Parenting Question - Co-Ed sleepover (decision post 41)

[poohandwendy]

Crap- I clicked on the wrong one. There should be another vote for no, sorry to screw up the poll!

LOL...there is alway one in the bunch!

 

[Charade]

so far, I am the only one that has said yes! I would do it, but only if I knew the parents and I knew I could trust them to be watchful.

I feel I could be the parent holding this type of party and nothing would happen. The kids would just have to know they will be watched and checked on - the rules would be laid out ahead of time and followed. I also think parents would be put on notice that anyone not following the rules would be sent home and parents should be ready for that. I am willing to go without sleep for a night.

I think it is important to trust kids and show them that they can have fun within guidelines - they have to have opportunities to do so. It only breaks down when there are no rules and no supervision from responsible adults.

My DD is only 8, but we are still having co-ed sleepovers...she will have one for her 9th birthday...most of her friends are boys (mostly due to the make up of our neighborhood and the fact that she doesn't like the "catty" games some girls play)..so I see her parties always being co-ed.

See....

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

Sure, and with my kids...one of the guidelines is no co-ed sleepovers. They have plenty of opportunities to have fun. Parents can trust their kids and not think it is acceptable to have a co-ed sleepover.

no problem - I totally understand parents setting that guideline..nothing against it...

I just remember being that age and we just knew better than to do that ype of thing in our parents homes - especially with adequate supervision nothing could happen ...I just don't see it as a big deal....everything you all are imagining as happening can just as easily happen elsewhere, and with proper supervision it is less likely to happen at a sleepover

again, the key to my view is responsible and ever watchful parental supervision and well enforced rules - not a free for all....

heck, by the time I make the rules and the situation clear...they may no longer be interestd, but who knows....


I have no problem with parents who set these guidelines and I know you are just doing what you feel to be the most responsible thing for your family - as any parent should..., I am not saying in any way that you are wrong to do so, I just see it differently...

 

[phillybeth]

There needs to be another poll option- no just no but HELL NO!

 

[daisyduck123]

Plain old common sense - "NO"

 

[poohandwendy]

I just remember being that age and we just knew better than to do that ype of thing in our parents homes - especially with adequate supervision...I just don't see it as a big deal....everything you all are imagining as happening can just as easily happen elsewhere, and with proper supervision it is less likely to happen at a sleepover

LOL, I remember being that age too. And in my experience, there is always one in the bunch who wants to try to get away with something. Regarless of the parental supervision, I see no benefit in sexually maturing kids having a co-ed sleepover.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

nope

Neither of my boys have ever even asked and I don't know of any kids around here that even HAVE co-ed sleepovers.

 

[Christine]

Here are my feelings on it, no matter how off-the-wall this sounds:

I voted NO. First of all, I *do* trust that some parents may very well supervise this kind of thing and the kids won't get into trouble. That is really not my concern.

I also think it's great that boys and girls have become more "together" than they ever were from when I was younger. Unfortunately, all this togetherness, I think, has taken some of the mystery and allure out of young boy/girl relationships. If, at 13, they are spending the night together and being thrown together in ways that you used to have to WAIT until college for well, I think it just makes the whole boy/girl relationship way too casual. And I think that leads to casual sex. Not more sex. But casual sex, no strings attached kind of stuff.

Of course, I have no scientific data to back this up, it is just what I see happening.

 

[Buckalew11]

no way! Why even put kids in that postion? And to think adults could be watching everything all the time? No way. I think thinking kids wouldn't do it at home in their parents home is very naive. And sure, it can happen anywhere but I would not want to give them more opportunities. Kids are sneaky and 13yo isn't too young to be messing around.

 

[aunt kelly]

No, I wouldn't let my 13-year-old go to a co-ed sleepover.

I don't understand why the parents would agree to host a co-ed sleepover. What's wrong w/ a four hour pizza party? My guess is these parents want to be the "cool parents" who never say "no" to their 13-year-old.

I would certainly hope the parents stay up all night and chaperon the party, but my guess is the parents will be in bed by midnight.

 

[Charade]

I see no benefit in sexually maturing kids having a co-ed sleepover.

Unless you're one of the sexually maturing kids!!

 

[MushyMushy]

Nope, no way no how!! I trust my 14 year old I don't trust the boys.

Even as young as my 10 year old I am not sure...except one kid, he's like a family member so that doesn't count.

After reading my son's chat logs, it's the girls that I don't trust! Holy cow, they are SO forward these days.

 

[ckay87]

After reading my son's chat logs, it's the girls that I don't trust! Holy cow, they are SO forward these days.

OMG I so agree!! I regularly read DSs blog and then surf the replies and the girls....THE GIRLS! Perhaps they don't have a good spy on their backs like my kid does, but it's "f" this and "f" that and they talk about boys waaaaay worse than the boys talk about the girls. Something changed.

