ot- Son's 1st time away at camp going very badly

[WantToGoNow]

My first thought was that he shouldn't have had the phone at all. At age 11, I would think he should be fine for a week on his own at camp. My ds8 has gone to week-long camp the last 2 years and is allowed no contact with home. Now my oldest dd was at the same camp last month as a counselor but was with the girls but I was still able to check with her to see how he was doing. I learned through her that he had gotten into trouble (sat on a male counselors bed) and lost his pool time. I really wanted to call up there and straighten it out but I didn't. This is part of the growing process for these kids and he had to learn that there were consequences - even if they seemed a bit over the top. Oh, he's very picky as well but he gave in and ate things at camp that he would never eat at home.

 

[Mickeypooh99]

I would go get him, and I am a Cub Scout leader! I know we aren't supposed to tell parents that. Our camps don't allow cell phones. I remember how much I hated camp when I was 11. 26 years later I still don't want to think about it. No, I didn't have fun and then get upset when I talked to my parents. I was miserable the whole time.

My kids go to the day camp, and I don't think they will ever go to overnight camp. Especially if they can't take a cell phone. If I were you, I would have left the cell phone too.

You do have to consider the teasing that will result if you go get him. I would probably explain that to him and give him the choice. Whatever you decide try to relax. It will all be over soon. You shouldn't stress yourself out over it. (I know thats easier said than done!)

 

[mjkacmom]

My DS11 just returned from his week at Boy Scout Camp about 10 days ago. It was his 1st time away from home (he'd never even been to a day camp) and he was there Sunday-Saturday. The boys were absolutely not allowed to have any cell phones with them at all....no contact with parents. I think part of your problem lies right there. I think he would be doing better if he had not had contact with you at all this week.

As much as I know it hurts, I think you need to tell your DS to turn his phone over to his scoutmaster & suck it up until you pick him up on Saturday. The boys are completing requirements towards merit badges this week & it would be a shame if your DS did not get to complete all of the activitites.

We had "Family Night" on Friday night & got to go visit the camp that afternoon & evening (it's a 3 hour drive from our home). When we saw DS that night, he told us he'd been homesick until about Tuesday nite...but was ok after that. Is your camp having a family night?

The first red flag I saw in this situation was the cellphone - I've been to camp, and the only way it works is if kids can't contact their parents at will. Kids will get homesick much more if they can call their mom and dad whenever they want. The nurse at our pediatrician said that kids can go up to 10 days without solid food (we had a rotavirus issue). I have some picky eaters, myself. I think the cellphone was a bad idea.

 

[rbork]

Well, the cell phone battery should run out by about day 3
I'm w/ your DH. Have him stick it out. My DS just returned from 2nd year of camp. Don't worry about the food. He'll eat if he's hungry enough.
Usually the adult leaders will call a parent if there is a problem. Also comfort those who are homesick but definately discourage phone calls home. This is all part of a maturing process.
I cried last year when leaving DS at camp. He didn't cry but looked scared to death hiking off w/ his backpack. He didn't use soap all week but still claimed he showered! oh well
I also pack a few water bottles and snacks for my DS and his tent mate. The troop buys extra snacks should the boys get to hungry. It rained everyday and camp was a mess. I'm still washing all the gear! In the end, my kid says he's going back next year so it was a success.
btw- I think the troop peer pressure to keep moving in the ranks/achievements is good for them. I prefer to call it motivation.
Good Luck and do what's right for you.

 

[MichelleVW]

First, let me say that as a Mom, I feel for you. This must be so hard and I really don't know how I would react if put in this position.

