OT - Working Mom thinking about leaving FT job

[Hillbeans]

HI Everyone -

I was just curious if anyone here had any personal stories, advice, etc., about leaving a FT job to spend more time with the family and possibly work PT.

How did you decide to take that "leap of faith" to take some time off with the children or leave a stressful FT job?

Was/is it a constant struggle financially?

My biggest issues are my 401K and retirement - I worry a lot and hate to think of leaving a job that pays decent with vacation and benefits but that i'm just not happy with anymore.

DH thinks I should leave but i'm struggling with losing my salary after working for 13 years straight right out of college.

If you've made it this far, thanks for listening.

 

[Bibbidi]

Well I stopped working when my first dd was born 5.5 years ago. I had planned to return to my high salary job for a major company, but one morning when she was 5 weeks old I woke up and just thought, "I'll never be ready to go back to work when she's 12 weeks old". I was nursing, it wasn't going well, she wouldn't take bottles--the daycare situation that I had set up (which I had booked when I was 11 weeks pregnant--that's the way it was where we lived) was very complicated. Anyway, I went over our budget (we keep good records thankfully) and determined that if we cut back in different places then we could squeeze by. Ultimately we gave up nearly half our income at the time. My pension and 401K remain in place, but of course I'm not contributing any more to them. In the end for us, I just really wanted to be home--and I'm so glad I left. Kids are only small once and if you can make it work I don't think there could be anything better. That said, I have struggled with "where do I go from here" once my kids start elementary school. Now that I've been home I don't want to go back full time. My solution will probably be to try and teach at a preschool so that I can have the same school/vacation schedule as them. It is not at all what I spent 4 years in college learning, but my priorities shifted a lot after having kids. HTH. That's just my experience.

 

[karibritt01]

When my son was 2 yr old, the boutique I managed was going out of business, and new caregiver was not working out. I looked at my husband and said, "I have no job, and no childcare... something is telling me I am supposed to be at home." I began staying home, and keeping to kids from home to supplement my income. It has now been 6 yrs, and I couldn't be happier. I love being home with my DD, and being here when my DS comes home in the afternoon. Next year my DD goes to kindergarten, but I will continue to do home daycare. It is worth it to me to be home when my children are.

 

[jodifla]

I guess I'll be the odd voice out. I'm home now after 20 years at a high income, high paced job. I quit when we relocated. DS is now 5.

I'd go back to work in a heartbeat if I found the right job. I miss the camaraderie at work, the accomplishment, the money, the benefits.

For me, I think I got more done when I was at work. And I had more money to do things I wanted to do.

Also, it can be a very tough road back to work once you quit. We had a few women who wanted to come back after taking a year or so off. Some never got back with the company, although a few did.

Good luck with your decision. I agree that high stress jobs aren't great. I think PT is the perfect way to go if you can swing it.

 

[nannerbadnanner]

In September, I left my job to stay home with DD 9 months. I did go back to work for a while, but when I started missing her milestones, I decided I really wanted to be home. Our budget is tighter, but it has worked out okay. I'm alot happier also. I absolutely loved my job, and I honestly never thought I would want to leave. I can truly say I haven't regretted it for a second.

Before I quit, we put aside my income minus what it cost me to work(daycare expenses, gas, etc). This helped us see that we would be okay financially, and really helped with my comfort level. I also cut back on unnecessary expenses before I quit and was able to save over $300 per month (cut back on cable package, changed to generic drugs, paid in full a loan we had, dropped some extras on our home phone, etc.). Right now, our only debt is our mortgage and that has really helped also.

Also, start a Roth IRA for yourself. This way you can still save money for yourself for retirement. Although my job had great benefits, my husband's company has better benefits so I didn't really take advantage of them.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[crazywig]

sending you a pm

 

[mom2aredhead]

I was fortunate after I had my son, and was able to go back to my same company but a different position 3 days/week, and found it to be a perfect balance. Granted, 1 of my workdays is Saturday, but I work 3 days, pay for daycare for 2, and DH and DS spend quality time together every Saturday. I've been doing this for 3 years, and wouldn't change a thing...except...
My company is closing my office and I will be officially laid off in November 2007. UGH!
I LOVED my part time schedule. I was at work just enough to really appreciate my days at home and vice-versa. Just when I would start getting aggrivated with work stuff, I'd have a few days off and spend them at the zoo, beach, etc. with my son. During the winter when I had "cabin fever" being cooped up finger painting, doing puzzles, and watching Playhouse Disney, I was able to go to work and have adult conversations over lunch without coloring the placemats.
My son will be 4 and in Pre-K by this fall, and Kindergarten starting Sept 2008. I'll be getting a fairly generous severence (taxed to high heaven of course!) so we would be OK if I waited until kindergarten year to go back to work. At that point, I think I'm going to do a career change and be a teacher (something I had been contemplating since he was born anyway - this is the push I needed)