Our church youth group has a co-ed "sleepover" that nobody sleeps at. I'm pushing to have the name changed to an "allnighter." And I stay at it everytime, lord help me. But they have a lot of fun and I'll sacrifice a night's sleep so they can do it.

Also, my 10 year old DS's best friend is a girl and they have been having sleepovers. But I think we're coming to the end of those days, unfortunately.

I'd say no the the given question, but I'm not in the hell no category, sorry.

 

[poohandwendy]

Unless you're one of the sexually maturing kids!!

Exactly!

As far as the trust issue, I do not want my kids to think I trust them unequivocally. Sheesh, if they had it in them to be trustworthy and responsibe in all situations, it sounds like time to move out of the nest.

 

[melomouse]

Here are my feelings on it, no matter how off-the-wall this sounds:

I voted NO. First of all, I *do* trust that some parents may very well supervise this kind of thing and the kids won't get into trouble. That is really not my concern.

I also think it's great that boys and girls have become more "together" than they ever were from when I was younger. Unfortunately, all this togetherness, I think, has taken some of the mystery and allure out of young boy/girl relationships. If, at 13, they are spending the night together and being thrown together in ways that you used to have to WAIT until college for well, I think it just makes the whole boy/girl relationship way too casual. And I think that leads to casual sex. Not more sex. But casual sex, no strings attached kind of stuff.

Of course, I have no scientific data to back this up, it is just what I see happening.

ITA!!! Well put, Christine!

It IS happening as you see it, according to my professional and personal experience! It's a breakdown of boundaries, and leads to breakdown of other boundaries and blurring of what's okay and what's not.

That said, DS's (14 1/2) friend who's a girl accompanied us to an outdoor concert recently. In talking w/ the mom. she said if the kid gets home after 11 PM, she will have to sleep over at MY house!!! There was no explaining much to this woman. Tells me lots...

Yah.. no problem...she can bunk w/ DD(10)....!!!!!!

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

to answer poohandwendys post:
well I never said unequivocally - and I don't think my parameters of rules and responsible supervision qualify as that either....

.....as, I have stated..I have no problem with those that say no and totally understand it...and I know that others will now make me out to be the cliche "bad parent"...the way I see it those that say no are being good parents...I am simply saying that I feel comfortable with this situation given rules and supervision that I know I can provide to ensure that nothing happens...I just fell that puts us all in the good parent category..as opposed to the many out there who don't care/know whwere their kids are, whther or not they are supervised or have rules. etc..

and to answer one last falicy: for me, no, this is not about being the " cool parent" or not saying no...I am so totally not about that...I am known around my neighborhood as being totally the oppposite...I am not cool or my kids "friend" over "parent" ....simply believe the situation can work under the right conditions.... and again, after I lay out the rules and let them know there with be constant parental presence, I doubt any of them would be seeing me as "the cool parent"!!!!


let the spin begin....

I am comfortable with my position and have no problem being in the minority on this one

 

[noodleknitter]

Good grief no! I know too many kids who were impregnated during band trips, YMCA, and 4-H camps, youth group trips, and sports trips! And those all had plenty of rules, and plenty of chaperones. (And plenty of parents who "trust their kid.")

There isn't any purpose to such a get together. Except long dark hours of unsupervised time.

 

[poohandwendy]

to answer poohandwendys post:
well I never said unequivocally - and I don't think my parameters of rules and responsible supervision qualify as that either....

.....as, I have stated..I have no problem with those that say no and totally understand it...and I know that others will now make me out to be the cliche "bad parent"...the way I see it those that say no are being good parents...I am simply saying that I feel comfortable with this situation given rules and supervision that I know I can provide to ensure that nothing happens...I just fell that puts us all in the good parent category..as opposed to the many out there who don't care/know whwere their kids are, whther or not they are supervised or have rules. etc..

and to answer one last falicy: for me, no, this is not about being the " cool parent" or not saying no...I am so totally not about that...I am known around my neighborhood as being totally the oppposite...I am not cool or my kids "friend" over "parent" ....simply believe the situation can work under the right conditions.... and again, after I lay out the rules and let them know there with be constant parental presence, I doubt any of them would be seeing me as "the cool parent"!!!!


let the spin begin....

I am comfortable with my position and have no problem being in the minority on this one

Please do not get me wrong, I am not uncomfortable with your choices any more than you are with mine. I am only stating, as you are, my reasoning.

I could provide the same supervision, I choose not to because I do not see any benefit in a co-ed sleepover at that age or older.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

I'm not a parent, but I say no, not at 13. I was going to coed sleepovers starting around 16 1/2, though...but everyone knew each other and we were all just friends, nothing more. We actually slept!

 

[minnieandme]

I voted no. The parents have to sleep sometime. You never know where a teenager's mind will go.