Overgifting

[estherhead]

But if you can't give both, if you only have limited resources, some people choose gifts, and others vacations. Some of the best gifts I've received have been vacations, but I also have received some lovely wrapped packages full of things I treasure. It just depends.

 

[skiwee1]

But if you can't give both, if you only have limited resources, some people choose gifts, and others vacations. Some of the best gifts I've received have been vacations, but I also have received some lovely wrapped packages full of things I treasure. It just depends.

True. I was referring to the OP that said that some overgift by buying stuff and taking the vacation. She made it sound like that's a bad thing and I don't agree.

 

[crisi]

I don't think you can say its blanket bad or blanket good.

Pros to gifting:

The child experiences joy.
You give the child something they need or want in a manner that brings pleasure.
You give the child (I suppose adult) something tangible to remember the trip by.

and there are plenty more.

Cons to gifting:

The "opportunity cost of money" - i.e. I buy a $20 Cinderella play set for my daughter, what else would I do with that $20. Pay rent? bad choice. Get my nails done? Probably a good trade.

More "stuff" in the universe. I can fill a dumpster with the plastic stuff my kids already have.

and there are plenty more.

All of us have met a spoiled brat in our lives, and perhaps gifting more when your kid is a spoiled brat is a bad idea. On the other hand, all of us have met the kids who aren't spoiled and need extra joy - and in that case its probably a good idea.

Setting expectations. We don't gift in part because we may not gift next time. Circumstances change, next time the kids are at WDW it might be with a tighter budget.

 

[rt2dz]

I think the point of the vacation not being a gift is that when you purchase a gift it doesn't matter (or at least it is not supposed to) what you want, it is totally for the person receiving the gift (what THEY want and would enjoy). For example, you buy a china place setting for a wedding that the bride and groom picked out, not the one you particularly prefer. But when taking a vacation, the kids just pretty much go along for the ride. Yes, you want to pick something they will enjoy (it will help you enjoy the vacation more) but in the end, if you don't want to do it, it's not going to happen. You actually have to spend your time (and money) there; you're not going to be serving off those dishes.

And I repeat--the spoiled child isn't the child who has a lot of "stuff". Some kids don't want to toys--but candy and other intangible "stuff", and are spoiled. Other kids have tons of toys, but aren't spoiled. The spoiled child is the child who doesn't know the word "no" (even those with a lot can be told "no" quite a bit--ie, it mainly comes from Christmas and birthdays not the every day trip to the grocery store) and the child who doesn't appreciate what he/she has.

I'll admit my kids have a lot of "stuff". My in-laws gave my oldest the whole geotracks set for Christmas one year. It's a lot. But it was all at once, didn't come from us, and he appreciates it. It's more fun to play with than a couple of pieces. Floored my DH; it was probably more than he received his whole childhood from his parents. HOWEVER, my son almost always puts others first. At VBS they went over how kids didn't have shoes in Ethiopia and he has been very concerned about it ever since. He wanted to send everything he had in his bank back to the church to help. He spends lots of time picking out just the right gift. He even words out all his thank you notes (by telling me) himself; he would never forget a thank you note. Even when we were at WDW he saw things that some of his friends would like and he wanted to buy it for them. This is not a "spoiled" child. He rarely whines over being told no. If he really wants it he'll just ask to put it on his wish list for Christmas and his birthday or ask if he has enough money in his bank. He's being taught how to tithe, give extra to other charities, put some away for college, and that he can do whatever he wants with the rest. Although, maybe my definition of spoiled is different. Would somebody else like to share theirs?

 

[mlwear]

I don't like the term "spoiled". To me it says, unsalvagable and I believe everyone has the ability to change. But, not the point...
My definition of "spoiled" is when the child is control of the parent. A kid can ask, but if the parent says no, then it is over (albeit some whining may be involved). But, if the parent always says yes or gives in and says yes that's spoiled.

 

[MandM-Mom]

On our May trip DD4 got to pick one special thing per day.........she was great about it and never asked for anything more. Actually on our last night she asked us for a set of incredibles figurines and she had already gotten something for the day but we surprised her the next morning by getting them during check-out... she was so good she deserved it. She never had a melt down or whinned the whole 5 days, got up early everyday and never napped in the parks once.... I love giving her gifts, Dh and I are softies if she does a good job we reward her. Not because she asks but because we can, maybey someday we will not be able to so we do it now while we can... who knows what can happen with jobs and life and such. We live each day to its fullest!! And if that means spoiling my children with love and GIFTS then it does.

