Parents: How often do you get a “Break?”

[LongLiveRafiki]

We've had the occasional overnight away, usually for our anniversary or other special occasion, but our nearest relative is now 4 hrs and out of state, while all other relatives are a 12+ hr drive. We've never done anything more than just the rare night away anyway.

DH gets breaks occasionally. He travels sometimes for work and is sometimes away for weeks at a time (not exactly a ton of fun for him, but still). He's also gone away with friends a few times for up to a week, as well as goes shooting at the range fairly often. The only things I've done have been a few hrs once for a wedding, and I go shopping on Thanksgiving night and Black Friday without the kids, which I wouldn't exactly call relaxing.

My youngest is 4 and clingy so I'm not even to the stage of having a break while I pee yet.

 

[disykat]

DH and I would mostly tag team with the kids to give each other a break and then have a rare date night. We didn't really like to pay sitters so we would more likely trade babysitting with friends for an evening out without the kids. If family came to visit or we went to visit family, (we lived in a different state) we'd try to get out for a meal just the two of us - sometimes even a night or weekend. I'd say we went out for a "date" without the kids once every two months or so and for a getaway weekend every couple of years.

I'm always surprised on these threads that I don't hear about more people trading babysitting with friends and neighbors. That was the main way we went out for quite a few years. The kids always really enjoyed it and we did too. (though you have to make sure the couple is like-minded enough to agree on a few things - we always did home by bedtime dates.)

Honestly, for many years I probably would have said my favorite time without the kids was leaving DH home with them and going grocery shopping by myself in the evening!

 

[superme80]

DH and I would mostly tag team with the kids to give each other a break and then have a rare date night. We didn't really like to pay sitters so we would more likely trade babysitting with friends for an evening out without the kids. If family came to visit or we went to visit family, we'd try to get out for a meal just the two of us - sometimes even a night or weekend. I'd say we went out for a "date" without the kids once every two months or so and for a getaway weekend every couple of years.

I'm always surprised on these threads that I don't hear about more people trading babysitting with friends and neighbors. That was the main way we went out for quite a few years. The kids always really enjoyed it and we did too. (though you have to make sure the couple is like-minded enough to agree on a few things - we always did home by bedtime dates.)

Honestly, for many years I probably would have said my favorite time without the kids was leaving DH home with them and going grocery shopping by myself in the evening!

We started to, but my friend and her husband jumped state. Growing up I loved staying the weekend at my grandma's. I always felt bad when some of my friends didn't have the same relationship.

 

[wilbret]

We started to, but my friend and her husband jumped state. Growing up I loved staying the weekend at my grandma's. I always felt bad when some of my friends didn't have the same relationship.

I spent weekends with my grandparents all the time, and I have nothing but awesome memories.

 

[dyna]

Mine are all grown now, when they was growing up DH an I got sitters usually at least once or twice a week for a few hours. When the older ones was mid teens we started leaving them for weekends but I had ppl checkin on them that they didn't know about neighbors friends an family drive by at odd hours make sure the cars was all where they was supposed to be an no extras in driveway etc. By the time they was 17 an 18 I'd leave them an their baby sister home for a week or 2 while DH an I did what ever.

My parents was not their babysitter my DD's only stayed with them an handful of times growin up an DH's parents an family was out of the question.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I was about two weeks away from delivering twins on our 10th anniversary, so we didn't do anything that year, saying we'd do something the next year. So on our 11th anniversary we got a gaggle of sitters (five altogether) for our one year old twins so we could get away for a night. We took the train into NYC from Boston, one of our favorite things to do in pre-baby life. By the time we got there we were exhausted and practically falling asleep, lol. Normally in NYC we were seeing movies at midnight and getting pizza at 2am for the walk back to the hotel. Nope, dead asleep by 8pm and up at our usual time of 7am, checked out and walked back to Penn Station for the train ride home. Seemed sort of silly!

But that morning in Penn Station I saw a lady with a baby girl about our kids' age and found myself inexplicably teary. We talked about missing the kids and said from now on they come with us. Plus it was such a cluster arranging care and I felt it was a lot to ask of a lot of people. I think we had a couple of nights away over the years but mainly if we went somewhere overnight it was as a family, and no regrets there as we always had a lot of fun. But the thing was, my mother lived with us so we could get away anytime we wanted to either during the day or evening so quiet dinners out on occasion were no problem, and we were happy with that.

I can't imagine how difficult it is to not have reliable people - family, friends, paid sitters, etc. - so that parents can at least get out for a bit on occasion if they want to. Besides physically, mentally it's draining to never have any kind of break. As demanding as my job is that gave me a break sometimes as well but it felt good to go home, too.

 

[crayon3448]

My kids are 7 now. We have no family nearby. My ILs watched the kids in 2018 for a week so we could celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. The kids were supposed to go to overnight camp for a week this summer, but that was cancelled. Hopefully next year.

I only work 4 days a week usually, so I get one day to myself to run errands, but sometimes I take they day for myself to relax or I pick my husband up from work and we'll go out to lunch.

 

[kyton]

We’ve been together 31 years, married 16 and have a almost 15yo, 13yo and 10yo. My in-laws live literally next door, my parents live 1km away. We own our own business so we not only live together but work together as well.

Our kids are my parents’ youngest grandkids so they are a bit “less excited” about minding them plus my Dad has stage 4 melanoma so they have a lot going on. My in-laws have no other grandchildren so are besotted however they are 80 & 78 this year plus my FIL has advanced Parkinson’s so that also limits their involvement.