Bottom line...
You'd be surprised what you can afford to cut and still live comfortably. My sister works f/t and has a f/t nanny because according to her it's "sooo hard" to live on 1 salary. But she says this carrying her Prada purse and Kate Spade diaper bag to her 2007 Volvo while pushing my niece dressed head to toe in Janie and Jack clothes in her $800 bugaboo frog stroller.

Sometimes I miss my money, but I think I'd miss the time I spent with my son more.

 

[mouseketeer_mom]

Yup, I've been on both sides of the fence and I'm about to take the jump back to the other side again.

When my first was born, I went back to work when he was 14 weeks old. I loved my job. I was in position to be a clock watcher and take off when I needed to. The decision to go back to work was the right one at the time. So, I was a working mom.

When the twins were born two years later, I couldn't imagine giving up my career. I just didn't think I was cut out to be a stay at home mom. When the day came to go back, I just couldn't do it. Three little kids (all under three) needed me far too much. I wondered if I would be much of an employee anyway. So, I was a stay at home mom.

Next month, I will return to my career. It's been almost five years and I truly miss working "in the outside world". My twins will be starting school full time in the fall and my MIL has graciously offered to help with daycare between now and then. So, I'll be a working mom.

Yup, there was definitely a change financially. We made some materialistic sacrifices to have me home. Our cars are a bit older. Our furniture a bit more worn. We don't eat out. There have been some lean times. But, I never felt torn between responsibilities. I was here for every cough, cold, bug and otherwise. I never missed a Dr.s appt. or a "first" "first step, first word, first time on a swing" etc. The idea that that time is coming to an end makes me cry just to write about it. But, our family is changing, growing. Our needs are different. So, I'm going back to work.

My advice? The decision to stay home is one that you will never regret. Work will be there later.

 

[wlfans]

I'm a Stay At Home Dad. We have three kids 9,5, and 1. I decided to stay home after much thought. My wife was making 2.5 times as me and we have no relatives within a 2 hour ride. We had the kids in our first daughter in daycare and at the time we were paying $10000 a year. I've been home now for 5 years. I actually worked for four months PT while me second was born. I would take her to work and put next to my desk.
I ask these questions?
Can you afford daycare and work full time?
What are you going to do when you kids are in school and there is illness, halfdays, and summer and school vacations?
Do you have family to help?
Can you go without the fancy clothes or trips and so on? Seems like you can.
How much time on weekends and after work to you run around doing things you could get done while home?

Those are somethings. I was really caught off guard by having our second and thinking we have no family to help and the cost for daycare and the extra $5000-8000 wasn't worth it. Also, if you are working and one child is out with an illness and then the other is out for something, you just lost all that sick and vaction time your eating up. I have three kids and if I had to take off days because they were sick only it would be around 15 days..
Who in there right mind would want to keep me as an employee.
With regards to your 401K don't don't touch it. Roll it over to a financial house like Vanguard or T Rowe Price. You will not be accumlating Social Security, but who knows if it'll be around when we retire.

For us it's quality of life. I wish I had more money. I'm a dad and I've watched my kids grow up like very very few parents today.. I'm lucky.
By being home food shopping and errands get done while your husband is at work. Less stress on both of you.
You could ask around about part time work from home. Be wary of the stayathomework.com things.. PM if you have any questions.

It's about Quality of Life..

 

[Worfiedoodles]

Well, I work "full-time", but less than 40 hours per week. I work 7:30 to 3:00 Mon - Wed., and 7:30 to 12:00 Thursday and Friday. This allows me to pick up my son after only an hour in the after school program 3 days a week (just enough time to do his homework and have a snack), and to have him participate in after school activities on other days. This is an arrangement my boss and I worked out -- I started working 40 hours/wk., and then proved my commitment/value to the agency. My salary is the same, I just work fewer hours at work, and some at home if needed. It's possible that you might be able to come up with a compromise with an employer that allows you flexibility in the hours you work, and also allows you to do the things you want at home -- if I need to, I will always take work home with me. My productivity has not gone down, I am very focused when I am at work. I should also note that alot of my work is done on the computer, so I can easily work from home. I just wanted to mention the after school issues, because I would feel like my little guy was deprived if he couldn't do the fun activities after school.

