Parents - Do you ever feel guilty?

[sonofanarchy]

No doubt, my kids are pretty lucky. We have 3 boys (7, 7 and 13). We go on vacation every year for 2 weeks to Universal/Disney. Literally, each has been at least 1 time a year every year of their life. We go out every weekend for lunch, ice cream, and sometimes during the week as well. However, I feel bad. I look at some of the local activities that I'd like to do, and with what we pay for vacation, it doesn't leave a lot for those types of things. We take occasional weekend trips, and my boys want for nothing. But I see these zoos, amusement parks, etc, and we really don't do many of those things. I could always cut back on vacations, but we all enjoy them so much, I'd feel bad about that.

Not sure what I'm getting at exactly. Just something that was going through my mind. Wondering if I'm the only one.

 

[powellrj]

We live not far from Kings Island and I always felt bad that my kids were older and went with school before they ever went. Of course, we were taking yearly trips to Orlando, so the guilt was silly, but it was still there.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

You can't do it all.

 

[akcire]

No doubt, my kids are pretty lucky. We have 3 boys (7, 7 and 13). We go on vacation every year for 2 weeks to Universal/Disney. Literally, each has been at least 1 time a year every year of their life. We go out every weekend for lunch, ice cream, and sometimes during the week as well. However, I feel bad. I look at some of the local activities that I'd like to do, and with what we pay for vacation, it doesn't leave a lot for those types of things. We take occasional weekend trips, and my boys want for nothing. But I see these zoos, amusement parks, etc, and we really don't do many of those things. I could always cut back on vacations, but we all enjoy them so much, I'd feel bad about that.

Not sure what I'm getting at exactly. Just something that was going through my mind. Wondering if I'm the only one.

We pick one place a year and get a family membership. For whatever reason we can join the museums for a little more than $100 as a family but one individual visit is $20-24? So we pick a place and go 5-6 times a year and then pick a new place the next year

 

[jdb in AZ]

Our son gave us a bad time about not joining his friends' country club, or having the most expensive bike ever made, like his friends had. Their mom offered to sell us one of her kids' cast-off bikes, which still would have been outrageously expensive. um, no thanks. We also didn't "invest" in the most expensive athletic shoes ever made, like those his friend left behind at the beach.

Since we couldn't keep up with the Jones' lifestyle I told DS to just find friends who didn't have so much $$$$.

Now that DS is an adult with teenagers of his own, it's amazing how much his perspective has changed.

 

[wallawallakids]

Yep. Like everyday!

There just is no way to do it all. We can afford one vacation a year. That means we do not eat out during the year at home, we don't go anywhere really, except we will camp out in our tent a few weekends in the summer (which is pretty much free). We don't go to museums unless we get a free pass.

The hard thing for me is that the kids would like to do summer camps and that is out too. I always go back and forth between which is best but in the end we need that week as a family to reconnect and make those memories and I don't think that camp alone would make up for that, so I choose the trip.

We have had a lot of medical bills with our son, so that adds another hardship to our budget and we have had to skip Disney a few times. There is a lot of guilt involved in that too. But it all makes it worth it when we do get to go and I see the smile on all their faces and I can see how happy we are all together.

 

[DopeyDame]

I don't know if guilt is the right word for what I feel, but I do get what you're saying.
There's so much competition for our time and money - you simply can't do everything. I actually have a goal this summer of staying closer to home and enjoying our local community more. We have some awesome stuff right near us that I seldom appreciate because we're so busy with all sorts of other things.
It's hard to find the right balance.

But because you are TRYING to do what's best by your kids, it means you're almost certainly doing a great job.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I understand. When our children were younger we only went on vacations to cities with zoo's, science museums, art museums, that were included on our local membership. It made the vacations less expensive as admissions to those places were always included.

Then when the children were 5 and 7 we went on a large family trip to Disney. I think I caught the bug more than they did. We went to Disney quite a few times after that.

Then the big, "Mom can we do our vacation like we used to" came to light. I was caught off guard. Disney was so much "better". Yes, maybe for me, but my children wanted the small adventures we used to go on. We changed our vacations to include each type in different years.

Some times you really do need to add variety for everyone to have a good time.

Sorry you feel so bad OP. You sound like a great parent.

