This is a little OT and long, but I have to post it somewhere because it drives me crazy --
I have a very good friend who refuses to work outside her home. Her kids are 18 (sr. in high school) 5 & 7. Her husband makes less than half of my salary, and they rent a 2-bdr. apartment. Up until the little one turned 5, they were on WIC. They get heating assistance in the winter, etc., the whole nine yards. They haven't made a full payment on their rent ($1,000/mo -- cheap for this area) in over a year. The landlord won't kick them out because she is the secretary of the church and it would look bad, and they know this.
When anyone tries to suggest my friend do any kind of work -- when the kids are in school, during the weekends, whatever, she says she didn't have these kids for someone else to raise.
The oldest child, who is actually her stepdaughter, is a straight A student, and was in daycare when she was young. She has a full scholarship to a state school, which my friend encouraged her not to take, ostensibly because she would be away from home. The youngest two are both behind academically and socially. As a matter of fact, she called me in tears the other day because the principal forced her to come in for a conference on the 5 yr. old. In one day, he spit water on a child, slapped another child, and punched yet another child in the stomach. He doesn't recognize letters, because she subscribes to a theory that children should learn from osmosis --she did not consciously teach them letters, numbers, colors, anything while they were at home 24/7. The 7 yr. girl old is behind socially and in reading, and weighs over 80 lbs. She doesn't have any friends. These younger kids don't have any outside activities. At one point the little girl was in gymnastics, but she broke her leg (too much weight on the bones), and hasn't done anything else since. They do go to church and sunday school activities, but they don't even have friends over (I'll get to that in a minute), and are not invited often at all.
When the 7 yr. old turned 6, they had a big party and invited her entire class. No one from the school showed up. It was really sad.
The reason they don't have anyone over is the 2 bdr. apartment is a disaster. I am not exaggerating when I say you have to walk through clothes and toys 1 ft. deep in the little kids room. There are always dirty dishes in the sink, and one day I went over and there was bread hanging from the arm chair of a rocking chair. The littlest one throws apple cores on the floor wherever he is when he's done (he's done this at my house, too). I am by no means Martha Stewart, but this house doesn't pass basic cleanliness standards. They have bugs on a regular basis.
My point, and I have one, is staying at home when you can afford it, and because you want to do something good for your children is one thing. Staying at home because you have simply decided you are not going to work anymore so you expect tax dollars to pay for it, or you want to hide from the world-- and then not taking proper care of the children or your home, is something else. I'm so frustrated because she should know better. I understand that if you don't know better you don't do better, but she should know better.
Yes, she is on meds for depression. So are her husband and the 18 yr. old. The wife and husband are also in couples therapy.
I am sure this is not the case for the OP -- I just wanted to point out that not everyone really can make it on one salary, and I think it is irresponsible to live off the government if that is the case. I know, I'll get flamed. I know, millions of people live off welfare all their lives.
My issue comes in when people like my friend say with firm conviction that they are doing better for their children because they are at home, than I am because I work. She says I work so we can take fancy vacations. We spend less than 3% of my salary on an even really nice vacation. That is not where our money goes. We are saving for college, retirement, making mortgage payments, home improvements, etc. She gets very upset when I or anyone else she knows goes to Disney, because she knows that it is completely out of reach for her family.
My son is a straight A student, polite, generous -- all the good stuff. We literally could not afford a mortgage if I did not work. And her kids I think, would clearly be better in a setting where they could have learned something, and where they had a better environment to do their homework.
So for those of you who say you can just scrimp a little and it will be o.k., be aware that is not the case for some people, and think carefully about your definition of "o.k.". In my book, "o.k." includes full self-sufficiency, i.e. my tax dollars are not paying your heating bill because you think you are too good to work at McDonalds.
O.k., I'm getting off my soapbox now. I know you're wondering why I have this friend, and why I don't tell her all this myself -- I am pretty much the only friend she has, so I don't want to leave her completely out there alone. Everyone else we know has gotten fed up with her and dumped her.
Some people really can't, or shouldn't, make it on one salary. I could go on all day, I promise I'll stop now.
