Our first heartbreak

[MaryAnnDVC]

Sorry you'r son was hurt...

BUT, these kids are just 11 years old. The little girl was probably embarassed as all get out to have been given a flower (even if she liked him or was friends with him, but especially if she didn't).

I am horrified that she's been called a witch, mean, and that "she'll get hers someday", or come to realize that it was "her loss"....SHE'S ELEVEN!!!

Again, sorry your little guy took it so hard, but I certainly understand and FORGIVE 100% the little girl.

I agree. (And make that "she's been called a 'little witch with a b'". )

I remember when DS charged into the house after school in 5th grade and asked me to dye his hair blonde, because "Jamie" liked blondes. There are some rough years there in middle school and high school, heartbreaking for the kids and the parents; with an 18 yr old, 16 yr old, and 14 yr old, believe me...I know.

When I was a kid (in the dark ages) in gradeschool, we all made shoeboxes decorated for Valentine's day and set them out on our desks.

I still have mine from kindergarten.

Last year, when DD was a sophomore, she LIKED the kid who gave her a dozen red roses in school and she was mortified.

 

[barkley]

Sorry you'r son was hurt...

BUT, these kids are just 11 years old. The little girl was probably embarassed as all get out to have been given a flower (even if she liked him or was friends with him, but especially if she didn't).

I am horrified that she's been called a witch, mean, and that "she'll get hers someday", or come to realize that it was "her loss"....SHE'S ELEVEN!!!

I never recieved a flower in middle school or junior high or high school because I was supremely not popular. However upsetting that was, I still would have been embarassed to receive one. At 11 years old, a boy giving a girl a flower or a card or whatever will INSTANTLY result in merciless teasing from friends (Susie and Billy sittin' in a tree).

Again, sorry your little guy took it so hard, but I certainly understand and FORGIVE 100% the little girl.

there are some VERY nasty little 11 year old girls out there-and 11 is no longer an age when you're teased about being interested in the opposite sex, you can be rediculed or called nasty homophobic names if you don't seem to be showing that interest.

dd's school does'nt endorse or support the kid's having relationships at this age, but the public schools (and some of the privates) see no issue with it and make a huge deal over valentines day with these flower and balloon sales. it's gotten to the point where those things are'nt good enuf, and you see 9, 10, 11 year old boys agonzing at walmart over which stuffed animal and box of chocolates their 'girl friend' or crush might be WILLING to accept (i know of moms whose boys were devastated when a gift was reacted to with rolled eyes, a flip of the 11 year old girls hair-and she and her 'crew' snickering that the boy had the aduacity to think that he 'ranked' among someone she'd accept a gift from ).

i remember being 11 over 30 years ago-it was the age when we moved from elementary to jr high, and it was a huge dividing age. no matter what you're feelings were about boys and weather you were interested yet or not-if you did'nt appear to be at least slightly interested the other girls treated you like crap. the ones (esp. with older sisters who influenced them into behaving this way) that were realy brutal made it a point to make other's miserable. i remember watch 'carrie' and later 'mean girls' and thinking-yeah, i remember that kind of stuff starting around age 10 and 11

 

[GJM]

I feel so bad for your DS - that was so sweet of him.

In my DS elementary school - everyone gets a card, the teacher will send home a list with everyone's name on it. They are not allowed to bring in something special just for 1 person.

 

[Jennasis]

I asked some of my students what they were doing for valentines day this week (they range in age from 8-15). Only the 15 year old said she was going out with her boyfriend to the movies. The other girls rolled their eyes at me at the very thought of boys.

Sure there ARE some nasty 11 year olds out there. However I think calling a girl who was obviously embarassed by the overture a "little witch with a b" or the other things I listed was totally off base and out-of-line.

 

[barkley]

i'm not going to argue the point, i'll just say to the op-i feel for your son, the girl acted inappropriatly (rolling your eyes is not something i nor my kids would equate with someone being embarrassed-done maybe when you're being teased about something in good natured fun-but not in a situation like this).

