Parents Beware: Your children share some funny stuff with their teachers

[Sonya]

My DSIL is much younger than DH. When she was in K they were going to have a program of sorts and the teacher wanted to have cookies and punch. DSIL told her "You better have beer for my bro and his wife and wine for my mom"
I'm sure the teacher hasn't forgotten that one. (and hey, we were in college at the time!)

When I was in school my dad took us on a trip to Europe. One of the few things I remembered was the topless beaches in France. My dad took a few videos "for your grandfather". So when I went back to school and the teacher asked what I saw? Did I mention the Leaning Tower, Tower of London, tulips in Holland, bridges in Venice, the Eiffel Tower? Uh no. It was the beaches of course. I even mentioned how my dad videotaped them!!!!!!!

 

[KAMKIM]

DH told our DD5 (who was 4 at the time) that he found me in a cereal box.

She told her teacher.

 

[jfoofj]

My son is in 3rd grade and they have to keep a journal that they write in each day. I was reading what he wrote the other day about how he is so tired of dealing with cat poop and puke in his room all the time. I was mortified that the teacher thinks we keep a dirty house! In reality we have a cat who has been ill and HAS vomited and pooped in my sons room, maybe 5-6 times this past week (we brought him to the vet, he is doing better). This cat favors my son and sleeps in his room, so it makes sense that if he isn't feeling well he would go there to be ill. HOWEVER, it was cleaned up and the area sprayed with Lysol immediately each time, by me, not my son... so other than screaming "MOM THE CAT IS PUKING AGAIN" I don't know how he has had to "deal" with it. Ughhhhhhhh.

 

[Feralpeg]

Well, DD came up with a good one when she was about six. She took dance lessons at a dance school in our area. Once, each semester, they had a parents watch week. The parents and other family members were invited to watch the kids practice their dances.

On this particular occasion, my sister and I went to watch DD. The teacher started the evening by asking each child to announce who they had brought with them for the evening. The kids took turns introducing their moms, dads, grandparents, etc. Then it was time for Kendall to announce her family. Very proudly, she stood up and said that she had brought her mom and her aunt. Of course, she could not leave it at that. She announced, "I didn't bring my dad. My mom doesn't know who he is." Of course, every eye was immediately on me. The teacher looked like she wanted to melt through the floor. My sister was the brightest shade of red I have ever seen. Me? I just started laughing. What else could I do?

Let me explain for those who don't already know. I've never kept it a secret. Kendall is the result of artificial insemination from a silent donor. In other words, I never met the guy. The sperm bank has the information, but I signed a paper, prior to the procedure, saying I would never attempt to learn his identity. Kendall has known this since she was very little. It never bothered her and just seemed the obvious thing to tell everyone. It was hysterical!

 

[barkley]

we always dreaded when the teachers would ask the kids if they knew how their parents met because dd or ds would inevitably say-"oh yeah, first dad arrested mom and then she talked him into getting on welfare with her"

(dh and i met doing a play in college in which he played a cop who arrested me. after we started dating i convinced him to come to work at the welfare department with me).

it's total payback from when i was a kid and told my teacher that my parents met in a bar and dad proposed to mom in bed. technicaly they did meet in a bar-dad was a bartender, but the proposal involved my dad being injured in ww2 and his proposing to my mother when she came to visit him in the v.a. hospital.

 

[PebblesMK]

Oy...here's a few of my stories from my crazy but loveable daughter who will be 9 soon.

When she was in preschool, I took her to school one day and she walked into the classroom, sat down with a giant sigh, put her head down on her arms. Her teacher asked what was wrong. With big sad eyes, she looked up and said "My mom pushed me down the stairs this morning, and then she ran down and started kicking me while I was laying on the ground". The teacher looked horrified and I was horrified and kept saying "what????", finally she got perky and said, "I'm just kidding....I just wanted to see what you would say!!" She then skipped off.

Another time, I went to pick her up and I always played with the kids. The kids were really intrigued about the "earring in my tongue" and would want me to stick out my tongue so they could see. Well, on this day I'm showing the kids my tongue and the entire preschool class was in the room along with the 4 teachers and principal (at a somewhat strict christian school mind you)....and what does my wonderful daughter do, she says "You think thats neat!!!! She has her ****ies pierced!!!" And proceeded to try to lift up my shirt to show everybody. Talk about mortified. I left rather quickly.