 

[MrsPete]

This is actually a huge parenting question in my mind. One which I debate with myself regularly... Just because I have the money to get it for you, should I? I made a decision about a year ago or so to stop buying my kids whatever they wanted. We put a freeze on any gift buying for a month. I didn't even let them have a quarter to ride mall horsies. My thought process behind this was at 3 and 4 I was training them that all you have to do is ask, and your wishes shall be granted, which we all know in real life is not true. In real life you must work for what you get. And my actions were leading to a lot of begging and whining in stores which is both embarassing and frustrating.

So during this month we cleaned out all toys in their room that weren't precious to them (about 3/4 of the toys: TONS!) and sold them and used the money to redecorate and organize their room. They loved the new, uncluttered look and after that month they had been trained to not ask for much and how hard it is to make any money at all. They don't even know the difference between a quarter and a dime, but they know that money doesn't grow in mommy's purse. And they see how hard I work to make and save money.

This pretty much sums up my approach to giving to my kids too.

 

[robinb]

This pretty much sums up my approach to giving to my kids too.

I have a serious question. How do you do it without your children going ballistic? Or, do you just do it behind their back or without their input? I tried having my DD pick out certain toys to keep and certain toys to give away, but it never seems to work out since she chooses to keep everything. Her room is packed with toys she never uses! I would love some guidance in convincing her to part with some of her things as they are taking over our house!

 

[babytrees]

Of course we Grand Scoped our selves into this whole trip!!!!!

I think that should be seen by a tag fairy.

We also consider ourselves middle of the roaders...we are hoping that our July 2006 trip is not our only but it will only be the second trip we take as a family without the purpose being to see other family members so....I probably have already over done it but a few things for the car ride down is not going to break us and the girls know we are on a tight budget(they're the ones who came up with it!!) so they are working and saving so they have money that isn't included in the budget for souvie's...they also have told us to put the money we would have spent on Christmas toward our trip....comments like that and I know we must be doing something right!!

 

[babytrees]

I have a serious question. How do you do it without your children going ballistic? Or, do you just do it behind their back or without their input? I tried having my DD pick out certain toys to keep and certain toys to give away, but it never seems to work out since she chooses to keep everything. Her room is packed with toys she never uses! I would love some guidance in convincing her to part with some of her things as they are taking over our house!

I will tell what we do:
twice a year the girls have to go through their "things" before Christmas and before their birthdays(May14th). They know that if that doesn't get done then I reserve the right to not give them more stuff. It also helps that my grandparents had a hand in starting a Indian Mission (they helped coordinate loads to go down to Mexico, Texas and other places) the girls know that there "stuff" is going to someone who doesn't have any. Santa also only brings one thing because we have seven grandmas and we know not everyone is as lucky as we are(or unlucky depending on who you are talking about ). We also have a rule in our house and it works esp. at Christmas...if mom hears more than one "I want" about a commercial that is a guarantee of not getting it. There are a minimum "I wants" I always remind them they have their own money and birthday/christmas wish lists not mom's purse.
My younger daughter,9, is thrilled to be going through their stuff a third time to stock her troops garage sale next weekend. Our oldest is also a strong willed one but at 13 we are happy for the strong will....she isn't as affected by peer pressure as I see some of her friends(a psych. friend told us to look at the personality of our children at 3 and that is what they will be like with their friends as they get older....I believe it!! with our kids)....but the "I wants" are coming back w/her because her friends have cell phones and ipods....hard keeping up with the friends when mom is a stingy meanie but I refuse to buy her such expensive "toys"

Hope I helped!!

 

[ExPirateShopGirl]

Like one poster above mentioned, a gift can be anything. It doesn't need to be a tangible smettle of plastic that will be tossed in due course, it can be a trip, a photograph, or even an unexpected phone call. Treats given for behavior modification and the like don't really qualify as gifts, they are tools you use to control your child's behavior or, in some cases, tools your children use to control you Honestly, I didn't even think about behavior modification when I first posted because my kids are much older and that's not an issue for us.