 

[Sherri]

They were selling flowers at the middle school today for kids to give to other kids and DS11 gave one to a girl who he thought was nice. He is kind of a shy kid so it took some effort on his part. She rolled her eyes at him . Nice girl, not. He was crying about it tonight. My poor baby .

I am so sad for your ds. It took a lot of courage to do what he did, and he didn't deserve a reaction like that.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I feel bad for your son..I guess a thank you would have been appropriate.


However--I can understand the desire to not have affections passed along by a boy in middle school. I was at a middle school dance--I think it was the 8th grade dance or something b/c I was serving snacks and sodas and not actually "attending".

Some boy dedicated a song to me. Not only was I embarrassed...I was uncomfortable that everyone and their brother expected me to dance with him. It was sweet of him...but I was mortified. Kids don't always have the maturity to handle things with decorum. I know I didn't. I was not intending to be rude or anything. But I am not one who wants to be forced to do anything in regards to returning affection or appreciation for something that makes me uncomfortable. It stems to something that I just don't articulate and shouldn't have to.

Now--I did NOT roll my eyes, or make rude comments, or anything of the sort. I don't know if he went home all upset b/c of my refusal to dance with him. But as a grownup, I am okay with that. I was not mean...I don't think anyone thought that...but maybe they did. I never gave it a second thought. But if the lights were on..you could see my bright red face..If you checked my pulse, you could feel my heart racing. But as a 7th grader...I just wasn't "there" yet in boy interests.


Another time where I was given complete grief...same school year...a boy in my neighborhood wanted to "go steady"...I said yes b/c hey--I thought it was cool. But it ends up, I didn't like him and was very uncomfortable with going steady (though I liked boys--it was another year before I was comfortable to have a "boyfriend"). Anyway--I broke up with him. I felt bad for doing so...but I didn't want a boyfriend. Then all of us were hanging out--and mean things were said about me. Then his brother spits on me. I felt absolutely wretched and full of shame.


Why can boys be that way for girls?--and if it is not reciprocated...then they are the she-devil.


I don't know what to say about the girl in the OP--girls roll their eyes A LOT!!! in middle school.

 

[KelNottAt]

So sorry to hear this. Hope he bounces back quickly.

My DS is a little bummed this week, too. He was out sick with chickenpox last week when they were selling tix to the Sadie Hawkins dance. They sold out. He was hoping his crush would ask him. But, since he was absent, she couldn't. Now no tickets remain so, even if he worked up the nerve, he couldn't ask her.

(Note to self: coach DD on how to receive tokens from admirers.)

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Sorry you'r son was hurt...

BUT, these kids are just 11 years old. The little girl was probably embarassed as all get out to have been given a flower (even if she liked him or was friends with him, but especially if she didn't).

I am horrified that she's been called a witch, mean, and that "she'll get hers someday", or come to realize that it was "her loss"....SHE'S ELEVEN!!!

I never recieved a flower in middle school or junior high or high school because I was supremely not popular. However upsetting that was, I still would have been embarassed to receive one. At 11 years old, a boy giving a girl a flower or a card or whatever will INSTANTLY result in merciless teasing from friends (Susie and Billy sittin' in a tree).

Again, sorry your little guy took it so hard, but I certainly understand and FORGIVE 100% the little girl.

Me too!

I was that girl. Though it wasn't receiving flowers as I spoke about above. It is very painful sometimes for a young lady to not know how to deal with a token or sign of "like" or "affection" from someone when they aren't there yet.

 

[krcit]

I'm sorry that your son was hurt. It took a ton of courage for him to give that girl a flower. However, I have to agrre with the posters that say this girl was probably mortified. I have an 11 yo dd-she is not a witch with a b(well, actually she is sometimes ) or a mean kid but I can't imagine how she would react to getting a flower in front of her friends. She would be sooooo uncomfortable-I truly don't think that she would be rude and roll her eyes but she is only 11 and like most kids that age, just trying to fit in and be "cool" She would freak out if someone thought she "liked' a boy, while a few of her friends have 'boyfriends' already, she is not ready for that. I don't know. I'm just glad my preteen/teenage years are over

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

(Note to self: coach DD on how to receive tokens from admirers.)

