Our trip is cancelled :(

[chyam]

I'm the OP. Friday I was served with divorce papers.

I am truely sorry if what I had said hurt you and my heart goes out to you in this difficult time. It's just that some people put things out here on the boards to get everyone stirred and then wonder when they do not appear again once the thread is started. I am sure all of us that were doubting you are now sorry. Many had said that there were other issues that we did not know about and I guess now many of us were right. I can only hope for you to stay strong and find your way through this. And yes if by any chance YOU can still make it down here to give yourself a little break then please feel free to contact me and I will come up and spend a day with you! You may need a little break once this all starts to roll. Also know that although you may not feel it now, you do have the strength to get through this and may come out much better through it. We woman are stronger than we know and although it seems like the pain will never go away, it does and life goes on !

 

[dollcollector1]

How horrible, I have been wondering where you have been. Now I know. I wish you God's grace to lift you up. You definetly need more than pixie dust. I dont know how to salvage your trip. Money I am sure will be an issue. Take the kids and go. And actually the trip is not important in the grand scheme of things. But I do agree..treat yourself well. Hugs to you.

I won't be taking my WDW trip , with or without the kids. I've been a stay at home mom for 15 years and I have to make the big step of finding a full time job and trying to find a place to live. For the sake of my kids , I've decided to take the high road and continue an amicable relationship with my soon to be ex spouse. Believe it or not, I don't hate him .


Thank you all for your kind words. This board has the nicest group of people on the Internet. Thank you all for answering every question I posted on these boards. I wish all of you a Happy New Year and many happy future trips to Disney.

 

[mickey mouse lover]

I am truly sorry for what you're having to go through right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you to make right decisions and to be able to get through this.

 

[unbroken chain]

Oh no! How awful for you. I am so, so sorry for your sad news.

If I may, I strongly suggest you do not agree to anything and do not move out of the house until you have talked to a lawyer first. Since you have been at home for 15 years, in many states alimony is not out of line, especially if you would go back to school for an undergraduate or graduate degree first, to prepare you to rejoin the work force. Many times the husband will be required by the court to continue paying the mortgage for some period of time while the wife continues to live in the house with the children. Every situation and every state is different, but you should immediately discuss your options with a lawyer and don't make any kind of concession until you do.

 

[bab31]

Oh no! How awful for you. I am so, so sorry for your sad news.

If I may, I strongly suggest you do not agree to anything and do not move out of the house until you have talked to a lawyer first. Since you have been at home for 15 years, in many states alimony is not out of line, especially if you would go back to school for an undergraduate or graduate degree first, to prepare you to rejoin the work force. Many times the husband will be required by the court to continue paying the mortgage for some period of time while the wife continues to live in the house with the children. Every situation and every state is different, but you should immediately discuss your options with a lawyer and don't make any kind of concession until you do.

very good advice, dont make any immediate decisions that could impact the rest of your life. I have not been thru what you are going thru. But seek advise from a professional regardless.

You will be able to go on that trip farther down the road. It makes sense to go when you can be happy with your life.

I wish you love and peace
Babs

 

[zalansky]

OP - hugs again. I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I am a fairly new SAHM, only a year and I worry about what would happen if my Dh ever left me....I don't think he ever would but there are no guarantees in life. This probably sounds so lame right now but please remember that when one door closes, another one opens. I wish you nothing but the best for your future.

 

[dollcollector1]

OP - hugs again. I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I am a fairly new SAHM, only a year and I worry about what would happen if my Dh ever left me....I don't think he ever would but there are no guarantees in life. This probably sounds so lame right now but please remember that when one door closes, another one opens. I wish you nothing but the best for your future.

Thank you for your thoughts. After 22 1/2 years of marriage, I also never thought I'd be here. 15 of those years were as a SAHM and this is the most scariest part because I haven't had a full time job since 1991 ! Thankfully, there is no infidelity on our parts. I know he's not cheating on me, but still, the fact he told me he doesn't feel the same about me hurts like hell. Just be very careful. I hope this never happens to you.

 

[Fabooliss]

 

[UrsulasShadow]

Wow, I knew there was more to this story, but never expected this. I'm so sorry this happened to you, no matter the time of year. I agree with those that say do NOT make any moves whatsoever until you get in touch with a lawyer, no matter HOW much pain staying put causes you right now.

I'm sending you hugs . You will get through this. And one day you'll look back at this and see the positive, although it must hurt like heck now. You know, doors close, windows open? ERGH, platitudes! But really, hang in there.

 

[DeeDeeDis]

I'm so sorry you have to experience this hurt in your life and shame on this man to tell you this way, what a coward.

