OT: Weaning an older toddler

[snoopy5386]

First off I want to say no flames please!!!
Here is my situation. I am still nursing my DD who will turn 3 in the beginning of April. I am at a place now where I want to wean her and I am looking for advice on how to actually do it. What to tell her about it, how to cut nursing sessions, etc. I know there are other moms here on the Dis who have nursed their children into toddlerhood and I am looking to them for advice. She currently nurses around 2-4 times a day. In the morning when she wakes up, before nap and at night before bed. Some nights she still wakes in the wee morning hours and nurses then as well and then goes back to sleep. Nursing is very much a part of our routine for sleep and I don't know how to cut it out of the routine. She is not a kid who would just skip nursing as part of her routine if you know what I mean. She is also not a kid who falls asleep easily, so just waiting for her to crash won't work either. I know many suggest having Dad take over for bedtime, but she is not a huge fan of DH to begin with so I don't think this would go over too well, plus he is not around for naps and sometimes has to work late anyways.

We just got back last night from a week's vacation and she nursed only 1-2 times a day while on vacation (napped in the car or not at all, didn't nurse 1st thing in the morning). My ILs had her for the whole day (DH surprised me with a day trip to WDW) and she went to sleep easily for MIL that night. That leads me to believe she is ready to wean as well.
Advice??

 

[TheRatPack]

I think the fact that she's already went to bed for your IL's as well as in the car...etc without nursing shows you she's ready too. I would replace the weaning with something else comforting, maybe a warm glass of milk or a lullaby? Maybe her very own big girl radio in her room with soothing music at bedtime and naps? Then slowly remove the other nursing times as well once those other replacements work out. Don't go cold turkey and remove all the nursing times at once, and don't give in and start nursing again....those will both be confusing and stressful for her.

Good luck!

 

[Lorajo]

You shouldn't get flamed - you should be congratulated! I hope to nurse my little one much longer as well. She is now 17 months as has a similar nursing schedule to your little one.

However, while she;d never do it for me, she will go down for her nap with her babysitter in the afternoon - no nursing. I have no idea how i could accomplish that. My husband has put her down a few times as well.

Could you try cuddling in bed with stories and a sippy cup? Singing songs? Will she go to sleep in the car?

The book by La Leche League - when weaning happens has a lot of nice stories from other mom's who weaned at an older age. I really enjoyed it.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

You will get no flames here. My DS was 3 when he stopped. It was difficult. Many breastfed babies do not like the taste of cow's milk and my DS was no exception. I nursed him about 4-6 times a day. When he turned 3 it was 2-4. I cut it down to 2 for about a week (before nap and before bed). He cried at other times but we cuddled and it was ok. Then the next week I cut out the naptime one. It was easier than cutting back the first. Then after about a week of this I cut out the evening one. It was real hard. He cried and I wanted to give in but I was ready to be done. I held and rocked him until he fell asleep. It was a rough 4 evenings but by evening 5 he didn't even ask for it.
My son also had no trouble spending the occassional night at the grandparents but when he saw mom he wanted to nurse.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

No flames!!!
I would cut out the mornings first and start into a "schoolish" routine with breakfast/brush teeth/dress/do something-anything to keep her busy. Agree with OP to replace the nursing with something soothing.

A friend nursed until her DD told her she needed to have another baby because her milk was running out. She did have another baby fairly soon after, but weaned DD first.

 

[KandiB47]

Have you ever looked at Kellymom.com ? I stopped nursing DS around age 2. There are dozens of other moms in your boat in the forum section. They actually have a nursing toddlers/preschoolers section. You don't have to worry about flames over there I randomly notice rude comments about breastfeeding on the disboards so I prefer kellymom for that topic.

http://forum.kellymom.net/forumdisplay.php?f=43

 

[tinkerlisa]

I won't "flame" you. But i have to say that i am jealous! i was only able to tolerate breastfeeding for a little over a month with my boys. my youngest had a medical condition(tongue tied) that made me give up before he was diagnosed. i think my older son may have had the same problem but we never realized it. i had wished to do it until they were a year!
There is nothing wrong with nursing past the first year! i think it is great! my SIL nursed her son til her was 2!

 

[Chris]

My dd weaned when she was 3 1/2. My mom thought for sure she'd never give it up!! @@ She would nurse at bedtime and once in a blue moon, if she fell or got hurt she'd want to nurse also, for comfort.

She was ready to be done though so we didn't really have a problem weaning. She had tons of food allergies and the dr was the one who told me to nurse as long as possible. At the time she was 10 months and I thought, nurse past 2 are you kidding??! LOL Once it was over, I missed that special time, but we make up for it other way's, kwim?

Congratulations to you for going 3 years!

