OT... still budget related.. I want to have another child but...

[EMom]

BTW, I cannot believe the doctor tied your tubes without your consent! That is malpractice, plain and simple. Has the statute of limitations passed? Your life was not in danger AT THAT MOMENT. He had no right to make that like-altering decision for you. Talk about a God complex!

I can see if he had asked you ahead of time and had discussed the possibility and gotten your conditional approval. But it sounds as if you were blindsided.

This reeks of what sometimes happens to uneducated welfare mothers. (Don't shoot the messenger.....I've just seen it happen a few too many times for it to be a fluke.....) Uneducated welfare mother (UWM) goes to the hospital to deliver a baby, usually her 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th. After delivery....especially if she was unconscious during delivery and has no memory of it or was semi-drugged.....she is told her tubes were tied because:

1. if she ever had another baby, it could kill her. Details aren't given. (It never came close to killing her before, though.)

2. She had severe "female" problems and her tubes had to be tied to fix the problem. (Never mind that "female" problems generally aren't located in your tubes.)

3. She's not told why.....She's just told she had a "tubal ligation." No one really explains what that term means, so she has no clue she can't have more children.

I wouldn't say this happens a LOT, but it happens. But it usually happens to women who are (1) uneducated and would have no idea they were being lied to, and/or (2) poor women who are not in a position to challenge or question authority figures such as doctors. UWMs are classic examples.

You don't seem to fall into those categories. That is why I am surprised the doctor was so bold (and out of line) as to make this reproductive choice for you. If you really should not become pregnant again, he could have waited until AFTER surgery for you to wake up and discuss it. There is more than one way to avoid pregnancy, and you had alternatives. UNTIL HE TOOK THEM AWAY.

Outrageous!

 

[RNMOM]

Linnette,

I understand how you feel about wanting another child. I too have had periods like this. I am now way to old and decided to stay with my two sons.

There are so many issues on both sides of this decision. You really need to speak with your neurologist and OBGYN before you make a final decision. You didn't mention what your husband says about this.

Having another child now will impact your lives for a long time. Sending you lots of positive thoughts and a good dusting.

 

[mrsmiller]

Thank you all for all your advise and kind words!

It had to happen that the same day that I posted I got sick ended up in the hospital and spent a week doing all kinds of test and spinal taps, my shunt is not working and now I need surgery, just to think about it makes me cry because the recovery is very hard for me , and the kids really suffered this week without mommy to take care of them, and because I do not have family in NY it was really hard and expensive to find somebody to take them to/from school while my husband went to work. This kind of open my eyes to the reality of another child, at this point is not meant to be

I asked about in vitro because I had doubts that I could adopt a child because of my medical condition and the only experience of adoption that I have is a cousin of mine that waited 5 yrs for a baby and I really did not wanted to wait that long. But at this point I am going to concentrate in the surgery and getting better fast: IF is in God's will that we will be bless with a child then it will happen one way or another!

THANK YOU ALL!!!
Linnette

 

[m&m's mom]

I am going to take this another direction.
You have 2 beautiful healthy boys, you are a very high risk, this would be disruptive to your family - why would you want to have another child?
I admit I have never understood the "I just want another". It does sound like this would not be the best thing for your family or yourself.
I am your age and have 2 girls about your kids age. It is kinda sad knowing I will have another baby but I look at what I have been blessed with and I am happy.
I also understand the scary pregnancies. I have been pregnant 4 times and the farthest I have ever made it is 34 weeks. 2 miscarriages and I born at 24 weeks, another 34 weeks. I used to say if I could wake up 9 months pregnant I would do it again but, I know that our family is perfect the way it is now.

 

[LoveBWVVBR]

I haven't read the other responses, so forgive me. Would your brain pressure problem cause you another high-risk pregnancy? If so, would you consider using the IVF $$ for an adoption instead? If DH and I ever decide to go for #2, we'll be adopting. We had gone so far as to pick an agency and an international program. Some are more economical than others. Ethiopia, for example, seemed to have quick referrals, young babies (if you prefer), and lower costs than other programs. Just an idea...good luck with whatever you decide!