Parenting Question - Co-Ed sleepover (decision post 41)

[Disneyrsh]

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[luvmydogs]

...I've never really questioned this tradition before, because it's an old one and extremely popular with both the kids and the teachers. So, now I'm curious, would those of you "no way" also feel "no way" about a more-controlled situation like this, or would you still say "no?"

As long as I was comfortable with all the specifics, from just what you've mentioned here, I don't think I'd have a problem with this at all because the genders are separated to sleep. It sounds like a fun way to end the school year.

I sure bet those teachers and chaperones pass out from exhaustion the next morning, though.

 

[poohandwendy]

I would not let my DD go to a coed sleepover at someone's house, but her private school does hold a coed sleepover at the end of each school year for the 5th-8th graders and I do allow her to go to that. The boys sleep in classrooms in one wing and the girls sleep in classrooms in another wing and there are teachers in each room and the prinicpal and vice-principal are there as well. They have a barbecue, a night swim in the pool, pillow fights and ghost stories and then they are separated for the night.

I've never really questioned this tradition before, because it's an old one and extremely popular with both the kids and the teachers. So, now I'm curious, would those of you "no way" also feel "no way" about a more-controlled situation like this, or would you still say "no?"

The situation described above is not the same IMO. Mainly because the children are being supervised by non-biased authority figures. In that, the kids are not as likely to roll their eyes when mom comes in the room and say "Mom, can't we have some privacy...sheesh".

In a home sleepover, I think the above is more likely to happen because the parent gets played with the guilt 'don't you trust me?' card.

In a school/church setting, you have authority figures who are not as likely to be treated that way by the kids. And there are more authority figures to be making sure everything is kosher.

 

[NMAmy]

Oh, I've been in your shoes, OP. And the answer was no then and is still no at almost 16. Yep, I'm the meanest mom who never lets her do anything and she's a freak because of me. Whatever. I can live with that. Particularly if she's not a pregnant freak.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Crap- I clicked on the wrong one. There should be another vote for no, sorry to screw up the poll!

Beats screwing with something else!

Exactly!

As far as the trust issue, I do not want my kids to think I trust them unequivocally. Sheesh, if they had it in them to be trustworthy and responsibe in all situations, it sounds like time to move out of the nest.

I agree! I've told my kids (boys and girls) many times that I do not trust their hormones. I'm not going to argue with them whether or not I trust them, unless they've done something to breach the trust, but the hormone are something that I can say I don't trust and it doesn't sound so much like an attack on them. And it kind of confuses them and leaves them without an argument.

"Cool" parents worry me. We have some "cool" parents in the next neighborhood and they've been known to supply alcohol to the teens and pot to their kids, if not other kids. Real cool.

 

[DVC Jen]

I agree! I've told my kids (boys and girls) many times that I do not trust their hormones. I'm not going to argue with them whether or not I trust them, unless they've done something to breach the trust, but the hormone are something that I can say I don't trust and it doesn't sound so much like an attack on them. And it kind of confuses them and leaves them without an argument.

I love it! I think I am going to have to use that next time she pulls something along those lines.

"Cool" parents worry me. We have some "cool" parents in the next neighborhood and they've been known to supply alcohol to the teens and pot to their kids, if not other kids. Real cool.

That sounds like a lawsuit just waiting to happen. I know I would have them by the nose if that were my kiddo.

 

[Minnesota!]

Yes, I would allow it. My mom did it for me...nothing happened.

 

[Brianne]

I'm coming in late to the conversation but I voted no as well. DH's parents used to allow him to have co-ed sleepovers although they were a bit older than your DD (16-17 yrs old). Unbeknownst to him during one of the sleepovers, some concentual activity involving two of his friends occurred. Nine months later give or take, there was a bouncing baby girl as a result. Needless to say, DH would be more against the idea of our kids attending or having a co-ed sleepover than even I would be.

 

[azgal81]

Not after hearing all the stories about what goes on at co ed sleepovers of teenagers.