Over the years we’ve been lucky enough to have 2 two week holidays to Oahu plus 1 two week trip to mainland USA as well as countless weekends away. The chances of long trips are becoming slimmer with growing older and illnesses but on the other hand our kids are also getting older so we quite often go out for dinner or a day trip without the kids. We have rules in place plus the fact that they know in an emergency to go straight to the in-laws / or our tenants in our front house / or my parents if they are close to their house (we have a huge park in between us so the older 2 quite often ride bikes, skateboards or meet up with friends).

We have 3 sisters between us plus my two best friends are close by but we have never needed to request help from any of them.

 

[BuckeyeBama]

My wife and I made our marriage a priority throughout. We went on two vacations each year of at least one week in duration, one with and one without our children. We did not spend our money on fancy cars or other things - we spent our money on each other, investing in our relationship. We did not want to make the mistake of becoming "Mom and Dad" to one another - we wanted to constantly remind one another of the reasons that we chose to spend our lives together. It works for us.

I love my children dearly and I cannot envision a world without my wife in it. But that is because, no matter how mundane life got at times, we continually invested in our relationship. Life is never boring if you are spending it with someone that you love. And some day the children will be gone and you will have decades with only the two of you. When you get there, the fires need to still be burning.

 

[pinkxray]

We have a 15,5, and 3 year old. No family to help. Dh and I finally started going out to dinner once a month earlier this year.
Otherwise there are kids are around all the time. Young kids are up super early and older one is up late.
I do wake up at 4:50am so I can have my coffee and browse the boards before the kids wake up.

 

[Brett Wyman]

Kids are 6 and 3. Not a single day off yet. Grandparents will watch them for dinner, but no overnights.

 

[kymom99]

I guess I always wonder why young parents don’t hire a sitter. Nothing wrong with having a life but it seems like hiring someone means you don’t impose on others.
I mean no offense to anyone here. It’s just in my life the younger parents I know seem to think they can only do things if someone will take the kids for free.

 

[mjkacmom]

My parents livid in town and would take our kids overnight at least once a month (5 of them) and also babysit them at our house so we could go out. They’d take them for a few days at least once a year, and for a week once when we went on a cruise. My mom flew out to my sister’s at least once a year to watch her 3 kids so they could go away, and my sister would fly them in here and then she and her husband would head to Europe for a week every July. However, my mom was not a night owl, so we used paid sitters sometimes when we had late night plans (it was only $10 an hour then). We’d also leave the diapered ones with my parents and take the older kids away. Over the past several years it’s the kids who travel without us! Dd19 is spending the summer in lake george, and dd17 and dd17 are dying because I’m not letting them to to friends’ vacation house to to covid, which they do every summer. My mom was my daughters’ “dance mom,” (she loved it), and traveled all over the country and internationally with them.

 

[FreeTime]

We always insisted on taking at least a day or two away each year. During the lean income years, DH would tag along on my out of state work trips. Other years, we would go for a few days to Florida or Las Vegas, etc. We insisted it was a priority for us to do so as we knew eventually the kids would be on their own and we didn’t want to be staring at each other not knowing who the other was. The kids would stay with a grandparent and we would make all of the arrangements to get them there, leave money for entertainment, etc.

I suggest to everyone, find a way to do it. I know it can be hard as you will miss them or you don’t have family support. But for your mental and relationship help, find a way. Send them to sleep away camp for a weekend, trade services with a friend, if you have a teenage relative ask the grandparents if your kids and the teenager and can stay with the them - this way you know an adult is there and your kids won’t wear the grandparents out as much as the teen can do a activities with them. Enjoy your partner!

 

[Heather07438]

One thing I regret is when our son was 1-3yo and many friends used to offer to watch him for us so we could go out or get away. All of their kids were older by that point. I thought they were just trying to be nice and I didn't want to burden them. Looking back I see they really missed baby years and 100% wanted to 'borrow' my baby, lol. I should've taken them up on it!

 

[kdonnel]

We got every Friday night. The kids went to the grandparents for the night. If for some reason Friday didn’t work, we got Saturday night.

It was glorious. We got to reconnect as a couple every week and the grandparents got to bond with the kids.

 

[hereyago]

My dd is 21 now. BUT: her dd is 4 and we all live together. So right now, dd is working and I am still on furlough. So I watch dgd while dd is at work, And I usually “get away” by myself that once a week to go food shopping,lol.

 

[barkley]

my youngest is 23-i'm still waiting for a break (disabled adult child).

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

I am the grandparent. Our single parent daughter has lived with us almost entirely since our grandson was born. When she speaks of wanting some time to herself I have to turn around to do an eyeroll. LOL!!

When my kids were little, we had my parents for nights out and overnights here and there. I also had a very good friend who'd watch my kids anytime and then her daughter became our babysitter. I also had an aunt who thought of my kids as her pseudo grandkids and she watched them all the time for afternoons when I needed to get things done. I was very lucky!!!

 

[Southernmiss]

Parents can steal time for themselves to stay connected as a couple even in their own home without babysitters.

Just a making plans to go out, make plans to stay in.

Easiest, get up early or take a few minutes after the kids go to bed.

Tackle chores together, make a meal, watch a program, play a game, take a walk, if the kids are old enough and can be left for a few minutes alone

It is nice to go out, leave the house and do something together, but not a complete necessity.