Parents, Stop Giving In To 'Picky Eaters'!

[jazzielady]

Each family has to do what is right for them. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would ever have a "picky" eater (I've eaten things in my travels that most of you WOULD throw up!).

However, I am also a middle school teacher, and have seen too many girls with eating disorders. Kids will eat what their bodies tell them they need.

Peer pressure can also be a very positive thing as well. Eating with her peers has convinced our older dd that some things are pretty good. Although, it's pretty bad when she prefers school-made spaghetti rather than homemade!

Nothing makes my girls happier than to go into the garden in the summer with dad and pick fresh beans, peas, and broccoli and eat it with all the dirt included!

They are healthy and active and I refuse to make food an issue with them. They will eat what they eat when they are ready to eat it.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

This is an entirely different situation.. A far cry from "Suzy will only eat mac 'n cheese.."

I understand that having a child with special needs that compound his pickiness is a different situation. My point was that if a parent says, "Suzy will only eat mac 'n cheese" there may be an underlying reason for it that is beyond the parent's control. No one should assume it just lax parenting.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Sorry if I came across too harsh to all the parents out there. I can understand some of the defensiveness. I can't imagine anyone on the DisBoards to be a BAD parent. After all, you're taking your kids to WDW, and that's one of the coolest things you can do as a family!

Every family is different, and there may be circumstances that are unique. I just think that we need to try harder as a society in general to raise our youth as properly as possible.

Have you come across anything regarding the "clean plate club" and it's correlation to obesity?


In any case--I can agree with you on the last statement.

But your original presentation was horribly judgemental to parents as a group.

 

[SaraJayne]

OP, you may be interested in reading this thread.

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2442535

 

[Tinijocaro]

I used to feel the same way before I had kids. I have four kids and only one who is mildy picky. I don't think it's due to my great parenting, I just never forced anything on my kids,and they ate what they liked, turned out they generally like most things. I certainly don't believe that "forcing your kid to eat everything you give him" will create a good eater.

Why are kids not allowed to have likes and dislikes, just like adults? Some kids have very real texture issues and can't eat certain foods

I've seen so many parents post questions on these boards like, 'my two year old only eats pancakes and cheese pizza, where can we find these at Disney?'

(Excuse me while I hoist myself on this soapbox...)
Parents who give in to their kids' 'picky' food habits are doing their kids an incredible disservice. Healthy eating habits are formed in the first few years of life, and when kids are only given 'kids foods' like fried chicken fingers and pizza, guess how they'll continue to eat as they age?

I'm sure many parents will come back at me saying, 'but my Johnny won't eat any vegetables, and I don't want him to STARVE'! Guess what, Johnny won't starve. He'll eat what you give him. And when he's older, he'll thank you for loving him enough to set standards for his well-being. You are the parent. Do your job, stay in control.

I'd love your opinions!

 

[Tink888]

Respectfully, this kind of thinking is one of the reasons why we have an obesity epidemic in this country. While not 100% true all of the time, I am basing my statement on sound evidence that kids who are raised with healthy eating habits continue these habits as adults, and we all know that healthy eating is a key component to disease prevention and overall better self-being.

Well, which are you taking exception with, picky eaters, or the foods which the parents are feeding to their kids in the threads you read?

I don't believe the two are always connected. You can have a child who is a picky eater who will only eat, for instance, carrots, whole grain pasta with tomato sauce, chicken, and apples. Those are healthy foods. It's not impossible to provide a picky eater with a balanced diet, depending on what you feed them.

I think a bigger contributor to the obesity epidemic in this country is the lack of exercise, the portion size, and the amount of as well as what they're eating.

 

[lizandjason]

You wont' like my opinion.

I used to be like you--but now I have hte unfortunate circumstance of having such a picky eater. I didn't make him that way. He sort of came that way.

I don't fret that he will starve to death--but made a vow when he was three to increase his exposure to more foods including fruits and veggies.

It will be a long haul--but given my track record with the other two--I can safely assume that he's just going to be more challenged in that area.

Case in point--my son could discern "fruit" from a "veggie" when he was an infant. You could put a bowl of mashed peaches next to a bowl of sweet potatoes--and not say a word of what was what. He'd willfully try that sweet potato (and willingly eat more of it)--but he refused that peach. He refused ALL fruit. Most bizarre thing ever. What is more, force feeding it, just meant that it would be on his forever, not eating it list.

He would try any veggie of any color without a peep. He would scowl at all fruits. He had absolutely no way of knowing which was which. Very bizarre.

At this point, our training has begun and it starts with having the options on his plate. I don't make him eat it, YET. Just getting him aclimated to their presence so that he doesn't freak.

So far so good. His Godparents this weekend--on the last meal of the weekened (they watched our kids while DH and I went ot NYC), got my son to try some broccoloi and some onion. Most impressive--but it took the whole weekend before he was even willing to taste it....and it required hot dog bribes in between.

