Parents of College Freshman who are now Sophomores... UpDate 7/28/09

[mamacatnv]

I'm am very much trying to keep my mouth shut or at least to watch how and what I'm saying.

Last weekend, his GF and her mother went to see him and check out the campus. She's interetested in the school along with a handful of other schools in the state. So, he was fine last weekend since she was there. (The prior weekend (Labor Day weekend, he came home.) Now today I got a call...he wants to come home this weekend. I don't want to say no, you can't come home, but it is a school that is 4 hours away. I don't want him to get into the habit of coming home every weekend and start thinking of school as a temporary location, if you know what I mean. I want him to fit in and adjust, not put up with it until the weekend hits where he can come home. Not to mention we just don't have a gas budget that will accomodate an 8+ hour trip every weekend.

The cost of gasoline is a valid argument to prevent weekly visits. We pay for DS's gas and I know the consumption has gone up. We certainly would not condone that kind of trip on a weekly basis. Too costly
Perhaps suggest he get a part time job on the occassional weekend so he can come home some and work/stay at school others.
It's a fine line with the girlyfriends. You don't want to say too much to the point they rebel against you and you want to say enough so they realize the opportunities they might be missing because they are so absorbed with the girly. Oh I know the dilemma. I have decided that at this point, other than commenting on the gas consumption, I am saying nothing.
Also, DS has not voiced an interest in coming home for a weekend so we have not had to deal with that. He stops in, says hi, steals the brownies he somehow just knew recently came out of the oven , grabs some quarters for laundry and heads out, usually with Girly in tow.

 

[Galahad]

What is a "girly"?

The head of the counseling center at DS's college told a parent meeting during orientation week that if a long distance relationship lasts until Christmas, it has pretty good odds it will be long term.

DS's girlfriend is "back home" - meaning across town. They see each other once a week.

My High School girl friend broke my heart - breaking it off 4 days before I left for college. I thought it was horrible. It was the smartest thing she could have done.

 

[luvflorida]

As far as the boyfriend/girlfriend thing, you just can't win.

DD18 has never really had a long term boyfriend. She's had boys as friends, not necessarily boyfriends. There was one boy when she was in 8th grade that she really liked and he liked her, and they spent a lot of time together that year, but it wasn't like they ever went anywhere without parents being around. However, I digress...

Anyway, this past summer, two local newspapers ran articles (complete with awesome pics!) on my daughter's many dance achievements. I thought it was great, mostly because my daughter completed high school through an independent study program, and this was kind of a neat way for her classmates and teachers to see what she's been up to.

Well, a former classmate of DD saw the articles and contacted her. At first, I thought it was nice of him and was happy that DD had renewed a friendship from school. So, he shows up at the house a few days later. He has multiple tatoos, numerous piercings, and a multicolored mohawk. I was a bit taken aback. There were some other things (after talking to him for a bit) that didn't set too well with me. However, I know what is on the outside doesn't always match what is on the inside, and I try to keep an open mind about most things. I also knew that we were leaving within a few weeks, moving cross-country, and that DD would be attending a college 2800 miles away from this boy.

So, they saw each other for a few weeks (a couple of movies at our house, a few lunches out) and one night DD told me that this boy really liked her, and she thought she liked him. Fine. We were leaving in a few days and she would be off to college. I know they still keep in touch through texting and facebook, but they've pretty much gone their separate ways. There was one moment when DD said that he mentioned he'd always wanted to visit Arizona, and maybe he'd be out to visit, but he'd probably have to hitchhike due to lack of funds.

Fast forward two weeks into college. DD is doing very well and loves everything about college life. However, she already has a boy that is showing an interest in her. She was telling her dad and me all about this boy. He is majoring in music, same as DD, and he is in all of her music classes this semester. She said he is a very nice boy, kind of shy, but asked her the other day if she'd like to get a bite to eat after class. She said he's cute and kind of "preppy" (short hair, no tatoos or piercings) and they have a lot in common, especially their musical interests.

Then, DD tells us the other day, that this boy lives off campus in his own apartment. He's a Freshman but didn't get on campus housing. So, now we have that to worry about. I think I'd feel more comfortable knowing he's living in a dorm with other kids.