 

[arielmomma]

I am proud of you for nursing for as long as you have. You have made a healthy choice for your child. My daughter is turning 2 and I just recently stopped nursing. I must say that I had to take 2 totally different approaches with both of my children. With my son, I weened him slowly. I basically cut out one nursing session every couple of weeks. Since she is now used to only nursing 1-2 times a day, I would keep it that way and in another week or two take away another session and replace with something else comforting. For my son, I didn't nurse him for a nap anymore, but I let him have a snack and a drink and then I still laid down with him for a bit until he fell asleep. My daughter on the other hand (the one I just finished nursing) was a totally different story. She did not go for the weening. She's an all or nothing sort of child. After several weeks of weening that went no where, I ended up going cold turkey. It wasn't particularly comfortable for me, but she actually did much better this way. I guess I am saying try weening and don't give in. Know that every child is different and although it likely will work out well for you, even if it doesn't both you and your child will be fine in the end no matter what you do. Good luck!

 

[mandynee22]

No flames here- I'm CLW with my 2 yr old
Do you ever go to mothering.com? The breastfeeding beyond infancy message board might have some good tips.
I know a lot of people there have used weaning books made specifially for kids that age.

 

[tanyaandallie]

I weaned my ds this past summer at 38 mos. We had slowly gone to only 3 times a day. First thing in the am, at nap and at bed. Maybe right around his bday we cut out the first am feeding. It was tough b/c it meant me not sitting on the couch in the am or else he would really really beg to nurse. The last 2 were tough. I would start by cutting out the am feed b/c imo it's the easiest to get rid of. Then work on the last 2.

I ended up going out of town for the weekend and when I got home I told him I left the milk in Dallas. He was really sad. I was sad for him. But, he did ok. It was a rough 3 or 4 days b/c he was not happy going to bed. But, he didn't scream and yell. He just told me he was very sad that the milks were gone. We just layed in bed and snuggled and talked about it. AFter 3 or 4 days he was good!

 

[DisneyKings]

Good for you, nursing so long! When people ask me how long I'm going to nurse (DD 16 mos), I always say until she weans or starts high school--whichever comes first. In other words--it's none of their business how long we go; she'll stop when she's ready!

 

[SharkyGoddess]

My youngest nursed until he was well over 3 as well and basically weaned himself, but I followed his cues and helped encourage him along by distracting him. If he was very tired, or was just really beside himself needing to be comforted I still allowed him to nurse, otherwise we found something else, like rubbing his back while he was laying in my lap, or I would stand and sway while holding him (sort of like slow dancing) or even something as simple as a favorite cartoon. I would try a short snuggle session as a replacement to see if that will get your babe past the need to nurse.

 

[lucigo]

Are you wanting to wean or are you feeling the pressure from society or others to wean? You can see where I'm going....there is nothing wrong with nursing your child until you are both ready to stop. I know as they get older we tend to become more closet nursers because of society but honestly I think we SHOULD be out there nursing our babies in public so young girls today can see how its supposed to be done.

Ok off my soap box...I breastfed my 1st child only 3 months when a stupid doc put me on the pill and dried up my milk. 2nd child was 27 months when he decided it was too hot to nurse and just wanted to go to sleep. 3rd child stopped at 43 months when we were in the middle of a move across country, by the time we stopped long enough for her to nurse "its empty mommy" and that was the end. 4th child was close to 5-yo before he was totally done...he has autism and an extremely limited diet. There was no way I was going to take away that bonding time, and the nutrition he got from nursing. I believe the extended nursing really helped him both emotionally and health-wise.

So.....if you are ready to wean I would suggest as previously posted a keeping busy routine that wears her out. If you aren't ready, there is no rule saying you have to stop! She is still your baby. Three is just a number.

 

[homeschoolmomof4]

Does your daughter have older siblings? My youngest weaned when he was 3 and we just started pointing out all the ways he was beginning to be a big boy like his siblings. We talked about how his big brothers and sister didn't need "nee nee's" anymore because they were big kids. And we started pointing out all the cool cups and stuff that the big kids got to use. We also started including him in our family bedtime routine of story, song and prayers. If you don't have older siblings in the house that she can emulate, does she have friends that no longer nurse? You could talk to her about her friends' bedtime routines. But I would be talking with her about it BEFORE you start the process so that she knows what's coming and she can start wrapping her brain around the idea. Heck, if you talk to her about it enough, she might even come up with the idea on her own! Also, if you currently nurse her to sleep in a specific location, like a favorite chair, try to avoid that location so that she's less inclined to be thinking about nursing. Above all, try not to stress too much over it. She won't be nursing when she goes off to college!

 

[aanderson5]

DS weaned himself at around 30 months. He was still nursing 3-4 times a day when he turned two. The three big things I did when he turned two was 1) I stopped offering him my milk, 2) when he asked for milk I would offer milk from the fridge first (about 50% of the time he would say yes to fridge milk) and 3) I stopped feeding him first thing in the morning. The morning session was our big routine session. I thought it would be really hard to drop but he was fine with it. I missed our extra 15 minutes of snuggle time in the morning but he was OK getting up and starting the day with breakfast.