We live in a high cost housing area, and we do need my salary to pay our mortgage. I'm lucky that I truly enjoy my work. Honestly, since my little guy is in school, I'm glad I have somewhere to go. I also have a Masters degree, so I'm paid accordingly. If we had more than one child, perhaps it would make sense for me to stay home full-time. I have the highest respect for those that do, I know it is hard work!

Are you committed to completely being at home, or do you want to see if you can cut back your hours, first? It might be you can have the best of both worlds. I feel like I do, and I am much more relaxed and "present" when I am home or at work, because I feel like I am taking care of my family in the best way I can -- by bringing in needed income, and by being there for my little guy.

Good luck with your decision, I know it is one of the hardest ones parents make!

Maria

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I think the biggest worry most people have is if they can actually afford it. I was worried when I stopped working, but we manage and we are actually doing really well. My dh has gotten raises and promotions and our kids want for nothing. We are even renovating our house! I used to work 6 12 hour days a week before I had kids. I could not fathom how I would be able to stay home. After I had my first son I could not even imagine going back to work! I did go back full time when he was 8 months old. I was still bf and my job was very accomodating. I also worked overnights. To be completely honest it was awful. I worked opposite nights from my dh so one of us was always home with ds. We hardly saw each other and then I became pregnant with dd and it got harder. I ended up working a little less then a year and have been out on child care leave since then. (We keep having kids! ) I do plan on going back to work when my kids are all in school. I have a great job with great benefits. I can save alot for their future as well as dh's and mine. I wouldn't change my choice for all the money in the world. I do miss my friends at work sometimes, but it's alot different when you go to visit then when you have to be there even when your kids are sick. I think that if you want to make it work you will. Good luck in whatever you decide!

 

[Hillbeans]

I want to first thank everyone for their replies. It certainly helps to hear stories from both sides of the coin because I know there are thousands of people just like us going through this same issue on a daily basis - some people just leaving the workforce to stay home, some heading back to work after being home with the kids, some people loving being a SAHM or SAHD, both parents working, etc.

Right now, our babysitting situation isn't bad. We have a home-based sitter for the baby and for the older boy if we're not home on School vacations, the summer, etc. She is very flexible and reasonably priced. We live in a very expensive area though, so the cost of living is high. We did recently move to our home and did so because of the blue ribbon school district. We could get by on one salary, but it would probably take at least a year to plan that out so everything that could be paid off would be.

I think one of the posters here phrased it well by saying that "Quality of life" is so important. Even though we both work FT (we already work a condensed work week) we do spend quality time with our kids and I am happy to say that both kids are happy and well adjusted.

I have a lot more thinking to do, and it's an ongoing process. I think my biggest obstacle is the retirement savings. Just on this thread there are people on both sides of the coin. It's interesting to see all sides. I also had to laugh at the poster who said their sister "needed" an $800 Bugaboo stroller - LOL.

 

[brymolmom]

Hi - I went from FT to PT 4.5 years ago when ds was born. I am a computer programmer and I was very happy that they made this arrangement with me. Now, however, I find myself in that great unknown area - a working PT mother. Basically that means that I don't fit in with the WOTH FT parents nor do I fit in with the SAH parents. I can be critisized from both ends!

Seriously, if you really like your job you will probably feel some pangs as you watch others excel in their careers while you do something PT. And you very well might get some 'bad looks' from others who see you leave at your early time while they stay. And then at Preschool, other looks from the SAH parents when you arrange for carpooling due to your work schedule.

Overall, it is worth it to me though. It always depends on your family situation. I love having the extra time with the kids.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[SunKat]

I went back to work full time when my daughter was 8 weeks old. Between my 40 hours at work and my commute, I was away from her 50 hours a week. When she was a year old, we decided that I'd stay home, just for a year. Well, it's ten years later and I'm still home! I have worked at part time jobs during that time, but nothing like the money I used to make. Looking back, I should have stayed on part time at my original job. I could have kept the seniority and the income.