I guess my point is that there always seems to be something to worry about as far as the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. It's so hard knowing that there comes a time when we really don't have control over decisions our kids are making. We can only hope that we've spent the past 18 years raising them so that they WILL make good choices and decisions. Just keep those lines of communication open!

 

[mamacatnv]

What is a "girly"?

The bouncy blond my DS has hanging on his arm. She uses the phrase Girly and it has stuck to her

The head of the counseling center at DS's college told a parent meeting during orientation week that if a long distance relationship lasts until Christmas, it has pretty good odds it will be long term.

DS's girlfriend is "back home" - meaning across town. They see each other once a week.

My High School girl friend broke my heart - breaking it off 4 days before I left for college. I thought it was horrible. It was the smartest thing she could have done.

DS got several publications over the spring and fall and they all suggest losing the high school attachment. DS's girly is still in HS. She did dump him on his Graduation day and he spent a month being totally depressed. I figured, good, get it over with before you head off to school. Then, mid July, she is back I think she came to her senses but that is a whole nother story.
I have no idea if it will last or not. One really never knows. I met DH when I was 19, we have been married for 21 years. You never know

 

[B&Ms mom]

I just found this thread, and wanted to pipe in. Im a college senior, and reading through all this made me sad! I won't have another drop off at school . You're kids are all in for the times of there lives. It will be quite a ride of ups and downs, but man, is it one incredible ride.

If anyone has any questions at all, please don't hesitate to ask me! After 3 years of campus living, I think i've seen it all, and dealt with it all. Hell I went from hating school so much my first semester freshman year to getting accepted to a school closer to home. Decided to stay put, and now I want the past three years back cause I loved them so much!

But enough reminiscing for me...I just hope you're kids are loving school! And once again, if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask me

I have to say reading this was somewhat comforting. My son is still having a hard time adjusting to being away from home. The fact that his girlfriend (currently a Sr. in HS) broke up with him shortly after him being at school doesn't help. I remember having the same homesick feelings when I went to college MANY, MANY years ago and like you, wanted to transfer my first semester---just like my son does. I stuck it out and again like you, I'm glad I did. I still have a number of my college friends 30+ years later!! I just hope and pray my son will have the same experience.

He's says he's having a hard time getting used to the partying that goes on all too often. He's no angel but he says that these kids are "hard core partyers"!!! He wants to fit in but it's hard when you don't necessarily want to alter your values and ideals. Like I said though, he's no angel either!

In terms of studying, he says he's doing OK. Who knows? We've told him that if he really does want to transfer at the end of the semester he HAS to keep his grades up. We're not saying he should transfer, we're hoping he doesn't, but if he does, he needs to not waste this semester. Maybe that will be enough motivation for studying.

I hope my son has the same good fortune you did and finds a compatible group to hang out with. He's always been one of the more popular kids in school and so this is a BIG adjustment for him...the whole big fish-little pond thing. I hope he just keeps hanging in there!

 

[mamacatnv]

How is everyone doing? How are your kids settling in?

DS has joined a Fraternity - I have visions of Animal House dancing through my head Supposedly they are a "gentlemanly" group uh huh, we shall see!

DS and his Roomie are co-existing and DS came home for Dinner last Sunday night. Mainly because I was giving him a hard time about how much his sister missed him. I'm sure the steak dinner I used as a bargaining chip didn't hurt either.

Just wanted to check in - have a great day

 

[madge]

How is everyone doing? How are your kids settling in?

DS has joined a Fraternity - I have visions of Animal House dancing through my head Supposedly they are a "gentlemanly" group uh huh, we shall see!

DS and his Roomie are co-existing and DS came home for Dinner last Sunday night. Mainly because I was giving him a hard time about how much his sister missed him. I'm sure the steak dinner I used as a bargaining chip didn't hurt either.

