Parenting??

[huckster]

How do you stick to your guns. i know holding accountablty helps your child even when it hurts .. but it really is so hard not to give them an easy way.. How do you do from all age kids?

 

[mickeyboat]

I don't know! When and if you find the answer, would you please let me know?

Denae

 

[The Mystery Machine]

DH and I got on the same page...finally. We have an "action plan" for discipline. Basically we discuss things before handing down the punishment on big things. With small things we back each other up.
After that it has been much, much easier to parent the girls.

 

[aprincessmom]

How do you stick to your guns

Because it's not my job to be my child's friend or to be liked...it's my job to be her parent and, as with any job, you sometimes have to do things you don't want to or like to do for the good of the whole.

My job is to provide a loving and secure space for DD to grow up in. It is my job to provide her with an understanding of limits, of her place in the world, and of her responsibilities to herself, her family, and her community. If I don't do it, I will have done her a great disservice.

Knowing that I will fail my daughter if I don't do this is all I need to stay the course.

 

[LindaR]

My daughter will soon be 16. I have been a single parent since she was 1.5.

Humor. I have a sense of humor and deal with life that way. I try to find the funny side of things. There have been times when things were SO bad that there were no jokes, no smiles, etc. My daughter learned that she'd rather see the twinkle in my eyes than a serious frown. I have been blessed with a young lady who has been easy to raise. I talk to her about everything (and she talks to me!), have always believed in setting a good example, and because she acts mature she is treated maturely.

One the rare occassions that she "screwed up".....Example: Told her she had to wait a while after getting her license before she was allowed to go off campus for lunch. One day I was in town running errands ( I work in another town) during lunch. Lo and behold.......who do I see turning the corner! She was behind me. I could CLEARLY see her face when she realized that she was behind me. I knew exactly what she was gonna do. She slammed on the brakes in hopes that another vehicle would get between us. I waited a minute or two before dialing her cell phone (I was enjoying this WAY too much). I said, "Hi baby! Whatcha doin?" She said in a very shaky voice, "Hi Mommy....I think you know what I'm doing." I said, "Enjoy your lunch. Drive careful, and Oh, by the way.....set aside about ten minutes this evening so I can talk to you. Bye"

I let her sweat all afternoon. Didn't bother me at all. We talked. It ended with a hug.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Great posts already!!!! ITA!!!

I just wanted to say, that especially when kids are younger, that some kids do occasionally need parents to 'provide an easier way'. Sometimes life is hard, and age-appropriately, I think it is a Parents reponsibility to step in when a kid is over their head. This is part of being a parent!

Now, before we get the flame-suits and flame throwers out... I am not saying that we do not hold our kids accountable!!! And I really strongly think that 1. Consistancy and 2. Parents forming a strong united front are VERY important!!! Kids need that stability that both of these things bring! If things are inconsistant, or are not strong and united, then they are 'floating' or 'drifting'.... Gray areas are the breeding ground for misunderstanding, disagreement, and argument. Set a sure course and do not waiver!!! A FIRM line and a BIG smile!

 

[bananiem]

Originally posted by aprincessmom
Because it's not my job to be my child's friend or to be liked...it's my job to be her parent and, as with any job, you sometimes have to do things you don't want to or like to do for the good of the whole.

My job is to provide a loving and secure space for DD to grow up in. It is my job to provide her with an understanding of limits, of her place in the world, and of her responsibilities to herself, her family, and her community. If I don't do it, I will have done her a great disservice.

Knowing that I will fail my daughter if I don't do this is all I need to stay the course.

I absolutely agree!! Well said!

 

[SnowAngel]

It's hard. It seems easier for younger children but harder as they grow older. I try to be firm but hold to what I say with them. It will likely be harder as they grow older.

My dbs lived with my Mom all their lives and never held accountable.

Help them but try not to hold their hand. Sometimes tough love is the hardest. Sometimes if kids do something wrong, you need to let go and let them accept the responsibilty for making any mistakes they do. As a parent it is so easy to try and smooth things over. It's so hard to stick to your guns but the more you do it the easier it will get. I know this is easier said than done as I have this trouble with the dh and mother in my family.

Good Luck and my prayers are with you.