Why do YOU have to find a place to live? Whatever you do please, please DO NOT move out of your house, DO NOT agree to ANY THING and DO NOT sign any papers without FIRST consulting a lawyer. Things can still be civil but there is no reason for you to be a doormat, you do have three teenagers that you will need to be able to take care of and being able to stay in their "home" for as long as possible will help them to adjust.

I admire your aim to be civil especially since you have three children and as I am a product of divorce I really hope you are able to keep this promise to yourself but please dont fool yourself, he is not kind and or thoughtful, He SERVED you with Divorce papers! which doesn't sound like you had a clue were coming, Who does this? Did he talk to you face to face BEFORE these papers came to the house?

Please keep your chin up, your get thru this and be stronger for it.

 

[antmaril]

I am very sorry to hear this news.

Good luck to you. I'm sure it is very painful and scary.

 

[disneyquilter]

 

[bytheblood]

DollCollector,

I am so sorry. My heart hurts for you. Truly!!

My prayers are with you during this difficult time.

I thought something was odd about you not posting again, but I never thought it would be something like this. I really wish the best for you!

PS - I agree with the advice - talk to your lawyer before you do anything. As a stay-at-home-mom/wife, you may be entitled to certain legal rights, including your husband paying for your lawyer, that you are not aware of.

All the best to you honey!! God Bless!

 

[DreaminDisney]

I'm sorry to hear this. Stay strong. My thoughts are with you.

 

[Vivianne]

I am very sorry you and your children are going through this.

Be careful to seek legal advice before agreeing to anything. Give yourself some time so you can make decisions with a clear mind.

 

[Edna E. Mode]

To the OP....... I have not posted on DIS for a really long time, but your post grabbed my attention. All I can say is my heart and thoughts go out to you. That stinks!!!! All I can say is that I am a big believer in karma, and it will come back to him! Take care of yourself!!!!!


Kelly

 

[kribit]

I read this post every time I logged on and felt sad that your trip was cancelled. Never thought I'd see this though...so sorry for your news.

 

[bobcat]

I am so sorry to hear this update. I was a SAHM for 5 years when my DH told me he wanted a divorce. I had quit college to stay home and raise a family and I was so scared. I found a local program that helped me make some career choices and I went back to school and got my degree. I had some tough times and a lot of sacrifices but I can honestly look at that incident and say it was one of the best things that has ever happened to me. It's hard to believe but it will get better.

I second what everyone has said about not doing anything rash until you get legal advise. No decissions have to be made today so take your time doing what is best for you and your kids.

 

[bkfree]

ABSOLUTELY DO NOT MOVE OUT OR SIGN ANYTHING AT ALL.
Get you own lawyer ASAP. He is required to provide support for you until your divoce is final. You may need to get a TOS which is a Temporary Order of Support from the Judge. But by all means do not leave your house. Every lawyer will advise you to stay put, keep a record of everything that happens henseforth. Nothing he promises verbally is binding.If it is not in writing it doesn't count. Write down the account numbers and balances of every credit card, bank account, home mortgage, car loans, insurance policy IRA, health insurance etc. Everything! Write down how much it takes each month for you and your children to live.Not only food, housing and utilities. But add school fees and supplies, gas, health and car insurance, clothing, phone, college plans.. again everything.Be forewarned and forearmed. It will be every man and woman for themselves. Do not share a lawyer and make sure that he will be responsible for paying for yours. Talk to friends and their friends who have been through a divorce and came out well and get the names of those lawyer's. While you should try and remain as amicable as possible do not let that make you vulnarable or naive or gullable to what is going on. Statistics show that after divorce almost all men's standard of living rises while most all women and the children's fall.
Please keep in touch with us all here. While Disney may be where we met, our bond goes farther.It may have been love, but it is now War.

 

[unbroken chain]

Agree with bkfree. Keep your receipts for groceries, etc., because this will tend to show what your reasonable living expenses are with 3 children. Copy all bank statements etc. If he has been planning this without your knowledge, it's possible he's moved money around that you don't know about.

You have lots of rights from a long marriage. You are probably entitled to half his pension, for example. If you never remarry, I do believe you can even draw social security based upon his income. There are lots of tax questions involved in a divorce.

If you don't know how to find a lawyer, do this: call your state's bar association. Google your state and "bar association" to find it. Then call them and ask who is chairman of the family law section. Maybe get the past year's and next year's chairman also. Call the chairman, even if he/she is not in your town. They will be very knowledgeable, and if they don't represent you, they will know who in your area is good and can give you a recommendation. Remember, there's an excellent chance that he will have to pay your lawyer's fees, so absolutely don't skimp on the quality of lawyer you retain.

If he filed, he is in a bigger hurry to get out than you are. Don't let yourself be rushed. You have nothing to lose by waiting and taking your time to get good advice and make careful decisions - and everything to lose by allowing yourself to be rushed. I wish you the best in this difficult time.