Now, let me say that years ago I worked in a summer camp. It was a 2 week sleep away Girl Scout camp. Situations like this are exactly why there was a very strict no phone contact rule. Now, ofcourse this was before cell phones were widely used. The girls were NEVER allowed to directly speak to their parents. Letters only. They had this rule not to be cruel, but because speaking to parents made homesickness soooooooo much worse..for the child AND the parents!!! Kids would scream, cry, refuse to eat, try to run away!!!!, but we just made sure they were safe, gave them a hug, told them that WE would call Mom and Dad..and tell them to rush those letters!! Never once did I have a child not have fun...after they got over their homesickness the first few days. I think the fact that he can speak to you is only making it worse. He will NOT starve himself...he will get over it and have fun....but only if he knows that that's his only choice. Be strong!!! Parenting isn't easy!! You will teach him a very valuable lesson by sticking it out!

Now and good luck!

I think the cell phone was a really bad idea. When I left my 8 year old at Girl Scout camp in the cold rainy Alaskan wilderness with no indoor plumbing I was more than a little stressed, and she sobbed when I left. I cried ALL WEEK LONG thinking about her out there hating camp, but nope, we went to pick her up and all I got was an "oh, Hi mom" She had a blast and loved it.

I went to camp when I was in third grade and there were parts of it I hated, and I missed my parents and got homesick and cried every night. If I had a phone I would have begged my mom to come pick me up, but thankfully I didn't because I really did have a good time.

 

[sk!mom]

I would have him stick it out. I know it's hard but if he's safe, I wouldn't want him to quit on it. Have you talked to any adults at the camp?

A couple of suggestions that won't really help this time but might in the future or for other first time camp parents...

My DD13 always packs a few bottles of water and a ziploc bag of snacks. She leaves tomorrow for a two week Ballet Intensive and will have a baggie of healthy snacks- dried fruit, granola bars.

My DD goes to two different camps. The 5 day Church Camp doesn't allow cell phones at all. We are given a contact number for the camp in case we need to reach DD and she would be allowed to use the camp phone if she needed to call us. This was her second year and she's never called.

The camp she will be at the next 2 weeks allows cell phones but limits use. They discourage phone calls in the first four days as kids who constantly call home do not assimilate as quickly and easily. Even if they're texting friends at home they're not making friends or engaging in activities. Kids who fly in make one, "Got here safely call." and then phones are put up for 4 days. After that time, they are allowed their phones for a short time in the evenings during free time to call home and check in. I think that this is fairly common for camps and really does seem to help most kids.

I feel for you it is very hard to see (or hear) misery in our children.

 

[NotUrsula]

Just a thought for those who are recommending that kids bring their own snacks: at our Scout district camps this is STRICTLY forbidden, and they search the tents when the kids arrive to make sure that no personal food is brought in.

Bringing your own snack food is hugely dangerous if there is any possibility of bears in the area.

 

[robinb]

Thanks for the input! I spoke to DS at 9:00pm tonight and they were just getting ready to take a night hike and he said he would call when they returned to tell me how he is doing. It's now 11:00 and we haven't heard anything so I'm hoping that's a good thing but I'm completely out of my mind with worry!

First of all, worrying about your kid at camp is completely natural. My 9-year old went to overnight camp horse camp and I was worried. I was worried about her falling off a horse and getting hurt, getting stepped on by a horse, getting in a cabin of mean girls and I was worried about her diet. She too is a picky eater, but I knew that they had an endless supply of peanut butter and bread and that she would not starve.

However, I think that last phone call is another example why your son should have never been sent with a cell phone. You are hovering and swooping and getting yourself all bent out of shape with angst and worry via your long distance umbilical cord. I'm sure that your son can hear it when you talk to him. Mom's worried, so there must be something to be worried about! If you had no communication with him you would be blissfully ignorant that he was doing something as terrifying as a night hike and he would be blissfully ignorant of your anxiety.

I am (obviously) in the "leave him at camp" camp. He will be FINE. He is playing you like a fiddle with his moaning and groaning and talkin' right to the "overprotective mama bear" in an attempt to get out of something he doesn't really like. It's only two more days and there ARE responsible adults there to take care of him. He will not starve and he will not die of thirst. If he doesn't like camp ... okay. He doesn't have to go next year. But he should stick it out this year because he made a commitment to his troop and HIMSELF. All three of your will feel better about him if he sticks it out and all three of you will know that HE CAN DO IT! In addition, if he is a quitter or has his Mommy come to pick him up early or his friends and troop mates will NEVER let him live it down.