Just wanted to check in - have a great day

I think DS is doing well. He has an on campus job ... one that will keep him active (intramural sports referee) and exercising. I'm glad he's got a job, but I'd hoped he would get a job where he could maybe do some homework, too. LOL. (I worked in the library and did my homework all the time)

He's taking his first road trip with friends this weekend. They're driving to another friend's house in Chattanooga, TN. I just smiled and asked if he has enough money to chip in for gas. What else is there to say? The trip may be on hold, though ... the person driving home has been in the local hospital, with a virus. Apparently, this virus is running through the girl's dorm. Many kids have been sick.

On a selfish note, I need everyone in my family (including DS) to be HEALTHY. We're going on vacation in 12 days, and I need DS to be well at college, and us healthy at home! It sounds like a yucky virus. I don't want him to be sick, vacation or not.

mamacat, is your DS joining Sigma Alpha Epsilon, by any chance?

 

[mamacatnv]

I think DS is doing well. He has an on campus job ... one that will keep him active (intramural sports referee) and exercising. I'm glad he's got a job, but I'd hoped he would get a job where he could maybe do some homework, too. LOL. (I worked in the library and did my homework all the time)

He's taking his first road trip with friends this weekend. They're driving to another friend's house in Chattanooga, TN. I just smiled and asked if he has enough money to chip in for gas. What else is there to say? The trip may be on hold, though ... the person driving home has been in the local hospital, with a virus. Apparently, this virus is running through the girl's dorm. Many kids have been sick.

On a selfish note, I need everyone in my family (including DS) to be HEALTHY. We're going on vacation in 12 days, and I need DS to be well at college, and us healthy at home! It sounds like a yucky virus. I don't want him to be sick, vacation or not.

mamacat, is your DS joining Sigma Alpha Epsilon, by any chance?

How fun, a referee! My DS is looking forward to intramural Extreme Frisbee and is currently playing flag football. He needed an outlet for all that testosterone of his. He says he "gets to get physical and trash talk, it is fun"

Close, he was asked to join Sigma Phi Epsilon - SigEp as they are referred to.

Hope and Pray all stay well. Was your DS required to get the Meningcoccal vaccine prior to living on campus?

 

[Green Tea]

Mine LOVES it! Realized today he left a month ago. He got a fantastic internship. He is really excited.

 

[Galahad]

DS is coming home for dinner Saturday night. Mostly because it was his Birthday this week and he wants his stash no doubt. He's still doing great and loving every minute of it. Hope it holds up for him. It's great to "see" him so into his life!

 

[madge]

How fun, a referee! My DS is looking forward to intramural Extreme Frisbee and is currently playing flag football. He needed an outlet for all that testosterone of his. He says he "gets to get physical and trash talk, it is fun"

Close, he was asked to join Sigma Phi Epsilon - SigEp as they are referred to.

Hope and Pray all stay well. Was your DS required to get the Meningcoccal vaccine prior to living on campus?

I had no idea about extreme frisbee until DS went away - apparently, they play all the time!

my DH was a SigEp. My dad & brother were both Sigma Alpha Epsilon .. they had a creed that says something about being a true gentleman, that's what made me think that's what your DS pledged.

DS wasn't required to get a shot, but he'll be home Columbus Day weekend, getting one then. Along with a flu shot.

 

[luvflorida]

DD has had kind of an up and down week. She called home on Tuesday and was upset about one of her music classes. She doesn't feel as though she's understanding the material as quickly as the rest of the class, and she feels most of the other kids are much more advanced than she is in this particular class. It's a piano/keyboard class, a pretty basic class, but it's for music majors (as opposed to the 101 piano class for the regular student body) so it does move at a fast clip.

She came home for dinner and talked about how she is now questioning her decision to major in music. After discussing things, she decided to remain in the class this week and see how it goes. If she truly wants to drop the class after this week (the last week to do so without it showing up on her transcript) then we're okay with it. The class is only 1 credit, so it really won't affect much. Of course, if she remains in the music program, she'll have to take the class eventually.

DD was also upset because she just isn't sure what direction to take, what to major in. She feels she isn't good enough in any one thing to pursue throughout college. This isn't new to us; she's said it all along. We urged her to enter her freshman year as an undecided major, but for some reason, she is so against it. I know she has this feeling that she HAS to know NOW what she wants to do for the rest of her life, and we keep telling her that most 18 year olds do NOT know what they want to do with the rest of their lives.

