

Most of everyday life is "the small stuff" in my book. But, I don't tolerate lying, deception, saying cruel things about others(no matter how justified!) and not trying your hardest, those are my biggies.

Me too! But, since I have tween boys I have to add showering to that list! Can't have stinky kids!

 

[ilovejack02]

add me to the hair list, just has to be clean. I love a mohawk on little boys.. well on big "boys" too ; ) lol.

I can't believe your friend op, sign of being a gang member LMAO??!!