Package mailed to friend and they thought it was for them

[CTdiznymom]

Just think...everytime you have coffee at their house you will enjoy it soooo much more! With a big grin on your face and no one the wiser!

 

[bumbershoot]

"doesn't come from much" means the family does not have much money.

And the OP's use of it killed what little sympathy I may have had over such a dumb mistake. I mean really, what the hell makes these poor people think we'd give them a Kuerig? Those people are barely Mr. Coffee worthy.

That's not what the OP was saying.

This is a strange situation all around.... I just don't get why it was shipped there to begin with? If you were going to have it shipped it anywhere, why not straight to the intended recipient?!??!

Anyway, I'm also in the "let her keep it" camp. Those things are on huge sales all over the place. Just purchase another one for the original intended recipient.

OP: Can you explain why it wasn't just shipped to the intended recipient and why you wouldn't have asked PERMISSION to have a package shipped to someone else's house to begin with????????

They thought they DID have permission. Sounds like the children in question are seniors in HS, nearly adults (possibly already adults), and the wife asked her son to ask the other son to ask his mom (wow that sounds long and involved, but I think anyone who is a parent, or even a kid, in that situation knows it's pretty common to relay questions in that way) and everyone on the OP's side thought it was done! They thought they DID have permission.

I feel it's obvious that the OP's family wanted to give the Keurig, in person, to the wife's father. Maybe they are getting together with him for the holiday and wanted to wrap it, etc? Not just ship it to him?

Well perhaps it was me that misunderstood OP's intent. To me 'he's a great kid that didn't come from much.' is a compliment- that they overcame a tough beginning. I also interpreted it as relevant in that I thought he was trying to politely say the mother would not be able to just run out and buy another if the mistake became known.

I think it is, too. And that it also explains that this might not be something the mom could buy for herself.

His "FIL has a sense of humor" comment might also mean that the OP's family doesn't have the means to replace it, either, so FIL will need to love the story and get a kick out of it, as he won't be getting a replacement.

I really don't think that's much of a compliment; it implies that poor kids are naturally less good than more well off kids. It's sort of like being surprised that a black kid can use proper grammar.

Well, it's HARD to learn how to behave in fancier society when you come from a more hand-to-mouth family. I was from one of those families...dad left when I was around 2 (though they didn't divorce until I was 4), no child support paid, lots of threats against us and actions against my mom...we had chickens for eggs until he put the dogs into the chicken coop, we had a garden for veggies...my mom routinely did not eat so that we could... Mom didn't go to any sort of college until she was 50; when I was applying for colleges she didn't have even a single clue on how to advise me. When I was trying to get into a sorority I had absolutely NO sense of what was appropriate to wear, to talk about, etc.

It's hard to learn what no one is teaching you. (of course, what's weird is that my mom's family was wealthy...but she left the home at 17, was a hippie, and while she tried her best to teach us things like how to choose the proper silverware (she did have a full set of real silver), there were big blank spots in her knowledge and therefore in mine as well).

As for grammar, with ANY child who isn't raised in a family where average English is being spoken, it's hard to learn. DH grew up with Konglish, a combo of English and Korean, because his dad was only home half the time, and his mom has never become totally fluent in English AND thought that it was wrong wrong wrong to teach them Korean. We spent the first 5 years of our relationship/marriage in a sort of English bootcamp, so that I could better understand what he was saying. It's like communicating when one person uses the "ing" form of speech all the time. Where "I am wanting to talk with you" is used instead of "I want to talk with you". That form of speech is confusing to the other person. MIL doesn't seem to understand "if", or other hypothetical forms of speech. So "I want to go back to school IF I get this job and IF they have tuition reimbursement" means "I am back in school NOW". And then the person gets in trouble when she finds out later that no one went back to school, even though the IFs never happened.

Learning nonessential things is HARD when they aren't being taught.

Well, as someone who did not come from much, myself, it is harder to be good when you, for example, have to work a full time job all four years of high school, get made fun of for not having or not getting to do what the other kids do, not having the advantages in terms of having parents that know how to 'navigate' life - things like college and career planning are totally foreign to them...the truth is, money does bring advantages that can make it simpler to be 'a great kid.'

Exactly.

