OT- two new little angels

[Mommy2JulietJocelyn]

i'm sorry.

I miscarried my first pregnancy - no I was not as far as you, but it still hurts sometimes to know that I would have had a beautiful 5 1/2 yr old in addition to my 3 beautiful girls. I was pretty numb for a while. When you decide to talk about it to people is up to you. And whenever that time comes, is the right time for you. I agree with PP about letting 1 or 2 close to you tell your small circle so they know and that when you are ready to discuss it, if you decide to, that you will.

By due date was very close to the anniversary of my PopPop's death so in my eyes, Pop needed that baby to keep him company. I know that sounds silly, but it helped me.

Again, I'm sorry.

 

[Nicoleclaw]

You have gotten some good advice here from the other ladies. I am so sorry to hear of your loss and will say a prayer for you and your family.

 

[Camno's Mama]

I am so sorry. It doesn't matter how small they were or whether you were twenty or thirty weeks along. Those were your babies, and feeling devastated is completely natural. You take your time, and feel your pain. People may say some insensitive things to you, and you have to just choose to take comfort where you can, and ignore what doesn't make sense.

Take care of yourself during the physical part of this process...it's hard on your body and even more taxing on your emotions. You will get through this. Just take one day at a time, and know that someday you will get the chance to hold your sweet babies in your arms again.

 

[Camno's Mama]

Aaaaahhhhh.....tears again. But you are so right. For three days before we lost them but as I lay in the hospital under watch, the nurses would ask me, "when and if the time comes, will you want to see them....hold them..." And for three days, I thought "no way, no how could I do that." But in the end, I did- I held them both and called them their names and told them they were loved and now I am so glad because I have that one moment with them that me and DH can remember and cherish.

It is so good to here that even after time, you have that and cherish it. I am even more glad for that decision now.

You are so strong. That's such a beautiful thing, that you had that chance and that you took that opportunity to say good-bye. I didn't read through everything before I posted, and I just wanted to add that. You will have that moment to carry with you forever.

 

[Reese]

I'm sorry for your loss . I've m/c one in the second trimester and one twin. It's such a personal loss. I remember feeling so upset that no one seemed to have the grief and the sense of loss that I did. It seemed to me that I was alone with my grief and emptiness. Although it never seems like it eventually each day gets better and you start to feel okay again but don't rush. Take the time that you need to grieve the loss of Jack and Alex. They were and will always be your boys.
We have a poem in our living room that my DS, he was 9 at the time, wrote when we lost my DD.

Grace is the little sister,
That I never got to know.
She never set a foot on earch;
She never saw a great big snow.
Grace is my little sister,
That I never got to know.
As for what her favorite food was;
We will never know.

Grace is my little sister,
That I never got to know.
She never ran a single race;
We never ever saw her face.
Grace is my little sister,
That I never got to know.
If she liked food hot and spicy;
We will never know.

Grace lives now in heaven,
The very bestest place.
If the clouds are cotton candy;
Only she will know.

We don't have a picture of her so this hangs in her place. We also planted a tree with the kids in our backyard. Each of the children placed something special in the hole before we planted it. It was 5 years on the 14 of August and the kids still call the tree Grace's tree. Ever year Grace's tree flowers the most beautiful flowers and we plant colourful annuals around the bottom of it. With these blooms each spring I know that Grace is with us and smiling along with us.

Take the time that you need to grief. Don't let anyone rush you. If you would like to talk you can PM. You and your family are in my prayers.

 

[cuppycake]

God Bless Jack and Alex. I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[PEANUT1]

i'm so sorry for your pain and loss.

 

[Krissy Marissy]

Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. Take comfort in knowing that all is in God's hands and one day you will be with your darling baby boys once again.

 

[antree]

I am so sorry for your loss I could never say anything that can help your pain, just know I am sorry. I had 2 miscarriages and the pain is still with me. I was never able to talk about it, I just wanted to be left alone. I cried and screamed when I was alone and just kept the thought of my babies to myself. I had to deal with it myself. When each month rolls around of my miscarriages I think of my babies. They are always in my heart. So if talking is good for you we are hear to listen and if you want to be alone just know you are in our prayers.

My cousin lost their twins 3 yrs apart one at birth and the other 3 yrs later. It was a very hard time for everyone, we were there when they wanted to talk and stood back when they wanted to be alone. Their sons and my daughter are 2 months apart, I still think of Christopher who we never got to know and Kyle who was the sweetest child you could ever meet. Alex and Jack will always be with you and in your hearts of you and your family.

 

[LoveMyDisneyCats]

Hey everyone,
First, thank you all for your kind words and condolenses- it is appreciated. Much of my extended family and friends have completely avoided us. It's kind of sad. I think a couple of you posted that you had experiences with people just not saying anything because they thought it was best not to talk about it. But it's funny, because just as one of you also said you felt, I do want to talk about it...They were here and were loved...I don't want them to just be forgotten instantly. Luckily, DH and I talk about it alot and our immediate families and a couple of my close friends have been here or keep calling.

Yesterday was really tough. I think I posted previously DH went back to work so it was just me and DD3 at home. Of course, getting up in the a.m. was the hardest because it was like a slap in the face when I woke up. I did pretty good thoughout the day trying to do little things for work or for DHs soccer team. That kept me occupied. Then obviously, I had DD to play with and just love and appreciate. But I don't think I have enough fingers to count how many times something popped in my mind or I saw something and broke drown. After DH got home, it was a little better....then he and the girls went to practice and UPS showed up...with my order I placed last week for the little outfits that I picked to "bring them home in" when they were born. Oh My, you can imagine. Then after I calmed down, the doorbell rang again with a floral delivery- a really, really nice thing that during any other time of the day would have been SOOOO nice to see, but well, following my meltdown... So yeah, basically...it was tough.