I do love staying home, but it is very hard to adjust to the income loss. I kept my car for 11 years (a record for me!) and just bought a new car two months ago. We used to go out for dinner all the time, now it's just once a month usually. I've loved being home, but eventually I'll go back to work full time. Good luck in whatever you decide!

 

[dsnymomof4]

It is definitely a "leap of faith". You have to follow your heart. Yes, retirement savings are important, but like other posters have said, your children are only young once. I've never been a SAHM for long. I left my full-time job working for a great company with great benefits after 10 years after my third child was born. If that company was willing to let me work pt, I would have stayed, but they didn't(they lost a lot of good women that way - they have since changed their policies). Anyway, financially, I couldn't not work at all, so I've had several pt jobs that have worked out pretty well. Luckily, I did have family around to help out with childcare when I did work. But, yes, our lives changed dramatically and we had to make adjustments. Looking back, we had some very serious struggles, but I wouldn't change a thing. You can't get back that time when your kids are growing up. The memories are priceless and are worth a million times what's in a 401k. So, my advice is to follow your heart and do what feels right to you. I think the best situation would be if you could stay at your company where you have your benefits and switch to a pt position. Talk to them and see if this is a possibility - hopefully they will work with you to find a solution that's best for you and your family. Good luck!

 

[SandraC]

I planned to return to the FT job I loved after dd very born 13 years old. But she was born very sick so the decision to stay home was made for me.

The Universe watchs out for us!

When my unemployment insurance [in Canada we get a year pay of 55% our salary] ran out, my dh was given a 38% salary increase...which was my salary!

The Universe was working for us!

I stayed home until dd was in school. Then I started working PT, still able to pick her up and drop her off to school....no daycare needed.

We had ds when dd was 6 years old. I continued to work PT because my work had a great and free daycare facility. ds loved it!

Not ds is in grade one, dd is in grade 8 and I work at ds's school 25 hours a week....I get summers off, and all school holidays.

It's the perfect situation....and I didn't do anything except listen to the Universe.....


....or God as I call him/her!

Blessings, Sandra

 

[WAHMto5]

It is a very hard choice at first but one that you will never regret!! I was a County Police Deputy and my dh was ne as well, needless to say our schedules were crazy We decided that it was best that I stay home. It was VERY hard for me at first to leave my career, my income, benefits, ect.. I also loved my job. Actually for about a year after I did it, it still felt like I was on vacation and had to go back, lol
It has been 6 years now and it has been the best choice I ever made, we have even had 2 more children!! We also found that no matter what the more money you make, the more you spend, lol We almost cut our income in half and have never struggled. It was an adjustment at first but I was even amazed on how much disposable income you go through for convience when you are both working.
One of the best things is that when we both worked it was hard for vacations, we now go on vacation every year!
Best of luck!

 

[Darcy03231]

If you can afford to do it, go for it! Your children are only young once. One of my biggest regrets was that by the time I could afford to stay home all of my children were in school so it didn't make sense to give up my job. DH is home earlier in the day so the kids were only in the after school program for about half an hour to an hour before he picked them up. The big question I would contemplate would be if something happened with your husband's job how easy would it be for you to get back into your field after leaving it. I know some jobs you can easily get back into and others you take a big risk by leaving. Definitely something to think about.

 

[piglet50]

the key remark here is a leap of faith. i did this ten years ago. i left a very good paying job that included lots of vacation, company car, and travel. after 20 years of employment - why? i hated it. it was a scary thing to do. our biggest fear was hospital insurance. i carried the family for a very reasonable rate and i have pre-existing conditions that would have kept me off husband's ins. we decided that we could do it. i gave a notice in june, left in sept. we got notification that husband's ins. would change in august and were able to include all of us no matter what our health was! it was a true sign to us that we made the right choice. it was a true leap of faith. we did cut back on things - tried not to waste anything, less eating out, no huge vacations, and things worked out fine. after a while we figured out that we could go back to eating out and taking nice vacations. we've avoided credit card debt and still don't waste things. it's been ten years, we still live every day by faith. take your time and really look at all of your expenses, life style, check out all possibilities. good luck to you whatever you decide to do.

 

[hollyb]

Kids are only young once, we one shot to make it the bestfor them. That to us is more important the big house and fancy cars. I just started working the night shift P/T so the kids still do not need a babysitter. Ds is almost 10 and neither one has spent one day being raised by a sitter.