"Outing Santa" - how? what do you think?

[MsLeFever]

Here's the story. I've got an 11 year old who still seems to believe in Santa. (he may be playing me...but I really don't think so).

He has a really expensive list this year and I feel that the time may have come to spill the beans on Santa.

However - part of me thinks it is fun to believe and why should I blow it? He hasn't really brought up the subject himself at all. This is a kid who has a mighty belief in magic - I finally had to tell him that the Disney characters (although they have their own reality of sorts) are represented by actors in costume. That was THIS SUMMER!

So a two part question really?
1) would you tell him "the truth"? If I opt for this I plan to tell him about St. Nicholas and how parents are inspired by his love and Christ's love to give presents on Christmas..

2) if so - HOW? I want to make this gentle - he's got a younger sister who needs to hold on to Santa a bit longer.

thanks!

 

[VillageMama]

I once felt compelled to sit my then-11 year old son down and tell him the truth about Santa Claus (and our truth is the same as yours, regarding St. Nicholas and Christ).

I have regretted it ever since.

It broke my heart to see his sad face when I told him. He's 15 now and each Christmas I feel a tad guilty to think that I purposefully ended the magic, just because I thought he was getting "too old" to believe. He would have learned the truth eventually, why did I have to squash it?

In our case, Santa brings each child one gift. The rest of the presents are from mom and dad.

Maybe you don't need to tell your son that Santa isn't real... maybe you just need to tell him that it's not Santa who fulfills the wish list. That's a good lesson to learn anytime!

Good luck!

 

[mjkacmom]

I have a ds11, and I don't know if he still believes. I won't out santa, but my kids know that just because it's on the list, doesn't mean they're getting it. He wants an ipod touch, which he will get. There won't be much else (and he told me he's okay with just getting that).

 

[MIGrandma]

If it were me, I wouldn't tell him. Let him "believe" as long as he wants, what's the harm? Especially if he has a younger sister that you feel is too young to be told the truth. He's most likely heard a lot about Santa not being real in school, so he probably already does know the "truth" but chooses to hold on to the fantasy. Do you really want to completely burst that bubble? I wouldn't.

And I wouldn't have told him about the Disney characters either. IMO, children grow up too fast as it is.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I think I'd let him hold on a longer, in large part for his sister's sake.

I would just explain that Santa has to be careful with his budget this year. - Because so many parents will not be able to buy the things they usually would for their kids, he will be getting more requests than usual, and kids probably won't get everything on their lists.

 

[BLTtinkerbell]

I have a ds11, and I don't know if he still believes. I won't out santa, but my kids know that just because it's on the list, doesn't mean they're getting it. He wants an ipod touch, which he will get. There won't be much else (and he told me he's okay with just getting that).

Same at our house. The children write a wish list & know they won't get everything on it. I wouldn't out Santa, it is so magical & they do find out eventually from their friends.

 

[tw1nsmom]

Wow, this is a difficult one. Of course part of me says to just let him believe, but the other part of me understands where your coming from. DS has some developmental issues and I'm pretty sure I'll end up having to tell him because he will believe forever otherwise..and end up getting teased.

Here are some ideas I have:

-tell your DS that Santa brings some presents and parents buy the rest. Because more parents don't have as much money this year Santa has to buy more presents for those families with less money. That means that even though, of course, he'll be getting a Santa present because he's super good, most of the presents will be bought by Mom and Dad and you just can't afford all the expensive gifts (holy run-on sentence Batman)

We actually already do a version of the above in that Santa has always only brought one or two presents plus stocking stuffers. The rest come from us.

-the other idea is how you can "break the news" to him. Explain that there once was a man called Saint Nicolas and that he brought gifts to the children of the village. When he died the parents had been so moved by his kindness that they began to give the children presents in his name because they had the "spirit of Saint Nicolas" in them. This went on for generations and spread and spread until the legend of Santa Claus was born. In a way Santa is real. He just exists in the hearts and love of parents who continue the tradition. It's a special time of year and in a way it truly is "magic" that all the parents come together to make their children's Christmas magical and love filled on the same day. So...as long as you believe in the "love" then the spirit of Santa stays alive. However, sometimes even though you want to give them the world you just can't afford some things.

 

[happygirl]

My parents never told me there wasn't a Santa. I wouldn't tell your son JMHO

 

[lovesmurfs]

I would show him an article about the economy and tell him that Santa's workshop experienced some downsizing -- production's been limited this year, particularly in the area of electronics and technology.

If he doesn't believe, then he should "get it" with a smile. If he does, you haven't squashed his belief.