 

[MrsNick]

Just a thought for those who are recommending that kids bring their own snacks: at our Scout district camps this is STRICTLY forbidden, and they search the tents when the kids arrive to make sure that no personal food is brought in.

Bringing your own snack food is hugely dangerous if there is any possibility of bears in the area.

I recall when I went camping as a Girl Scout that we were told in no uncertain terms that we were not allowed to bring any snacks because of bears (and other wild critters - like raccoons which are vicious, and many of which carry rabies). Besides, snacks can also attract bugs. Yuck.

The restriction was not to give us tough love, but to prevent us from being attacked or otherwise harassed by wild animals.

OP, I hope everything works out for your DS.

 

[MrsNick]

In addition, if he is a quitter or has his Mommy come to pick him up early or his friends and troop mates will NEVER let him live it down.

JMO (and it really isn't worth more than 2 cents, lol) is that his friends razzing him for quitting is actually a much lighter consequence than the other one. The other consequence is that he may learn that it is ok to quit when the going gets a little bit rough. I think that is much more serious.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

My ds12 went to 5 nt camp in the Pine Barrens of SJ, (a jillion acres of nothing but forest.) as a school trip. All of our 6th graders go and I went when I was in 6th grade. They do soil testing, water testing and learn environmental issues.

We had no contact whatsoever. They were not permitted any electronic devices or snacks from home. The only call we got was from the RN (onsite 24 hrs/day) that ds got a tick on the tip of his privates. I felt so bad that he had to show it to the nurse. Also NJ has the highest rate of Lyme Dz in the country so of course that had me worried too.
I called back the next day to see how he was doing and the nurse said all was fine. My ds is kind of shy too and dislikes day camp too. He's just not a sports-oriented kind of kid. The only outdoors thing he likes is fishing and boating.
Anyhoo, the whole experience made him really appreciate having his own room, (apparently a lot of snoring kids in his group; "like a chorus" he said.)
also appreciated so many comforts of home and my and dh's cooking. He admitted he survived on dinner rolls the whole time.
When he first came home he was not at all exctied about the trip and just said it was ok. Now when he refers to it, he says what a cool time the whole thing was and seems to have good memories of it all when discussing it.

I'd def let him stick it out knowing it's only 2 more days.

 

[robinb]

JMO (and it really isn't worth more than 2 cents, lol) is that his friends razzing him for quitting is actually a much lighter consequence than the other one. The other consequence is that he may learn that it is ok to quit when the going gets a little bit rough. I think that is much more serious.

ITA. That was what I was getting at with my previous sentence to the one you quoted. If he sticks it out then he knows that he CAN succeed when things get tough ... as does (perhaps more importantly) the OP and her husband. His success at staying is a success for both the son and the mother. If he doesn't ... well ... it just makes things worse. The kid learns that he can quit whenever he wants and the OP feels validated for being an "overprotective mama bear" by saving her cub from camp.

 

[loveysbydesign]

I am a member of the stick it out club. If there was a major issue and your son was having health issues(due to inadequate diet/dehydration etc.) I'm sure you would be getting a phone call from a leader/counselor.
I went to camp too and loved somethings and absolutely hated other things...but at least I had the opportunity to go!

My 10 y.o. son is dying/begging to go to camp but we just can't afford it...they are over $350 a week for overnight...and that is the cheapest we could find, even through our church, plus than my dd wants to go too. I told them we'd save upo for next year!
Just think of it as an experience he will never forget!

