Parenting advice?

[UrsulasShadow]

I'm not going to say what age I think it's okay to let your child play outdoors supervised. That is between you and the child, and only you know your child well enough to know if the child is able to be left alone outside at age 7.

What I am going to ask is this...have any of you seen John Stossel's special on "Scared Stiff"? One point that is brought up is this...there are no more incidents of kidnapping now than there were when we were kids, but we believe there is. We pass that belief on to our children, making yet another paranoid generation.

When I was a child, I was allowed not only to play in the front of the house (on a busy street) at age 6, but I was allowed to ride my horse on trails through the woods, walk to school and to friends' houses (usually 1 to 2 miles), ride my bike wherever it would take me, play in the woods, etc. What has changed? Only our perception of the prevalence of bad things happening to children.

Does this mean my mother was neglectful? Eh, could be. But I doubt it. I would never have had a childhood at all if I wasn't allowed to do these things (at least that's the way I imagine it).

I taught my children the basics about strangers, and where to go for help, and awareness of surroundings, then I pretty much let them be. They had to tell me where they were, but they weren't restricted. I think I did okay by them.

 

[horseshowmom]

I'm not going to say what age I think it's okay to let your child play outdoors supervised. That is between you and the child, and only you know your child well enough to know if the child is able to be left alone outside at age 7.

What I am going to ask is this...have any of you seen John Stossel's special on "Scared Stiff"? One point that is brought up is this...there are no more incidents of kidnapping now than there were when we were kids, but we believe there is. We pass that belief on to our children, making yet another paranoid generation.

When I was a child, I was allowed not only to play in the front of the house (on a busy street) at age 6, but I was allowed to ride my horse on trails through the woods, walk to school and to friends' houses (usually 1 to 2 miles), ride my bike wherever it would take me, play in the woods, etc. What has changed? Only our perception of the prevalence of bad things happening to children.

Does this mean my mother was neglectful? Eh, could be. But I doubt it. I would never have had a childhood at all if I wasn't allowed to do these things (at least that's the way I imagine it).

I taught my children the basics about strangers, and where to go for help, and awareness of surroundings, then I pretty much let them be. They had to tell me where they were, but they weren't restricted. I think I did okay by them.

In our case, DD also played in the woods (with friends from a fairly young age) and rode her horse in the pastures and trails behind our house (starting at age 10 and with a Motorola Talkabout radio attached to her belt due to the ever present possibility of an accident). I was comfortable with her doing things back there (which would be behind the house). I just wasn't comfortable with her being in the front yard with the road out there.

While I understand the point that Stossel made, I suspect he was saying that proportionally it's the same, and that's probably true. But I know that in our case, I lived in the same place when I was a child and there were long stretches of time that a car never passed the house. Now, there's a regular stream of them.

I'm not saying that there's anything wrong in how anybody else does things (and I have absolutely no doubt that you did well by your children), it's just that I was more comfortable with mine not playing in the front yard. Just a different perspective.

 

[CEDmom]

I'm not going to say what age I think it's okay to let your child play outdoors supervised. That is between you and the child, and only you know your child well enough to know if the child is able to be left alone outside at age 7.

What I am going to ask is this...have any of you seen John Stossel's special on "Scared Stiff"? One point that is brought up is this...there are no more incidents of kidnapping now than there were when we were kids, but we believe there is. We pass that belief on to our children, making yet another paranoid generation.

When I was a child, I was allowed not only to play in the front of the house (on a busy street) at age 6, but I was allowed to ride my horse on trails through the woods, walk to school and to friends' houses (usually 1 to 2 miles), ride my bike wherever it would take me, play in the woods, etc. What has changed? Only our perception of the prevalence of bad things happening to children.

Does this mean my mother was neglectful? Eh, could be. But I doubt it. I would never have had a childhood at all if I wasn't allowed to do these things (at least that's the way I imagine it).

I taught my children the basics about strangers, and where to go for help, and awareness of surroundings, then I pretty much let them be. They had to tell me where they were, but they weren't restricted. I think I did okay by them.

I think a few things have changed since many of us were young.

For one, many more mothers are in the workforce than when I was a child. Growing up my mom didn't have to worry if she couldn't see what we were doing because one of the other moms in our neighborhood sure could.

Another thing is that people knew their neighbors a lot better than they do now. Growing up we constantly socialized with our neighbors. I can't say the same for my DH and I today. We talk to our neighbors and the kids play but we don't know them on the same level as we know our friends.

Finally, while there may not be a greater number of kidnappings, abuse etc than there were 30+ years ago people are much more aware of them today. Think of all the abuse cases by Priests. Most were over 20 years ago but people just didn't talk about it or do anything about it.

Personally, I'm not teaching my DD to be scared of things but just to be aware and be smart about the decisions she makes. That's really all any of us can do as parents.

 

[UrsulasShadow]

I think that's my point here. We're much more aware of danger today, but the danger is not any greater. We put a huge emphasis in the sort of things that could POSSIBLY happen, not the things that are LIKELY to happen. We live our lives in fear that all the things we know are possible will somehow happen to our children if we're not hyper-vigilant. I think this does some harm to both our own psyche and our children's.

I believe in taking ordinary care...not locking our children up from the world. I'm not saying that everyone who says here that 7 is too young to let your child out of your sight is right or wrong. Like I said, some children need more supervision than others. What I am saying is, it's unlikely that letting your ordinarily careful child outdoors without you being with them constantly is putting your child in harm's way.

