Youtube only shows so much. Fear is 100x worse than the actual experience itself.
Very true! And the more you worry about how you'll react on the ride, the more anxious you'll be before you ever step foot on it.
DH had himself all psyched out about ToT before he rode it for the first time and he gets pretty severe anxiety attacks too (he'll actually spike a fever). The reputation, the screaming, the theming, all built the anticipation and his anxiety level. But he decided it was worth giving it a try. And you know what? He LOVED it. Since that fateful day in 2004 he's probably ridden it 50 times, and he's the one that will drag me on it over and over again if the line is short.
Of course that won't be everyone's experience, but it does show that sometimes the actual thing itself isn't anywhere near as bad as it is in your head.
And as for what to expect with ToT (since that's mostly what we've been talking about), you're right, YouTube only shows so much. So here is exactly what you can expect from my earlier post...
It it helps, here's the ToT experience in a nutshell (spoilers if people don't want to know)
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You enter the "elevator" which consists of 3 rows of seats facing forward with an aisle in the middle. (IMO the most "secure" feeling seats are those against the wall and in the back 2 rows) You are seatbelted into your seat. The seatbelts lock into place and the CM tests to make sure everyone is secure. They leave and the doors close. It gets dark and you go up. The doors open and there is a "spooky scene" that plays into the story line (I won't give it completely away but I've never seen anyone get freaked out by it). Everything goes dark again, the doors close and you go up some more. The doors open and this time your car moves forward through yet another story-driven "spooky scene" that's actually fairly tame (nothing gross or shocking). You move past the scene towards doors that slide open, and into the elevator "shaft". At this point you are in complete darkness. The car then begins it's rise/fall through a random series of controlled "drops" - FYI you're not actually free falling, and the up/down motion is actually quite smooth. At some points you may stop where the "doors" in the front of the building open and you can see out over the park. At this point you will be very high up (close your eyes if you're afraid of heights). There are generally another couple/few "drops" after the door closes and then you're gently brought back to earth.
The number/length of the drops are random and change from ride to ride. The entire thing is over in less than 5 minutes.
True you still won't know how you'll FEEL once you're really there, but that's true of anything new in life that you're facing. Nothing you can do about that. Think of it this way - unless you never leave the house, everyday life is filled with new, sometimes scary things. And it doesn't come with a "panic button" in case you find yourself not coping well. You find a way to deal with it or you choose to avoid it.
When it comes to a theme park ride (and that's really all we're talking about here - it's not one of life's necessities), best you can do is try and have as accurate an idea as you can about what to expect. Maybe then, if you do start to panic, you can say to yourself, "I can do this, only XYZ left, I know what's coming next, etc..."
And I wouldn't worry about "breaking with reality" and trying to do something stupid. By your own account you've never done this before, and people here with anxiety across the spectrum have confirmed that, while this may be an extremely unpleasant situation, they have never acted irrationally as a result. You won't be able to get out of the car and harm yourself because of the restraints. You MAY have to stick out a few minutes of being freaked out, but then it will be over and you will be safe.
And in the end, if you choose not to take a chance and ride, it's not going to ruin your day or your trip. If your companion wants to go you can accompany them in line, leave at the chicken exit and meet them at the end. No worries!