Baby steps for my picky eater. And I am not ashamed to stand up for him. He also has speech issues as well, so no idea if there is any correlation. *I would have started many months earlier, but due to my own medical issues and food intolerances (both consumption and cooking)--it became a matter of survival for us. I was eating only donuts for 2 weeks straight at one point. I still lost way, still got sick lots and the last thing on my mind was getting my son to eat a green bean or strawberry.

However--I find it tacky to post a dis about other posters for whom you may be entirely clueless as to why their child is that way.

I used to think poorly of my sister and her only child in much the same way as you. And then my son turned out just like her.

They waited until age 4 and are doing similar things that I am doing with my son. I started sooner b/c I knew that starving wasn't a problem. IT just took them longer to come to that realization. I would have started sooner had it not been for my own personal medical issues .

What a child is able or willing to eat--isn't always due to faulty parenting.

Lisa, you sound like a wonderful mom. ALL of you sound like wonderful moms. You all are NOT the type of parent I alluded to in my first post. I think I understand parenthood, but what can you truly understand if you've never been there? I'm terrified of it, to be honest, and I have to make a decision about it soon...I'll be 31 in June...and I'm not sure whether to NOT have a baby and save my money, save my worry, and save my sanity and then risk forever regretting my decision, or to have a baby and deal with the challenges and uncertainties. It's really frightening.

 

[TwinsinCA]

People like what they like. Adults have specific tastes and so do kids. I do not believe in forcing anyone -- regardless of age-- to eat something they do not care to eat. I think telling a kid to 'eat it or go hungry' is cruel. I know *I* hate to be in that position. I won't do that to my kids. My kids are not very picky eaters. I think it has little to do with how I raised them. It is just how they *are*.


My parents tried to instill healthy habits. We always had well rounded meals. My sister *craves* vegetables. She loves them. With few exceptions I find them repulsive. We were raised by the same people but we have different tastes.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

My child has sensory issues as well...so I do cater to him, or he won't eat. Don't tell me that if he is hungry enough he will eat anything...he won't. We tried that...his wt fell from 25th perc to 0.

I think "in general' that you shouldn't cater to picky kids, but there are kids with medical issues that are the exception. I don't cater to my older DS...he eats what we eat, and isn't picky at all.

Remember the Haiti Earthquake?

One of the MD reporters--reported something interesting.

There were kids who had gone days without food. All they had were energy bars--something that a sane adult might eat if they had gone so long without food.

She said the children would rather starve b/c they couldn't get the children to eat these things. They really wanted what they knew--rice and beans.

Now, they had serious trauma--but I had read in other places that some children....who are indeed starving, may not eat something that is good for them and life saving.

I don't think my son has sensory issues... but he has gone to bed without dinner many times when I tried to force the issue. He won't starve, but children with difficulties are extremely resilient to not eat something that they are simply not comfortable with. I have no doubt that he can be "trained"--but it will require patience and time and giving him his known foods at the same time.

Like those Haitian children and very healthy energy bars.

(I don't recall the med reporters name, but she is a Dr. (like Dr Sanjay Gupta) and is a reporter for CBS.)

 

[LaraK]

One thing I've learned as a parent is that you have to pick your battles. If my kid will turn dinner into a war zone over peas, I don't care if she has unsweetened applesauce instead.

I do have kid with major food issues due to illness...the only meat we can eat in my house is pork...when we give my kid a hot dog it's because it's a specially made 100% pork hot dog on egg free, milk free buns. But you know what? He eats it. Better than a tube in his stomach to feed him.

BTW...he's also allergic to peas now. When he heard that he cheered.

 

[C.Ann]

I certainly don't believe that "forcing your kid to eat everything you give him" will create a good eater.

Nor do I - "forcing" is different than "catering".. The food was placed in front of us.. We could eat it - or not.. However, if we chose not to, mom wasn't going to hop up from the table and make something else for us..

Barring the previously mentioned medical issues, a "picky eater" would be one who sits down to a meal consisting of 5 or 6 items and insists there is nothing there that they "like"..

 

[lizandjason]

In any case--based on your posting and judgement....you have a lot to learn.[/QUOTE]

I have been respectful to you, and I request the same, please. You are taking all of this very personally and of course I didn't know your specific situation. As I said, you sound like a wonderful mom.

However, you don't know me and you don't know what my propensity for learning is or how much of it I need. YEESH! Sorry, but wow, this in addition to calling me 'tacky' makes me a bit upset.

 

[EveDallas]

I love it when people without kids tell others how to parent. Oh, well. I thought I knew it all before DS came along - now, not so much

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Lisa, you sound like a wonderful mom. ALL of you sound like wonderful moms. You all are NOT the type of parent I alluded to in my first post. I think I understand parenthood, but what can you truly understand if you've never been there? I'm terrified of it, to be honest, and I have to make a decision about it soon...I'll be 31 in June...and I'm not sure whether to NOT have a baby and save my money, save my worry, and save my sanity and then risk forever regretting my decision, or to have a baby and deal with the challenges and uncertainties. It's really frightening.

