Overproctective parenting?

[punkin]

I I wouldn't let him join one of those groups who plays with live steel.

Really? There are people who do this?????

 

[punkin]

There are competitive martial arts, definitely. But taking the competition out of it altogether, martial arts are about mastery of form, mastery of body and self, and how to be strong enough to AVOID the fight.

No. Martial arts are by definition arts of war. All the things you mention naturally come with mastery of a martial art, but the the purpose, the very reason for its existence is to hurt other people.

 

[Acklander]

I just accept the fact that kids are going to need stitches and break bones, so I let them do what they want as far as extra activities go. The only thing I'm weird about is, I won't let my kids lean against railings or stand near the edge when we're on top of high buildings. For some reason that freaks me out, so as long as they don't do that we're good to go

 

[tonilea]

Raising a son was so different than the two girls....he was/is so much more of a risk-taker and DH also is the one to reel me back in when I get too over-protective of him. It's been a good balance. Then again, maybe I've become too relaxed: DS and a couple of friends found an old tire at the high school and got the brilliant idea of climbing inside and rolling themselves down a hill. I have to admit it made me laugh when I saw the video he posted on his facebook, but when DS made plans to go and do it again, DH was the one who flipped and told him no. He is usually the one to allow the risks so it surprised me when he said no.

LOL I read somewhere that girls look at a situation and think, "I might get hurt." Boys look at the same situation and think, "I might NOT get hurt."

 

[goofy!]

DS (14) is the center for his football team. He has been playing since he was 7 and thankfully has never been injured. He has never suffered any kind of head injury, even mild. Since the only time he really ever touches the ball is to snap it, he doesn't get the the open field tackles.

Now lacrosse, that is another story. He is the goalie and every lacrosse season I wonder if social services is going to be knocking on our door due to multitude of bruises on his body from being the target of very hard rubber balls. His only broken bone has come from being hit by a lacrosse ball. Add to that, like most goalies out there, they shun as many pads as they can get away with as they impede movement.

My older DS swam competitively through high school - really the only sport he liked. He does have his black belt, but never got into the competitive martial arts.

I am heading out in 10 minutes to bring our DD with Down syndrome to the orthopedic doc as we think she blew out her knee in competitive cheer last week working on her back handspring.

People probably think I am nuts to let a kid with a syndrome that is known for low muscle tone to push herself. but she loves it so much that was a risk we were willing to take.

As for OP's neighbor, I would have no idea why she withdrew her children as what is reported here is 3rd party heresay. She could have many reasons with the injury giving her a convenient excuse to get out of the class. I will comment that after sitting through martial arts training for 6 years, I do find it rather unprofessional that the instructor would comment at all about another student.

 

[pennymom]

I have a DS(11). I will not let him play football. After reading the research on the permanent brain injuries that can be suffered from repeated minor concussions and head hits, I just don't think it is worth the risk. Even players who only played in high school have been shown to have permanent damage. There are plenty of other sports, that will not cause long lasting brain injury. Study is here... http://www.nejm.org/doi/pdf/10.1056/NEJMp1007051

DH and I won't let either DS play football, either. As a kid, DH's next door neighbor broke his neck playing...scary stuff. But I think we'd let them try just about anything else.

 

[goofy!]

No. Martial arts are by definition arts of war. All the things you mention naturally come with mastery of a martial art, but the the purpose, the very reason for its existence is to hurt other people.

Interesting. My son's sense, who was a 5th degree black belt at the time, studying under the master Jun Lee, always taught that you walk away first and only ever use your martial arts skills as a last measure for self-defense.

One never uses their skills for aggression.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

Interesting. My son's sense, who was a 5th degree black belt at the time, studying under the master Jun Lee, always taught that you walk away first and only ever use your martial arts skills as a last measure for self-defense.

One never uses their skills for aggression.

This was the philosophy at my DD's school she went to. ONLY self-defense, however they did teach you to kick the crap out of the other person if they attacked you. Not only did our instructors know mutliple forms of martial arts, they were all prison guards during their day jobs.

DD lasted for 3 years. She was "student of the year" last year. This year she just got bored with it. She gave it up for horseback riding.

 

[Magic Mom]

I guess I'm a bad mom. My son played football, and DD rides and handles a 1000 pound horse. I even let her ride in the woods with her friends...bareback...through a creek...without an adult with them. Life is full of risks, and I can't think of any regular youth activity that I wouldn't let them try as long as they were taking the proper safety precautions.

 

[golfgal]

Interesting. My son's sense, who was a 5th degree black belt at the time, studying under the master Jun Lee, always taught that you walk away first and only ever use your martial arts skills as a last measure for self-defense.

One never uses their skills for aggression.

