Parenting trends you dislike?

[Skippy918]

I fall into this category. I’m one of a bunch of kids. By the time I came along I think my parents were just DONE with paying for braces for siblings that really needed them. So while my teeth look ok, my bite isn’t good which then affects other areas of my mouth.

My dh fell into his teeth were straight enough category. He could have benefited from braces as a child. His bite is somewhat off and as a kid he would have likely gotten an expander. I had braces since my mouth was crowded and teeth were growing in crooked. I didn’t like it at the time but I am glad my parents made me go through with the braces.

My oldest has braces. He had a severe overbite plus recessed bottom jaw. It’s been corrected with a herbst appliance with expander. Huge difference. His top teeth no longer hit his lip anymore.

 

[tzolkin]

Not so much a trend but I cringe any time a parent says ‘my house, my rules’.

Me too. The same with "because I said so". It's so dismissive and authoritarian. I don't know how some people can think that constantly speaking to their children in a disrespectful manner will make their kids respect them.

Kids do not need to have a phone or IPad in there hands 24/7 in order to be entertained and you know what being bored it sometimes a very good thing.

Yes, I think we feel like the phone is giving us entertainment, but often it's just making us miss out on the world around us. I personally hate feeling like I'm experiencing a new place or watching my kids through the phone screen when I have it out to take pictures. I hardly ever take pictures anymore, but I feel better about being immersed in an experience when I don't have the phone.

 

[Skippy918]

Excessive helicopter parenting. I know my kids and I’d be okay with them playing at the park as tweens on their own in a group, but society says I can’t do that without the fear of someone calling cps on me.

 

[goofyernmost]

Breastfeeding and formula are not equal options, and most mothers can breastfeed. That's what I mean about "fed is best" being harmful. It's discouraging breastfeeding because it tells mothers that the options are an equal choice, when medically they are far from equal. That isn't in the best interest of the child's health.

Perhaps changing the wording from Breastfeeding is Best to Breastfeed is preferable to formula if possible. Which one is used out of necessity is best for their particular life situation.

 

[BrianL]

Being extra with everything. When I heard some moms were pretending a leprechaun visited the night before St Patrick's day, and left skittles for their kid, I just lost it.

I thought the Saint Patrick's Day Leprechaun only left Guinness?

 

[PezRuth]

Perhaps changing the wording to Breastfeeding is Best to Breastfeed is preferable to formula if possible. Which one is used out of necessity is best for their particular life situation.

Completely agree with this and again for the majority of people who formula feed they know this information but there are many reasons why formula is chosen. The last things new moms need is more guilt and shame.

 

[TippyThomas]

Everybody wins and there is very limited exposure to the emotions associated with losing and not being the best. Many have those experiences way too late in life and it's not pretty seeing a young adult work through them for the first time when mom and dad aren't around to protect them and make it all better.

 

[dez1978]

People not raising their own children, and then telling everyone how great their daycare is. Adjust your work schedules so a parent or relative raises your kids. It's not all about you or your career. OLD SCHOOL

Cool.. My parents were both dead before I was 20 and I'm an only child so should I have just not had children?

This... These kinds of comments are my biggest annoyance in parenting. you have no idea about other peoples lives or what they do or have been thru but judge because they send their kids to daycare. Stop judging.

 

[Turn the Page]

Ah yes...tell that to the global behemoth chemical companies busy genetically modifying every food crop on Planet Earth and working to perfect lab-grown meat...but I digress.

I'm the mother of an only child; he's an adult now. I do however have a few young moms in my circle and honestly, the degree to which they feel insecure in their parenting choices is far greater than it was in my day. Many also seem to have a tendency to cope with what they perceive as their shortcomings by being critical of others. My heart aches for them. Maybe it was similar in generations past but for sure, social media has made the problem worse by putting everyone in everyone else's faces non-stop.

I saw a quote once, I can't remember where I saw it but it resonated with me. It was basically a grandmother telling her adult daughter to stop putting so much pressure on herself. When she was raising her kids in the 70's, as she put it, "some days it was enough that I hadn't killed you." Now, that may be pushing it a tad, but the pressure put on parents to do everything in particular ways and how much damage we are doing to our kids by giving them a sippy cup or co sleeping or not co sleeping or potty training before they go to college or telling them no is just ridiculous. No one knows what to do anymore.

 

[dez1978]

Being extra with everything. When I heard some moms were pretending a leprechaun visited the night before St Patrick's day, and left skittles for their kid, I just lost it.