 

[hydster]

OH HELL NO! I too have a 13 yr old dd and there is no way in any part of the universe I'd let her attend a co-ed sleepover at a private home....not at 13...not at 15....and I'd like to say not at 17 either. I was a wild teen once and so was my dh and my dd's personality mimicks ours in that respect so no way!


My friend called me very upset at the end of last school year *2005* She has a dd who is a year older than mine. Apparently at the end of the school year one girl wanted to have a co-ed sleepover party with all the kids she was friends with during the year. The parents said yes and said they would supervise the party. Well my friend said NO WAY to her dd sleeping over with boys there *and of course the dd was NOT happy about the decision calling her mom mean and un-cool* but mom stood firm and told her she could attend but only until 11 when she would pick her up. Turns out when the parents hosting the sleepover went to bed one of the 14 year old boys got very physical sexually with a 13yr old and ended up getting her pregnant. Now they are all involved in a huge mess legally.

In my dd's group of friends we do co-ed "late nights" where it's pizza, junk food, and stuff like that but at 11 pm they all go home. They are always supervised *from a distance because you can't embarrass your kid in front of their friends* There are a few mom's who have 2 or 3 girls over to sleep over but for the most part we do the late nights/movie nights and then send them home. I have never been a huge fan of sleepovers because my dd is a bear in the morning normally and add the fact of no sleep and well.....it's not pretty!!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I love it! I think I am going to have to use that next time she pulls something along those lines.

And if the child says they don't have hormones? Uh, you don't? Well, the teenage boy (or girl) does... And if you don't, we need to have you checked out. Yep, hon, I trust you totally, just not your hormones! My teens have gotten to where they hate their hormones.

 

[babytrees]

The situation described above is not the same IMO. Mainly because the children are being supervised by non-biased authority figures. In that, the kids are not as likely to roll their eyes when mom comes in the room and say "Mom, can't we have some privacy...sheesh".

In a home sleepover, I think the above is more likely to happen because the parent gets played with the guilt 'don't you trust me?' card.

In a school/church setting, you have authority figures who are not as likely to be treated that way by the kids. And there are more authority figures to be making sure everything is kosher.

ITA!!!

 

[vettechick99]

I totally agree with Christine!

They have their entire adult life to get to know each other in that way. No way do I think it's in their best developmental interest to give them a head start.

 

[Lanshark]

Hell No.

She has my blessing to have a sleepover right after her wedding reception.

 

[Serena]

I cannot see any logical reason for anyone to have a co-ed sleepover at that age. And I cannot think of any reason why it's even a possibility. Why would they get the idea it was ok?

 

[MAKmom]

Would you let your 13 yr old attend a co-ed sleepover? The hosting parents have said they are going to be there and watching closely..

NO. I also do not stick forks in my toaster.

 

[MrsPete]

Hell No.

She has my blessing to have a sleepover right after her wedding reception.

This is the best answer yet!

Seriously, though, as a high school teacher, I hear about these co-ed sleepovers. They're not all that common, but I do hear about them. It's NEVER anything good.

I would consider a co-ed sleepover ONLY under circumstances that were incredibly controlled. Perhaps:

IF it involved an out-of-town trip so that the sleepover was necessary (i.e., a church mission trip).
AND
IF totally separate sleeping facilities and bathroom facilities were available.
AND
IF very, very stringent adult supervision was provided for both the boys and the girls' sides. If I didn't personally know the adult chaperones, no way. Preferably myself or my husband -- preferably him 'cause he's mean when it comes to his baby girls.
AND
IF the group had an official bedtime, bed checks, and there was NO CHANCE that anyone was in the wrong place.

Then MAYBE I'd say yes.

 

[SadieDog]

After reading my son's chat logs, it's the girls that I don't trust! Holy cow, they are SO forward these days.

I know just what you mean. My daughter is even disgusted by some of her "friends" actions.

 

[DVC Jen]

I cannot see any logical reason for anyone to have a co-ed sleepover at that age. And I cannot think of any reason why it's even a possibility. Why would they get the idea it was ok?

Because the girls parents who are hosting it think they can control everything that goes on.