Parents-do you explain to kids why you say no to something

[Tinijocaro]

Besides the obvious-don't play with matches or you might get burned or don't go near the water's edge when there is an alligator it will get you,-lol but the you say no to someone spending the night or the kid wants to be taken some where and you say no-do you explain every time why you say no?

I don't, because I am the parent dang it!!!!! but I do know people who will explain why they said no to their 12 year old, seriously?!

Often I do explain, and often I don't. Makes no sense to me to never give a reason. Often, my kids surprise me by understanding when I give them the reason. To say no for the sake of it, not my thing.

 

[Bunnyfeather]

The thing that is confusing to me about this debate is that I don't really understand the argument for NOT explaining reasons for decisions to kids. I mean, if my child is respectfully asking me a question it seems like the obvious thing to do is to answer it. If my child is disrespecting me, then the problem of the disrespect will be dealt with first, but after that if the child wants to respectfully ask me a question it still seems like the obvious thing to do is to answer it.

If I don't know, the answer is I don't know. If it's something we can look up, we'll do that together (since mine are too young to do that alone). If there is not time to discuss right now, I will promise them we can discuss later if they still want to-50/50 on whether they will still care when "later" arrives.

I am a little in shock right now, I have explained at least a million things to my children in public before and never even imagined that other adults in line at the grocery store or whatever might be judging me for doing that.

 

[NHdisneylover]

The thing that is confusing to me about this debate is that I don't really understand the argument for NOT explaining reasons for decisions to kids. I mean, if my child is respectfully asking me a question it seems like the obvious thing to do is to answer it. If my child is disrespecting me, then the problem of the disrespect will be dealt with first, but after that if the child wants to respectfully ask me a question it still seems like the obvious thing to do is to answer it.

If I don't know, the answer is I don't know. If it's something we can look up, we'll do that together (since mine are too young to do that alone). If there is not time to discuss right now, I will promise them we can discuss later if they still want to-50/50 on whether they will still care when "later" arrives.

I am a little in shock right now, I have explained at least a million things to my children in public before and never even imagined that other adults in line at the grocery store or whatever might be judging me for doing that.

I am just as confused as you are I don't care if other parents would rather not explain reasoning to their children--but I fail to understand why it is bad if some of us do so. I nearly always tell my kids the whys behind things. The rare times when I cannot do so I tell them why I cannot (it has to do with a surprise, it is not my information to share, I just feel it is too grown up if a reason for them right now, etc.). Sometimes I AM just too tired to do something--and I tell them that. It is a valid reason.

 

[DisneyFairytale]

I don't have children yet, but I think you should. You would tell an adult why you are saying no to something so why not a child.

Their very intelligent and understand everything you tell them. Less likely of a repeat issue or better yet, they will understand a lot better the reasoning for their punishment once they still go ahead and go against your instructions.

 

[Tiger926]

The thing that is confusing to me about this debate is that I don't really understand the argument for NOT explaining reasons for decisions to kids. I mean, if my child is respectfully asking me a question it seems like the obvious thing to do is to answer it. If my child is disrespecting me, then the problem of the disrespect will be dealt with first, but after that if the child wants to respectfully ask me a question it still seems like the obvious thing to do is to answer it.

If I don't know, the answer is I don't know. If it's something we can look up, we'll do that together (since mine are too young to do that alone). If there is not time to discuss right now, I will promise them we can discuss later if they still want to-50/50 on whether they will still care when "later" arrives.

I am a little in shock right now, I have explained at least a million things to my children in public before and never even imagined that other adults in line at the grocery store or whatever might be judging me for doing that.

Totally agree, Tiger

 

[princessmom29]

For me, it depends on the situation. I often explain a decision I know she isn't going to like in a sort of "this is why we have to do this" fashion. She seems to handle it better if she knows why she has to get a shot, or why we cannot go to the park today. There are fewer meltdowns if she feels like she knows what is going on. Most ofthe time if I explain that we cannot go to the park because mommy need to get the dishes done she is ok with not going. If I sasy we are not gonig and offer no reason, sometimes she will challenge it and get upset. If it is something like "clean your room" and she knows why she has to do it, but is asking as a stalling tactic, or whining about donig it, I will tell her that she knows why and we are not going to discuss it any further. I was the child that wanted to know the whys, not to be snotty but just because I wanted to understand. It drove me crazy that my parents only ever said "because i said so". I try not to do that to DD>