Oh, she also used to tell me that Grandma tried to bake her in the oven when she was naughty. She said it was to hide the evidence. Weird child.

 

[KAMKIM]

Well, DD came up with a good one when she was about six. She took dance lessons at a dance school in our area. Once, each semester, they had a parents watch week. The parents and other family members were invited to watch the kids practice their dances.

On this particular occasion, my sister and I went to watch DD. The teacher started the evening by asking each child to announce who they had brought with them for the evening. The kids took turns introducing their moms, dads, grandparents, etc. Then it was time for Kendall to announce her family. Very proudly, she stood up and said that she had brought her mom and her aunt. Of course, she could not leave it at that. She announced, "I didn't bring my dad. My mom doesn't know who he is." Of course, every eye was immediately on me. The teacher looked like she wanted to melt through the floor. My sister was the brightest shade of red I have ever seen. Me? I just started laughing. What else could I do?

Let me explain for those who don't already know. I've never kept it a secret. Kendall is the result of artificial insemination from a silent donor. In other words, I never met the guy. The sperm bank has the information, but I signed a paper, prior to the procedure, saying I would never attempt to learn his identity. Kendall has known this since she was very little. It never bothered her and just seemed the obvious thing to tell everyone. It was hysterical!

That is great - reminds me of a time I took DD5 to the hospital and the nurse asked her to take her boots off so she could weigh her, DD said but my feet smell, I told the nurse I swear I gave that child a bath yesterday...The nurse says dont feel bad one time my daughter told her teacher she has 7 fathers.

 

[HannaBelle]

Oh my! These are great.

In our school district, the 1st report card of the year is handed out at a parent teacher conference. Well…when DD was in 1st grade, DH and I excitedly went to the conference. Everything was going great until her teacher pulls out a drawing DD had done.

She had drawn a closed door and written sentence along the lines of “Daddy keeps Mommy locked in the bedroom.”

I about died…unfortunately, it was 100% true!

I had contracted bacterial pneumonia a few weeks earlier and had to be quarantined for 4 days. I begged not to be put into the hospital and was allowed to stay home. I stayed in my room, only DH came in to bring me meals/drinks. The kids were not even allowed to open the door…they just had to talk to me from the hallway.

I was very surprised the teacher showed it to us! I would not have had the guts. She said she just had to know the story behind the drawing.

 

[disykat]

I love this thread! Where were you all last week on the thread where people were basically advising "tell your child that kids who make up stories are liars and we don't do that in our family." One poster even advised "tell your child the other kids are missing something in their lives and are compensating by lying." (Obviously I'm putting my own words in the quotes, but that was the gist of it.)

I'm not kidding, it was a thread about how to deal with all the "lies" other kids tell.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

How about this one. Not my child though.
" My Mommy calls my daddy big Daddy. When he comes out of the shower wrapped in a towel.

OHMGOD... the para she told it to was like. OK don't want to hear anymore private Mommy and Daddy stuff!

 

[Danauk]

Having taught 7 - 11 year olds for the past 12 years I have heard some good stories. Highlights included when the children were writing a biography, one child choose to write it about her mum. They had to do some research as homework before writing the piece in class. She wrote all about how mer mum had given birth to her when she was 16 and had run away from home so her parents would not find out. Turns out mum gave birth to her ages 26, 2 years after her wedding to the childs father!!

One year we had just returned from the christmas break and the children were doing a piece of writing about their christmas day. One girl spent 2 paragraphs writing about how they were driving to her sisters house in the next town and her dad got pulled over by the police for speeding. She even included (using correct punctuation so she got a good grade!!) the conversation between her mum and dad in the car afterwards!!

My final one is more of what a child brought in rather than a story told. All the childrens bags were on the pegs in the classroom and my assistant heard a buzzing sound coming from one of the bags so she went to investigate. A child had brought in, how shall I put it? In the words of the child, his mums favourite toy (of a rather adult nature!!) I went to tell the head teacher what we had found, then we all had to decide who was going to phone mum to tell her and ask her to come to school to collect it! We decided the head teacher had to make the call. Mum's response? I'll check to see if any are missing!!

