Parents...........advice needed on situation

[npmommie]

so last evening my ds and one of his friends were playing with their dsi's at gymnastics ( the other kid also has a sister on the team, we were all there during practice).
I thought they were playing a game together, I could see his friend touching my kid's dsi screen with the pen thing.
just thought they were doing a game.
so a few minutes later, I go over there to collect my ds because we are going to the market to pick up some things, and I see he is in the parental controls area.

I have the parental controls on it with a password, so he can't randomly pic chat, or do anything else without me checking it out ( like buy something )

so my ds ( who is 7 btw, and his friend is 9 )........turns out knew my pin code, put the pin code in, and he and the friend were trying to be able to send flipnotes back and forth to each other, but, the friend in all that tapping managed to reset my ds's DSi and everything saved is gone.
I posted about the pictures being gone, I didn't want to get into it on that thread.

anyway, my ds was very upset that all his sounds, and flipnotes etc were deleted, I was upset he put my pin code in without asking me about what he was doing.
neither knew what they were doing and the deletion occurred.
my ds knows if a prompt for a pass code comes up he needs to ask me for whatever it is he wants to do, and he always does, this is the first time he didn't, and I think its because of the friend, I don't know if the friend was just trying to help and it was an honest mistake,

I am annoyed at my kid for putting in my code, when he knew he shouldn't and I feel he got his punishment by losing his stuff on the dsi.

I feel bad though.
and I am also annoyed at the friend who is actually the one who was tapping and got the dsi to the point of deleting things.
I think ( pretty sure ) this was an honest mistake, but I did say something to the friend about asking if you don't know how to do something.

the mom ( who I am very friendly with was gone at the point we discovered everything was deleted, we only thought it was the flipnotes at first) anyway, she went off to work.
she spoke to her kid too about the parental control thing and not to try to go around them.

so I am still feeling annoyed at the fact that they tried to circumvent something I specifically put a no to.

the whole thing would have been avoided if my kid had come over and said, I want to send a flipnote but the dsi won't let me, can you help? and yes I would have.
but he instead chose to follow along with this kid and the kid deleted his stuff.

think he got his punishment by losing his dsi saved stuff?
am I making a big deal out of a nothing situation? kids do these things?
talk to me dis parents

oh I forgot to say, yes I changed my passcode

 

[SC Minnie]

You aren't making a big deal out of the situation but I think he got his punishment. He is living with the consequences.

 

[ilovemk76]

IMHO he got his punishment when he lost all of his stuff.

I see it as something that most kids would do.

At this point I would let it go.

 

[mickeyboat]

I think I would go a step further and take away the DS for a certain period of time. Yes losing his stuff was the natural consequence of messing around when he didn't know what he was doing.

But he also "disobeyed" you in a round about way by putting in the passcode when he knew he should not have done it. He exceeded the boundaries you set for him for using the electronics. In the future you will have cell phones, emails and Facebook pages to worry about, and he needs to understand that even though he has access to those things, YOU are the one in charge of setting the limits. And if he exceeds the limits, he will not be allowed to use the technology.

 

[allison443]

I might be way off base, because I have no idea about DSi, so I don't know what the things are he deleted.

But if I had parental controls on something, and my kid knew that's what they were, and he tried to get around them, I would take the DSi away for a week or whatever seemed appropriate. My kid would be bringing a book to the next gymnastics practice.

I assume you have a reason for the parental controls, and that you hadn't given him your pincode so he could remove them whenever he wanted, right? Plus you were sitting right there so he could have asked you?

Losing his saved information is the consequence of what he and his friend did. Taking away the DSi for a week would be the punishment for going around the parental controls.

 

[JessicaR]

Its a lesson learned. 7 year olds shouldnt have the passcode. They're kids and did what kids do. It hurt him by losing his stuff that would be punishment enough.

 

[Arielle22]

When my older daughter was 15 (about 2 years ago) she figured out the password DH used on her laptop. She then went in and changed the password and the parental controls.

DH told her he was impressed at what she did (he is an IT admin) but she was wrong and he was taking the laptop from her for a week. He also changed the passwords on all the computers and shut off the Internet while we were at work.

 

[npmommie]

I might be way off base, because I have no idea about DSi, so I don't know what the things are he deleted.

But if I had parental controls on something, and my kid knew that's what they were, and he tried to get around them, I would take the DSi away for a week or whatever seemed appropriate. My kid would be bringing a book to the next gymnastics practice.

I assume you have a reason for the parental controls, and that you hadn't given him your pincode so he could remove them whenever he wanted, right? Plus you were sitting right there so he could have asked you?