 

[stella27]

I feel kind of mean saying this, but I think it's okay for him to be miserable for 2 more days. He's probably doing okay when he's not on the phone with you. You have told him to drink some water and to eat, and I bet he is eating a lot more than he's telling you. Sometimes I think we need to fight the urge to make everything great for our kids all the time.

I think of all the times I hated camp and I think about when I hated college and wanted to come home, and now there are times when I so want to escape my adult life and want to retreat to my childhood, but by now I know that it's up to me to make the best of a bad situation and how to gauge whether I am merely unhappy vs. in some kind of danger, and when is it better to ride an awkward situation out rather than take the easy way out.

It seems to me that these are crucial adult skills that help us navigate tough spots in our marriages, our jobs, our parenting, our friendships, and everything else, and that learning to rely on ourselves and our judgment in uncomfortable situations is crucial. I think that your son is probably learning a lot that will be of benefit to him even though he's unhappy right
now.

Hang in there - he'll be home soon!

 

[tinkerdoodle]

JMO (and it really isn't worth more than 2 cents, lol) is that his friends razzing him for quitting is actually a much lighter consequence than the other one. The other consequence is that he may learn that it is ok to quit when the going gets a little bit rough. I think that is much more serious.

GET A GRIP!

Ok, this statement is completely ridiculous for this day & age. I do not know if you have children or if any, how old your children are, BUT at 11 years old this boy is either in middle school, starting middle school, or will be in a year (this of course depends on your school district). Our son is 11 as well, and has already completed 1 year of middle school in a very good area of our town. Middle school is relentlessly rough on students now. Kids are completely under-disciplined (primarily by parents and teachers have to make up the difference), are bullies to no extent, (girls AND boys!) and will torment this boy over & over if they find out his mommy saved him from camp! I talked to my son about this situation (and he's not the bravest of the brave either!) and he said he absolutely wouldn't have left because of the torment he would receive later. These things stick like glue. Razzing and bullying are 2 totally different things nowadays. Razzing (light teasing) just doesn't happen anymore. Have you seen the news reports about suicide & such in teens because of bullying? Please! The bullying & teasing are SOOOOOO much worse than he not learning the "quitting is ok" lesson. WAKE UP! He's playing his parents like fiddles, his mom is giving him exactly what he wants, and he should have NEVER, NEVER, NEVER been given a cell phone at camp! The leader broke the camp rules by agreeing to it.

If he calls home again, his Mom should NOT be the one talking to him. He knows she's upset and worried (for no real reason) and it sounds like to him she'll give in. They should either not answer the phone, or the dad should only talk to him during this time. The kid's at Scout camp, for crying out loud! He knew exactly what it was going to be all about when he signed up! Scout meetings are usually 1 once a week, and you're telling me NO ONE prepared him or talked during meetings what this camp was like????? He'll be home in a day now, he can handle it just fine.

I do feel bad for his mom. It's very hard knowing your child is upset & unhappy. This is also a lesson for her as well as her son. She now knows what he can or cannot handle. Just know, when he does come home you can love him, hug & kiss him, tell him how proud you are he stuck it out, & coddle him all you want.

Don't worry, it'll all turn out fine.

 

[Manda]

Just chiming in on the no-eating thing you're worried about... I worked at camps for 3 years. Two actually at a Boy Scout camp. I swear to you that half of those kids lived only on rolls and mashed potatoes - that's why the camp cook made rolls with every meal. Oh, and bacon. They wouldn't eat anything. And none of them would drink water. They'd chug kool-aid at the meal service and act like they were being killed if there was only water available for the rest of the day. So, IME, your kid sounds like he's having a fairly normal camp experience, LOL. It's only a week. He'll make it. I went on a backpacking trip through the Smokey Mountains when I was 13 and was horrified by drinking water from a river and fixing food that came in packets... I don't think I ate or drank more than a few bites the whole week - and I was packing 10 to 20 miles a day through the mountains.

to you though... I'd be a nervous wreck about it, too. Being a Mom is like one never-ending anxiety attack.

