OT - Why are kids not opening presents at their birthday parties anymore?

[floydfamily4]

Anyone else seen this trend and been bothered by it? I know party time can be limited, but usually kids are pretty speedy ripping open the gifts and it is so nice for the "giver" to see the recipient open his/her gift. DS has been to a few parties where the gifts were put in a side room and not opened.

Can't speak for others but the reason I didn't do the gift opening was because my kids were turning 4 and their friends were ages 3-6 and had no interest in sitting watching some other kids open gifts. I did thank you notes and had them write their names. I think asking a group of 15 little ones to sit respectfully so another child can look at and appreciate their gifts, might be a bit much. Now I have been to a party for twins turning 5 and because of the type of party (someone else managing it), they did open the gifts. I would have preferred they didn't because it was at the end, the kids were worn out, the kids were disinterested, etc.

dawn

 

[SalandJeff]

At family parties, both for my 5 y.o. dd and that we attend, the kids open the gifts. But dd went to about 10 birthday parties for her Kindergarten friends this year, and none opened their gifts at the party. All, except one party, were held outside the home (Bounce U, etc.) As others have said, there is no time built in for gift opening.

My dd's party was at the zoo in the carousel building. IMO, a bunch of 5 & 6 year olds would rather play together than watch someone else open gifts. Even at the home party she went to, the kids were all having a great time playing together and didn't give a thought to the gifts. This will probably change when they are older. I guess the best thing to do is go with the trend in your area.

 

[Iri920]

We don't open gifts at the party wether it be at home or at a party place. I always thought it was so boring as a kid, I would much rather be playing and having fun. I would also feel a little sad if the birthday kid didn't pay much attention to my gift. I'm originally from NJ but now that we're in NC I hope I haven't offended anyone. I also don't send out thank you cards but we thank our guests at the party. I don't receive many thank you cards and it doesn't bother me. It's usually family and close friends so they know we are thankful and appreciative of their gifts just like I know they are even if they don't send a card.

 

[pooh101]

Just this past weekend, we had a b-day party for our DD7. We had it at our house, invited 8 friends and only four were able to attend. When I noticed that there were only 3 gifts on the table, I didn't mention opening presents and the girls didn't miss it. When the girls left, DD opened presents and wrote out the Thank You's. With so few girls here, they all would have realized that one didn't bring anything. It probably spared the little girl a lot of embarrassment. By the way, if that friend hadn't come because of the lack of a present(or any other reason)my DD would have been heartbroken.

 

[polkadotsuitcase]

So, for the parties where the kids don't open the presents...if they don't send thank you notes, too...the gift-giver just kind of gives and assumes the gift was well-received?

It's sad that thank you notes and RSVPs have become a lost courtesy. Which is weird, because with texting, emailing, tweeting, FBing, and all other sorts of technological, fast-paced -ings, you'd think it would be even easier to do thank yous or RSVPs. How did we ever do it back in the 'day when we had to pick up the phone or...gasp...apply pen to paper? Shoot, didn't I see on the news where some scientists just find an ancient tablet somewhere where some cave person had laboriously chiseled "Thank you for the new flint; I love it" upon it? Now that took a little effort!

 

[susykt4]

I have to say I'd LOVE to go to a party where the gifts weren't opened. UGH. I took my daughter to a roller skating party once where there were maybe 8 little girls. Mom and Grandma brought all their gifts to the party as well as the stuff from the friends. This kid opened about 70 packages. She was so bored she wasn't even reacting and the other girls (ages 5 and 6) were bored to death. The presents were about half the party and Mom got offended when the other girls weren't paying attention and oohing and aahing.
This was a party the moms attended because the kids were so young and most had never skated. How insecure would you have to be to make this ridiculous presentation in front of the other parents? I'm pretty positive no one was impressed or jealous, just horrified of the excess and the reaction of the spoiled brat birthday girl.

 

[mjkacmom]

So, for the parties where the kids don't open the presents...if they don't send thank you notes, too...the gift-giver just kind of gives and assumes the gift was well-received?