That is what our kids were told too. In fact, they were told if the EVER started a fight they were kicked out of TKD.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

My daughter split her chin open in her 4 year old Creative Movement class. Flittering around like a butterfly with a scarf, too busy watching herself in the mirror and not where she was going. Banging into another girl. Both hit the floor -- my daughter split open her chin, the other girl got a bump on the head. Could happen anywhere at any time. FWIW, the nurse in the ER was asking DD questions, just to make sure it wasn't abuse. She had a hard time believing it happened during dancing school.

 

[Magic Mom]

My daughter split her chin open in her 4 year old Creative Movement class. Flittering around like a butterfly with a scarf, too busy watching herself in the mirror and not where she was going. Banging into another girl. Both hit the floor -- my daughter split open her chin, the other girl got a bump on the head. Could happen anywhere at any time. FWIW, the nurse in the ER was asking DD questions, just to make sure it wasn't abuse. She had a hard time believing it happened during dancing school.

That's funny (not the hurt part.)

 

[NHdisneylover]

Interesting. My son's sense, who was a 5th degree black belt at the time, studying under the master Jun Lee, always taught that you walk away first and only ever use your martial arts skills as a last measure for self-defense.

One never uses their skills for aggression.

That is what our kids were told too. In fact, they were told if the EVER started a fight they were kicked out of TKD.

These both match what DD13 was told in her karate classes for almost 5 years.

As to the OP: I agree with the PP who is surprised that the instructor said why the person withdrew. All he should have said was that she is no longer taking classes there.
It could well be that the mother is VERY overprotective. It could be (as someone else suggested) that the kids are naturally observers and easily freaked out by groups/noise and they do not want to be out playing without mom right there, etc. It is hard to know based on what little is here.

I have known ultra over protective parents (and i am more so in some areas than many--water/swimming freaks me out so I always insist on being htere or only trust limited adults with them swimming even at 11 and 13--and it is true that my 13 year old swims substantially better than I do, but that is jsut my irrational parent thing). I have also known those timid kids. I think it is within the realm of possibility that the mom enrolled her kids hoping to build their self esteem and confidence (martial arts can be great for that) and when the kid saw her classmate bleeding she freaked out and did not want to take class anymore. Perhaps Mm knows her daughter and feels this is not worth a battle after the girl witnessing the accident. Then again, perhaps mom is just a whirring helicopter.

I do agree with most of the posters here that kids can and do get hurt everywhere. DS11 is a magnet for injuries in "safe" situations:

5 stitches in his forehead after tripping in the living room (age 2)

5 staples in the back of his head after sitting in and leaning back in an airport chair which turned out to be broken (could not tell it was, no sign, etc.) at LAX (also age 2)

Broken arm (in two places) after climbing on a porch rail (that one made some sense) (age 4)

4 stitches in forehead after putting his hands on a rock and leaning against them--it was raining and his hands slipped away on the wet surface and his face crashed into the rock (age 5)

Broken wrist when he fell off a sled (age 9)

Damaged eye (possibly permanent--still waiting on it to recover and seeing what else we might have to do) after being hit by an acorn thrown by another child at a park (two weeks ago--age 11)

NEVER an injury at dance, theatre, karate, swim class, snow skiiing, horseback riding or basketball. MMMmmm

 

[Becky2005]

Considering my son is getting staples out of his head this afternoon -- Woo Hoo!!! That he managed to get while walking down the hall at home, slipping and hitting the back of his head on the corner of the wall.

YET...same child does wrestling (and was in karate for a while) and didn't get her one bit while IN the sports.

I don't particularly care for wrestling and really if I could I would avoid him doing it BUT I don't want to deprive HIM of the experience because it's the only sport he really seems to like and it fits him well. I did talk him out of it one year but relented the next & he loved it. He will be doing it again this year & I will be in the stands cheering him on (sort of since I haven't got a clue what is going on) and having a heart attack at the same time while watching his match.

My DD did gymnastics and talk about a dangerous sport! YIKES.

 

[poohlover]

Not my kid, and not everyone may think marching band is a sport...

but in the 11 years my kids have participated in marching band, many have passed out, been knocked out by a tuba, needed stitches from getting hit by another tuba or trombone...I even think someone broke an ankle falling, another a wrist.

Even what may seem easy has the possibility of getting hurt. Same as you can get hit by a car crossing the street.

 

[Becky2005]

FWIW, the nurse in the ER was asking DD questions, just to make sure it wasn't abuse. She had a hard time believing it happened during dancing school.

I think they do that in general. My poor DS-13 was getting so mad last week and even asked "WHY does everyone come in here ask me what happened? Shouldn't they just write it down somewhere so I don't have to keep repeating it?" He was getting so tired of repeating the same story 50,000 times every time someone new walked into the room. I knew the reason was to make sure the story was consistant I think but I could also see why he was so frustrated because it would literally be less than a minute after one person left & someone else would walk in and the first words out of their mouth was "What happened?"