I'm hoping today will be better, but if the morning I've had so far is any indication- it's not looking that way. DH & I had a really long talk last night (about the boys, this week, our plans that won't be). But also about new plans and a new future and I do feel really good about that. So I think there is progress being made. I can see it, even if my family and friends can't through all my blubbering and breakdowns. My DSIL is a L&D nurse and she's going to get me some names of local groups or counselors so I can see if I'm interested in that. We'll get there......... thanks again though for your supportive words. They really are comforting to me when I am alone.

 

[surfergirl602]

I am so sorry for your loss. We lost one just around that age. No idea what went wrong, but we remember her and talk about her often. My husband was my strength during that difficult time, and talking to God a lot helped me through my pain. Many hugs for you - you are not alone. We now have our beautiful 18 month old (born a month early, even) and she's just perfect. Take comfort in knowing that they still will be with you and surround you in hope and love.

 

[ShannShann]

I too lost my DD's twin. I spent 15 weeks on strict bedrest TRYING to prevent them from coming early.

There are no words to help you in this difficult time. Just know that you are not alone. We are here for you. Take care of yourself.

Shannon

 

[bellebud]

so very, very sorry for your loss! I had 2 very early m/c's, but nothing like you're going through. My sil lost twin boys at 23 weeks. she just started contracting, went to doc, wasn't really given meds or told to bed-rest, and they just came a few days later. she named them and buried them, and goes to the cemetary often. It helps her. She also went to a support group a few times.

Allow yourself the time you need to grieve. My prayers are with your and your family.

 

[Crazy4Disney72]

I'm so sorry for your loss....I lost my baby at 9 weeks nine years ago and although the pain isn't as bad as it was back then, there are times I still cry over the loss of that child. Like other posters have mentioned, I heard many things that I guess people thought were helpful, but they minimized my pain, as if my baby didn't matter because I was only in the first trimester. There really isn't anything anyone can say right now to make it better, so I will just tell you that I'm so very sorry for your pain, I can only imagine what you are going through losing your precious babies so far into your pregnancy. It will get better, you never 'get over' something like this, but you will get through it. Know that there is no one right or wrong way to react to the loss of your babies, no timetable, just try to surround yourself with people who care who will let you cry when you need to cry, talk when you need to talk, and acknowledge your babies, even though they are now angels in Heaven, they will always be your sons. Take care

 

[sunnyday123]

I dont know what to say other than I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[peemagg]

I don't know about the hospital you delivered at, but ours here in Mi has a support team of delivery nurses to help people going through their loss.

My sister lost her first baby Pauline Grace at 23 weeks. We were all there with them and held that beautiful little girl. That was over 4 years ago and I remember it well today. We always say what if this had happened or that had happened, but come back to the decision that it was God's Plan. He has since graced them with 3 beautiful babies. The oddest thing is that their oldest child was born just over one year from the day they lost Pauline. Pauline is now with my father and some close friends (one who was there to deliver her sister).

Our prayers go out to you and you family! Do as others have suggested and reach out when you feel you can to others to help pull you threw this hard time. It was by doing this that helped my sister.

 

[triplet_mom_2001]

I am so very sorry for your loss. One of my friends lost her triplets and found great comfort from a group called LAMBS. The group is for women who lost all of their multiples. Here is the link: http://www.public.iastate.edu/~cjenks/lambs.html.

Please take good care of yourself, and take things one day at a time.

Lisa

 

[safetymom]

I am so sorry. I will keep you all in my prayers.

 

[SueM in MN]

From the time a woman first suspects she is pregnant until the end of the pregnancy, she and the family spend time bonding with the baby/babies.
A baby isn't any more 'real' further on in the pregnancy; you've just had time to get to know him/her better. The individual personality starts to become more evident (laid back and slow moving; active all the time) and the plans for that individual become more concrete. But, a baby lost during pregnancy is no less real than a baby lost after birth, just less known.
A baby lost during any stage of pregnancy is not any less worthy of grieving than a child lost after birth, so don't feel there is anything wrong with your grief. And, since different people grieve in different ways, however you grieve is normal for you.

I lost my first pregnancy at about 5-6 weeks, many years ago. Even though I will never know what the sex of that baby was, it was a baby, my baby.
I was lucky that I was not so far along; no one but DH and I knew I was pregnant. Because there was so little visible evidence of a baby, I don't think that baby was as 'real' to my DH as it was to me, but he still hurt. I had figured out my due date and knew when that baby was due. Even that early, I was starting to make plans for the baby that was coming. I can't imagine what it might be to still look pregnant and have people asking questions or making comments about something so personal and so painful.
And, even now, many years later, it still hurts to think about that lost baby and I am crying as I write this, thinking about the pain you must be in.

A few weeks ago, I found a notebook I used to write in. One of the things I found was a poem I wrote when my oldest DD was approaching her first Christmas.

The long cool days of autumn always make me sad
and I can't help thinking of what might have been.
These fall days do seem to cry of endings,
not beginnings.
And they always make me think of the life that was inside me
that began and ended at this time of year
and of what might have been.

I can't help thinking of what might have been
if things had happened differently.
You would be starting Kindergarten
and laughing at the things your baby sister does
that you would have done;
if you had had the chance.

You would be planning for Christmas
and picking out what toys you wanted to wish for.
You would be sharing so much with us
and we with you.

I love your sister very much
and I'm glad for how things are, but
I can't help thinking of what might have been
if things had happened differently.

to you and your whole family.
I can't know how you feel or how you are grieving.
I just hope you feel comforted to know there are many people who didn't know your Alex and Jack, who are sad for the pain that you and your family are going thru.