Losing his saved information is the consequence of what he and his friend did. Taking away the DSi for a week would be the punishment for going around the parental controls.

he had 400 pictures in there, random things, pics of the pets, himself doing funny things with the pics ( they can manipulate them ), etc,
they also have sounds they manipulate and do funny things with, so he had his sounds, I don't know how many,

and his flipnote studio game ( it was free download ) so all his creations were deleted.

the friend is the one who actually hit the button that deleted, he thought he was setting it up to send flipnotes, but that annoyes me too, because
1. my kid should have asked me, I was right there across the room
2. that other kid should not have been hitting buttons on his dsi
3. they both should have asked me about why they couldn't set it up for flipnote sending.

I have the controls on it, so he can't pic chat, send things to anyone without me knowing who he sends it to, and so he can't download games without me seeing what they are.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I think I would go a step further and take away the DS for a certain period of time. Yes losing his stuff was the natural consequence of messing around when he didn't know what he was doing..

I agree. A random technology fluke and/or incompetence on the part of the friend do snot equal punishment. If I caught my kids bypassing a parental control that I turned on, the DSi would be gone for some time.

 

[npmommie]

I am going to see the mom tomorrow ( the friends mom) should I say something to her also, since he is guilty in this too, I think he needs to understand not to go around the parent controls.

yes my kid put the code in, but friend is a bit older ( 9) and I think he knew a parent control was on there too.
his mom told me she has no parent controls on his dsi.


I did say a little to him, but like I said his mom was gone off to work by that time that we discovered that everthing was deleted.

 

[Liberty Belle]

so last evening my ds and one of his friends were playing with their dsi's at gymnastics ( the other kid also has a sister on the team, we were all there during practice).
I thought they were playing a game together, I could see his friend touching my kid's dsi screen with the pen thing.
just thought they were doing a game.
so a few minutes later, I go over there to collect my ds because we are going to the market to pick up some things, and I see he is in the parental controls area.

I have the parental controls on it with a password, so he can't randomly pic chat, or do anything else without me checking it out ( like buy something )

so my ds ( who is 7 btw, and his friend is 9 )........turns out knew my pin code, put the pin code in, and he and the friend were trying to be able to send flipnotes back and forth to each other, but, the friend in all that tapping managed to reset my ds's DSi and everything saved is gone.
I posted about the pictures being gone, I didn't want to get into it on that thread.

anyway, my ds was very upset that all his sounds, and flipnotes etc were deleted, I was upset he put my pin code in without asking me about what he was doing.
neither knew what they were doing and the deletion occurred.
my ds knows if a prompt for a pass code comes up he needs to ask me for whatever it is he wants to do, and he always does, this is the first time he didn't, and I think its because of the friend, I don't know if the friend was just trying to help and it was an honest mistake,

I am annoyed at my kid for putting in my code, when he knew he shouldn't and I feel he got his punishment by losing his stuff on the dsi.

I feel bad though.
and I am also annoyed at the friend who is actually the one who was tapping and got the dsi to the point of deleting things.
I think ( pretty sure ) this was an honest mistake, but I did say something to the friend about asking if you don't know how to do something.

the mom ( who I am very friendly with was gone at the point we discovered everything was deleted, we only thought it was the flipnotes at first) anyway, she went off to work.
she spoke to her kid too about the parental control thing and not to try to go around them.

so I am still feeling annoyed at the fact that they tried to circumvent something I specifically put a no to.

the whole thing would have been avoided if my kid had come over and said, I want to send a flipnote but the dsi won't let me, can you help? and yes I would have.
but he instead chose to follow along with this kid and the kid deleted his stuff.

think he got his punishment by losing his dsi saved stuff?
am I making a big deal out of a nothing situation? kids do these things?
talk to me dis parents

oh I forgot to say, yes I changed my passcode

I think he got his punishment naturally. I would have just told him that I was sorry that happened, but he should not have tried to put in the code, that is if he understood what it was for.

ETA: I would say nothing to the other child's mom.

 

[mickeyboat]

I am going to see the mom tomorrow ( the friends mom) should I say something to her also, since he is guilty in this too, I think he needs to understand not to go around the parent controls.

yes my kid put the code in, but friend is a bit older ( 9) and I think he knew a parent control was on there too.
his mom told me she has no parent controls on his dsi.


I did say a little to him, but like I said his mom was gone off to work by that time that we discovered that everthing was deleted.

Unless you are very friendly with the mom, I would not say anything to her.

Your son was ultimately responsible to know that he is not allowed to go around the controls, no matter who is telling him to do it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would probably not take away the DSi. Playing on the "naked system" is a nice burn for his actions, (speaking as a gamer.)

Hopefully it is a lesson learned for you and him. And I would tell DS if he goes around the parental controls again, I would be taking the DSi away for a long time.

I would say nothing to the mom.

 

[npmommie]

I agree. A random technology fluke and/or incompetence on the part of the friend do snot equal punishment. If I caught my kids bypassing a parental control that I turned on, the DSi would be gone for some time.