I'm not extra with everything but one year Larry the Leprechaun visited our house and did all sorts of tricky things lol. But only bc daycare had them build leprechaun traps and he brought it home so I had to be a little extra with that. it was fun. But I didn't post it on FB lol

I don't think what the previous generation did is best, nor do I think what people these days insist on is always best. I, for one, am glad that car seats are much safer than they used to be. I did use a drop-side crib I got from my cousins for both kids and had no regrets. I did use bumpers but purchased breathable mesh bumpers that crushed down if a kid tried to stand on it.

We are learning new things all the time about what is or isn't best. I'm sure we will discover decades from now that things we consider best really best, aren't and/or we will develop better options.

This. This right here. When we know better we do better. And in 20-30 years from now there will be a whole generation aghast at the things we do now that we consider "best"

Not so much a trend but I cringe any time a parent says ‘my house, my rules’.

I do say this, but mostly to other peoples kids. You get to do this at home? Cool, but this is my house and we don't do that here. This mostly is an issue in the car tho. Sometimes you end up giving other kids rides home from practices. My hill to die on parenting wise is car seats/boosters and using them appropriately. My 10 yr old still sits in one bc the seat belt in my car doesn't fit him right without it. We keep an extra one in the car for when we need to give rides. You don't use one in your moms car? Cool. We use them in mine and the car doesn;t move till everone is buckled up. This is literally the only parenting thing I judge on bc it's such an easy thing to do and could literally save their lives. I judge the heck out of the mom who leaves daycare with her 2 year old standing in the passenger seat when there is a carseat in the back and I judge without shame there.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I dislike parents butting their nose into other parents' business.

 

[tzolkin]

I do say this, but mostly to other peoples kids. You get to do this at home? Cool, but this is my house and we don't do that here. This mostly is an issue in the car tho. Sometimes you end up giving other kids rides home from practices. My hill to die on parenting wise is car seats/boosters and using them appropriately.

There's a difference between saying "my house, my rules" or "because I said so" in an arbitrary or dismissive way and explaining to a kid that you require everyone in your car to use seatbelts/boosters for safety so they are not injured in an accident.

I have no issue with people having their own rules. We have always had very clear expectations for behavior that go well beyond what most of our friends and family have in their homes. It just bugs me when adults speak to children in a rude manner that they would never use with another adult.

 

[dez1978]

There's a difference between saying "my house, my rules" or "because I said so" in an arbitrary or dismissive way and explaining to a kid that you require everyone in your car to use seatbelts/boosters for safety so they are not injured in an accident.

I have no issue with people having their own rules. We have always had very clear expectations for behavior that go well beyond what most of our friends and family have in their homes. It just bugs me when adults speak to children in a rude manner that they would never use with another adult.

I don't think of it as rude or dismissive really. Its in an "I'm not going to argue with you about this" sort of way. And I don't really think most parents just say that with their own kids right off the bat. its generally after there's already been plenty of back and forth about it and it ends with "my house my rules" because we are tired of the same argument. It's not usually where the kid asks something and the parent just says no my house my rules right off the bat....

 

[fhtpdw20]

Sorry "because I said so and my house/my rules" are necessary to establish a foundation of boundaries. I am not one to negotiate with a young child over rules that need to teach right and wrong. Tone matters so there is no need to be rude about it. I am the adult and I am responsible for your actions until you are 18 and what you like or dislike is not always important. Everyone has rules. You can decide how you want to live when you foot the bill. If you haven't built the foundation when they are young, you will have no respect or little effect as they get older. You will be replaced with peer pressure as the foundation of decision making issues.

 

[Skippy918]

Being extra with everything. When I heard some moms were pretending a leprechaun visited the night before St Patrick's day, and left skittles for their kid, I just lost it.

Yes!! Back when I was growing up, only Irish people celebrated st. Patrick’s day. When did it become a holiday that everyone seems to celebrate? We don’t do anything for that holiday.
Or getting kids gifts on Valentine’s Day or Easter. Maybe you got some candy as a kid for those holidays, but now we’re supposed to give kids gifts too?

 

[Turn the Page]

I don't think of it as rude or dismissive really. Its in an "I'm not going to argue with you about this" sort of way. And I don't really think most parents just say that with their own kids right off the bat. its generally after there's already been plenty of back and forth about it and it ends with "my house my rules" because we are tired of the same argument. It's not usually where the kid asks something and the parent just says no my house my rules right off the bat....

This. I was going to post something similar. There is only so long I am willing to argue with my kids about why I put the large recycling tote on the ground instead of on the porch before I just say "because I said so!!!!"