And remind her while it is important to be polite--it is not her obligation to reciprocate the admiration.

 

[IwasatWDWforamonth]

I always hated Valentines day at school,
in elementary school the teachers had to beg the kids to hand me my valentines and then when I got them they were all elephants or pigs or something like that.
then came high school and flower day, it just confirmed that nobody liked me.

 

[kdibattista]

I asked some of my students what they were doing for valentines day this week (they range in age from 8-15). Only the 15 year old said she was going out with her boyfriend to the movies. The other girls rolled their eyes at me at the very thought of boys.

Sure there ARE some nasty 11 year olds out there. However I think calling a girl who was obviously embarassed by the overture a "little witch with a b" or the other things I listed was totally off base and out-of-line.

That was me and I agree... I was out of line. I was semi joking but was still out of line (I didn't really want her name & address ).... I apologize. I have been where her son is, sent a boy a heart lollipop only to have him laugh... it's not fun.

 

[swanmom]

After reading all of this, I guess I'm glad that Valentine's Day was a snow day here in NJ. My DD (13 yo) has lots and lots of girl and boy friends but no 'boyfriend.' Judging from what you are all saying, that fact that the school was closed yesterday might have been a blessing in more than one way!

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

I asked some of my students what they were doing for valentines day this week (they range in age from 8-15). Only the 15 year old said she was going out with her boyfriend to the movies. The other girls rolled their eyes at me at the very thought of boys.

Sure there ARE some nasty 11 year olds out there. However I think calling a girl who was obviously embarassed by the overture a "little witch with a b" or the other things I listed was totally off base and out-of-line.

I agree again. And I'm starting to feel more and more sorry for the little girl. Rolling one's eyes, at 11 yrs old, is not uncommon nor is it mrean and nasty.

 

[java]

I too am happy that school was closed yesterday to avoid all that valentine's stuff- mine is a 12 year old boy. He came home last week telling me his friend bought his girlfriend a $70 necklace when I asked what he thought about that...he replied.."I told him she would probably dump him after she got the necklace"(can you tell he has had his little 12 year old heart broken.... to all the little Romeo boys out there. And the girls that don't know how to react to it...well someday they'll be looking for that sweet boy. to him from me too!

 

[disneymom3]

DS is the sweetest kid and is at that awkward stage where his feet are too big for his body, etc. I told him that after he graduates from Notre Dame with a huge basketball contract (his dream right now) he can look her up and say 'see what you missed out on". He laughed at that so that was good.

I think that was a good approach. There was a song out a few years ago that I just love. The title is Skater Boy and it's by Avril Levine. It is about a girl who is really snotty to this boy and thinks she is too good for him and he ends up a few years later as a rock star, has a girlfriend and she is just a blah loser.

I must say though that I also would not be surprised if the girl was just embarrassed.

I love the perspective too that there were so many of us who were the girl who never got any flowers etc and yet have a fabulous DH. Whoever mentioned that, you just made my day. Somehow I had never put those two things together. That thought is going to really help in dealing with the ups and downs as DD gets older.

 

[golfgal]

This was a school sponsored flower sale so it isn't like he was the only kid in the school handing out a flower to a girl.

This girl apparently gave the flower to her brother who in turn gave it to a girl he liked. Nice girl. Again, a simple thank you would have been appropriate and the eye rolling is just rude, sorry.

While middle school seems young, there are a lot of hormones raging at the middle school level and in 6th grade it is very normal for a boy/girl to have a crush on someone. I don't see anything wrong with a boy giving a girl a flower from a school sponsored sale when that is the intention of the sale. Now, had he bought the flower on the way to school and gave it to her out of the blue, that would be different. I don't think the school bus would stop at the flower shop so we won't have to worry about that for some years.