They are little humans, but not robots.

It is a decision that only you can make, but none of us truly knows what we are dealing with until that bundle of joy arrives. Then it becomes a series of trials and tribulations as we figure out what works and what won't.

We can do our best to navigate parenthood to produce our desired outcome. But there is no guarantee that you will get the outcome that you anticipated. As long as you are striving for the ideal of how you feel your children should be, that is simply all you can do.

Another side note--my oldest, her doc was a vegetarian...which became useful as she had a great disdain for meat--esp. red meat. He told us not to worry. So I didn't.

I did eventually get her to eat chicken at about age 2. BUt otherwise, I got creative in how to provide the protein without forcing her to eat something that she hated. (yes, tried that 10x rule and everything).

Long story short--she now can eat steak and likes to steal the rest of mine when she has run out.

A good parent will do what they feel is best--and sometimes it is best to not use vacation as the place to fight that battle.

 

[lizandjason]

Your opinion is invalid for a variety of reasons.

In any case--based on your posting and judgement....you have a lot to learn.

My post above was directed at these statements above; I just didn't copy the quote correctly. Just wanted to give credit where credit was due.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

In any case--based on your posting and judgement....you have a lot to learn.

I have been respectful to you, and I request the same, please. You are taking all of this very personally and of course I didn't know your specific situation. As I said, you sound like a wonderful mom.

However, you don't know me and you don't know what my propensity for learning is or how much of it I need. YEESH! Sorry, but wow, this in addition to calling me 'tacky' makes me a bit upset.

[/QUOTE]

I've adjusted my tone--

I'm answering as you posted.

Also--I didn't call you tacky, the act of posting about other dissers looking for dining assistance for their picky eaters was tacky.


ETA: why is the quoting not working right?

 

[lizandjason]

Thanks again for all of your opinions, carry on as you wish...I'm leaving the discussion. I opened up quite a can of worms and I'm kind of sorry I did it. Lesson learned...never criticize, even in general terms, a parent!

 

[mickeyboat]

Help me out...are you saying that because I'm not a parent, I'm uneducated on the subject and my opinion doesn't count? No hard feelings if this is your opinion, but I'd like to know why you think I'm wrong.

While I don't necessarily disagree with you, your opinion is really not worth a hill of beans to me. If you become a parent, I can almost guarantee that someday you will look back at this moment and laugh at yourself.

 

[MushyMushy]

In any case--based on your posting and judgement....you have a lot to learn.

I have been respectful to you, and I request the same, please. You are taking all of this very personally and of course I didn't know your specific situation. As I said, you sound like a wonderful mom.

However, you don't know me and you don't know what my propensity for learning is or how much of it I need. YEESH! Sorry, but wow, this in addition to calling me 'tacky' makes me a bit upset.[/QUOTE]

Actually you weren't very respectful. Your post made you come off as superior had a lecturing tone to it.

Maybe with a different tone you would come across a little better.

 

[busyshrew]

I admit it. My DD is a picky eater.

But her "pickyness" is not the stereotype "will only eat pizza" thing. She eats lots and lots of different foods (I am asian and DH is scots-german, so DD has eaten a much wider variety of foods than most adults do).

Here's what my DD's pickyness is like....
Don't bother serving any type of green vegetable unless it is very good quality, very fresh and not bitter at all. Lightly steamed or simple stirfry is great, but salty sauces and strong "roasted" flavors - no.
Don't bother giving DD chicken breast. Only the thigh please. And only if juicy. And DD absolutely, categorically refuses to eat chicken nuggets.
Don't bother serving carrots if they are old, and bitter. Not even with a sugary dip. (Carrots are viewed with GREAT suspicion by our girl).
Any type of fish is great. Scallops are not. Shrimp is great, but mussels and clams are not. We have not attempted lobster or crab yet - too expensive.
Brie cheese is the best, but only the french stuff. Mozzerella is great, but cheddar, not so much.
Scrambled eggs are best soft, and spread on toast. Dry and large chunks - no thanks.
Oh and the best? Up until a few months ago, food had to be "separate". You could serve green beans, and corn, and sweet potatoes, but THEY COULD NOT TOUCH EACH OTHER OR BE MIXED UP!!! (Thank goodness that phase is finally over).

See what I mean? It's picky eating all right, but it's the kind of picky eating that.... well.... I don't know exactly how to describe it. It does drive me crazy on occasion, because the typical standby child's meal (chicken nuggets, fries, carrot sticks and raw broccoli chunk) is exactly the food my daughter WILL NOT eat. But then she will turn around and eat roast cauliflower and panfried salmon with curried chickpeas the next minute.

So guess who doesn't bother with the DDP?

I do believe that children go through a phase - around 4 years to 5 or 6, where they are exerting quite a bit of "control" over their food choices, and the picky factor increases. We hung in there, kept offering a wide variety, didn't make a battle at mealtimes, and we are finally seeing the results. DD is 6 and is now *finally* starting to try new foods willingly - hallelujah!