 

[ronandannette]

I'm not extra with everything but one year Larry the Leprechaun visited our house and did all sorts of tricky things lol. But only bc daycare had them build leprechaun traps and he brought it home so I had to be a little extra with that. it was fun. But I didn't post it on FB lol

This. This right here. When we know better we do better. And in 20-30 years from now there will be a whole generation aghast at the things we do now that we consider "best"
...

I love this and IMO, it's random, neat little instances like it that make for fun times and warm family-folklore memories. BUT...(cue dramatic music) I think it's parents, much more than the kids, that put ridiculous pressure on themselves to generate these experiences for their kids on the regular, which by definition negates them being special. I mean, seriously - how many threads have we all read here where parents ask how to make Christmas, birthday parties and trips to Disney "special". Those things already are special and it's not kids' expectations that fuel the frenzy to make everything a Pintrest-worthy extravaganza.

As to the second bolded point, well, I'm not so sure. Yes, there are very practical examples like the one you gave about car seats. 100% agree. Other things though are not so clear-cut, like the comment made by @Skippy918 .

I don't think of it as rude or dismissive really. Its in an "I'm not going to argue with you about this" sort of way. And I don't really think most parents just say that with their own kids right off the bat. its generally after there's already been plenty of back and forth about it and it ends with "my house my rules" because we are tired of the same argument. It's not usually where the kid asks something and the parent just says no my house my rules right off the bat....

Absolutely. I'm sure I never said those exact words, but the principle was definitely in effect. There were a few issues with our DS that simply were not negotiable, regardless of how he felt about them or what on-going argument he felt compelled to make. He was giving all the information he needed to know why some rules were what they were and we did not require his agreement with every rule. We did require his compliance - end of story. I'd not change anything about that, if we had it to do all over again.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Excessive helicopter parenting. I know my kids and I’d be okay with them playing at the park as tweens on their own in a group, but society says I can’t do that without the fear of someone calling cps on me.

Total pet peeve of mine as well! The amount of times my poor DS had to suck up following me into the store when he was perfectly old enough to wait in the car...

 

[dez1978]

Everybody wins and there is very limited exposure to the emotions associated with losing and not being the best. Many have those experiences way too late in life and it's not pretty seeing a young adult work through them for the first time when mom and dad aren't around to protect them and make it all better.

Agreed. We are nearing the end of wrestling season here for the year. My 7 yr old has been kicking butt all year. But there is 1 kid.. He lost to this kid about a month ago. It was his 1st loss the whole season and most of last year. He was devastated. Now since then he's wrestled him 2 more times, and the min he finds out he has to wrestle him, he starts freaking out and has lost before the match even starts. He lets that kid in his head. Despite the fact that the 1st loss was by 1 point in sudden death OT, which means it was a heck of a match and they are evenly matched. The 2nd time my kid was up 8-2 but was crying so hard he screwed up and got pinned. It's a hard lesson as a mom to watch him learn but he's got to learn to get past this. He came in 2nd yesterday to this kid in Nationals and was so disappointed. But losing will teach him to fight harder next time (eventually) and work harder in practice and get better. Right now he's just got to learn it's ok to lose. And Id rather him learn it young even tho it's hard to watch.
Its not my job to make my kids life as easy as possible. it's to raise them to be good, capable adults who can handle whatever life throws at them bc life isn't always going to be easy. And it's my job to be there for them when life isn't easy and encourage them to get back up and try again.

here were a few issues with our DS that simply were not negotiable, regardless of how he felt about them or what on-going argument he felt compelled to make. He was giving all the information he needed to know why some rules were what they were and we did not require his agreement with every rule. We did require his compliance - end of story.

yup. I will be respectful and explain to the reason for my rules once or twice. But I am not going to continue to argue about it. You don't have to like it, but you do have to comply. Now certainly there are or will be times that they make a valid argument and I may change the rule. But its not disrespectul to tell them "stop, this is the way it is becasue these are my rules"

Excessive helicopter parenting. I know my kids and I’d be okay with them playing at the park as tweens on their own in a group, but society says I can’t do that without the fear of someone calling cps on me.

This fear has made me question so many things... Or worry needlessly about things.

 

[Skippy918]

Total pet peeve of mine as well! The amount of times my poor DS had to suck up following me into the store when he was perfectly old enough to wait in the car...

My youngest is 10 and I won’t let her wait in the car. She’s asked a few times, but I’m like nope, you’re coming in with me.