I was tempted to take it away, he was in tears about losing his stuff, so I then felt bad for him, but I didn't express that.
I probably sounded cold hearted, but I told him "you learned a lesson in all of this, by putting my code in"
he knew he shouldn't have. and he did anyway because he was with his friend, and I think that bugs me so much.

I did tell him he is not allowed to bring it to the gym anymore.
I am leaning toward taking it completely for a few days though.
uggh.

 

[npmommie]

Unless you are very friendly with the mom, I would not say anything to her.

Your son was ultimately responsible to know that he is not allowed to go around the controls, no matter who is telling him to do it.

I am very friendly with the mom, but yes I agree my ds was the one who put in the code ultimately making the other kid able to hit that dreaded button.

I would probably not take away the DSi. Playing on the "naked system" is a nice burn for his actions, (speaking as a gamer.)

Hopefully it is a lesson learned for you and him. And I would tell DS if he goes around the parental controls again, I would be taking the DSi away for a long time.

I would say nothing to the mom.

he was so upset, and by the time we got home, he was running around taking new pictures, and making new sounds.
and he decided he would " just make new flipnotes"

so he did get over it quick. which I am glad about.
I think I am the one still with my panties in a bunch about it.

 

[2disneyboys]

I would probably not take away the DSi. Playing on the "naked system" is a nice burn for his actions, (speaking as a gamer.)

Hopefully it is a lesson learned for you and him. And I would tell DS if he goes around the parental controls again, I would be taking the DSi away for a long time.

I would say nothing to the mom.

I think the punishment of losing everything is enough for this instance. I do agree w/ above PP - I would be clear that if this happens again, with any electronic (bypassing the parental controls w/o permission) then he would lose said electronic device (or access to ) for a set period of time.

 

[disneycruising]

Let me just start by saying, I have 4 kids 17,15,13,11. We also lock down all their electronic: computers, I-touch, cellphone.

Your son should not know your password. I do not give my children the password to anything that is 'parental controlled'. They can bring it to me and I will decide... if they can have access to something. You need to change the password and tell him why.

I don't think, this situation is as "innocent" as you think it is. If this other child has older sibling... they might know how to get around the parental controlls. Sense your son knew the password...it was very easy to do.

As far as punishment. He did "punish" himself by not following your rules and lost all his information. I think that is punishment enough. I would take this opportunity to have a nice long conversation about "safety" & why you have parental controlls. And leave it at that.

 

[MamaJessie]

I see it as something that most kids would do.

At this point I would let it go.

Ditto

I am going to see the mom tomorrow ( the friends mom) should I say something to her also, since he is guilty in this too, I think he needs to understand not to go around the parent controls.

yes my kid put the code in, but friend is a bit older ( 9) and I think he knew a parent control was on there too.
his mom told me she has no parent controls on his dsi.


I did say a little to him, but like I said his mom was gone off to work by that time that we discovered that everthing was deleted.

I am putting myself in the shoes of the mom of the friend. If my ds (who is 8) did NOT have parent controls so he was unfamiliar with them and saw that his friend couldn't access something and all he had to do was enter a code that his friend KNEW, he would help the kid enter it. My ds is very goal oriented. Goal = playing with friend. He would not wonder about why there was a code, he wouldn't think about it as breaking a rule, just helping his friend.

I wouldn't mention it to the other mom, since the other kid didn't do anything wrong. You think he MAY have hit the button that deleted everything, but he may not have

 

[sam_gordon]

I would let it go. DS learned his lesson, and you changed the password, so hopefully he can't/won't do it again. IMO, this is "no harm, no foul". Let it go.

If he had bypassed the parental controls and ordered a bunch of pricy games or something, I could see punishing him more. But for what they did... nope.

 

[DISvirgin1]

I might be way off base, because I have no idea about DSi, so I don't know what the things are he deleted.

But if I had parental controls on something, and my kid knew that's what they were, and he tried to get around them, I would take the DSi away for a week or whatever seemed appropriate. My kid would be bringing a book to the next gymnastics practice.

I assume you have a reason for the parental controls, and that you hadn't given him your pincode so he could remove them whenever he wanted, right? Plus you were sitting right there so he could have asked you?

Losing his saved information is the consequence of what he and his friend did. Taking away the DSi for a week would be the punishment for going around the parental controls.

This. Totally take the friend out of it - because if my child did something that were not supposed to just beause their friend was there...And I don't think just having the info deleted is enough of a consequence either, simply because he knew he was doing something he wasn't supposed to do (entering in your code) this wasn't an accident.
To say that there should be no further consequences because things *could* have been much worse, is short sighted in my humble opinion. You want to nip these types of things in the bud *before* they get to that point.