It's sad that thank you notes and RSVPs have become a lost courtesy. Which is weird, because with texting, emailing, tweeting, FBing, and all other sorts of technological, fast-paced -ings, you'd think it would be even easier to do thank yous or RSVPs. How did we ever do it back in the 'day when we had to pick up the phone or...gasp...apply pen to paper? Shoot, didn't I see on the news where some scientists just find an ancient tablet somewhere where some cave person had laboriously chiseled "Thank you for the new flint; I love it" upon it? Now that took a little effort!

As much as I am a big fan of thank you notes (and not the generic "thank you for coming to my party and the gift" people have started to put in the goody bags), I don't think getting them means the gift is well-received, any more than when the child opens the gift, and exclaims "thank you for this wonderful gift - I was hoping someone would get me this when I saw it at the dollar section of Target." It is rude not to send a thank you note when a gift hasn't been thanked for in person - it is not rude to open gifts after a party. You are really never going to know if a gift is well-received - no one is going to write you a note that says "thanks for the sucky gift." It's like, how on these boards, people will post "I always give my childrens' teachers a mug with a big apple on it, and they always say they love them." You never really know.

 

[tami82]

Yes this really bothers me. When i was a kid 40+ years ago you had to open the presents during the house parties. What really gets me mad though is when i dont even get a thank you note to acknowledge the gift. The past two parties my daughter went to didnt even get a thank you note. She did however get one thank you in the handful of parties she went to last year. I could see maybe if it is a party where you have it somewhere and there is limited time to open presents but again a thank you would be nice.

 

[JKSWonder]

I'm actually grateful that they don't open the presents at the party anymore. Too often, I've taken my daughter to parties where the child opens the gift and exclaims out loud "Oh, I already have this!" or "Yuck, I hate this!", crushing the feelings of the child who gave the gift.

It would be great if all kids knew how to just open a gift, and say thank you without comment, but kids, especially really young ones, don't always know how to hold back their true feelings or be able to not automatically make the "Yuck" face when they open a gift they don't really like.

I always include a gift receipt....and if when the child gets home and they don't like the gift or they already have it, my daughter will never know that her gift was returned.

 

[jodifla]

So, for the parties where the kids don't open the presents...if they don't send thank you notes, too...the gift-giver just kind of gives and assumes the gift was well-received?

It's sad that thank you notes and RSVPs have become a lost courtesy. Which is weird, because with texting, emailing, tweeting, FBing, and all other sorts of technological, fast-paced -ings, you'd think it would be even easier to do thank yous or RSVPs. How did we ever do it back in the 'day when we had to pick up the phone or...gasp...apply pen to paper? Shoot, didn't I see on the news where some scientists just find an ancient tablet somewhere where some cave person had laboriously chiseled "Thank you for the new flint; I love it" upon it? Now that took a little effort!

Just because you don't open gifts at the party doesn't mean you don't send thank you notes. We sure did.

Not sure why people are linking these together.

 

[jodifla]

And the more I think back, I remember two emotions watching other kids open gifts: Fear and boredom. There's so much pressure at that age watching someone open your gift...was it good enough, did they like it, etc.

 

[polkadotsuitcase]

Just because you don't open gifts at the party doesn't mean you don't send thank you notes. We sure did.

Not sure why people are linking these together.

Although I haven't closely read what everyone else wrote on this, I think you misunderstood what I said. I said, "So, for the parties where the kids don't open the presents...if they don't send thank you notes, too..."

I was just thinking about whether or not the gift-giver ever would know about the gift they gave in that scenario where both a) the presents weren't opened AND b) they didn't get a thank-you note. No linking here!

 

[jodifla]

Although I haven't closely read what everyone else wrote on this, I think you misunderstood what I said. I said, "So, for the parties where the kids don't open the presents...if they don't send thank you notes, too..."

I was just thinking about whether or not the gift-giver ever would know about the gift they gave in that scenario where both a) the presents weren't opened AND b) they didn't get a thank-you note. No linking here!

Yes, I see your point.

My son has had one "kid" party -- the rest have been family celebrations. There were 22 kids as I recall. For this party we had at a local bounce house place, and there was no present time...it would have cut into the bouncing time. For a bunch of 4-, 5- and 6-year-olds, I'd say bouncing is way more fun!

Now if there had only been a few kids, I would have had him open gifts. But not with that many!

And those thank you notes went out!

