Parenting question.........opinions

[npmommie]

situation,
your kids are playing, one is playing with their friend who has a younger sister there too.
younger sister is bothering the other 2.
your kid says " I hate sally she keeps knocking over our stuff"

the 2 playing are 6 yrs old, the little sis is 3 yo.

what do you say to your kid?
Usually they all play just fine together. and the little sis considers the one who said he hated her her "best friend"

 

[Mermaid02]

I would say, "You don't hate her- she's annoying you. She's 3 and doesn't know how to play like a 6 year old."

Why is the 3 year old at a play date for a couple of 6 year olds? It's a recipe for disaster.

 

[luvmy3]

I would say, "You don't hate her- she's annoying you. She's 3 and doesn't know how to play like a 6 year old."

Why is the 3 year old at a play date for a couple of 6 year olds? It's a recipe for disaster.

Maybe the OP or whoever she is talking about is watching the 6 and 3 year old becase of the snow day?

I would say basically the same thing, just remind my kids that a 3 year old does not play the same as a 6 year old and just 3 years ago they were the ones knocking down things

 

[npmommie]

I would say, "You don't hate her- she's annoying you. She's 3 and doesn't know how to play like a 6 year old."

Why is the 3 year old at a play date for a couple of 6 year olds? It's a recipe for disaster.

It wasn't a play date.
it was gymnastics waiting area, which has play space.
my ds has a friend who is there when we are and they play while their sisters are in practice.
and little sis was there too.
its like chat hour for the moms while the kids play

 

[Mermaid02]

It wasn't a play date.
it was gymnastics waiting area, which has play space.
my ds has a friend who is there when we are and they play while their sisters are in practice.
and little sis was there too.
its like chat hour for the moms while the kids play

Gotcha!

So I have to ask- what WAS said to "the hater" ??

 

[npmommie]

I did have him sit for a minute out of the situation and I reminded him she is only 3 and saying we hate someone is a little strong and not nice when they are supposed to be a friend.
I said the same thing about how she plays different at 3 yo.
then they continued to play no problems.

til they all sat down to watch a movie, and argued over chair positions. LOL

 

[padams]

Three year old needs to be given something else to do for most of the 6 year olds' playdate. Likewise, the 6 year old needs to find something else to do if the 3 year old has a friend over to play. The one without a playdate can play for a short time with the playdate kids. You can't expect a friend to want to play with the younger sibling.

 

[padams]

It wasn't a play date.
it was gymnastics waiting area, which has play space.
my ds has a friend who is there when we are and they play while their sisters are in practice.
and little sis was there too.
its like chat hour for the moms while the kids play

Ok, different scenario than I first understood, but the same idea still applies. Mommies need to chat less, and supervise more. If 3 year old is not playing well with the older ones, 3 year old needs to be distracted and play separately. Non-sibling child should just be reminded that 3 year old is still little, and to be patient. Not as much you can do in a gym waiting area.

 

[golfgal]

6 year olds have limited vocabulary especially for expressing feelings. Of course he doesn't hate her but he probably doesn't know another word to use or know how to express what he really feels. I wouldn't have done anything at the time but later, when he was alone, I would have explained the difference between being annoyed with someone and hating someone and given him a better word to use. I don't see this as an issue that needs a punishment at all.

 

[npmommie]

6 year olds have limited vocabulary especially for expressing feelings. Of course he doesn't hate her but he probably doesn't know another word to use or know how to express what he really feels. I wouldn't have done anything at the time but later, when he was alone, I would have explained the difference between being annoyed with someone and hating someone and given him a better word to use. I don't see this as an issue that needs a punishment at all.

No I wasn't thinking of punishment, I actually was feeling kind of bad that I said anything to him at all in the moment.
I felt like I should have said nothing and addressed it later.

 

[okeydokey]

No I wasn't thinking of punishment, I actually was feeling kind of bad that I said anything to him at all in the moment.
I felt like I should have said nothing and addressed it later.

For a 6 year old, now is better than later. Once the moment has passed, it has passed.

 

[scrapquitler]

Is it just me?

As a a parent I don't feel that I need to intervene every single time that one of my children says something that isn't perfectly sweet to the other. If I did, I'd never get to do anything else.

In this case, if the situation was not escalating from the statement of "I hate her", and things just went along, I'd likely do nothing. Sometimes intervening makes things into a bigger deal than they really are.