 

[Hollywoodhaha]

Having taught 7 - 11 year olds for the past 12 years I have heard some good stories. Highlights included when the children were writing a biography, one child choose to write it about her mum. They had to do some research as homework before writing the piece in class. She wrote all about how mer mum had given birth to her when she was 16 and had run away from home so her parents would not find out. Turns out mum gave birth to her ages 26, 2 years after her wedding to the childs father!!

One year we had just returned from the christmas break and the children were doing a piece of writing about their christmas day. One girl spent 2 paragraphs writing about how they were driving to her sisters house in the next town and her dad got pulled over by the police for speeding. She even included (using correct punctuation so she got a good grade!!) the conversation between her mum and dad in the car afterwards!!

My final one is more of what a child brought in rather than a story told. All the childrens bags were on the pegs in the classroom and my assistant heard a buzzing sound coming from one of the bags so she went to investigate. A child had brought in, how shall I put it? In the words of the child, his mums favourite toy (of a rather adult nature!!) I went to tell the head teacher what we had found, then we all had to decide who was going to phone mum to tell her and ask her to come to school to collect it! We decided the head teacher had to make the call. Mum's response? I'll check to see if any are missing!!

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

OMG, these stories are hilarious! Thanks for the laugh.

 

[ctinct]

I'm not sure if this is true or one of those stories that just gets retold over and over, but when my kids were little, the principal at their elementary school told the following story: She said she called a student's home one time and asked if mom was home. The student said yes. The principal asked if she could speak with mom. The child said, "No, she's in the shower."

Principal: Well, is dad home?
Student: Yes.
Principal: May I speak with him?
Child: No, he's in the shower with mommy.

 

[disykat]

I'm not sure if this is true or one of those stories that just gets retold over and over, but when my kids were little, the principal at their elementary school told the following story: She said she called a student's home one time and asked if mom was home. The student said yes. The principal asked if she could speak with mom. The child said, "No, she's in the shower."

Principal: Well, is dad home?
Student: Yes.
Principal: May I speak with him?
Child: No, he's in the shower with mommy.

I think that story just happens over and over! My dad got that response from a child one day when he called the minister. My dad thought it was hilarious.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

They tell us busdrivers the same kinds of stories also. LOL! I have heard it all.

 

[bumbershoot]

I remember as a child my dad told me how when he was a cowboy he used to ride the range playing his guitar. One day some coyotes attatcked him so he beat them off with the guitar and left the broken guitar there. The next week he was riding along by the same place and saw the coyotes up on the hill. They had fixed the guitar and were playing it. Of course it was the gospel truth. My dad said it was, so I went to school and told my 1st grade teacher all about it. She thought it was pretty funny as she told my mom.

If he talked about jackelopes walking by as the coyotes played his guitar...then we might have the same father.

 

[mbswats]

I just want to say THANKS for this thread. I had such a crummy day at work and now I am sitting here on the back porch laughing I rarely post, but the Dis is great!

 

[locolala]

I told my K teacher that I was a werewolf (this was right around Halloween time). My teacher said something along the lines of "that's nice, Lauren, please don't bite anybody".

 

[okeydokey]

Well, DD came up with a good one when she was about six. She took dance lessons at a dance school in our area. Once, each semester, they had a parents watch week. The parents and other family members were invited to watch the kids practice their dances.

On this particular occasion, my sister and I went to watch DD. The teacher started the evening by asking each child to announce who they had brought with them for the evening. The kids took turns introducing their moms, dads, grandparents, etc. Then it was time for Kendall to announce her family. Very proudly, she stood up and said that she had brought her mom and her aunt. Of course, she could not leave it at that. She announced, "I didn't bring my dad. My mom doesn't know who he is." Of course, every eye was immediately on me. The teacher looked like she wanted to melt through the floor. My sister was the brightest shade of red I have ever seen. Me? I just started laughing. What else could I do?

Let me explain for those who don't already know. I've never kept it a secret. Kendall is the result of artificial insemination from a silent donor. In other words, I never met the guy. The sperm bank has the information, but I signed a paper, prior to the procedure, saying I would never attempt to learn his identity. Kendall has known this since she was very little. It never bothered her and just seemed the obvious thing to tell everyone. It was hysterical!

This is a great story!!