 

[Colleen27]

We pick one place a year and get a family membership. For whatever reason we can join the museums for a little more than $100 as a family but one individual visit is $20-24? So we pick a place and go 5-6 times a year and then pick a new place the next year

That's what we do too. As a family of 5 our break-even on a family membership most places tends to be 2 or 3 visits. Maintaining every membership at once would not only be an expense I don't want to take on but also a waste, because we live far enough from most of the local museums and attractions that we wouldn't go to all of them often enough to make the memberships worthwhile. So one year we'll have a zoo membership, then the next year join the art museum, and the next year the science center, and the next year the history museum, and during the year that we're members at any given place we'll not only explore their regular exhibits but also attend some special/seasonal events. This way we get to see the best of our area at a relatively low cost. And for us it serves a second purpose - I'm a city girl raising kids the country, and I want my kids to grow up familiar with and comfortable in the city rather than absorbing the Detroit = big, bad, scary place mindset that is prevalent among their friends and our neighbors. By making a point to have those memberships and get into the city regularly they see the good and the fun that the city has to offer, not just the stuff that is bad enough to make the evening news.

 

[Ginny Favers]

I went to Disney once when I was a kid. We go with our kids every year.

However I work so I don't get much vacation time, whereas when I was a kid I had family at the shore so I would spend ALL summer at the shore. I sometimes feel like I'm compensating for that by taking them to Disney all the time. It is a stretch to be able to afford it every year, but I'm not willing to give it up. Like you, I make sacrifices to ensure we have that vacation. There are other places and things I want to experience, but my kids would truly miss not being at Disney.

 

[kmb584]

DD and I spend 9-10 days in WDW every 6 months, 2 long weekends each summer at Hershey, and go out for lunch on Saturday afternoons. If I lived in an area that had a lot of activities for her (and/or me) I would probably cut back a bit in order to fully enjoy them but it's like a ghost town here.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

We're fortunate to have great parks, museum, science center, zoo all within 90 minutes, and all FREE (some charge for parking). And we still rarely make use of these resources. Busy, busy, busy. I always regret not taking better advantage of the local fun stuff.

 

[eliza61]

No doubt, my kids are pretty lucky. We have 3 boys (7, 7 and 13). We go on vacation every year for 2 weeks to Universal/Disney. Literally, each has been at least 1 time a year every year of their life. We go out every weekend for lunch, ice cream, and sometimes during the week as well. However, I feel bad. I look at some of the local activities that I'd like to do, and with what we pay for vacation, it doesn't leave a lot for those types of things. We take occasional weekend trips, and my boys want for nothing. But I see these zoos, amusement parks, etc, and we really don't do many of those things. I could always cut back on vacations, but we all enjoy them so much, I'd feel bad about that.

Not sure what I'm getting at exactly. Just something that was going through my mind. Wondering if I'm the only one.

LOL, op, wait until your sons turn 19 and forget to take out the garbage EVEN though the black garbage bag is in front of the door. which means they kicked it to the side to get out of the house. And then of course when you come home and ask, why he didn't put the trash out, he says and I'm not making this up. Oh, I didn't know what you wanted me to do with it!!! IT'S TRASH KNUCKLE HEAD, WHAT DO WE USUALLY DO WITH TRASH ON TRASH DAY.

Then you feel guilty for subjecting some poor girl to him.

Seriously, we do try to mix it up a little. I'm pretty lucky in that I live in a big city so especially in the summer time there are tons of things to do that are free or inexpensive but I know the feeling. I remember a few years back when one summer there was a blockbuster movie out almost every weekend. Talk about adding up. 4 tickets at 10 bucks a pop, over 8 weekends.

 

[HM]

We regret (that's the word I'd use) spending so many of our weekly vacations at Disney over the years, now that the kids are in college. There are so many places I want (and wanted) to explore with them that we just never got to. This year we did not do Disney, but drove to the Florida Keys and had a wonderful time. We're trying to decide what we can do next year together (thank god my kids still want to travel with us). If only we'd started this earlier.....

If I were you OP, I'd cut back that two week trip to a smaller trip and spend more time and money visiting new places and expanding everyone's horizons, in the future.

 

[lizabu]

I think I've come to realize you can't do it all. No one can. Even if you tick off every box on a child's wish list they will think of something new they want. Just visit whitewhine.com and read posts by entitled teenagers who got the BMW for their 16th birthday instead of the Lexus they asked for. Even the richest parents will never keep up with the never ending wish list of things and experiences.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I think it is natural to feel a little bit guilty when we can't give our children everything they may want. However, I think it is much better in the long term if they learn early that everything comes with a cost and you have to make choices about how to spend your money and prioritize based on your needs and wants and those of your family.

