Parenting Advise for "I'm Scared"

[PrincessAbby'sMom]

My daughter is 5, will be 6 in August. She is an only child, but I don't feel that we "baby" her. When she started Pre-school she cried the 1st day only, Kindergarten she cried for 3-4 weeks when dropped off & sometimes during school. Now, she is already worried about 1st grade. Everynight she is asking me what it will be like, I'm scared to go...etc.
For the past 3 or so weeks everywhere she goes - even to the sitters or Grandparents (whom she has know forever & will always go to easily) she tells me she's scared, but doesn't know why.
Right about when this all started, school got out & they of course, were talking about 1st grade. And we were at a graduation party when another little girl freaked out in the a 6 ft pool & decided to use my daughter to hold herself up & wouldn't let her up from under the water. I had to jump in (clothes & all) to help both of them. Ever since, she has started this "I'm scared, I'm freaked out" thing.
Any help, any advise? My only thing is to keep everything positive - What are you scared of? Everything is fine. School will be fun - you will love it! You always have fun w/Grandma....etc.. I don't know what else to do or say???

 

[lady9]

What a tough situation. There are lots of good books out there about being afraid, going to school, babysitters, etc. I would read some of those and then maybe make a list about the good things that will/are happening. Then ask if she would like to tell you what she is concerned about. List those too and some ideas that would help her be less afraid. Schools are opened at least a week before the children start. I would make an appointment with her new teacher to go in and see the room, meet her, talk to the teacher when it is calm and quiet. You may also want to get her a calendar and write or draw pictures of events that are going to happen so she is prepared well in advance. It sounds like she needs reassurance and security. If the situtation doesn't improve in a few months I would talk to her pediatrician.

 

[PrincessAbby'sMom]

Her Kindergarten teacher was obviously aware of this, so she was going to put her w/a teacher that she saw alot last year. A young, pretty girl that my daughter has already said she "hopes she gets - she's really nice & pretty". I have already talked to that teacher & she is teaching a summer park & recreation program that I signed my daughter up for to help her get used to her. Now she says she's afraid to go to the Park & Rec class. The only time I can get her to settle down is to tell her if she cries I will not stay for a few minutes, I will drop her off & leave. I hate threatening her or giving her an ultimatum, but thats all that works????
I will look for books, that is a very good idea. I actually have books on 1st day of Kindergarten, maybe I will read that & put in 1st grade!

 

[NotUrsula]

Can you get her into a short daycamp this summer? Not only will it be a fun group setting that she would do without you, but it is likely that she would swim again there.

Could this really be about seeing the child from the pool accident again? A near-drowning is a pretty major trauma, and if she has somehow decided that child X is out to get her, she could be frightened of starting school again because it means being with that child again, but without you there to defend her. Kids can concoct the most far-fetched mental associations sometimes.

 

[susykt4]

Are there any major differences between K and 1st grade? My daughter went from half day Pre-K to full day K and worried all last summer to the point she was dreading starting kindergarten. It turned out she was terrified of riding the bus and of eating lunch at school. The bus fear was resolved the first day when she decided she loved riding the bus. The lunch fear took a week or so while she made new friends and learned how things worked.

Both of my kids seem to take FOREVER to adjust to new situations (ages 3 & 6) While they both normally love water and swimming, they are both currently freaking out over swim lessons. DD wouldn't even get in the pool the first day

 

[mommytobug]

It sounds like she is having an anxiety reaction to the swimming incident. Something like that can cause anxiety with other things in your life. My dd is an only child and experiences some anxiety. I would let her talk to someone if she continues, it is a minor hump that can be crossed!!

 

[LuvTinkBell]

I agree maybe this is coming from the pool incident, would she draw pictures for you of what she is scared of?

My DD did great in preschool and kindergarten but in first grade, she'd cry she missed us. It was an adjustment going from 1/2 day to all day, but her teacher was great. She let her call me a few times, or she'd send an email letting me know all was well.

I think it's great you know who her teacher is, we find out at 2 pm the day before school starts here, so it makes it harder to try to switch!

Is she scared of the cafeteria? Bus? REcess? Big kids?

My DDs bus driver FORGOT to bring her home 2xs down our cul-de-sac, and claimed she is so tiny I didn't realize she was back there, and DD is TERRIFIED of the bus, we took her and picked her up everyday, and everyday ALL YEAR she'd double check 2 or more times, "I'm a car rider, right"
I have another child in preschool and a baby on the way, and God help me next year! I am hoping she'll have a different driver, it was different from kindergarten.

If this doesn't resolve itself soon, speak with the doctor. There is a cute book called The Night Before Kindergarten, but we changed it to preschool for my little one, and I did first grade for my older DD.

Good luck!

 

[barkley]

you might also get the junie b. jones books by barbara parks (first one is "junie b. jones-first grader at last!". they are written from the perspective of a first grade girl and are pretty on the spot about that age group. there are several in the series and she will probably be able to read many of the words herself.

my son had an issue with being fearful of being at school (1st grade) related to a traumatic event (i had a stroke while he was at school), and the only way he was able to cope was for me to stay in the classroom with him and gradualy reduce my time over a couple of months. it was tedious and time consuming, but eventualy he was able to adjust and realize i was going to be o.k. while he was at school. i don't personaly see how she would be associating the pool incident with 1st grade starting, but if she somehow is you can realy only wait until she feels comfortable expressing it in her own way.

 

[PrincessAbby'sMom]

We usually don't know who the teacher is until the week before school starts, but her Kindergarten teacher knows that my daughter is having issues, so she set it up & told me. (a big no no & no one else knows or she could get fired for telling me)
Kindergarden is 1/2 day & 1st grade will be full day. She had lunch at school one day last year with her class to see what lunch would be like. She was scared at first, but came home & loved it! I agree that alot of it is just not knowing until she does it, but it's about everything now.
Today was her 1st class at the Park w/her teacher...the sitter dropped her off, stayed until she was comfortable, then called me & said she did wonderful. The test will be when Dad drops her off on Thursday.
I will look for those book suggestions - THank you!
When I ask what she is scared of her response is "I don't know". So, I really don't know if she would draw anything or not.
Thank you all so much for your help!
Have a great summer!