OT:Son's b-day party, friend canceled

[SLK1]

I'm not a big fan of the "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff" mantra because what's small to someone else might be huge to me. But that's not really the issue...

Since the goody bags and shirt sound really cool, don't punish the little boy by not giving it to him - it's not his fault his mom can't take him, and it does sound like he really wanted to come. Still give it to him and let him enjoy it. Having four active kids of my own and husband who travels more often than not, I know it's really hard to juggle being everywhere with everyone...which is why you do ask for favors from people. Maybe your friend knows someone who can bring her son. Since you are the host of the party, it's probably not realistic for her to drop off the child to you early because you will be in party prep mode, but maybe there is another friend...

 

[disykat]

If these kids are only turning 3, the moms are probably staying. Since the mom can't be in two places at once she has to choose. She felt her dd's obligation to gymnastics trumped her son's birthday party invite.

 

[dawnbu40]

I totally understand your frustration on this matter. People today are not as polite and considerate as they used to be. DD graduated in June and we had the party at a hall, catered etc. We sent out save the date cards in January and the invites went out in May stating RSVP. I didn't hear from some of my own aunts until days before the event and don't get my started on DD's friends. This is just rude especially when you have to pay pe plate upfront like I did or make special things like you did. While I don't advocate sending her a bill I would probably not invite them to anything else for awhile. Don't let your frustration stop you from enjoying the party!

 

[luvmy3]

I totally understand your frustration on this matter. People today are not as polite and considerate as they used to be. DD graduated in June and we had the party at a hall, catered etc. We sent out save the date cards in January and the invites went out in May stating RSVP. I didn't hear from some of my own aunts until days before the event and don't get my started on DD's friends. This is just rude especially when you have to pay pe plate upfront like I did or make special things like you did. While I don't advocate sending her a bill I would probably not invite them to anything else for awhile. Don't let your frustration stop you from enjoying the party!

So you think its rude that the mom called to let the woman know that she couldn't make it because of a family obligation? Its not like she stiffed the OP and just didn't show up.
OP, I'm sorry that you are upset, but life happens. Anyone with more than 1 child should know that things don't always go as planned, especially when counting on a dh

 

[mom2princessj]

Interesting...because I love getting a "heads-up" about birthday parties as early as possible so that I can get them on our family's calendar and plan around them. We've had two b-day party invites for THIS week-end show up in the last two weeks. We're going out of town and my dd is misssing both parties! If we had known with enough advance planning, I would have made plans to leave a day later so that she could attend.

We're doing an annual holiday party for kids in December and I polled the folks we usually invite for the "best date" to get an idea of what might work. I'll send out a more formal invite in late November with an RSVP request....but at least the party is on the radar screen and folks who are really interested in attending will be aware and not unintentionally double book social engagements.


P.S. In the OP's case....can she pick up the boy in advance and/or drop him off later or have her DH pick him up if she is doing party prep?

I'm kind of the same way...I'm a planner and I hate getting invites at the last minute. If possible I try to always take my kids to the parties they get invites to just because I know it will be enjoyable for them.
We are having a party for dd in 2 weeks. I sent out the invites at the end of Sept about one month in advance with an rsvp date 1 week before the party...we've gotten 1 rsvp so far I have to give a final count 2 days before the party so I gave myself a buffer in case anyone forgets and calls late. I do have to pay per head though so I can sympathize with the OP on her disappointment. But I do think that life happens and if it were me and I already had some type of personal treat bag made for the child I'd make sure he got it to make him feel good. One of my friends will be out of town for dd's party and her dh is going to be bringing him. I told her though that her ds was more than welcome to stay with us or we could even pick him up if she needed us to in order to make it easier on her dh. I know she really appreciated that.
Good luck OP...I'm sure your party will turn out great!

 

[sk!mom]

Would it be possible to offer to have him on a playdate which includes the party? Pick him up (or have him dropped over) early and then drop him back (or have him fetched) later, compared to the other guests so your son gets a friend over as well as a b'day party, the other mom can still manage her commitments and your son nor his friend miss out?

I would do this as well.

In fact, I have done this. One of DD's closeset friends was going to miss her party last year because her mom wouldn't be able to pick her up. I offered to let the friend go home with us after the party and sleep-over. DD was thrilled to have her party extended- the other mom agreed- problem solved. I chose not to let it be a problem. The mom in this situation wanted to spend the afternoon on the Lake and didn't want to interrupt her outing to pick up her DD. I could have gotten irritated but I chose to offer a solution.

 

[sk!mom]

Maybe I'm getting older and more selfish, or that my calendar is so full, that kids birthday parties are at the bottom of my list of events to attend. Unless it's a very close friend, I'm doing the happy dance of joy when we get an invitation, and are already booked.

I'm definitly getting older and more selfish with my limited time. I agree with you.

I actually hate the "save the date" notices or invitations that come way in advance because it seems too often that those who send them think that because you knew way in advance you have no excuse to miss the event.

To me, there's nothing rude about telling someone a week ahead of time that something's come up and now you can't make it. It's a kids party, after all, not a wedding.

 

[dis-happy]

Your ds is only 2 1/2, going on 3 years old? Then is the friend is about the same age? Of course the mom would be expecting to stay at the party, and since her dh has to work she has to take the sibling to the first gymnastics class. Am I reading this correctly? If so, that's life, her excuse is very excusable in my book. It sounds like you've put a lot into this party, but cutting her some slack would be appropriate in this case. Send the child the goodie bag and try not to worry about the rest.

 

[RubySlippers]

I hope your son had a great party!

Ruby

 

[christa112]

I am guilty of saying yes to party and then cancelling at last minute too. My son was invited to a birthday party and he was totally acting up, I told him to stop and he wouldn't listen, so I revoked is priviledge to go to the party.

I called the mother and explained the situation and told her that Shane does have a gift and he will bring it into school on Monday. As a mother I hope she understood, because I know I would have.