OT-When did you know you were finished having kids?

[Jenvenza]

Great thread!! We have a 14 month old DD and my husband is wanting another one soon. I think we will wait until she is 3 to start trying again. I just dont feel the need to have another one at this very moment - even though I imagine I will eventually.

 

[wdwluver]

I thought I was done when I gave birth to my second child DD, however when I went to the doctor to get "fixed" I just couldn't go through with it. The doctor gave me a long lecture about being responsible and such.

Well 3 months later, I got pregnant with my DD #2. I can't imagine life without her. She was the easy one. My other two pregnacies and deliveries were horendous, but she was a breeze. I was so glad I was able to know what it was like to have a pleasant delivery. After she was born, I knew I was done and was glad I waited. So now I have a DS and 2 DD's and yet, every now and then I keep feeling like someone is missing, but that feeling doesn't last for long We're a happy family of 5 and we can all fit in one deluxe room at Disney.

 

[skoi]

We thought we were done after ds #1 was born. But now we have two more adopted from China, so obviously we weren't. Dh actually asked which country I we should consider when he gets back from Afghanistan. So he's not done. I think I might be, or it might be the deployment talking.

So you never know- either decision you make, you might change your mind.

Julie

 

[PrincessPoohsMom]

This is such a great thread! I'm really interested reading through all the different experiences...even though it's taken me about three hours.

I only have one child at the moment. DD just turned 2, and was very unexpected; we wanted to wait until DH was finished with his PhD before starting our family. I love her to pieces and can't imagine life without her...but every time I flip through a parenting book I expect to see her picture under the "willful child" section. She's unbelievably stubborn and independent; potty training has only just started, and I know it'll be quite the journey.

DH and I had always operated on what we called the "2+ plan". Meaning we would plan for 2, but if God decided we needed more we'd go with the flow. After two years, DH is starting to talk about another...and I just don't know. I'm really NOT feeling the baby lust. Every time a friend tells me "we're expecting" I think "glad it's not me!" Pregnancy for me was a breeze but delivery was extremely difficult and painful and lasted well over 27 hours (over 4 hours pushing). I'm really not that enthusiastic about going through all that again. And I honestly cannot picture myself handling another child and DD.

So DH & I have been having "the discussion" on and off for a couple of months now. Right now we'll just let things be; once DD starts preschool (and is out of the house for a few hours a couple of days a week) we'll think about it again. Part of me would like to give DD a sibling...however, both DH and I know from experience that siblings do not necessarily equal life-long friends, so in the end it's a decision we'll make based on what's good for our family. I feel like we're pretty complete at that moment, but I know time changes things. I'm only turning 30 in January, so the way I see it we've got plenty of time.

Thanks again to the OP for starting such a great discussion! And to answer your question I'd also say wait a while and see how things are once your youngest leaves the baby stage. DD was a fantastic baby...then she gained mobility. I've been fighting a losing battle ever since.

 

[disneymom2003]

That's so funny that you say that. Any time someone asks if we're having more, I always tell them that I don't know about being pregnant again, but I wish one would get dropped off at my door-step I know it sounds crazy, but seriously I do.

How funny! I have the opposite feeling. I don't mind being pregnant I had easy pregnacies but I am way too old to take care of the wonderful gift you get at the end.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

How funny! I have the opposite feeling. I don't mind being pregnant I had easy pregnacies but I am way too old to take care of the wonderful gift you get at the end.

ITA! I get pregnant and pop those kids out like candy, but the idea of raising yet another child does not appeal to me at all. I enjoy the independence of having older children. I'll wait for grandkids to enjoy babies again and then send them back home when I've had my fill.

I knew I was done BEFORE my last came along-SURPRISE! Obviously the man upstairs had other plans for me. I wouldn't change a thing, but did make sure that there were no more surprises after that. I had twinges over the years...but ultimately, I couldn't envision going back to diaper bags, feedings, potty training and all that fun stuff in the beginning. Now give me a teenager and I'm good to go.