He just slowly nursed less and less. For the last month or so he was only nursing every few days and I think the reason he ultimately stopped was because I had no more milk. I am so happy he BF'd for as long as he did but I was also ready to stop so it really worked out well. Although he is still pretty attached to my b***s (he just turned 3). When he is tired his hand still creeps up my shirt.

I will add that I never had a problem dropping the night nursing. From the time DS was quite young DH put him to bed so he didn't nurse to sleep. And he never woke in the middle of the night to nurse after about the age of 1.

Good luck with the weaning. You have done wonderful for your DD.

 

[snoopy5386]

thanks everyone for all of the support and advice!! To answer some questions, I am weaning because nursing has become painful/uncomfortable and it is starting to give me that "skin crawling" feeling if you know what I mean. I just feel ready to stop. We are going to try and TTC this summer and I want a break from being pregnant/nursing for at least a few months.
My DD is my first so no older siblings to emulate. Before Christmas and vacation I had been limiting nursing to only while I sang the ABCs, once for each side. I am going to get back to that point this week and start dropping sessions from there. I was going to start with bedtime, that is the one she is least attached to. We have a long routine to fill the gap and DH is here to help as well. She is really attached to the morning, I think that might be the last to go. Naptime is going to be my hardest I think. She seems to really need nursing to settle and go from 100% to sleepy if you know what I mean. If I let her nurse long enough she'll fall asleep about 50% of the time at naptime. Wish me luck and we'll see how things go! For those who weaned your older ones, what did you say to them, how much did you talk about it and how much notice did you give them? This are all things I am struggling with.

 

[Juliet25]

My oldest DD weaned when she was 3.5 years old. I KWYM about just feeling done. I also wanted to TTC. Basically, I didn't put a time limit on when I wanted to stop; I just decided around her 3rd birthday that it was time to get serious about weaning. And I did so very gradually. I just tried to distract her most of all. We didn't really discuss it that I can recall. It sort of just happened. I won't lie; it took awhile. I thought she'd never wean! But she did, and yours will too.

Congrats for giving your daughter such a great start. This is just an anecdote, but DD's immune system just astonishes me. That girl is never sick.

Extended breastfeeding is something to be proud of!

 

[bumbershoot]

Good for you, nursing so long! When people ask me how long I'm going to nurse (DD 16 mos), I always say until she weans or starts high school--whichever comes first. In other words--it's none of their business how long we go; she'll stop when she's ready!

Teehee. That's the kind of thing my mom would have said. None of my friends are silly enough to question me, they do not want the death glare. And they all know that I nursed to 4 and my half sister went nearly to 5, so it just does not come up.

thanks everyone for all of the support and advice!! To answer some questions, I am weaning because nursing has become painful/uncomfortable and it is starting to give me that "skin crawling" feeling if you know what I mean.

Just so you know, in case it's the main reason, I had that feeling during Eamon's 3s. Then he turned 4 and that feeling just disappeared.

Also, when he was 3 he was nursing ALL the time and I was starting to really wonder if I WOULD be the mythical mother of the mythical college-aged child still asking for milk. And then after a trip to Disneyland at 3.5, he not only started sleeping through the night, but also didn't *always* need to nurse to get to sleep. He had long since given up regular naps, but before that still needed, every night, milk for sleeping. Over the next 6 months that tapered off to his wanting milk was the exception. Hubby was always a part of the nighttime routine, but it became almost all on hubby at that point.

Now he's 4.5 and he'll go, oh, 10 days or so between requests. I now have an ongoing email to myself where I add in each time he asks (and gets), which side, and whatever cute thing he might have said or done, then I send the email back to myself...I don't want to miss the last time, ya know?

So it is possible, and I don't say this with pressure but with pure information, that the slowing down is a gradual maturity thing, not a sign that he's totally ready. I don't even know how I could forcibly wean DS, he's always been very determined, and I've had a hard time deciding what was a need and what was a want, so I just call it all "need" and stay happy, LOL.


As for TTC, I hear you. I got my cycle back when DS was 4 months old, sigh, and we've been TTC'ing since he was 9 months, and a big ol' nothing has happened. I figure it's mainly hormonal, like he nurses JUST enough to keep something too high or too low (that or it's b/c of all the times he has "racked" hubby ), so I look forward to him being done for that reason.


That info aside, mothering and kellymom will have fabulous ideas.

 

[AngieWin]

First off, I second (third, etc) the opinion that you did awesome nursing him this long!! Ds1 self-weaned at 21 months (19 weeks pg), and ds2 weaned on his 3rd birthday last August(8 weeks pg, not intentional though).

With ds2 we had planned on weaning on his 3rd birthday before we found out about the pgy, so that was concidence. But I had talked to him about it for almost a month that when he turned 3 mommy's milk would be all done. We continued the cuddling in the morning and night (he still does it now) but we never had a problem with weaning.

He is now telling me that the baby will share his num-nums, this side is the babys and this side is his. Not too comfortable right now with that thought, but I will probably pump and give it to him in a cup and see if he is interested.