 

[meandtheguys2]

I think that's my point here. We're much more aware of danger today, but the danger is not any greater. We put a huge emphasis in the sort of things that could POSSIBLY happen, not the things that are LIKELY to happen. We live our lives in fear that all the things we know are possible will somehow happen to our children if we're not hyper-vigilant. I think this does some harm to both our own psyche and our children's.

I believe in taking ordinary care...not locking our children up from the world. I'm not saying that everyone who says here that 7 is too young to let your child out of your sight is right or wrong. Like I said, some children need more supervision than others. What I am saying is, it's unlikely that letting your ordinarily careful child outdoors without you being with them constantly is putting your child in harm's way.

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

I allow DDs almost 9 and almost 6 to play outside. Our street is very quiet except for the dozen or so kids that live on the street. The kids carry one walkie-talkie when they leave, and I check on them every few minutes. If they go in someone's house, they ask permission first.

Under no circumstances are they allowed out after dark.

 

[Luv'sTink]

I let DS play in the fenced front yard when he was 7 with friends. He still does not get to walk to friends houses without an adult. I did not get to do this when I was young either and 4, IMO, is definitely to young to be out and about by themselves.

This is your choice and your choice alone, well DH might want a say..LOL!

I am sorry but I do not believe that it is the same as it was when we were younger because this didn't happen when I went to high school but it happens now http://disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1372076
A month or so ago there was a shooting at a local high school and a 17 year old was killed, once again I don't remember that ever happening at my high school.

 

[N&B'smom]

I have a DS7 and DD3 and there's no way in heck I'm letting them play outside without me or another adult there. Feel free to call me over protective, that won't bother me in the least. It only takes a second for someone to grab a child. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that doesn't happen.

We do live in a nice area but even so, I still feel better knowing I'm with them.

Shelby

 

[mookie]

I let DS play in the fenced front yard when he was 7 with friends. He still does not get to walk to friends houses without an adult. I did not get to do this when I was young either and 4, IMO, is definitely to young to be out and about by themselves.

I'm not saying I let my 4yo our all the time to play unsupervised. Last summer, I was also busy with a newborn, which made it hard for me to get over to the park as often as I would have liked. Trust me, she's not over there for hours on end without me. But if she wants to go over there with other neighborhood kids and I am not finished taking care of the baby, then, she can go...I usually head over a few minutes later.

 

[UrsulasShadow]

I let DS play in the fenced front yard when he was 7 with friends. He still does not get to walk to friends houses without an adult. I did not get to do this when I was young either and 4, IMO, is definitely to young to be out and about by themselves.

This is your choice and your choice alone, well DH might want a say..LOL!

I am sorry but I do not believe that it is the same as it was when we were younger because this didn't happen when I went to high school but it happens now http://disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1372076
A month or so ago there was a shooting at a local high school and a 17 year old was killed, once again I don't remember that ever happening at my high school.

I remember all sorts of things happening when I was in HS, and we simply didn't make as big a deal out of them as we do now. I remember kids always carrying knives and such with them (brass knuckles were big in my school, and yeah, it was a small-town school). Discipline was carried out, and usually wasn't expanded into a school-wide event.

Shootings are bad, I agree, and we didn't have anything like that when I was in school, but kidnappings, murders happened. And they were a tragedy. But nobody locked up their kids permanently afterwards (although one of them, Mary Lou Arruda, a 15-year old, had quite a lasting effect on the community).

I don't know if we tend to glamorize our childhoods or not, but I do remember bad things happening. And in most instances, we noticed them, but didn't have show after show on TV about every single aspect of the crime, like we do today. I think it's an atmosphere of fear that is perpetuated by the media, because it brings in viewers.

I also think there is a tendency to dwell more heavily on tragedy nowadays that we didn't seem to do when I was a child. Examples: roadside memorials. "In-house" counseling at the schools. Kids are expected to have deep, scarring reactions to things that may have, in times past, been a mere blip on their young radar screens. Not to say that kids don't have feelings about these things, but I think as a society we are exaggerating everything into a life-changing event for everybody, not just those closest to the unfortunate victims.

Sorry if I've rambled on to the point of hijacking this thread, but I get a little frightened myself at the turn our society's taken.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I wasn't allowed out front alone as a kid at age 7. I would not let my kids play out front at that age either. That is one of the main reasons we are putting a porch on the front of our house. When the kids are older I will sit out front just as my family did. You have to go with your gut. There is no right answer. If you think it's okay then that's all you need to know. Some people think I am overprotective and I don't care. I have friends who never take their kids safety into account and it gives me anxiety but they are doing what they feel is best. You'll make the right choice because you know what's best for your family.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

My kids are 9yo now and over the past couple of years we've begun to allow them some freedoms.

A week or two ago I saw a show that made me somewhat re-think things a bit. It was a Biography episode featuring John Walsh, and the heartwrenching story of the abduction and murder of his son, Adam. Has anybody seen it?

Adam was abducted from a department store in 1981. As a direct result of John's subsequent work, we now have a system for reporting and finding missing children. Back then, there was nothing. Kind of ironic he's devoted his life to the cause but he himself was never able to get resolution in his son's case.

I guess what I "re-thought" was just never letting my guard down when it comes to my kids. Not that I really did in the first place, but I can see that at some point many of us do, in a natural sense, as they get older.

Anyway, this thread made me think of the show and I thought I'd share.

John Walsh bio: http://www.tv.com/john-walsh/person/2580/biography.html