 

[dancin Disney style]

This thread has been an interesting read. My kids are 18 and 10. I think that because of circumstances that surrounded both births I don't feel 'done' but I know that I will not be having any more. We like the lifestyle that we have and another baby would change it in everyway. However, I can't bring myself to permanently close that door. Weird eh?

 

[Colleen27]

This thread has been an interesting read. My kids are 18 and 10. I think that because of circumstances that surrounded both births I don't feel 'done' but I know that I will not be having any more. We like the lifestyle that we have and another baby would change it in everyway. However, I can't bring myself to permanently close that door. Weird eh?

Not weird at all. I still have moments when I'm a little sad/wistful about never having planned a pregnancy and gotten to experience the excitement without the worries that came of each of our kids being a surprise. I had a hard time with the decision to take permanent measures, even though I was the one who decided I couldn't keep trying for a third, because I really wanted that feeling. It just wasn't meant to be for us, though; we got our much wanted baby #3, but she was also the biggest surprise of them all, conceived a few months after DH's vasectomy.

 

[TheRatPack]

Is the feeling that "you're done" having kids come from the fact that you couldn't handle anymore versus a feeling that your family is just complete? I mean is the work just so much that you feel you couldn't manage?

For me is was complete!

Yea, please don't confuse the 'I'm just tired and these kids are a handful' feeling as the 'I'm done having children' feeling I made that mistake 12 years ago, had my tubes tied and I've never regretted it (until now). I was young, 21 years old, and had 2 children. I had a full time job, as did my husband and my children were just a bit over a year apart. I was tired, spread too thin and I was DONE due to just being so exhausted.

Since then, I've become a SAHM, my husbands incomes has increased over the years and I also homeschool my crew We've added 3 to our family through Domestic adoption and are still feeling the twinges to add one more . I regret that tubal decision greatly...but what is done is done

 

[emmababy]

I am the OP and want to thank everyone for sharing their stories. I talked to Dh and he is open to a third child. Funny thing is that now that I know we are on the same page about possibly adding to our family, I had an Ahh-ha moment last night.

We were sitting on the couch. I was snuggling with dd2 and he was holding our little man. I looked around and had this feeling of contentment that if this is our final addition to the family and it was just the four of us, I was fine with it.

So, I think I will enjoy the four of us and if God wants us to have a third then we will, and if we don't that is fine too.

 

[SLK1]

Yea, please don't confuse the 'I'm just tired and these kids are a handful' feeling as the 'I'm done having children' feeling I made that mistake 12 years ago, had my tubes tied and I've never regretted it (until now). I was young, 21 years old, and had 2 children. I had a full time job, as did my husband and my children were just a bit over a year apart. I was tired, spread too thin and I was DONE due to just being so exhausted.

Since then, I've become a SAHM, my husbands incomes has increased over the years and I also homeschool my crew We've added 3 to our family through Domestic adoption and are still feeling the twinges to add one more . I regret that tubal decision greatly...but what is done is done

Very interesting...my sister-in-law had her tubes tied right after her 2nd was born. She's very young and I really wish she had waited until she was at least 30 before making that decision. But, there was no convincing her, and what's done is done. Regret is a very hard thing to live with!

 

[mrsltg]

We just had our second baby 2 months ago. I always thought I would be done at 2, but lately I am considering having a 3rd. I'm not sure if I am on a baby high and I will change my mind later.

So, for those that families are complete, when did you know you were done? Was it before the birth of your last, right after the birth, or later on?

My hubby is a little older than me and we both have to work, so with the cost of childcare, I can't see having a third. But I don't want to regret it later!

Thanks for all of your input!

Until my last dd was born, I always felt that someone was missing. I knew in my heart our family wasn't complete. DH and I discussed this over and over again and finally I decided he was right, we were done. Two weeks later the stick showed two white lines. I cried feeling I had let him down somehow but he just smiled and said, "I didn't want another baby until I knew it was this one." Anyway, she's 10 months now and we cannot imagine a second of our lives without her.

Bottom line - if you feel like you'll regret it later, you're not done.

 

[ChrisandDon'sMommy]

Well, I would like one more. The funny thing is that I wanted four with my husband! Now, three children is ideal for us! Sure, some have said to me that I shouldn't have an odd number of children (what?), but I think one more try will suffice.