My brother, who is ridiculously smart in almost all ways (except he was a slow adopter of FastPass, LOL), is quiet enough that he can blend in and not show any ignorance he might have of a situation (unlike his sister, LOL), and has had amazing luck throughout his life, was recently telling me that his co-workers are always surprised to find out he didn't grow up with money.

We, and especially my brother, were fortunate to live in an area where near abject poverty lived literally next door to half a million dollar houses (right over our garden fence is where the developments went up!), and so we had friends from all backgrounds. He made friends with one of the wealthiest kids in his grade (because the boy was nice, not b/c of what he had), and I'd gone to school with some people with things like a house on the hill, black-bottomed pools, season tickets to Stanford games, and so we (especially my brother) did get those glimpses. I still act like a fish out of water most of the time, but he managed to absorb it enough so he can be in that sort of group and fit in.

He had the luck and the intelligence to get in to Duke, which then set the stage for everything else in his life, including his amazing wife, and their luck and intelligence have brought them to a place where most everyone in their lives did come from money, and my brother has managed to blend in.


All this to say, "he didn't come from much" might be intended as an insult from petty people, but I, as a person who didn't come from much, KNOW how HARD it is, and I will NEVER take it as an insult. Even if they bless my heart. (that phrase is where the insult comes in, I learned from my time in SC)




And I know that my mom would have been flummoxed to have received a present like that out of the blue from the parents of one of my friends. She would never EVER have expected something like that (even adjusting costs for 70s or 80s prices, LOL), because she could NEVER have reciprocated at all. And especially if that friend had just taken me or my brother to Disney? She would have known immediately that something else was going on.

That's why I was so surprised that she would have thought such a thing. It's not that she doesn't *deserve* such a gift, but I know that if she were my mom who didn't have much, it would have sent up big red flags, and my mom would have questioned it, not just accepted the perceived gift.

 

[Minnesota!]

Well perhaps it was me that misunderstood OP's intent. To me 'he's a great kid that didn't come from much.' is a compliment- that they overcame a tough beginning. I also interpreted it as relevant in that I thought he was trying to politely say the mother would not be able to just run out and buy another if the mistake became known.

I have to agree. i don't see any insult in what the OP said. "Not coming from much" is only stating that the kid grew up in a household that struggled financially, and maybe they still struggle. Doesn't mean he is a deliquent, or that he is an awful person/awful parents. just means that he didn't have the means to be as comfortable as other people did.

Some people are just out to find insults in anything.

 

[imsayin]

OP Thanks for sharing your funny story. It would be perfect on an FML site (for those with teens, ask them). I'm sorry the thread has gotten hijacked into bashing you. People who "would never" and "don't see how that could happen" are above human mistakes.

 

[momxx5]

Oh no, I know the FMA site.
Actually my son posted about girlfriend it was on their home page. She was not impressed.

I guess this qualifies too. sorry.

 

[valee]

We don't know the entire situation, but since the DW of the OP apparently got out of the hospital just before the trip, perhaps the mother of her son helped out the OP's family in some way during that time, which the mother may have thought had prompted a lovely thank you gift. There are some situations that I could easily see happening - OP's son stayed over at the friend's house, or friend's mother helped with shopping, meals, or some other housework while the OP's DW was in the hospital. I now I'd try to help out friends like that, and although I would expect it, I wouldn't be surprised if they acknowledged my help in someway with a note or a gift.

 

[MineMail]

When DH and I were engaged, we ordered some China from a store in another state. The delivery cost was less if you had it shipped in-state, so I asked a friend if I could use his address. He said "Sure" and we filled out the paperwork.

We ordered all the "completer" pieces: a few serving bowls, coffee pot, creamer, sugar bowl w/ lid and a butter dish.

About a month later, he told me that he had received the package. With new jobs, wedding prep and other commitments, about six months went by before we got together again. He brought the box, as promised.

The only thing the store had shipped was the butter dish! The rest of the order was cancelled by the store, with no notice. Here, we're expecting a huge box of china and all we got was a butter dish. We laugh about it every time we think about that mixup.

 

[CTdiznymom]

OP- So you paid for the friend to go to Disney? AND...the mom thought you sent her a gift besides? WOW is all I can say! I'm sorry for the expensive mistake and you really have to chalk it up, but boy that's nervey.