Parenting help needed for school/bus problem (long)

[bzzymom]

DS is in the 5th grade at a private catholic school and will be 11 next month. I have been thinking that he Aspergers but we haven't received that diagnosis yet. He does have ADHD. He takes ritalin, but I forgot to give it too him because that day DD had issues, and it started to storm so we took off before it started to pour down. He is very literal. He has social issues with kids his age.

Lat evening I got a call from a mom who has a daughter in DS's class. The girl and her younger brother ride the bus with DS and get off at the stop before him. The mom tells me that Fri afternoon, DS pinched her son, and told him that he was "insignificant as a person" and that "he will never amount to anything". The the girl told her mom she tried to intervene with Connor and that he yelled at her and told her to keep out of it. Then the mom said that her daughter says my son pushes her daughter and sometimes she falls over, sometimes not. She said that she felt bad that she can't pick her kids up from school so they wouldn't have to ride the bus. She said she was going to tell her son to stay away from my son. I thanked her for letting me know, but I did tell her that DS has social problems, but I have never been told that he has done anything like this before.

Now, the parents are hispanic. Last year, during the section on Martin Luther King Jr/segregation, he told this girl that he was glad she could attend the school her parents want her to go to. He was basing this off of her skin being "darker color" as taught in the schools. She told her parents at home, and her dad called the teacher to ask why their daughter was being a victim of racism. The teacher handled it well, and told him that Connor is very naive and learned a lesson and tried to apply it.

Anyway, DS was gone at the time to his baseball game, and when he got home, I asked him about it. He denies pinching the boy and said that they were "goofing around, having a good time" on the bus. I asked him what did he say, and he can't remember anything. He said that the sister sat 2 rows ahead of them and he didn't talk to her. DS likes this boy, and doesn't understand why they would say that about him. He doesn't think before he speaks, so who knows what he said. DS has been caught in lies before, so I don't know what to believe. I have put a call into the mom of a boy who DS said sat across from them. Maybe he saw or heard it.

I don't know what to do. I am going to have to get a referral to another psychologist or something, but we are in a small town and don't have a lot of options here. I have been off work due to an on-the-job injury that happened 1 year ago.

 

[KirstenB]

I'm not sure what to suggest. Maybe have your son sit up front right behind the bus driver, until you can figure out what's going on? In a way, that seems like a punishment to him, but I'm thinking it could protect him until you can get more info.

Another thought, does your dd ride the same bus? It sounds like he could use a "bus buddy", you know, someone to watch over him. Good luck and

 

[bzzymom]

Well, I spoke with a mom of two other kids that were on the bus. I guess they like very close to the child DS pinched. She said that the boy is very routy and a trouble maker. She asked her kids if they saw what happened. The girl in 7th grade said she saw them goofing around and didn't see the pinch, but heard the kid cry after being pinched. The 3rd grader was sitting across from them and said they were goofying around and he saw the pinch , but he thought it was an accidental kind of thing. Both of the kids said that DS hasn't bothered them or anyone else on the bus. It sounds like the boys were getting carried away.

Now, do I call the kids mother and tell her I checked with other parents and that both boys were roudy or should I just let it drop?

 

[ireland_nicole]

Gosh, that's a tough one. I would say use your best judgement as far as talking to the other mom, asking yourself: 1. how well do I know her, 2.how did she approach me with what she "knew?", 3. Is the better thing for my child to learn that this other child is not the best choice for a playmate? We're supporting you

 

[newtowdw1]

I know you posted that your son has social issues. Well, I think almost every kid has social issues on the bus!

DD (now 11) was tormented on the bus by a girl a year older than her. It went on and on for a year and a half, with me telling DD how to handle it, role playing, etc. I felt DD needed to deal with this on her own. I did speak to the bus driver, asking if DD could sit up front, but he was not helpful. I am not saying DD was perfect, either.

However, DD protected herself one time, and the other girl's mother called all upset. So, I called a mother/daughter meeting.

We met at a local McDonald's and told both girls to cool it. My sympathies were entirely with MINE, of course , but we didn't get into blame or repercussions. We simply explained that they'd be going to school together for a long time (small town), and to church together, and they'd better cope.

Buses are evil. I suggest the parents and the boys get together on neutral territory, avoid the 'blame game' and lay down new expectations.

Good luck. We eventually changed where DD got the bus, so she could avoid the situation entirely.