In any case, I am not opposed to gift giving. I think gifts are wonderful, but I am a big believer in moderation. I don't replace holiday or birthday gifts with trips, but I like to give my kids the gift of travel and adventure in addition to the standard gift-giving occasions.

I want my kids to know the value of "trinketry' as I call it. The economics of life include finite resources and finite space, both of which can be taxed with excessive "trinketry." A couple of years ago I made a rule about gifts needing to be functional, but I am only successful there about 60% of the time. One poster mentioned italian charm links for souvenirs and I agree it's a great way to get the trip souvenir without taxing resources or space.

As for this trip, the kids have been earning money to spend. The oldest is lifeguarding and the younger has a booming babysitting and petwalking service.

On ly 59 more days to go! Woo hoo!

 

[DISUNC]

I have a serious question. How do you do it without your children going ballistic? Or, do you just do it behind their back or without their input? I tried having my DD pick out certain toys to keep and certain toys to give away, but it never seems to work out since she chooses to keep everything. Her room is packed with toys she never uses! I would love some guidance in convincing her to part with some of her things as they are taking over our house!

When she goes too school...START THROWING OUT the stuff she no longer uses....she wont miss it! You have to do it on the sneak!

 

[MrsPete]

I have a serious question. How do you do it without your children going ballistic? Or, do you just do it behind their back or without their input? I tried having my DD pick out certain toys to keep and certain toys to give away, but it never seems to work out since she chooses to keep everything. Her room is packed with toys she never uses! I would love some guidance in convincing her to part with some of her things as they are taking over our house!

I dunno. It's not really a problem.

Anything broken or ourgrown is tossed.
Purging just before Christmas and birthdays seems to work well -- the child knows that new stuff is coming soon, and it's not so hard to say goodbye to old stuff.
My girls understand that their toys must fit into their toy boxes, which are under-bed boxes. If they hang onto toddler toys, no big-girl toys can come in.
Real favorites are never tossed; the dollhouse, for example, is still in my youngest daughter's bedroom, though she no longer plays with it. But realistically, everything isn't a favorite. Barbie, for example, no longer lives at our house -- she was never a favorite, having enjoyed only a very brief moment of time in my girls' hearts, and I don't really even remember her "eviction day". Some real favorites that no longer saw daily play have been regulated to a box in the attic, but not tossed. My oldest daughter's pretty much "over" dolls, but her American Girl still sits on a bookshelf in her room -- she's more of a memory than a toy now.
My girls don't have a problem giving old toys away to others, probably because they've been doing it for so long.
And, of course, they never had TONS of stuff, so it couldn't grow to problematic proportions.

 

[ChrisLei]

We have a set limit to what we are spending for souveniers for the kids. But I have to say yes Disney is a big gift in and of itself, but for us, who live in NJ and dont have the means to go to Disney several times a year, souveniers are our little reminder of the fun times we've had on trips. I went with DD 3 years ago and the magnet on my refridgerator reminds me every day of DISNEY and puts a smile on my face when I glance at it.

 

[estherhead]

I thought I would have problems with my youngest. But the month long freeze on buying anything really helped. We (dh & I) bought them NOTHING for a month. Grocery shopping they were allowed to pick one food treat for the week, no suckers, no Dollar Tree toys. Nada. The first week they asked and whined. But I held firm. By the second week they asked once, but no whining. The last two weeks, they didn't ask.

Then at the end of the month we went through their toys. They believed me when I said I would throw half away if they didn't pick, as I already had a month behind me of consistency. So we dumped all the toys they own in the middle of the living room floor. I gave them some time to sort through and seperate their favorites. Then we went through it together. I was shocked how cooperative they were. They got rid of A LOT more than I would have. When forced to choose favorites, they had them.

Then that Saturday at the yard sale I let them walk around to see all their toys and "shop" from what was there. They were each allowed to bring one toy back into the house. They did this without tears. The youngest (she's 3) slowly went around and played with all the toys and finally decided she didn't want to bring any back.

We made $700.00!!! I took them to the store that night and they both picked out a toy and the next weekend we repainted and decorated their room. This year we did the toy thing again and they were just as ruthless getting rid of stuff. Boy has it made the cleaning up of my house easier. I seriously recommend taking a hard line on this subject.