She is reconsidering the dance program, which I'm happy to hear, because she excels at dance and has always had such a passion and true talent for it. In truth, she has many talents and abilities, in the performing arts and language arts, but she is so hard on herself. I know she thinks everyone else has it all figured out and everyone is studying exactly what they're meant to study. We keep trying to tell her that the majority of college freshmen actually are undecided in their major.

I talked to her today and she is more upbeat. On the positive side, she is doing very well academically in all her other classes, and she continues to enjoy campus life.

I just wish she wouldn't worry so much about choosing a major. She should take time and explore other options that are out there. It really is okay to not know what direction or career path to follow at 18.

Does anyone else here have a freshman with similar worries?

 

[aprilvaca04]

DD has had kind of an up and down week. She called home on Tuesday and was upset about one of her music classes. She doesn't feel as though she's understanding the material as quickly as the rest of the class, and she feels most of the other kids are much more advanced than she is in this particular class. It's a piano/keyboard class, a pretty basic class, but it's for music majors (as opposed to the 101 piano class for the regular student body) so it does move at a fast clip.

She came home for dinner and talked about how she is now questioning her decision to major in music. After discussing things, she decided to remain in the class this week and see how it goes. If she truly wants to drop the class after this week (the last week to do so without it showing up on her transcript) then we're okay with it. The class is only 1 credit, so it really won't affect much. Of course, if she remains in the music program, she'll have to take the class eventually.

DD was also upset because she just isn't sure what direction to take, what to major in. She feels she isn't good enough in any one thing to pursue throughout college. This isn't new to us; she's said it all along. We urged her to enter her freshman year as an undecided major, but for some reason, she is so against it. I know she has this feeling that she HAS to know NOW what she wants to do for the rest of her life, and we keep telling her that most 18 year olds do NOT know what they want to do with the rest of their lives.

She is reconsidering the dance program, which I'm happy to hear, because she excels at dance and has always had such a passion and true talent for it. In truth, she has many talents and abilities, in the performing arts and language arts, but she is so hard on herself. I know she thinks everyone else has it all figured out and everyone is studying exactly what they're meant to study. We keep trying to tell her that the majority of college freshmen actually are undecided in their major.

I talked to her today and she is more upbeat. On the positive side, she is doing very well academically in all her other classes, and she continues to enjoy campus life.

I just wish she wouldn't worry so much about choosing a major. She should take time and explore other options that are out there. It really is okay to not know what direction or career path to follow at 18.

Does anyone else here have a freshman with similar worries?

That sounds just like my DD did last year...she was an Elemtary Ed major, 2nd semester she changed to a K-12 major with a concentration in Science and Technology thinking that she would like it better. At first she thought that she didn't make the right choice in schools, come to find out the school was fine it was the majpr she was unhappy with. This summer she changed her major and is much happier so far. It's a really hard call because if you know what you want to do it's great to get right into classes in your major but if you don't know it's more challenging. On the flip side, by taking courses in your major right away it lets them know if it's the right major for them or not. Make sense? Anyway, I keep telling my self shemay wander a bit but she will find her way(of course to wander is not cheap )

 

[luvflorida]

It's a really hard call because if you know what you want to do it's great to get right into classes in your major but if you don't know it's more challenging. On the flip side, by taking courses in your major right away it lets them know if it's the right major for them or not. Make sense? Anyway, I keep telling my self shemay wander a bit but she will find her way(of course to wander is not cheap )

Yes, it makes sense! And, I know what you mean about not being cheap. Our oldest was on the six year plan. He went from a computer science major to an art major, then back to computer science.

 

[MerryPoppins]

DS started with Zoology (which his mentor suggested that as an alternative to Pre-med). He hated it. Next was Psychology. He loved it in high school, so I think he thought it was safe to assume he'd like the classes. Then he discovered Religious Studies. So he switched to a double major between the two. Last year, he discovered that with another class or two he could have a minor in History, so he added that on too. He thinks he wants to go to seminary after college, but I guess he's covering bases. That's okay by me. Thing is, many kids just don't know exactly what they want when they start college. In fact, I know a lot of grown ups who don't know what they want to be, don't you? My mom's boyfriend must be in his 70s and he's still experimenting with different careers.