I know DS15 didn't believe starting around 10 or 11, but we've never discussed it. Any time he asked me if Santa is real, I'd ask, "Well, what do you think?" His last response to the question -- "Well, there has to be. You'd never spend that much on toys for me!"

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I like the downsizing comment.

I would be matter of fact and say your list is over the required amount of money this yr. Kind of leave it abstract and see what he says.

 

[C.Ann]

If it were me, I wouldn't tell him. Let him "believe" as long as he wants, what's the harm? Especially if he has a younger sister that you feel is too young to be told the truth. He's most likely heard a lot about Santa not being real in school, so he probably already does know the "truth" but chooses to hold on to the fantasy. Do you really want to completely burst that bubble? I wouldn't.

And I wouldn't have told him about the Disney characters either. IMO, children grow up too fast as it is.

I agree - especially with the section of your post that I bolded..

The only thing I would add - in terms of his list - is that the economy has had an impact on everyone - even Santa - so in order for every child to have a nice Christmas the lists will have to be a little shorter this year.. Maybe one large/expensive gift and a few smaller less expensive gifts..

Good luck!

 

[mum4jenn]

We have always told DD that we have to send the money to Santa for him to have his Elves make or buy the items. When we have tough years we just tell her that we can't send Santa as much money.

 

[Darsa]

My DD kinda "phased out" of believing in Santa. She was probably 9 or 10, one of the last kids around that age to still remember. She's now 14, and she still writes letters to Santa She knows he's fictional but the spirit is still there. I wouldn't be surprised if your son was in the same place. Just because something's on DD's list doesn't mean she's gonna get it, too; that's something that's always been understood.

Good luck!

 

[Nik's Mom]

You know, I was thinking about this same subject the other day. I have 2 autistic children age 7 and 10. I was wondering if I should tell my 10 year old the truth about the subject. I'm worried that he may mention santa to his classmates and he may get made fun of for still believing. I guess I'll leave well enough alone for now. Sounds like other kids his age still believe.

 

[MsLeFever]

Thanks everyone! I really didn't want to tell him but grandma and grandpa were pushing for it (don't really know why).

It is good to see that my gut instinct were in tune with others!

Oh - and about the Disney characters - that came up because when I asked what he'd want to do if he did the college program he said "be a character" and when I said "cool" he retorted "so the characters aren't real????"
He trapped me. But he then decided that at least one of each is real and the rest are played by actors. I told him that at WDW if you "play" a character you say that you are "friends of Goofy or Mickey or whoever" - he liked that.

 

[luvmy3]

Are you sure he still believes or could it be that he doesn't want to admit that he doesn't because he thinks he won't get "Santa" gifts anymore? My dd is 11 and this year I just said "You know the deal right?", and she said "yeah". And that was that, No drama no tears, only the threat that if she tells her younger brothers "Santa" will only bring her coal

I did ask her when she figured it out and she said a couple of Christmases ago, and it was mainly due to other kids her age talking.

 

[Dsnymouse]

Our kids have to grow up to fast as it is... if there is belief than so be it!
My Dd asks me about believing in all (such as Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Santa), I just smile and say "your asking Mom who still believes in Mickey Mouse". I never want the dream to end - it's the spirit in our hearts that goes the distance!

Good luck and Happy Holidays!

 

[suejai]

We just let it ride and let DS bring it up. He is 14 now but was around 11 when he we talked about it. I agree with letting kids be kids as long as possible. DS said he knew Santa wasn't "real" for a while before he finally admitted it. I think he didn't want to let go of that part of his childhood either.

DS also suggests that perhaps your son doesn't want to break the news to you - just in case you still believe

 

[Crystal0608]

I wouldn't out Santa. Kids eventually figure it out, no one ever told me and I certainly wouldn't admit I saw my pawpaw bring the stuff in from next door when I was 7, haha. My dd is 9 and she has only one 10 yo friend that I know of who's mom told her. I have 13 year old cousins who figured it out just last year. The magic is in believing .

 

[puffkin]

That is a big reason why with DS3 we only do a few gifts from Santa and everything else from Mom and Dad. That way if the list gets out of hand or if we need to cut back for economic reasons the Santa part will not change. I also think it will make the great "reveal" less traumatic.

I can understand wanting to tell him though....DN12 just found out last year and I think she was getting teased a lot at school. Her parents told her after Christmas so that she wouldn't be going to middle school still believing She actually loves being in on the "secret" now with her younger sister and cousins. Maybe you could spin it that way?

We will tell DS after Christmas when he is 10 if he still believes at that point. DH and I already decided and DS is only 3 now.