It was funny as he was saying it "WHY do they keep asking me that?" In mid sentence another person walked in and then asked "what happened" I think he was ready to scream just from being asked the same question constantly.

It wasn't even THAT big of an injury.

 

[Magic Mom]

Here are some awful injuries from soccer. Don't click if you are freaked out by broken bones.
http://www.oddee.com/item_96906.aspx

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I think they do that in general. My poor DS-13 was getting so mad last week and even asked "WHY does everyone come in here ask me what happened? Shouldn't they just write it down somewhere so I don't have to keep repeating it?" He was getting so tired of repeating the same story 50,000 times every time someone new walked into the room. I knew the reason was to make sure the story was consistant I think but I could also see why he was so frustrated because it would literally be less than a minute after one person left & someone else would walk in and the first words out of their mouth was "What happened?"

It was funny as he was saying it "WHY do they keep asking me that?" In mid sentence another person walked in and then asked "what happened" I think he was ready to scream just from being asked the same question constantly.

It wasn't even THAT big of an injury.

The nurse finally realized I was telling the truth when I gave her the name of the dance studio, the name of her dance instructor and the names of 4 parents who were there, all of whom could vouch for me that I wasn't even in the room with my daughter when it happened. Apparently her daughter had also gone to that dance studio and she was familiar with the teacher and which classes she taught.

 

[JustCallMeMommy]

The referenced children are eight and six. It is totally normal for a mother of children this young to strive to ensure that they are not injured.

I must be abnormal then, because at 7, I am encouraging DD to learn to control her body and experiment with what she can do. Yesterday, she was playing on the playground and scraped her underarm pretty bad. It has a nice welt about 3 inches long. I gave hugs and kisses, and then we packed up and went to taekwondo class where she stretched, broke boards, and sparred. I won't be keeping her off the playground today, either, though she might get hurt again. This weekend, she is going to shoot a bow for the first time and having taught archery, I know that many children pop themselves really hard with the string when they are learning. As a mom, I recognize that there is risk in learning new skills. I can't protect my child to the point that I keep her from growing or learning.

FWIW, I have seen a child and an adult hurt in TKD, but I have never felt like it wasn't safe enough to continue. When you do a sport, sometimes there will be a sprained ankle or a cracked tooth. From my observations, compared to football or gymnastics, the chances of injury in TKD class are low.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I must be abnormal then, because at 7, I am encouraging DD to learn to control her body and experiment with what she can do. Yesterday, she was playing on the playground and scraped her underarm pretty bad. It has a nice welt about 3 inches long. I gave hugs and kisses, and then we packed up and went to taekwondo class where she stretched, broke boards, and sparred. I won't be keeping her off the playground today, either, though she might get hurt again. This weekend, she is going to shoot a bow for the first time and having taught archery, I know that many children pop themselves really hard with the string when they are learning. As a mom, I recognize that there is risk in learning new skills. I can't protect my child to the point that I keep her from growing or learning.

FWIW, I have seen a child and an adult hurt in TKD, but I have never felt like it wasn't safe enough to continue. When you do a sport, sometimes there will be a sprained ankle or a cracked tooth. From my observations, compared to football or gymnastics, the chances of injury in TKD class are low.

I don't think you're abnormal but I do think you're oversimplifying.

I'm a parent of an 11 year old. I do lots of things that I'd consider "striving" to keep my child from getting injured -- I researched back seat safety when I bought my car, I paid for the hockey mouth guard, and the shin guards for soccer and the helmet for skateboarding, and I nag him about using them. I volunteered shoveling mulch at our local playground to make sure there was enough protective covering. I taught him carefully to cross the street. I went to his Tae Kwon Do studio and watched a lesson before I signed him up because I wanted to make sure that their management was good. Once I pulled him out of a recreational gymnastics class because there were no mats under the equipment (e.g. under the trampoline, under the uneven bars, under the beam) and they'd let the kids go off on climb all over them with no supervision if they got bored in class.

I also know that often the benefits of something outweigh the risks. I let my kid climb to the top of the climbing structure (with the mulch I shoveled under it) when he was not quite 2, and I let him snowboard double black diamond hills without me when he was 10. I actually let him do things that I know make other parents cringe. It's a balancing act, and unless a parent is actually neglectful I think we all make choices every day between being more protective, or letting them experience the benefits otherwise.

For whatever reason this mom decided that on this occasion she'd choose the side of safety. Maybe the kids were also considering a dojo nearby that had mats and this was the final deciding factor? Maybe her kids saw the accident and were upset by it? Who knows, and who cares.