We pick one place a year and get a family membership. For whatever reason we can join the museums for a little more than $100 as a family but one individual visit is $20-24? So we pick a place and go 5-6 times a year and then pick a new place the next year

We do the same thing--and often the memberships are reciprocal to other places, which adds to the value. We just bought annual passes to a local theme park last week. We will spend Easter Weekend in Austria and one of the day will be spent at a theme park that is also free with our annual passes. We will also get a weekend trip to a park in Leipzig and spend a 3 day weekend in the fall at one of our favourite parks (best non Disney park for sure) in The Netherlands. Add in 7 or 8 visits to the local park and 4 or 5 to their wildlife park that is included and our cost per day per park goes down to about 4 euro and we have a ton of fun weekends to look forward to

 

[Robinrs]

LOL, op, wait until your sons turn 19 and forget to take out the garbage EVEN though the black garbage bag is in front of the door. which means they kicked it to the side to get out of the house. And then of course when you come home and ask, why he didn't put the trash out, he says and I'm not making this up. Oh, I didn't know what you wanted me to do with it!!! IT'S TRASH KNUCKLE HEAD, WHAT DO WE USUALLY DO WITH TRASH ON TRASH DAY.

Then you feel guilty for subjecting some poor girl to him.

Seriously, we do try to mix it up a little. I'm pretty lucky in that I live in a big city so especially in the summer time there are tons of things to do that are free or inexpensive but I know the feeling. I remember a few years back when one summer there was a blockbuster movie out almost every weekend. Talk about adding up. 4 tickets at 10 bucks a pop, over 8 weekends.

My son is 21 and the only thing I feel guilty about is I didn't SAVE that money I spent on all those vacations to Universal/Disney.

Why? Because it doesn't really matter WHERE you go with kids, it's that you're spending time with them. They LOVE that!

I seriously don't remember many vacations with my parents. What I do remember is the way my Dad would pack us all up in the car and just take us with him whenever he was off work. Sometimes he took us TO work and since he worked at an ice cream factory that was FUN.

At 21 my son STILL likes hanging out with his old Mom. He seriously thinks I'm FUN.. He barely remembers the trips and the details, he remembers the pools and the idea that we were together but if I asked him which hotel he'd shrug and say "holiday inn??" I think we stayed at at least 30 different hotels and vacation homes in Orlando and all he remembers is the Holiday Inn...

Don't worry, my Mom once told me that GOOD parents NEVER think they're good enough. This is what you're dealing with so you fit the description of a GOOD parent.

Heck, can I sign up to be YOUR kid???

 

[DopeyDame]

LOL, op, wait until your sons turn 19 and forget to take out the garbage EVEN though the black garbage bag is in front of the door. which means they kicked it to the side to get out of the house. And then of course when you come home and ask, why he didn't put the trash out, he says and I'm not making this up. Oh, I didn't know what you wanted me to do with it!!! IT'S TRASH KNUCKLE HEAD, WHAT DO WE USUALLY DO WITH TRASH ON TRASH DAY.

Then you feel guilty for subjecting some poor girl to him.

I am dying here. I can totally see my husband doing that. Not sure what that says about DH or maybe his mom?!

 

[rodeo65]

Our perspective has changed drastically this past year. I left work last August and came home to home school our kids. In the past we've always done one week and one long weekend per year at a northern resort, the kids have been to Disney three times and we took regular day trips to local amusement parks, zoos, museums, Marineland etc.

Life is different now and for the first time in their lives, the kids are hearing "No, we can't afford that" (a lot.) They used to hear "No, you don't need that" but not all that often and they were certainly used to regular vacations and day trips. I definitely feel guilty, but they are handling it really well. Better than I am, actually. Neither wants to go back into the system so I guess that is partly behind their acceptance, but I also think I had put too much emphasis on material things.

Having said that, shortly after this recent vacation which was paid for while I was still working, they started asking when we can go back. They both love Disney and we had a fantastic trip this year. The answer was I don't know. They're accepting it, but not sure they really believe there is nothing planned anytime soon.

 

[leebee]

I don't feel guilty because for starters, I know we haven't spent an outrageous amount on our Disney trips. We have taken a lot of Disney trips, but most were very budget trips (<$1200 for 2 for a week, for example). The other day I was figuring out that if we'd skipped half of our trips, we could have saved that money and DD could be graduating from college debt-free. She told me she doesn't really care, her college debt will amount to about $275 a month, and she'd rather have had the family trips than graduating debt free. EVERYTHING we do is about making choices, and as long as we are happy that we made the best choice at the time, it's all good.