 

[mamacatnv]

DD was also upset because she just isn't sure what direction to take, what to major in. She feels she isn't good enough in any one thing to pursue throughout college. This isn't new to us; she's said it all along. We urged her to enter her freshman year as an undecided major, but for some reason, she is so against it. I know she has this feeling that she HAS to know NOW what she wants to do for the rest of her life, and we keep telling her that most 18 year olds do NOT know what they want to do with the rest of their lives.


I just wish she wouldn't worry so much about choosing a major. She should take time and explore other options that are out there. It really is okay to not know what direction or career path to follow at 18.

Does anyone else here have a freshman with similar worries?

We went through the whole self doubt with DS this summer. He stated he was having a mid life crisis at 18 He felt all this pressure to decide the rest of his life within days of his High School graduation. We talked and talked and talked. He did this to himself, it certainly wasn't coming from us. I don't care what he decides to do as long as he gets an education, that is my main criteria. I told him the only real decision he needed to make at the moment was what color of bedding he wanted for his dorm.

I started doing research along the lines of the pro's & con's of declaring a major. I started throwing statistics at him in regards to the % of kids who change majors, some early on, some late in the game and some who have several changes. I sent him articles and stories regarding college and career planning. His decision to go Undelcared is actually becomming a trend and is supported by his Univ. He vacilates between maybe teaching and being a Physical Therapist. (we hope he goes PT) but who knows what he will end up doing. So, his advisors plugged him into 2 exploratory classes that have a wide reach and can be used towards a variety of majors down the road. When people ask him his major he used to say "undecided" now he says "exploratory studies"

During Orientation we met with several depts. that we had not yet had a chance to meet with. We met a lady whose DD had just graduated from the same Univ. and is now at a Physical Therapy school in Colorado somewhere. She gave DS several department contacts and some very helpful hints as well as her name, her numbers (home, cell and office) we were impressed. Sometimes living in a small town has it's advantages. She was able to answer so many of his questions and he felt more secure in further exploring that field while still remaining undeclared.

Your DD should sit down with her advisors and the career development dept. to help her think now whether or not her selected major is really in her best interest. I think our kids are of that "I have it all figured out" mindset because they are young and stubborn and haven't relearned how to seek out guidance and ask for help.

Good luck

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

Well we dropped my DS off on Saturday. We found his room, got him checked in, helped pack his stuff up to his room, got his parking pass and left. We did meet his roommate... it's going to be interesting to say the least. He seems like a nice kid but my son is kind of a pig (but we love him anyway) . He throws dirty clothes on the floor and never puts away clean ones...his room has always been a disaster. Well the roommate has got to be OCD. I swear if I had a ruler I bet his hangers in the closet were all 1/2" apart. All of his towels were precisely placed on the shelves. He had gone over the whole room with Clorox wipes just before we got there. We did run into a couple of boys from DS's graduating class that are going to the same school. So he's been hanging out with them quite a bit. I asked him to at least try to include the roommate a little - he is from the other side of the state and bound to be a little lonely for a while.

 

[Galahad]

Well we dropped my DS off on Saturday.

Wow! Which college starts this late in the year?

 

[donac]

I was wondering the same thing. I just realized that ds has been gone for 4 weeks today. I only cried where my dh saw me once. I miss him a lot on Monday and Tuesday nights. After he finished his homework he would watch tv with me. He is a self proclaimed NERD so he loves "Big Bang Theory" unfortunately he has a class at that time on Monday nights this semester.

Parents weekend this weekend and the following weekend I think he is planning to come home since it is the first football game of the season for his old high school and he needs to see his friends from the band. He is still very tight with his band and musical friends. He knew the name of the new show before I did.

 

[mouseclick1]

Wow! Which college starts this late in the year?

I'm not sure where BriarFox's son is going, but one of my son's friends just headed off this weekend as well. He is attending the University of Chicago. I know he was getting very antsy since everyone else was already settling in, and he was still home!