Now if there was a physical altercation or more verbal antagonism after the statement, I would intervene, but just one comment, I'd ignore.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

situation,
your kids are playing, one is playing with their friend who has a younger sister there too.
younger sister is bothering the other 2.
your kid says " I hate sally she keeps knocking over our stuff"

the 2 playing are 6 yrs old, the little sis is 3 yo.

what do you say to your kid?
Usually they all play just fine together. and the little sis considers the one who said he hated her her "best friend"

My child would first apologize for saying something like that. Hate is a bad word in our home. How would they feel if someone said that to him or one of his siblings etc. They would also be told that if they cannot play nice with others no matter what the age then they can sit and not play at all. I would also remind my child that the child is younger and while it is frustrating that is the way it is with 3 year olds and he was once 3 too. I might make then sit out for a minute or two as well.

 

[desertgirl]

I think you handled it just fine!

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I would say that it's not nice to hate people, but I'm sorry you are annoyed Sally is bothering you.

Then I would find something different for Sally to do.

 

[ccgirl]

My child would first apologize for saying something like that. Hate is a bad word in our home. How would they feel if someone said that to him or one of his siblings etc. They would also be told that if they cannot play nice with others no matter what the age then they can sit and not play at all. I would also remind my child that the child is younger and while it is frustrating that is the way it is with 3 year olds and he was once 3 too. I might make then sit out for a minute or two as well.

This.

We do not say "hate" in my house. Some many consider it too strict but it is a bad word to us. My child would be punished for saying that.

The waiting room at dance used to drive me crazy! Parents would use it as their social hour and forget all about their parenting. Children were climbing on furniture, taking things off the walls..etc.

Did the mom of the other two say anything?

 

[allison443]

This.

We do not say "hate" in my house. Some many consider it too strict but it is a bad word to us. My child would be punished for saying that.

The waiting room at dance used to drive me crazy! Parents would use it as their social hour and forget all about their parenting. Children were climbing on furniture, taking things off the walls..etc.

Did the mom of the other two say anything?

My kids were also not allowed to say "hate". So I would have a problem if my kid, at 6, said that to a 3 year old girl who thinks of him as her best friend.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

Once the kids become school-aged, it's hard for them to handle kids that are too young to understand what's going on.

DS got mad at me one day and told me he hated me. I told him that we don't use the term hate - no matter how mad we get. It was unacceptable.

Unfortunately, there's no way to police kids playing in a common area. I think OP did the right thing, no doubt. Maybe there is a way to encourage them to try to play something else? Maybe the sister has a little in her and thinks it's okay to play captain destructo.

Hopefully sister's mom will bring something a little more age appropriate for the 3 yr old next time!

 

[ccgirl]

Once the kids become school-aged, it's hard for them to handle kids that are too young to understand what's going on.

DS got mad at me one day and told me he hated me. I told him that we don't use the term hate - no matter how mad we get. It was unacceptable.

Unfortunately, there's no way to police kids playing in a common area. I think OP did the right thing, no doubt. Maybe there is a way to encourage them to try to play something else? Maybe the sister has a little in her and thinks it's okay to play captain destructo.

Hopefully sister's mom will bring something a little more age appropriate for the 3 yr old next time!

While I agree with most of what you say, the "There's no way to police kids playing in a common area" concerns me. When we go out to places where there is a common play area I watch my child and police my own child. If everyone did that there were be a lot problems I think.

 

[Agri]

situation,
your kids are playing, one is playing with their friend who has a younger sister there too.
younger sister is bothering the other 2.
your kid says " I hate sally she keeps knocking over our stuff"

the 2 playing are 6 yrs old, the little sis is 3 yo.

what do you say to your kid?
Usually they all play just fine together. and the little sis considers the one who said he hated her her "best friend"

First, tell Sally to stop knocking over their stuff. Sally is not too young to be told that what she is doing is mean and to be put in time out and be told to play nicely with other kids.

Secondly, pull aside my kid and ask them if they really hate Sally or if he was just really upset with what Sally was doing. I don't like the blanket policies of 'we don't use the word hate' because kids often reach for a simple word when they are upset - just like adults. Its better to talk it through with them so they can identify their feelings and label them properly and understand themselves better rather than to harp on their use of the word hate. (Now, if the child was a few years older, hate would be an inappropriate word to use, but by then they would be more emotionally mature anyway. )