 

[playswithstars]

Just curious what you all would do as DH and I have different opinions on this. . . DS is 11 y.o. and away at Boy Scout camp for a week for the first time. It's also his first time away from home without either DH or me with him, aside from 1 - 2 night sleepovers with relatives or friends. He is an extremely poor eater, VERY picky to say the least, and not a very physically fit kiddo, he was the smallest kid there when we dropped him off. DH left his cell phone with him and in the first 24 hrs, he'd called about 5 times wanting to come home! However, we said that he'd have to try the activities before he could decide it wasn't for him. Now he's been there 3.5 days and has been miserable every minute. He hates the activities, hates the outdoors, and most especially, hates the food! I didn't think he should go in the first place but his friends from his troop convinced him to go. The last 2 calls he has been in tears and is saying that he is "living on dinner rolls" and not drinking "the gross spring water." He has 2 full days to go. . . .
the overprotective mama in me says to GO GET HIM RIGHT NOW AND BRING HIM HOME WHERE HE BELONGS! DH says he should stick it out. Just curious, what would you do???

I went to a girl scout camp when I was much younger and I only stayed one day/one night and then had my mom called. She came right away and it was a couple hours away but I didn't have to stay any longer to know I didn't like it.

I would also like to add that my mom coming to pick me up from camp so soon when I was younger did not affect my future negatively. I'm now 22 and have gone through 4 years of college hours away living there mostly and coming home very rarely. There were times that I really didn't want to stay but I didn't quit college because of it.

 

[tam626]

I am also overprotective, but after 3 and a half days, and him still upset, and not eating, I would be there in a heartbeat!!

I agree. I would do the same thing, wait, I did, with my dd.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

DD went away to Washington, D.C. 2 years ago. Called me the first night hysterical crying that she wanted to come home. She thought she'd be rooming with a classmates, but the classmate never showed. She was with two other girls who were fabulous, but DD was having no part of being away from us. I told her to get a good night's sleep and see how she felt in the morning. The next morning she called and was much better. About 2 hours later the calls started again. She was hysterical crying, vomitting, not eating, begging to come home... This went on all day. Apparently she got sick on herself and they wouldn't let her change because there was no one to take her back to the dorms. That night she was still hysterical, but now to the point of almost passing out. Not one of the people in charge paid any attention. I had to call and ask them to check in. They checked and told me she was fine. Her two roommates told a different story though. One girl was so concerned she called her mom, who is a nurse, to see how she could help. The next morning DH was on his way to pick her up. I was afraid she'd come home and have regrets for not having stayed, but to this day she still tells us she just wasn't ready. When she got home she was completed dehydrated and had broken blood vessels in her face from vomitting so much and crying so hard. (We know because she was sick prior and the doctor pointed it out to us -- I thought she had some type of rash. )

Before anyone comments about mean parentings sending their kids away, she begged for a year to go to this program.

 

[whitneyNC]

I have two Boy Scouts (Life and 1st class) and a Webelo 2. Boy Scout camp is unlike any other camp they go to. It's the toughest. They are better for it though. They would be humiliated and get ribbed if they left, for sure. They don't eat well, bath well or always wear clean clothes, but they are more confident when the week is up. One kid this year had to go home because he was "sick" and the other kids had no mercy (he was 12). The 11 year old newbies did great from our troop. My oldest busted his chin mountain biking, had to get stictches but would not come home. He toughed it out. Another kid got 7 stitiches from wood carving, but did not go home. I don't know how they do it. Tents for almost a week! I was a total wimp and would have wanted my Mom! When we visit on Wed. night, it's hard to leave them. Kids need to have the right equipment, and they need to practice taking care of their own needs at home. This really does help. Hope he makes it through the close of camp. The troop is usually responsible for cleaning up their site, and kids certainily remember who didn't pull their load! Boys this age are SO hard on one another. It is so tough as a mom, even when they are older. Good luck. oh yeah, cell phone...bad idea!