Martha Stewart Isnt Coming For Thanksgiving Dinner After All!
Lovely! Martha Stewart declined my invitation to do Thanksgiving for me. I KNOW! I even tempteded her with my homemade green bean casserole and everything!
Since Ms. Stewart wont be coming , Ive made some last minute small-ish changes.
Our sidewalks will not be lined with homemade paper luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no mater how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.
Once inside, our guests will note the entry hall is not decorated with swags of Indian corn and autumninal foliage I had planned to make. Instead, Ive gotten the kids involved with decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was my two dogs idea.
The dinner table will not be covered with fine linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that actually match and everyone will get a fork (BONUS!). Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the Ariel party plates and the Hot Wheels napkins from birthdays past.
Our centerpiece will not be the cascading tower of fresh fruit and flowers I promised. Instead, we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration handcrafted from the finest construction paper and Popsicle sticks. The artist assures me it is a turkey.
We will be dining fashionably late. My children will entertain you while you wait. Im sure they will be happy to share with you every choice comment I have made regarding hosting Thanksgiving, the Pilgrims, and the Turkey Hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made this morning at 5:00 AM upon discovering my 22 pound turkey was still frozen solid.
As accompaniment to the childrens recital, I will play a recording of authentic tribal drumming. If my children should mention that I dont own a recording of authentic tribal drumming. OR that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them
.the liars!
We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast In the end, though, we chose to keep our traditional method. Also, no formal seating assignments cleverly calligraphied onto mini-pumpkin and acorn place cards. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit wherever you can. The last ones to gather will need to take their places on the upturned milk-crates.
In the spirit of harmony, we will ask that the children to sit at the kids table in a separate room
next door.
Now, I know you have seen al the pictures of one person carving the turkey at the head of the table in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I strss private meaning, Do NOT under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send in small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife and Im not afraid to use it. The turkey is unarmed and it stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.
I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that passing the rolls is not a football play. Nor is it a request to bean your little sister on the head with warm tasty bread. Oh, and a quick reminder for the adults, for the duration of the meal, and especially in the presence of young diners, we will refer to the giblet gravy as its lesser known name, Cheese Sauce.
Before I forget, ther is one last change. Instead of offering a choice of 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will serve our tradional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints.
Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. Shell probably politely decline next year too.
For this I am TRULY thankful!
I think Norah had lovely "princess" hair.
Hope nobody else gets it. 
Wow writing another chapter while having a puking child. 
You are the mama of the year. 
with excitement & feel like it will never get here.
I am loving it so far! You're writing is engaging and funny and honest, what a great combination! 
Have a fabulous Thanksgiving!