 

[LoveMyDisneyCats]

Well, my "life plan" was to always have 3. DH was always "good with the two DDs we had." We compromised and tried for #3 (ok, so not much of a compromise...I just won out!). Much to our surprise, my "life plan" was thown out the door when we got pregnant with TWO DSs. We had finally gotton used to the fact that we were having more than either of us planned for when we delivered and lost them prematurely.
Now, two months later, we actually plan to have another AND THEN another. After that whole experience, we realized that we WANT 4! The thought of not having four kids here with us just isn't "right." We'd made so many plans around four (including buying more DVC points to get bigger accomodations- hee, hee) and got so excited that it just has to be. How crazy is that? So much for DH's "good with two."

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I always knew that I wanted two children. We had our first child after trying for months and it was a girl. I enjoyed every single minute with her and had not really thought about another one until she was about four. After months of not trying, but not trying not to, I was going to talk to my OBGYN about it and I was SHOCKED to find out that I was pregnant. I almost fell off of the table.

Nine months later, our second daughter was born and I thought we were finished. One day out of the blue, my DH said that he wanted another baby. I had already made an appointment to get my tubes tied for a couple of months later. I thought, well if it happens before then, than it was ment to be, if not oh well. I couldn't believe it when I found out a few weeks later that I was pregnant again. But, I knew at that moment, that was it.

I will never forget the day I went in to have my son. I had to have another c-section and I think I must have reminded the doctor 10 times to TIE MY TUBES!

I love having three children, they are my life. I can't picture me with anymore but I can honestly say that I miss having a baby around the house. I am really looking forward to being a grandmother and being called "Minnie". I have a few years to go because my oldest is only 16, but it's going to be so much fun!

 

[DizneeMommy]

After being "late" a few days last month, I knew I was done!

I decided that when you're "afraid" you might be pregnant instead of excited, then you're done!!

 

[mommy4]

after 3 sons (biological) and adopting a baby girl from ethiopia, I still don't feel done! I don't want to get pregnant again, but I really want another child. Adoption from Ethiopia again is probably out since we used all of our savings on our daughter. We've looked into adopting out of foster care, but our worried with all of the horror stories.
I'm not sure what to do about these feelings.

 

[sl_underwood]

after 3 sons (biological) and adopting a baby girl from ethiopia, I still don't feel done! I don't want to get pregnant again, but I really want another child. Adoption from Ethiopia again is probably out since we used all of our savings on our daughter. We've looked into adopting out of foster care, but our worried with all of the horror stories.
I'm not sure what to do about these feelings.

If you want more info on adopting through foster care, PM me. I will be more than happy to share all I have learned throughout my adoption journey.

 

[love3kids]

Hi, Ithink you got alot of excellent advice!!! Having a family is such a personal decision between a husband and a wife! In my situation I was married in 1990 and got divorced in 1997. I have a beautiful daughter she will be 14 in Jan.I was single for 7 years and then met my husband now! When the discussion came up about kids I knew I would love to have more children! But I was 41 yrs. old! Although I was scared because of my age we decided to try. Miraculosley Ibecame pregnant right away! We found out we were expecting 3 days after our wedding! We were so elated!! We have a beautiful 4 yr. old son! When he was 6 months old we concieved our second son who is now 3! We are now 47 yrs. old and life is amazing! I had a tubal ligation with my second because of my age.But about a year ago I became very maternal and wanted another a child!! We went to the doctor had a long talk and he advised us not to because of my age and that reversing a tubal would be to dangerous! So we left a little dissapointed but VERY BLESSED for what we have!So with all that said I do not think we are ever truly done! But you will know in your hearts when you are!! Enjoy your family! They are truly a blessing!!!!!!

 

[Starr W.]

I went into my scheduled c-section with #2(Mr. I'll do things my own way, I'll try to come out bum first), DH and I were both reminding the Dr. to remember the tubes.

Both of us come from 2 child families, neither of us wanted a 3rd. Mine are 5 yrs apart and are now 1st and 6th graders. To be honest I was happy when the baby phase was over.