 

[Lily & Giny's Mom]

A good way to get rsvp is to not give the location of the party till you get a rsvp. Ex. We have 3 different places for a winter swimming b-day party, so just put swimming party on the card. L&G's Dad

 

[JamesMom]

The parties my DS6 has gone to have been either way: open at party or at home, depends on time constaints.

DS for his recent 6th birthday at the Little Gym we took the presents home. I told all the parents when the party started.

At the party I took a group picture with all the attendees and my son. At home I took pictures of my son opening each gift. I sent copies of each to child along with a handwritten (and DS signed) thank you note.

I think that covered the best of both worlds.

 

[momx2]

I was told its not PC for a child to open gifts in front of other kids in case parents werent able to get a "good" gift or anohter child getting jealous. I dont get it my child still opens gifts and will continue to do so at her parties and I do thank you notes too...really is a dying tradition wouldnt Miss Manners be upset.

I haven't read all the way through, so I don't if this has been mentioned yet or not, but I read in Emily Post (I believe it was her) that if you thank the person face to face for the gift that thank you notes were not required. Thank you notes are required if you don't or can't thank them in person when recieving the gift.

People are just beginning not to open presensts around here and let me say that I am so glad. It takes away from the party too much and puts entirely too much focus on the gift instead of the celebration.

 

[monorailsilver]

We have been going to parties lately when the kids don't open the gifts.

I can see if it is a huge party but if it is that huge why in the world would your kid need all those gifts (like 50 ish presents).

My dh just went to a party early July & the twins didn't open the presents. It was outdoor & the kids were on the waterslide/playing with water toys so they were more interested in that but I still have not received a thank you.

So far my 2 oldest kids parties have been at places & they have opened gifts every time. I use my camera & take a picture of the kid who gave the gift & then the gifts vs writting it down.

 

[RMulieri]

I am not sure..But I will tell you Why I don't let my DD open anymore...The last few parties have been 20 small children ripping open the presents ( not my DD but her guests who brought the gifts) and cards have gotten separated from the gifts, which was a huge mess.Parents at the party seemed to think it was cute that they were all mobbing the birthday girl and opening her gifts for her.At the last party one kid even opened the gift and was playing with it.I know little ones get excited.But no amount of trying to get them to simmer down and get re-directed worked, we ended up with a crying birthday girl...SO no more opening till they are a tad older.WE DO MAKE her do thank yous for everyone though

 

[4HppyCamprs]

I note at almost all parties we go to (currently all preschoolers but this happened as toddlers as well), kids (not the b-day child) are opening gifts, taking pieces out of gifts, fighting over the opened gifts, and cards are separated from gifts in the chaos, and it is so rambunctious nobody can tell who gave what.

Though I keep DS with me, at a bit of a distance so as not to participate in the melee, not a single other parent says a word or restrains their children.

For DS's 3rd birthday we took him to WDW. Since his birthday usually falls during Christmas break, hopefully we can keep up the no party tradition and travel or do family/limited close friend parties instead, or take DS and 1-2 friends to a movie or something. DH says my desire for no parties makes me antisocial and mean...but I don't want that chaos![/QUOTE]


Okay so we did this last year we went up to wisconsin dells for DS 4th birthday and it was wonderful we brought the grandparents with us. We really dont have that option this year because DH comes from a very party oriented family so for the 5th birthday that is a milestone and DS#2 will be 1 on his birthday so again a milestone birthday but it was nice and will be nice again to just go do something special.

I didnt realize that so many people expected to have presents opened in front of them. I dont think I have been having my son open the presents til everybody is gone. We always send thank you notes though and it is a pet peeve of mine not to receive them. I am not going to send presents anymore to one family member because they cannot seem to find their manners to say thank you. They have been given more than a few opportunities. I guess I understand what you all are saying about wanting to see the recipients face...I will have to give a try to opening presents at the party this year....

 

[justhat]

And the more I think back, I remember two emotions watching other kids open gifts: Fear and boredom. There's so much pressure at that age watching someone open your gift...was it good enough, did they like it, etc.

This is so true. My kids have never been to a party where gifts have been opened and we have never done it at their parties. And I am so happy about that. I can totally see my son, who turns 3yo next week, ripping open gift after gift while I try to keep track of who it is from, and then trying to open what he sees as a 'cool' toy, getting that kid all excited, but the other kid disappointed cause he didn't react so strongly to their gift.