We were super poor when I was little and I think it helped me be good with money. My parent's didn't have a choice on being harsh about spending. We were doing good to have milk. So I kept that in mind while I was doing it. I hated it as a kid, but as an adult I'm glad they taught me the value of a dollar. Sometimes I just wanted to cry and give in. But I am so happy I didn't.

Esther

 

[dtsaos]

Just had to add my 2 cents....

I'm not into little tinkerbell type gifts and all that because those things will interest my kids for about 5 minutes and then end up in the trash a couple of days later. However, I will admit that if I had the money to spend, I would buy all kinds of clothes and nice items to take home with us on each trip since there are so many cool items that you can only buy in the parks or at DTD. As it is, I bring a couple of hundred bucks for spending and bring home a couple of nice items that will last and remind us of our trip. I think this is a very personal decision though and I would not dare judge anyone on how much stuff they buy their kids while at WDW. I will say that as our kids get older, (they are only 5, 3 and 6 months now) that they will be given a certain amount of spending money when we go and it will be up to them how they spend it and when it's depleted they won't be given more. -with the hopes of teaching them some early lessons about money and how it shouldn't be taken for granted. They probably will have to "work" do chores and stuff for some of their spending money in the future, ...we'll see.

Anyway, we're leaving in about a month!!!!

 

[luvmygirls]

I guess I'm middle of the road, while I completely agree with OP- WDW trip in itself is the "gift" I will be doing "treat" bags for my dd's from "TINK" the first day will have their Princesses Badges & Sunglasses (with their favorite princesses). The second day will have their invitation to CRT Breakfast (Of course from Tink & Fairy Godmother) the rest of the days just some general Disney stuff I picked up at the Dollar Tree (pens, notepads, stickers).. Total without the CRT Breakfast I spent about $15.00 per kid. They also get to buy 1 WDW t-shirt while there & 1 other item of choice not to exceed 10.00..

I don't think that is too over-indulgent? Maybe it is, however this is their Christmas present too, they know the gifts under the tree will be few & far between, probably an ornament & 1 toy.
Shelly

 

[estherhead]

I guess I'm middle of the road, while I completely agree with OP- WDW trip in itself is the "gift" I will be doing "treat" bags for my dd's from "TINK" the first day will have their Princesses Badges & Sunglasses (with their favorite princesses). The second day will have their invitation to CRT Breakfast (Of course from Tink & Fairy Godmother) the rest of the days just some general Disney stuff I picked up at the Dollar Tree (pens, notepads, stickers).. Total without the CRT Breakfast I spent about $15.00 per kid. They also get to buy 1 WDW t-shirt while there & 1 other item of choice not to exceed 10.00..

I don't think that is too over-indulgent? Maybe it is, however this is their Christmas present too, they know the gifts under the tree will be few & far between, probably an ornament & 1 toy.
Shelly

I don't think you are over indulgent at all! For smaller kids, especially, I think that a bird in the hand is worth ten in the bush. That is why my little girl chased pigeons around the zoo all day instead of looking at elephants. The pigeons were right there with her and she might be able to catch one, while the elephants were impossible to catch. lol. Please don't think that my discussion about getting rid of "all" my kid's toys meant that I don't indulge them. Perhaps that is what OP meant. But I didn't mean to offend anyone. I was just replying to a quesiton of how I got my kids to get rid of toys.

Honestly, my girls favorite toys right now are the Star Wars toys from BK. I took them constantly during that time period and they got about half of those toys. Talk about induglant! But they also knew as soon as we switched to Fantastic Four toys, no more BK for a LONG time! Talk about indulgant, we never did get Darth Vader and I spent $6.00 on E-bay getting it for them! My dh spent 2 HOURS making a Bobba Fett costume from aluminum foil, duct tape, and cardboard. I would say we are definately indulgent. But in a healthy way. With things that matter. Not just things.

 

[quiltymom]

My theory is when were at WDW, we're too busy running around and getting on rides that we don't have time to shop!

The only things my kids were interested in getting at WDW was the pressed pennies. They never missed going into the stores.

I'm the one in my family that loves to go shopping, especially when it comes to Disney stuff. So I'll spend an evening at DTD, purchasing future birthday & christmas gifts for family members, ship them home, then I have the rest of the time to run around and go on rides. That way they can have a treat later on to remember our time there.

Besides, I don't want to bring extra stuff to give them there, just to bring it back home again. Yikes!